Need Advice - Please! Positive Preg Test

Lounge By btrsktch Updated 28 Mar 2012 , 3:35pm by btrsktch

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btrsktch Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 6:51pm
post #1 of 22

I know I sound pitiful - and I have many blessings and much to be thankful for. I'm 45 years old, lived a good life with a very decent living, and after 6 years of trying to have a child (including multiple rounds of IVF), gave up completely, turned it over to God and let him provide the peace in my heart with the fact that it would never happen. I was in a GREAT place physically, emotionally, spiritually and decided to quit my job and open my cake business. I had started a cupcake shop a few years ago, and it was doing OK, but not good enough for me to work it full time, so I closed it, relocated and re-branded to give my 100% focus. Now 3 weeks into the opening of the new shop, I checked my calendar and bam! Took the test and it came up positive.
I have ZERO idea of what the heck to think. I know God has a plan, but after all the blood (literally), sweat and tears of getting the new shop open, now this???

I always hear of stories of how people who have children put everything on the back burner to raise them, but my husband and I put everything into this shop. I cannot close it, and I don't have a strong support system to help me raise a child. I guess children can be raised in a bakery, right? Am I kidding myself in thinking I can own a cake shop AND raise a baby? AT MY AGE???

Advice... Insight... Support... All appreciated.

21 replies
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jason_kraft Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 7:13pm
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First off, congratulations!

If your husband can run the business side of the shop and you hire employees to bake and decorate as well as staff the shop then you can probably make it work, with your role limited to oversight and consulting when necessary. The first step would be going back to your business plan to make adjustments for increased payroll and change your prices accordingly. If the price increases push you out of the mainstream market you may have to rethink who you are targeting or change direction entirely (for example, renting out the kitchen to others or selling it).

The alternative would be hiring an au pair or full-time babysitter, but there would need to be significant cost savings vs. hiring help at the shop to justify this route and I'm not sure you will see those savings.

We also lived far away from our family when we had our daughter, we ended up hiring help for our business (run out of rented kitchen, no storefront) once my wife got pregnant, while I continued to run the business side. Eventually we decided to sell the business and move closer to family.

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Annabakescakes Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 7:26pm
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Congratulations on your baby and your business.

Of course you can do both! Women are miraculous creatures. You will need to close for a month or two when you have the baby, or hire someone who you trust with your recipes and business to run it while you are out. And, if you have the space for a separate room and can hire the help, you could have a little room in your bakery for the baby to hang out in. You could do the cupcake stuff when the baby is sleeping, and then hire someone at minimum wage to sell it for you. Where there is a will, there is a way. You have 6 good months to think of it, and another 2 to implement your plan.

I'll bet there are many people on here who have had the same unexpected blessing at a time in their lives when it wasn't the best timing, and they can give you great advice, or at least get the wheels turning in your head.

anecdote: I met a woman in my mothers of twins club who did in vitro for years, then adopted twins who where 3 months old. There was a lot of drama, money and paperwork and stress during the time due to the birth mother. They were supposed to get the babies at birth, but their was a change of heart, then child endangerment charges where brought against her, but they finally got the babies. The week after they came home to them, she realized she hadn't had her period for a while, and took a test, which was positive. Her OB had her in to check her out and do an ultra sound due to scarring in her tubes, and she was 3 months pregnant with twins! So she had 2 sets of twins 7 months apart. Her birth babies were early and needed medical care, but I met here when they were all 5 years old and she was RN, and her husband was a firefighter. So they both had to work as much as they could. And it worked out!

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mallorymaid Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 7:43pm
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Congratulations for being able to experience two of your dreams, I believe that we are not given more than we can handle, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed right now with what is to come, try not to stress about figuring it all out today, there is time to work it all out. There are many women who put some of their goals/dreams aside to raise their children, but there are also many women who do both, it isn't always easy but you are not alone, you have your husband and together you will look at different scenarios to make it work, your business is newly openned so over the next few months you should start to feel more settled and develop a routine, you may need to look at the hours you are open, maybe hiring extra staff for when the baby arrives to pick up some of the load at the shop, perhaps a nanny that can help part time, and yes i know of some who do take their babes to the shop on quieter days, perhaps your husband will decide to take mat/parental leave to help out during the first 6-12 months if he is able. Remember you also have 45 years of life experience to draw on.
Another way to look at it is this....... the blood, sweat, and tears you experienced in getting your shop open was a preface to So today, after you are finished at the shop put your feet up and have some pickles and ice cream to celebrate.

