Should We Go Or Not?

Lounge By mbelgard Updated 22 Oct 2007 , 9:42pm by indydebi

mbelgard Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 12:52pm
post #1 of 12

To start we live very close to my husband's cousins and the group around here are pretty close. One of them is having their child's first birthday party on Wednesday evening and I don't know about going. It's not that I don't want to but it's a school night and the school is in the midst of testing this week so my 9 year old needs to go to bed on time. This cousin's mom is known for telling people that a meal will be served at a certain time and it's ALWAYS at least 1 hour late, last year at Christmas it was two hours. The party is at her house and it's at 6pm so I know that the earliest we'll get out of their house is 9pm.

On the other hand it's their first child and the first birthday is a big deal. I like this guy, his wife and his mom so I don't want to hurt feelings or anything but I really wish they weren't insistent on having the party on the child's birthday. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one wishing that because the other cousin with kids in school insists that her 3rd grader be in bed at 8pm without fail on school nights, she also has parties on the weekend if it's during the school year.

Tell me it's okay to skip it. Stopping in for a minute wont' work, my kids love these people and while they might not care about a baby's birthday they'll want to stay and see their great-aunt.

11 replies
jmt1714 Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 1:35pm
post #2 of 12

ok, since a one year old can't read a calendar yet, who is their right mind holds a big party in the middle of the week, especially during the school year? argh!!!

What you might want to do is stop over, but don't plan on staying for dinner if it is served late. Maybe give your family a light snack before and if dinner isn't served until after you have to leave (pick a time and be firm about it), then just go when you need to go (say - 8pm?). a PB&J is fine for dinner if your child is hungry when they get home, in my opinion. Just let your cousin know you have to leave at a certain time b/c it is a school night.

michellenj Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 1:38pm
post #3 of 12

What time does the party start? Could you explain your circumstances to them and see if possibly they could adjust the time to begin a little earlier? I think that you have some valid excuses not to go.

I totally agree w/ you about people insisting on having bday parties on the actual bday. My BIL had a surprise party for my SIL on a Monday night, that started at 7 PM. They live 2.5 hours away from us, which is under the best circumstances, but starting at that time of day we'd have to drive around Philadelphia during rush hour to get there. Then they have the nerve to complain b/c we never go to their things.

bec_elias Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 1:40pm
post #4 of 12

If you don't go, the birthday kid won't have a clue. If you do go, your 9 yr old will be tired. I think that if you just drop off a present and let them know that it's a test week and you have to be home early, you would be absolutely justified.

indydebi Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 3:24pm
post #5 of 12

I have 3 kids. After having my first "First Birthday" party for my oldest, I wondered why in the world parents get all "big deal" about it. For my 2nd child, I refused to do it. I had a small cake for him with just me, dad and his big sister.

Part of the reason I get so "grrrrr!" about birthdays is because of how I've seen ADULTS act. Had a (former) sister in law who was ticked because someone didn't come to her 2 year olds party. She said, "Well .... HE knows who shows and who doesn't!" Oh bull! The kid had no idea! It was MOM who was keeping the scorecard!

If the party is truly for the kid, then everyone is right ... the KID will have no idea, not only of who's there and who isn't, but they won't even know what the heck is going on.

I just can't get into trying to placate those who are so obviously inconsiderate of their guests.

I'm a mom. My children and their well being come first. If my kid is having a big test week at school, then that comes first.

I'd send a gift and/or my regrets citing, "I'm sorry, but on a school night, we are just unable to travel that far to have to stay that late. Maybe next time....."

mbelgard Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 4:12pm
post #6 of 12

Thanks everyone, I feel better now about not going. My MIL has been a little upset at me for saying that we might not go, of course she's still mad at me from last year when I talked my husband into celebrating Christmas more like my family does, so she's been making comments about how we don't go for everything the family does. The only way I'm supposed to celebrate holidays like my family is if we go visit them according to MIL even though my parents would kill us if we came for Christmas. icon_confused.gif

As for stopping by with a gift, that wouldn't work, my kids would not be very pleased with my for not staying to play. The gift will be dropped off either before or more likely sometime over the weekend, when they're that little they don't even care when they get their stuff.

