Want Your Opinion - On The Situation More Than The Cake ;)

Decorating By finally928 Updated 22 Oct 2005 , 1:29am by saas74

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finally928 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:37pm
post #1 of 27

Hey ..

I wanted to ask you guys something ... I explained this to a few people and they have all told me that I am way out of the norm when it comes to the relationship of ex's.

My ex husband (I left him 5 years ago) and his wife (they've been married 1 1/2 years) bought a house. My daughter was going to visit them their first weekend there and wanted to bring something special. So she picked a design and I baked the cake (attached). We brought it up when I dropped her off for her visit and it was served to their guests at their open house - to show off their new home to their friends and family.

(Maybe next time I should check to make sure i have the correct tip in the bag before i begin writing! I can do so much better than that!!)

And no -- as someone in my office asked -- it is not laced w/ arsenic! icon_wink.gif

I wanted to know what you all thought -- am I abnormal?? icon_rolleyes.gif
LL

26 replies
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Misdawn Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:48pm
post #2 of 27

Wow...your writing looks better than mine!
As far as the situation, I'd don't think it's abnormal at all. I mean, this is the father of your child we're talking abut, so you have to maintain a nice, healthy relationship for her sake. I think you did great!

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justsweet Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:51pm
post #3 of 27

No, to me you showed your daughter NO matter what problem you had with her dad you two or one of you can be respectful to each other. The problem with some couple today with kids they forget the about the kids. You can had your ex but civial for child(ren) sake they are the ones who suffer. You can argue with in him/her in private but by showing help your daughter have a relationship with her dad and new stepmom shows what a GREAT person you are. My mother in law hates in when my father in law and his wife comes for the kids party she will be civil but you can see the anger and she just gets more rude the normal. I just blow her off because I have other things to do.

You did a good thing wheather or not you hate your ex. You showed your daughter that two people can get along not matter what the problem was because it was between you two and if was something bad she may find out later in life and she can make the decision on her to talk to your and her dad.

JUST BE A GREAT MOM AND SHE WILL BE PROUD OF YOU.
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Phoov Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:52pm
post #4 of 27

What you did was sweet. Don't second guess your decision....and you're teaching your daughter to do nice things. I say that since they ate it, instead of tossing it down the disposal.....YOU DID GOOD!!!!!!

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fytar Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:53pm
post #5 of 27

Abnormal maybe to this selfish, revenge-seeking world we live in today...I know a few people that are friends with their ex's new spouse. My sister was good friends with her husbands' ex wife. My friend isn't exactly best friends with her husband's ex, but she does call her often to chat about the kids and events that may effect the kids. She is a sweetheart, though (my friend that is), and is always doing unselfish things for just about everybody that needs that little lift or extra hug as she sees the need.

So, I think you are awesome for what you are doing. I can't say what I would do in your situation as I don't have any exes. I hope that I would be as gracious as you. Also, you are giving your daughter an example of God's grace, and I promise you, one day she will look back on that event (and most likely there are many other events that you have shown kindness where you could have shown bitterness) and when asked about her mom, she'll have great and unbelievable stories to tell!!

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ge978 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 2:56pm
post #6 of 27

You are not abnormal at all. My ex and I have a good relationship too. I'm remarried, but I still talk to his parents. I think its healthy to have a relationship like that when you have children. My husband gets along with my ex also...they're always yammering on about sports icon_rolleyes.gif People tell me its strange to get along that well with my ex....I think its smart icon_wink.gif I would hate for it to be the other way around...your daughter will be better for it! Great job on the cake also, my writing always looks like I've had too much coffee(which is usually true icon_biggrin.gif )

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msmeg Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 3:26pm
post #7 of 27

I would have done the same thing the only difference I would have had dd help make it. That way it would truly be from her.

It was the same as your dd buying a cake from you (except she paid for it with her love for you instead of cash)

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finally928 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 3:32pm
post #8 of 27

Sorry, msmeg -- i should clarify ...

My daughter did help me with some of the decorations (with help, she made the stars on the sides). When i said I baked it, i meant the actual cooking part. She helps me a bit, but enjoys mixing the colors and watching more than the actual decorating.

