AALL OF THESE annoy me! Apart from the buttercream question(by far my #1 anger trigger), my least favorite questions are as follows:
From customers: 1.) is that edible? * dream answer: No, it's actually poison. 2.) is this gluten free? Or Can you make this cake gluten free without eggs? (when the customer orders gluten free items) * no, we offer these options purposely to scam you into eating gluten!, no eggs, no sugar, no gluten, no fat, no calories? Of course that's possible, no extra charge? Absolutely! 3.) why is this cake so expensive? Or "the wedding industry is such a scam!" * well sir, (mostly grooms I've heard this from) the insanely detailed cake your bride to be just brought me for 500 guests, will cost me MORE than your budget to bake and ice alone! Not to mention the labor... Sure, I could take a huge loss to make YOUR wedding perfect, but after you asked me to make the grooms cake into a 3-D exact replica of your pet lizard, in buttercream (deciding you HATE the flavor of fondant, only after I gave you a quote), called my icing too sweet, my cake "dry" and have practically accused me of stealing from you... Nah, full price for you, plus a "groomzilla" charge, just for fun. 4.) I read in a mag. That my cake will be cheaper if I order a dummy cake, and a bunch of sheet cakes. *this is ALWAYS made as a true statement. When I explain that the dummies cost money, then the cakes, and the decoration fees will be the same, and that in the end it costs more... Well, I'm stealing again.
Thank you . . . . . Thank you. . . . . I'll be here all week.*
* Humor not guaranteed, depending on work load, depressive mental attitude, delirium, unconsciousness, seasonal anxiety . . . Witticisms void where prohibited. Must be 14 or older to read my posts. Not available to employees of the University of Washington Medical Center or their families. shanter makes no warranty, express or implied, including the warranties of safety and fitness for use in any environment, or assumes any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, or represents that its use would not infringe privately owned rights. It is further understood and accepted that information presented herein is abbreviated in the interest of time and lacks significant qualifying detail that should be considered prior to instituting any changes based on the information received. Your mileage may vary.
Because moist is an armpit or a crotch, not cake. Cake is soft, not moist. Apologies to those who are offended by the word "crotch." But now I said it twice.
You are both too funny!
Oh, and another one that drives me bat-sh*t crazy are the customers who look completely perplexed when I insist that they cannot put their cake in the trunk in 100+degree weather, or on a 45 degree incline so it fits between all the crap they have piled in their car. This is after they have received instructions on their invoice and a follow up email with transport requirements. They are the reason I have all pickups sign that the cake was received as ordered, transport and storing instructions have been provided and the cake is now their responsibility.
Thank you . . . . . Thank you. . . . . I'll be here all week.*
* Humor not guaranteed, depending on work load, depressive mental attitude, delirium, unconsciousness, seasonal anxiety . . . Witticisms void where prohibited. Must be 14 or older to read my posts. Not available to employees of the University of Washington Medical Center or their families. shanter makes no warranty, express or implied, including the warranties of safety and fitness for use in any environment, or assumes any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, or represents that its use would not infringe privately owned rights. It is further understood and accepted that information presented herein is abbreviated in the interest of time and lacks significant qualifying detail that should be considered prior to instituting any changes based on the information received. Your mileage may vary.
I actually read the disclaimer... hehehe. I need to go make myself useful somewhere LOL.
Oh thank goodness - I read this post three times and still couldn't work out what the problem was. In fact, the whole first page of this thread had me pretty confused.
My favourite question is, 'When do you have time to do make these cakes?' My favourite answer at the moment is, 'I neglect my children, and I live in squalor.'
As though I'd be sitting around on the couch if I didn't spend some of my time making cake. As though other people don't do scrapbooking, or restore furniture, or knit, or play tennis, or any other hobby.
I've heard so many of these, numerous times. I had a think about it, and the ONE thing that seems to give me the irrits more than anything else is the last-minute callers for an 'oh-so-important' special occasion, who can't seem to get their head around the idea of this being a custom cake business. That whole thing of expecting you to pull a cake out of your...cakehole really frustrates when I am already neck-deep in wedding orders usually at the end of a busy week.
Call me old-fashioned, by why would you not go to a Michels, or supermarket bakery, or Cheesecake Shop or even a cornerstore bakery and buy a simple sponge cake instead of thinking someone to slap together a specialty-flower-or-fondant-adorned mud cake in an hour or so?
AFullhouse- I actually have a lady tell me she was going to put my buttercream , perishable filling cake in the back of her Suv and leave it there for a day and a half in mid summer heat and expect the cake to hold up to this fform of torture. I mean Really people would you do that with a gallon of milk and expect it to taste oh so yummy
Call me old-fashioned, by why would you not go to a Michels, or supermarket bakery, or Cheesecake Shop or even a cornerstore bakery and buy a simple sponge cake instead of thinking someone to slap together a specialty-flower-or-fondant-adorned mud cake in an hour or so?
"But it only takes them an hour on tv..." Yes, I've heard that one before.
