Sean came running out from cleaning his room with a plastic bag over his face. I freaked. It was on tight and I had to use scissors to cut it off. As soon as it was off I just collapsed crying. Scared me so bad. I don't know where the bag came from, but I tried to reason with a 3 year old why it was a bad idea to put a bag on my head. That doesn't work so well.
Than I called my mom to complain about not getting my paycheck from Krogers and she informs me that my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer today. I'm not especially close to "Nana". She's a tactless and ornery woman. My mother got all her bad traits from her and my mom and I get along like oil and vinegar. But she is still my grandmother and that hurt. What made this heartbreaking and is bringing me close to tears now is the kind of cancer it is.
My first experience with death in a very personal and upclose manner was my best friends' mother dying of pancreatic cancer my Junior year of high school. She suffered for over a year and in the end the morphine couldn't even get rid of the pain. She died in November 1997 and it tore my best friends' family apart. Sean and Ian never recovered and his father really didn't either. I have lost contact with all but their dad and I still hurt for them and I really miss Pauline.
Than a month later I moved to Arizona and at the end of my Junior year one of my best girlfriend's mom was diagnosed with the same cancer. She suffered for quite a while too, it tore my friend Jenn apart, and was a real hardship on their family in total. She was such a beautiful woman and I really loved her, though I didn't know her as well as I knew Pauline. I know Jenn misses her terribly and that there is still very real pain over her death.
Those two deaths effected me deeply. My two biggest feared illnesses are heat disease/heart attacks and pancreatic cancer. And now my Nana has it and it brings it even closer to home, closer to me - yet another form of cancer my family has which makes it even more probably that cancer will strike me.
I feel sad about my Nana. Mostly because my grandfather - her husband for over 60 years - who is very frail and deals with immense depression will die quite soon after Nana does. I hate what this is going to do to him. I even fear that he'd commit suicide.
All in all, despite my little family's promising future, this day has been a sad one.
I am so sorry Rachel! That is such a lot to deal with all at once. I will be thinking of you!
hugs
I'm so sorry for this very bad I know that no words can make you feel better but we will all be thinking of you and your family at this time and sending up our prays and hugs.
Thanks guys.
I'll be fine either way. My faith will pull me through. I just hate how far away I am from my family now. Despite not getting along with them, I'm super sentimental and really still love them.
Rachel
Rachel, I hope your Nana wins her battle with cancer. I have heart disease in my family and it scares me to death to think about it sometimes. My paternal grandmother died of a massive heart attack and my maternal grandmother has had 3 or 4 heart attacks. I am a big worry wart anyway but that is my one true fear. You certainly have had your share of dealing with cancer and I do hope that your faith will help you deal with this. You know you've always got your CC friends to lean on too 
Cancer is so scary. I hope that you inform your doctors of this diagnosis now that it is in your family medical history so that they can keep a close watch on you. I say this because, I had to be watched very close for years because of a high rick that I had for a certain type of cancer. I was told that I was finally passed the dreaded stage and now they are upping the threat again. It is a warrning that needs to be taken serious and as another cc member wrote, it can be beat if acted on soon. I hope you can find it in you to visit with your grandmother and maybe with this facing her she might have a new outlook on life and be a better person towards you.
Now I can imagine how fast your heart must have been beating when your son had the bag on his head. Sufficating in children to me is the most senseless tradgedy. I know of someone whos' child suffocated when her child was playing with a balloon and it popped and the child swallowed a piece of the balloon. I can only say that children are so inquisitive that you have to monitor them constantly. I don't know how you can explain to him why it is dangerous, but I'm sure he understands that when you say something is hot, he won't touch it, so maybe say plastic bags are no no's.
Maybe tomorrow will be your lucky day, you deserve one.
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. When I was reading your post about your son my heart skipped a beat. I could just picture one of my kids doing that. So scary! Hopefully he has learned not to ever do that again. Hang in there. It may look bad now, but I know it will get better for you. ((Hugs))
I just wanted to say that I know what you are going thru. My father was diagnosed in 2004 with the same cancer and he struggle for a year before he passed away. Make sure if there is anything you want to say to your grandmother that you do because you may not have the chance to later on. Any cancer is devestating but this kind is extremly bad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
~Sonya
I'm so sorry. The only thing I can add in addition to all the wonderful ideas and support is hospice support if the doctors feel the cancer can't be treated. They will help not only your nana but your grandpa too. They have counselors and social workers and they keep in contact with with spouses after the patient passes. They are also skilled at pain control and there are many meds today and combinations that they use to help control pain.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
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