Thanks for your responses everyone .... I am fortunate that after everything we went through, my ex & I have a pretty good relationship. But some friends, family and coworkers were being so negative about it -- really just couldn't believe I would do something like that for him and for no compensation! -- that I was beginning to wonder whether or not I was wrong to have done it in the first place.

Thanks for making me feel better about it!! Especially the writing .. icon_wink.gif

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ThePastryDiva Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 3:39pm
post #9 of 27

no..you're not abnormal, strange or out there.

You and your ex shared a part of your lives and you have a beautiful by product. A CHILD.

A child that has NOTHING to do with what went on with you as man and woman!

You are still the PARENTS of this child and you need to co parent in a mature fashion.

You are both showing your daughter a great lesson, to learn how to move on gracefully from bad situations and not to hold grudges.

It's going to hopefullymake your daughter an awesome woman that you, your husband and his new wife will be proud of.

I salute you!

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ge978 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 4:21pm
post #10 of 27

Please don't listen to your friends or co-workers. I think sometimes people are jealous and it comes out in different ways. I do my ex's taxes every year, I send desserts with him for the holidays...he's worked on my car for me, helped me and my husband move into our new house, etc. I don't think its strange at all...if you guys are comfortable with your relationship then it doesn't matter what other people say. Plus, maybe you'll get some orders for cakes icon_biggrin.gif

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Cake_Princess Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 4:32pm
post #11 of 27

It shows a level of maturity that most people dont have. I still speak to all my ex-BFs and my friends think I am so weird. I prefer to think of it as being mature enough to rise above the pettiness.

Princess

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adven68 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 4:41pm
post #12 of 27

You sound like a wonderful person. You gave your daughter a wonderful lesson without even knowing it!

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ngarza07 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 4:41pm
post #13 of 27

Omigosh, I get the same reaction from my mom regarding my ex. He and I split up 10 years ago. We remained friends. Have no kids together. I had a daughter four years ago and it actually hurt him because he thought we might get back together some day and have kids all our own. I explained that we are better off as friends and don't work as husband and wife. After much talking he agreed. My ex (a contractor) has come and done work on our home. It's been a year since I've talked to my ex, I think the marriage thing was too much for him (I got married two years ago). When we see each other we say hi with a hug still. He admits seeing me married was a bit more than he could handle. The baby was one thing, a permanent husband was another. Oh, and he has a son now too, so maybe he is getting on with his life.

Bottom line, you are not wierd. You have something that keeps you two connected for the rest of your lives. My ex and I had a friendship until we both found our respective new spouses. Now, my new hubby's family thought it was wierd. My hubby's exwife was a pyscho and there is no communication whatsoever with her. It's the same with all the exes in my hubby's family. There are three exes in the bunch and they are cut off from the family. In my family, we still welcome my brothers ex into our homes because she is the mother of his child. All families are different. Just keep doing what works for you.

Boy, I didn't mean to ramble so much. Better get back to my work.

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cakegal Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 8:38pm
post #14 of 27

I never had to deal with having an ex.....
But I think it's better for you dd that you can be friendly towards each other...

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stephanie214 Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 11:17pm
post #15 of 27

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LadyTee Posted 20 Oct 2005 , 11:25pm
post #16 of 27

You showed your daughter how adults that have moved on are supposed to act. Don't let other people's negativity get to you.


thumbs_up.gif YOU DID GOOD GIRL thumbs_up.gif

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cakes-r-us Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 2:16am
post #17 of 27

I agree, you did a good thing. You should be proud of yourself to be above the b.s.

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SquirrellyCakes Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 3:12am
post #18 of 27

Your cake is adorable, your writing looks fantastic. I think you have set a wonderful example for your daughter that shows her that even when people have had differences in the past, they can still get along. Obviously you are a caring person and an excellent mother!
Weird, no - exceptional, yes!
Hugs Squirrelly Cakes

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candyladyhelen Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 3:14am
post #19 of 27

If only all divorces were as nice.....

