Next?
By Amy M.
Caller = italics

Hello, I'm calling about a cake order for this Saturday night
Can you do a topsy turvy, flowers on the left, stars on the right?
I want it half chocolate, half vanilla and with lots of chocolate filling
That shouldn't be to much to ask since you have three days to make it,
can you tell me now about the billing?

I have an idea, an approximate cost, as I have purchased from the grocery store.
I went through their big book several times, and am willing to pay you a bit more.
I have an idea, in my mind, of the cost of cake mix, eggs, oil and icing,
and have prepared my budget for comparable pricing.

Thank you for calling, before I can assist, I need to know how many servings you require,
topsy turvy cakes are a specialty, and can be time-consuming but so inspired!
I'm sure it will be a big hit at your event and I pour my heart and soul into each cake,
and for the cake you are envisioning, it will be about $2 per serving, about the standard rate.

$2 per serving! You have to be kidding! For some cake mix and some icing!
This isn't a cake for the Queen of England, so I can't understand your ridiculous pricing!
All you do is turn your mixer on and tie your apron strings,
gather up your ingredients and your cake decorating things,
Put a cake upon a board and spread on a layer or two of frosting,
how can you justify $2 a serving, how can't believe how much this is costing!

Thank you for your inquiry, but I assure you it involves more than you are stating
It may not be cake for the Queen of England, but it requires a lot of work when creating
a topsy-turvy whimsical cake, a presentation that is set apart
it's not your standard grocery store cake, it is truly a work of art.

If your have a specific budget in mind, perhaps I can make another suggestion?
something that would fit better into your plans, and resolve the price dispute in question?
We would not be able to do a topsy-turvy cake for under the serving price,
but maybe we could come up with an alternative and still do something very nice?

Look, I know how much I should have to spend, I've been to Walmart and Sam's
Even the local grocery store costs a lot less than what you have planned.
How can you justify such high fees when cake doesn't even last?
I'm not paying that much to feed people, I can't believe you even had the nerve to ask.

Adding it up in my mind, I know it's not more than a twenty,
and paying you to work an hour or two is really more than plenty.
Greedy will get your nowhere, how do you even get paid at all?
Do you enjoy taking advantage of people, every time you get a call?

How can you possibly justify such an outrageous price?
You really need to explain this to me as I'm not buying this $2 per slice.
Please do tell how you arrive at such a high figure for this confection,
I prefer your explanation, over your "new-budget-suggestion."

Thank you for your inquiry. I am happy to accomodate your request.
See, people call me over the grocery store, when they want something above and beyond the rest.
The grocery store and Sam's and Walmart have their products mass-produced
mine are made from scratch you see,
and cannot easily be reproduced.

In addition to the cake ingredients and oil,
other expenses exist.
Many come to mind,
but here's the short of the list:

Gas in my car to get your things
Cake boards, covers and oil
My baker's hat and apron strings
wax paper and aluminum foil.

Utility cost in every appliance
Mixing bowls, spoons and extracts
Health department fees for compliance.
Americolor and piping bags from Decopac.

Fondant, Silicone Molds, heating core
Rolling pins, spacers and rings
cake tips, couplers and more.
and other "cake decorating things"

Foil wraps, measuring cups and parchment papers
Cupcake stands and strainers
Embossers, imprinters and scrapers,
Paper towels and a variety of storage containers.

Cookie sheets, cake pans and baking strips
Pot holders, flower nails and cooking spray
Melters for making chocolate dips
and cake board decor for display.

Powdered sugar, salt and spice
Bakery boxes, ribbons and ties,
angled spatulas to accurately ice
and scoops in every size.

Sour cream, cream cheese and other dairy,
cupcake liners, fresh fruit, chocolate chips
Pudding mix and maraschino cherries,
Parmount crystals and syrup mix.

As far as time, it is hard to estimate
how much to plan, sketch and then create.
Actual baking time plus clean up & scour
I think I make maybe $5 or less an hour?

