My future MIL has a really bad entitlement comples - if she gave birth to you, whatever you have or can do is hers for the taking. She doesn't steal behind your back, but will take it and say "I'm taking this" or, if you're not around, "I took that." I cannot bake anything without making extras, or she would cut right into the one I just made for an event! "That's beautiful, I'm taking a piece" as she grabs the knife. Be quick, or it's rebaking time!
It's because of her that we don't leave, or even take a nap, without locking the door. She walks right in just to see if anyone is home, then proceeds to take whatever she wants. This weekend was IT, FINITO, NO MORE!!!!! My daughter picked out her colors, decorations, chocolate molds, everything for her preschool class Halloween party. We made the candies, had them sitting on the table (baking table, not eating table) for Monday when we decorate the cupcakes. This woman comes in and takes over half the decorated candies! She tells me "I stopped over, but you weren't there. I took a couple candies, a ghost and a pumpkin for (grandson)." I freeze, and fiance tells her it's not a big deal, that I can make more. I tell him I don't have supplies for more, because I used the extra stuff to make y and z. However, I didn't flip on her like I wanted. She may take from HER children, but I'm not hers, and you do NOT take from MY children. Not a super big deal at this point, though, because I can make two ghosts to replace them.
I get home to see that she had almost wiped me out!!!! Out of 12 candies, I have 4 left. No supplies to make more, and can't get them because it's a 90 minute drive each way and either enough cash for the gas for the drive, or the supplies. If she had told the TRUTH about what she took, I would have waited to get groceries till payday and got the supplies instead. And she did lie; no one else has been around that doesn't know they were off limits with threat of severe injury, and an actual thief would have taken the TV or computers, not candy. We forget one time (second time in 6 months) to lock the door, and she takes my daughter's school treat supplies. Will she replace them? No. Will she give the cash to go get stuff so I can remake them? Not a chance.
My fiance may say something to her, but not sure on that, and I won't be around if he does. He was complaining that we women should be able to go out without the men for his sister's birthday the way she wants, but their mother invited her boyfriend after being told no men were allowed, so all the men are now going. I mentioned it was a respect issue just like the above, "I'm tired of hearing about it, we all know what Mom is like, but she's not going to change." Yep, kinda like her kids (still has teenagers at home) get anything they want and she smokes brand name cigs, but can't pay a dime on the loan she got from me "because you're not my child, so I'll be sure to pay you back."
If you read this far, thank you. We're in a very small community, and I can't talk to anyone here because I'm not from here, and because word gets around. Good side is that my fiance is looking for a job in other states, and she'd have to travel a few hours to take the goodies!
Ex-Lax sounds like a great plan to me!
Maybe a little taste of her own behavior, like walking into her house and just taking things that belong to her, things that she would really miss if they weren't there. Maybe even go take back the candies if she hasn't eaten them by now. Just to see how she likes it when it happens to her!
I don't understand people like that, my step-sister (though I hate to even think the term) does stuff like that at my mother's, and I think it is so rude!
Janice
I would love to take the candies back, but one of her sons ate the last one after I said what they were for right in front of me, then said "yeah, but they had a weird aftertaste anyway." Um, it was orange candy melts, not pure white chocolate, sorry if the taste wasn't up to your standards- it's what was picked out! Thanks, I didn't want that one for the 4 year olds anyway, you go ahead and eat it and put it down.
Why do people think they can just take whatever they want? I have taught my children to respect others and their property. Why is respect such an uncomon thing with people?
Wow- that's just plain rude and to steal something special from her own granddaughter....I would have said something like "you know you took something was specially saved for you granddaughter and you made her cry" if she reacts indifferently or doesn't say she is sorry then it's time ALWAYS lock the doors. You may have to start keeping your food under lock and key too.
That is really sad that she thinks she can just take things like that, I would be PISSED if my MIL tried to do that to me. I would have some few choice words for her let me tell you....
Good idea. I'll have to do that. Even if it's not in front of the MIL, my daughter will talk to her about it. At 4, she is already the great diplomat, and will talk to someone if she thinks they deserve it. Perhaps having a 4 year old talk to her about respect will do some good, since nothing else does.
My fiance came up with an idea that I can use. We made pumpkin, ghost, and Frankinstein candy-covered marshmallows with the leftover candy melts. I'll do the whole thing like a cookie bouquet, with the pops sticking out of the cupcakes at different heights. It's not what she had chosen to begin with, but it will teach her that we can get through things if we are creative and open-minded.
Getting "dressed down" by a 4 year old should make an impression, I'd definitely pay attention, because they (children) speak the truth!
That's great that you have figured out a plan B, sounds really cute and your DD will like it because you figured out a way to fix a problem. 
Janice
I think that's a very good idea, b/c it sounds like your fiance isn't going to say anything about it to her. And, even if he does, it won't have as much of an impact on her as her grandchild saying something to her.
Let us know what happens, and I feel so sorry for your daughter~I'm sure her heart will be broken.
This time MIL has went too far!!
You might invest in a security system that's silent. Maybe having the police show up when she is helping herself would drive the point home. It's a shame the your fiance does not confront her and tell her that she cannot help herself to your house and its contents. You are right in teaching your daughter to make the best out of a bad situation. Some people have no boundaries and when confonted they act as if they did nothing wrong, that you are making way too much of it. She has been allowed this behavior by her children and until they stand up to her she will continue. Good Luck
P.S. I vote for the flavored brownies, it worked when I was in school. I was not involved however, but watched the event from afar.
I have read this thread and I think it is awful what your future MIL is doing. However, I keep thinking of something that Ann Landers used to say--"No one can take advantage of you, unless you allow them to". I honestly think it is your fiance's responsibility to set his mother straight before this goes any further. There is absolutely no excuse for her to come into your home without your permission and it needs to be made clear to her NOW.