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charleydog Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 3:20am
post #20 of 27

I think its great. I am divorced too, we had 2 kids together. I am remarried now with another child, my ex will babysit all of them for me!
I think its great for the kids, and shows them you can still have family values, even though the family may have been moved farther apart!

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smileyface Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 3:22am
post #21 of 27

Not abnormal at all, just showing you are a mature responsible adult, IMHO. I am glas to hear you are helping your daughter give something special to her Dad and showing her that you can still be civil to him even though you are not together anymore. Not matter what, he will always be her Dad. It is a hard thing to do at times but I think your daughter will be better off for it. Way to go MOM!! thumbs_up.gif

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Misdawn Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 12:52pm
post #22 of 27

From the point of view of a daughter of divorced parents, your daughter will aprreciate your civility with her father in the long run. My parents divorced when I was 19 (nine years ago). They have not spoken to each other since the day he asked her for a divorce. Now that my boyfriend and I are talking about marriage, it makes it extremely difficult to have my mother and father both at my possible wedding.

You did a great thing. Don't worry about being normal or what anyone thinks. The only person that matters is that little girl and how it will affect her.

I say, "Good job!"

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ntertayneme Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 12:59pm
post #23 of 27

I think you did a wonderful thing for both you and your daughter. It just shows that no matter what happened between you and your ex-husband, your daughter is by far the center point in this matter and you haven't taken sides. You are to be admired for doing this!!

The cake is lovely as the gesture of your making it was! Great job!

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potatocakes Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 1:20pm
post #24 of 27

I agree with everyone else. You absolutely did the right thing. People don't understand how a new spouse can be friendly with the ex or vice versa. It's really not that difficult. I admit, at first, it was very hard to get along with my husband's ex (they have a son together), but after putting aside our differences, we all get along great now, and it's so much nicer! Their son is 17 and a Senior in high school this year. He plays football, and at Senior night a few weeks ago, my husband and his ex-wife both walked their son onto the field. After they were finished, my husband, baby and I sat with the ex during the game.

His ex is on her third marriage (my husband was her first) and she has two daughters now with her current husband that are close in age to our two oldest (7 & 3). This summer when we were having my oldest son's birthday party, her girls came with my stepson and had a blast. She's been at my son's birthday party in the past when the kids were younger, we've bought Christmas presents in the past for each other's kids, I've sent Valentine cupcakes home with my stepson for her kids that my kids made, I've sent Christmas candy home with him, etc. She's dying to babysit my youngest (he's 10 months). When we both started Body For Life (a diet/exercise program), we called each other every few days to check on each other's progress. My husband, who is an electrician, has done electrical work at her house several times and her husband has helped mine put in new flooring at our house. A couple of years ago, her husband even asked me if I'd buy a Mother's Day gift for my stepson to give her because he didn't have time or know what to get. Before she got remarried, I always took my stepson shopping to buy her a Mother's Day gift. It was more for him than for her, in my opinion. Now that he's older, we don't really have a lot of contact with her compared to when he was younger and we had to arrange visits, etc. But we all still get along great. And it's so nice not to always have bitter, angry feelings whenever I think of her. That takes up way too much energy, and would accomplish nothing. And to be honest, though she has her share of faults (as we all do), I truly like her and think she's a great mom. If we had met in any other way, I think we'd probably be very close friends.

So, that was a very long way of just reaffirming what you already know! You did the right thing, and should continue doing what you think is right. Everyone else isn't going to have to answer for your actions, only you will, and you seem to be on the right track. thumbs_up.gif

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ellepal Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 2:00pm
post #25 of 27

Finally....I'm finally glad to see someone take the high road!! It just shows that you've moved on, no hard feelings, and you are comfortable being civil. Congratulations: you sound like a very good-hearted person. No worries!

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flayvurdfun Posted 21 Oct 2005 , 6:03pm
post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by leana

No, to me you showed your daughter NO matter what problem you had with her dad you two or one of you can be respectful to each other.
JUST BE A GREAT MOM AND SHE WILL BE PROUD OF YOU.
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I agree~!

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saas74 Posted 22 Oct 2005 , 1:29am
post #27 of 27

That was very mature of you. I'm not sure if in that situation I could have acted with such grace.

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