Think it all over for a moment, and then maybe you will understand,
It is an insult to negotiate custom prices carefully calculated and planned.
Do you barter for prices at the restaurant where you eat?
Do you try negotiate the price at the movies because you don't like your seat?

Do you ask the plumber to repair the toilet based on the number of flushes?
Or pay your hairdresser based on the value you place on the hairbrushes?
Do you only pay your physician if you agree with his advice?
Or do you write these checks and never even think twice?

Custom cakes are the same, a business to be respected,
inquiries are great - if done with simple requests for what is expected,
but please do not insult me by evaluating the worth of my talent and skill you are requiring
especially if you have never done a cake equal of the one for which you are hiring.

But most importantly and please do try to understand,
what you really get is the talent and labor of love at hand.
For at the end of the day, it's the quality of art in the cake
that equals the look of pure joy on their face.

And in closing, please know, and I mean this sincerely,
next time you reference Walmart so clearly,
I need you to remember this next time you object,
If you say Walmart, I will say "Next?"

-Amy

Priceless
Should be printed and sat next to everyones phone - for those who just don't understand how to set their prices.

Bluehue

Very nice! I see a book of poetic vents in your future.

Ooooh, I hurt myself laughing.
Too perfect!
You should be making money as an author!
Thank you for taking the time to share this - now someone quick - figure out a way she can make some money from the caking community for this ditty cuz it's genius.

I'm still reeling at the thought of $2 a serving for a topsy-turvy cake! Are you kidding me? It should be at least $4 - $5 per serving! The carving, the support system...the time spent baking, decorating and delivering! You need to raise your prices IMO!
With that in mind I came up with my own poem about this situation:

She uses her 'knowledge' to intimidate and flaunt,
But good luck if she goes to a restaurant,
For if she wants a piece of cake,
(knowing how 'cheap' it is to make)
Imagine her face once she is tossed,
The total of a per-slice cost!

So remove her from your customer base...
And tell her to go to some other place,
For customers like her I'd not want to keep,
Your work is your art...and art ain't cheap.

I only decorate for my family so I don't have much experience. I'm sure that as a result I take way to long to decorate a cake. Even taking that into consideration, I think $2 per serving is way too little. Honestly, it's people like that that have totally turned me off to any type of customer service position. UGHH You just want to tell them where they can go.

I love it!!! Great job!

Thank you

Amy, two things-

First- a HUGE bump because you deserve it! This poem is awesome!!! If you don't mind I am going to have it framed and hang it in my commercial kitchen for the very customers it will pertain to in the near future.

Second- thank you so much for sharing it with us. I laughed and thought about my older sister who this poem fits to a T.

Carmijok- love your addition, added it to the bottom of Amy's poem. Hope you don't mind.

Thanks for the great pick-me-up.

Sonya

LOVE IT!!

Great job!!!!! I love this!!!!

Do you mind if I copy this?????
Not to post anywhere in particular , but to remind myself when someone complains about cake prices...


Jodi

T-shirts!!! if you make them, we will take them for all of us who bake them!

I <3 this. It is cute, catchy and to the point. Now you just need music to put this to

I <3 this. It is cute, catchy and to the point. Now you just need music to put this to

PERFECT! I soooo wish I could post this on my FB & Website lol. Thank you for sharing.

I'm flattered by all your kind words! I'd love for you to repost it anywhere you'd like - but please credit me as the author and don't alter it. I know it's just a for fun poem, but I'm proud of it because it speaks to this creative group of cake decorators that are a blessing to me for sure!

Awesome, is all I can say!!!

I too, am going to post this on my fridge! Sooooo apropos and I agree with Reimagining_Confections, we need this on a t-shirt to wear proudly.

Omg Amy, I love, love, love it!!! LOL!!!

I really appreciate how you were able to stay calm.. I would started yelling at the customer for sure..

Can we set it to the music of Call me Maybe? Since that seems to be the thing to do nowadays. The chorus can be:

Hey! I just met you!
And you sound crazy!
But here's my prices!
So shop Sam's maybe?

You are all so kind! Love the Call me Maybe idea!

And WriteCakes that was absolutely awesome!

Thank you!