I am really glad that you have come up with another option for your daughter's cupcakes. I honestly don't know how you were able to hold your tongue when you realized what she had really done.....Good luck.
Cindy
UPDATE----------------
My daughter brought up Grandma today in the car, and we told her what happened. We did not blame or make excuses, just told her calmly. Her reply:
"It's okay. It's nice to share, so I can share with Grandma. We can make more."
"No, honey, I can't make more right now."
"Then we can choose something else. My friends will like that, too."
I was freaking floored! Maybe I should take lessons from her on how to be a better person.
You were way too nice to your MIL to be, you should have placed blame where it belongs, now your daughter may pick up that it is okay to help yourself just like "grandma" does!
Sorry, I just can't accept that anyone should be allowed to do these things, especially a grown woman, if she didn't learn it before, she should learn it now. Janice
First off, I'd address the entire situation with your fiance. I can't believe he is putting her above YOU. (And that is exactly what this equates to..."she can make more?" WT..) Had that been me he wouldn't be able to stand. You think this is going to get better with time (familiarity)? NO way. It will only worsen. Is he a momma's boy? (No insult intended there) Does he ever stand up to her? Or is she possibly leaning toward senile?
When I read how she acts I was shocked. I've had two mother in laws, and neither of them would ever dream of behaving that badly. 
First of all, how does this woman get in your house without you being there? Maybe it's time to change the locks and not give her a key. Along the lines of what VJ said but with a twist, what if your daughter sees what grandma does and lets other people walk all over her too? Being a MIL I can tell you this behavior is unacceptable and if your Fiance doesn't have a backbone now don't expect his behavior to change AFTER the wedding. My 2 cents...
I'm really sorry that you have to deal with such a selfish woman. Obviously your fiance doesn't care or doesn't have the backbone to stand up to his mother. So in my opinion you're going to have to confront her about it and soon. You need to let her know that it is unacceptable to just come in to YOUR home. Especially when no one is home. She has no right being in there. Secondly you need to tell her that you are not her personal baker. If she wants you to make something for her then she can ask you to. Also you need to tell her how selfish it was to take from a 4 year old little girl. You need to lay the law down now, because if you let this go much longer than it's going to get worse. And I agree with the other post about getting your locks changed. I would also tell your fiance how it is as well. He needs to stand up for you. Even to his mother. That's only right. LOL...maybe you need to call Dr. Phil!
Oh, I agree with all of you. My children know that it is NOT okay to steal, no matter if it is a stranger, a store, or family. They have a very keen sense of right and wrong, and want to have "talks" with anyone who steps out of bounds. Being talked to about behavior by children is very eye-opening!
I had a talk with my favorite SIL to be. She is talking to her mother (they work together). FI is not a momma's boy - I was married to one of those the first time - but says to leave it, as we are moving ASAP anyway. He doesn't want to make bad blood when we hope to be somewhere else in a few months.
I was totally shocked by my daughter's reaction. My words were "Grandma came in the house and took the candies." I could have said "she walked in and stole the candies we worked so hard at making, and now we don't have them for the party" but I felt it would have made it harder on her.
My FI and I had a looooong talk about his family and their "issues" today on the way to get the kids. He needs to understand that he can give anything to his family that doesn't take from ours, but I will NOT stand for us going without so they can have. He's one of those who will give his last dollar and not think about his next meal, but planning a future for a family is not going to work. He's stopped spending actual cash on them, at least. Our first Christmas he blew over $3000 on gifts for his family and the kids. He spent over $9000 on me alone, for a total of $12,000! It was his whole savings, and now we are on a shoestring budget. A few candies doesn't even hit the radar with him. Part of why I love him is his giving spirit, but it's also the part we fight over the most.
UPDATE
She got the hint finally! Fiance and his sister both talked to her (I haven't seen her since). She is "very sorry" they said. FI stopped at her house to get something, picked up his youngest brother and the one sister. When they got here I had JUST finished getting the cupcakes done for DS and DD, and had a few left over but decorated. His sister (30) told his brother (14) when he went to grab one that "you will NOT act like your mother and just take without asking first." FI - "You need to check with Nichole, she made it." Yes, I really did go off after finding out how many were gone to everyone around, but haven't seen the MIL-2B yet.
Janice, it's really not like that! She is rude, and I don't care who says it. Same with my FI and SIL-2B. Love em all, but no one is perfect, either. I think the comments made are perfectly fine, not offended at all. I appreciate everyone that helped me keep a backbone and work through this. Hopefully it will start a tiny snowball of respect through the family.
I'm glad things are starting to work out for you. I know it can be stressful to have conflict between family and soon-to-be family. Sorry if I was a little stern with my earlier post. It just drives me nuts when people act like that.
You can regulate what she does while you're there.
How does she get into your locked house?
Change the lock, have it re-keyed and don't give her a copy.
Then you can regulate what heppens when you aren't there.
It was a case of forgetting to lock it in the first place! He thought I did, I thought he did, neither one actually flipped the lock.
We don't give anyone a key to the house, as the landlord lives in the house in front of us on the same lot - we're in the "guest house." This was just user error.
I know of a great Christmas gift, The book of Manners and Etiquette. Keep your doors locked, and I do like the idea of ex-lax, or large garlic bulbs in the cupcakes. Make a sign and put it on your front door, this door is locked to keep the thieves out.
Quote: I cannot bake anything without making extras, or she would cut right into the one I just made for an event! "That's beautiful, I'm taking a piece" as she grabs the knife. Be quick, or it's rebaking time!
OMG!!!!! Has she done this to wedding cakes?
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