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Original message sent by step0nmi
yes, you missed the part where she HATES fondant. so she is basically saying "don't make the cake with fondant" but asks about the buttercream instead
OMG YOU GUYS HAVE ME SO PROUD!
I have to give you guys some of my favorites reading through this thread. Some of them may be repeated but i don't care...it was the way you put them that tickled me ;) 
no FREE cakes for you!
No, I will not bring a specialty cake to a pot luck 
Chocolate cake is pretty common and should be easy enough for anyone to make
You can do cakes with your eyes closed!
K8Memphis "Well, have of us don't like cake anyway, it's so sweet we'll do it for two servings and half the price"
CLEAN AND MODERN!
Do your cakes taste good?
Elcee "Oh, you do cakes? I watch Cake Boss all the time."
THIS IS SO FREAKIN' FUNNY!!! thanks everyone...keep it up. seriously, need to write these things down!
AI asked my wilton instructor how does wilton fondant taste.. I did this as we were messing with fondant She told me to taste it I tried it, it was just ok so I asked why do people cover cakes in fondant she replied to make them look nice. I asked what happens at a wedding when the cake is covered in fondant , she told me most people at a wedding peel the fondant away and eat the cake. I asked if she ever made homemade fondant she said once and never again that it was to much work but that it did taste good. Now I've been a hobby baker for over ten years but nothing but buttercream . Here I took the classes to learn about gumpaste and fondant and I get a teacher who couldn't stand the stuff much less teach us...so if asked to do a fondant cake I say nope but I can make you a pretty buttercream one.
I recently offered to make a cake for the couple , I was going through the mother of the bride anyways the cake was gonna be my gift to the couple but before I could say that the mother said a woman from there church was making them a cake for a reasonable price. .ok enough said
I asked my wilton instructor how does wilton fondant taste..
I did this as we were messing with fondant
She told me to taste it I tried it, it was just ok so I asked why do people cover cakes in fondant she replied to make them look nice. I asked what happens at a wedding when the cake is covered in fondant , she told me most people at a wedding peel the fondant away and eat the cake. I asked if she ever made homemade fondant she said once and never again that it was to much work but that it did taste good. Now I've been a hobby baker for over ten years but nothing but buttercream . Here I took the classes to learn about gumpaste and fondant and I get a teacher who couldn't stand the stuff much less teach us...
Wilton instructors are required to use and promote Wilton products and recipes in Wilton classes. That's the whole point.
What they do in their own kitchens is something else. Some of them probably use the Wilton homemade fondant recipe that was printed in all the hardback Wilton Celebrate books in the 1970's. It tastes pretty good (because you choose the flavouring) and is easy to make.
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Original message sent by BakingIrene
Wilton instructors are required to use and promote Wilton products and recipes in Wilton classes. That's the whole point.
What they do in their own kitchens is something else. Some of them probably use the Wilton homemade fondant recipe that was printed in all the hardback Wilton Celebrate books in the 1970's. It tastes pretty good (because you choose the flavouring) and is easy to make.
Wilton fondant tastes like butt.
Making your own fondant takes about ten minutes and isn't difficult, and it's a heck of a lot cheaper.
Look at this first:
and then just think about asking this chef "can you bring one of those to my holiday party?"
Edited to add "we plan to serve it as the primary dessert"
I once built a throne room scene out of gumpaste and "we want to break it up and serve it" was actually said to me. I was speechless...
My favorite is "I have a budget of $150. Can you provide a three-tiered wedding cake for that price?" I may work out of home, but I am not going to undercut a storefront bakery or myself with that price. It's madness. This is why I hate these cake shows on these cable networks. Hardly anyone brings up price.
Oh oh oh, I have one! This is usually said after the person has sat through an entire tasting appointment and has gone on about how much they love your cake etc etc etc. "I have a friend who does cakes, so I'm going to give them a chance to do it, then I'll give you a call."
Translation "I want the entire wedding planning experience so I'm going around doing tasting appointments, but I don't want to pay for anything, so I'm going to guilt my friends into doing things for free. I won't be calling you because I can force her into doing it, but thanks for the free cake and letting me waste your time, I had a lot of fun!"
Translation "I want the entire wedding planning experience so I'm going around doing tasting appointments, but I don't want to pay for anything, so I'm going to guilt my friends into doing things for free. I won't be calling you because I can force her into doing it, but thanks for the free cake and letting me waste your time, I had a lot of fun!"
Or it could be finished in the maple-syrup-and-powdered-sugar glaze I cobbled together for a dairy-allergic colleague's cupcake, when I made the Leland Awards cake. Or royal. Or whipped cream. Or cooked "fluffy white." Or any number of other materials that are neither BC nor fondant. Or (especially if it's a pound cake or an Angel Food) it could be dusted, or even naked.
Jason has a sense of humor?!!! OMG! OMG!! OMG!!! My fav...after I quote a complex cake for $250. 'But baker xyz said they can do it for $60'. I'd rather have yours, so can't you match their price?'
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