The thing I can't figure out about the time on the party is that most babies are crabby by 6pm so this kid is going to be miserable and will make everyone else miserable. Elaborate parties aren't done around here so it isn't going to be fancy but still the child will be ready for bed by the time they serve the meal.

leily Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 5:25pm
post #7 of 12

Can you set up a time for the following weekend to have a small get together with the parents and the 1 year old? This way your children can still see some of the family and celebrate the birthday. It is usually more fun this way anyways.

A few years ago my BF and I started doing something similiar to this with his two nephews and his neice. We may or may not go to the party. Like this last weekend we had been planning something for over 4 weeks and then his sister choose a time we could not make it. So we took out his Neice, nephews, sister and dad to do something Fun and different for her birthday. We spent about 4-5 hrs with all of them and had a lot more fun and got to spend more time with them instead of being just another person at the party. the next day I dropped off her cake a couple hrs early since we couldn't make the party and got to see her enjoy it without other distractions.

If you don't feel comfortable going b/c of test then that's that. If someone else in the family has a problem with it, oh well, they aren't the parent.

jmt1714 Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 5:55pm
post #8 of 12

At the end of the day, you should figure out what causes you the least stress. You aren't obligated to go, and everyone will get over it. If your MIL pipes up, just tell her you couldn't manage it that week and you aren't discussing the matter any further because you can't imagine anyone could have reason to be upset with you for ensuring that your child was well-rested and ready to take his tests. End of story.

mkerton Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 7:29pm
post #9 of 12

OK I was one of the Moms who threw my son's first b-day party on the actual day (it was a Thursday)...... I know start the flogging now right?? My thought quite frankly was that my one year old had to be in bed by 9:00 so no way was the party going to go late, I had a meal at 6, cake at 7 and we opened gifts while everyone ate over at 8 or 8:30 MAX......... All that said the first birthday was the only party that I invited 20 or so people, now all the subsequent b-days are just family only and we do it when its convenient for my immediate family. I think first birthday are a big deal....and you are all right the baby doesnt give a rats you know what about a party, but its a big milestone for parents. If it were me, I would go and I would tell my kids in the car on the way there, we are not staying for the whole thing, we are leaving at 7:30 or 8:00 and no complaints or else we flat out wont go at all, and even if I had to drag my kiddos out kicking and screaming that is what I would do....... my son doesnt run the show, I am the parent, and I have left many a party, store etc for bad behavior....but I make sure my child (or my niece--or both) are aware of the expectations in advance. You are not obligated ever to stay for the duration of the party.......but I do think its a nice gesture to make an appearance.

dueter Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 8:21pm
post #10 of 12

I say school comes first! Yes I think that 1st Bdays are important to the family, maybe plan on spending time with them on Saturday. Tell them this way you can all have some uninterupted visiting. If they all get mad at you oh well. I'm sure it would not be the first time and I can guarantee you that it will not be the last time.

cakescraps Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 8:56pm
post #11 of 12

I say, if the mother insists on celebrating on the actual day, then she shouldn't be upset when people can't make it for one reason or another. Lots of people have other commitments during the week, not to mention it being a school night. For example, we have piano lessons on Wednesdays. We pay whether we go or not, so we don't skip very often. Then, there's homework and baths, you know the drill.....

I've never understood the "has to be on the day" party thing (sorry- don't mean to upset anyone, I know it's a personal preference) My crazy SIL( whole other topic) is like that, and then gets upset when people can't come. To me, the people are more important than the date. I would much rather have the people I care about be able to attend, than spend the actual date alone.

indydebi Posted 22 Oct 2007 , 9:42pm
post #12 of 12
Originally Posted by cakescraps

I've never understood the "has to be on the day" party thing (sorry- don't mean to upset anyone, I know it's a personal preference) My crazy SIL( whole other topic) is like that, and then gets upset when people can't come. To me, the people are more important than the date. I would much rather have the people I care about be able to attend, than spend the actual date alone.

omg, this has been an issue between hubby and me! I grew up in a family of 6 kids and a stay at home mom. We had our grocery store freezer cake on the payday closest to our birthday. He thinks it has to be on the actual anniversary-of-birth or it doesn't count! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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