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carmijok Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 7:53pm
post #5 of 22

I think God has given you two blessings...your business and now your baby to share it with. Congratulations!!

As an older mom you will get more tired so take good care of yourself now. Rest when you need to...even if you think you need to work, take the time to take care of yourself. Start looking for some part time help. Check out any schools in your area that may offer culinary or baking degrees and see if you can't offer internships to some recommended students. Use them to help do the mundane tasks like prepping and cleaning and waiting on customers...even delivery if needed. Get them started asap so they can be up to speed when you're off...or if you have to replace with better help you'll have time to train.

The main thing is to know your priorities and right now YOU are the priority! You're baking your own little cupcake and you don't need to be stressed. Enjoy this time as much as you can...and try not to worry. Things always work out for the best though we may not know it when it's happening. You're having a BABY!! Yea!

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btrsktch Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 7:58pm
post #6 of 22

Oh gosh, thank you for the replies!!!

I am so very overwhelmed, I can't think straight. But, as mallorymaid said, I do have a few months to get a plan together - and thankfully, my husband DOES have alot of leave that he can take from his job - but he WILL NOT help with the business. That has been made clear from day one, so any business decisions/changes are mine and mine alone. Right now, I have one full time front associate and me. It's very manageable, but still getting the word out about who/what we offer is slow going. I'm rent free for 4 months, so I did save and plan for the slow startup.

Jason: I'm already at the top of my market. I came in with a very strong knowledge of my demographic, market, price points - etc. I researched this move for 2 solid years before actually making it - so I have no room to go up in pricing. Going down means demeaning the product and quality that I am trying to sell, and I know will eventually get there, but 3 weeks is just getting off the ground.

I do have alot of space in the shop. Enough for a small nursery and play area actually that will not be in the way at all. I had planned to grow into the space offering lots of classes to help offset costs since my product is marketing towards the high-end clientele.

Thanks so much. I'm way to early to tell anyone yet, and just can't decide whether to laugh or cry. icon_smile.gif

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Annabakescakes Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 8:10pm
post #7 of 22

You are pregnant, you are allowed to both laugh and cry! And have your favorite treat as well.

Your husband could use his leave to let you rest when you can, and he could care for the baby. He could bring the baby back and forth for you to breastfeed in that back room icon_wink.gif

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mallorymaid Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 8:27pm
post #8 of 22

Depending on the size of your extra space you may be able to multipurpose it, a portable crib/playpen for the baby to sleep in that can be tucked in a corner, as your baby grows toys can be stored in it or in bins that can stack in a corner, using folding tables and chairs, or stacking chairs for your classes that can be dismantled and stacked when not in use, it would mean moving things around a bit when needed.

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jgifford Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 9:21pm
post #9 of 22

How blessed you are! What wonderful news. You will find that you can do many, many things you never would have believed possible. I had 3 wonderful kiddos and worked the whole time - - could never afford to be a full-time mom. I learned just how organized I could (had to) be and what a fantastic juggler I am. Especially when I was a single parent of 2 daughters.

You are indeed blessed to be having a baby now, at your age. You've learned so much and have your priorities straight. You know how to pick your battles and what's not worth battling over. Your dh will be amazing and when the little one arrives, you'll have trouble getting him/her away from dear old dad.

Congratulations on the new "venture" and just take one day at a time. You'll amaze yourself. thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

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Norasmom Posted 19 Mar 2012 , 11:34pm
post #10 of 22

God works in mysterious ways! I am SO happy for you, you have been blessed. Don't worry, because as God does work in mysterious ways you will figure out a way to both be a mother and run the business you love. That being said, if you can, definitely hire a nanny a few hours a day. It may cost a bit, but you will have peace of mind. I had a child at an older age and it is definitely tiring...I wish i had met my husband in my twenties! So worth it though! I have also found that the cake industry is huge. I have not even started my business yet and word has gotten out...

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Blueridgebuttercream Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 12:39am
post #11 of 22

Congratulations and don't worry too much - babies grow up very fast. God may have a strange sense of humor, but it isn't a cruel one. You already know you have been given a great gift, but it's okay if you don't feel like that right now. Once you meet your baby you'll be able to feel like it too.

A couple practical pieces of advice:
Definitely try and keep the baby with you in the shop - you'll both be happier together.
Do plan for it to take 3 months postpartum to recover. It may take far less time, depending on how easy your birth is, but plan for the longer time, so you don't end up pushing yourself too hard, too early. Around three months you and the baby usually have learned to understand each other better, too.
Look into baby wearing. Babies love to be carried. This way you can have at least one hand left for the job without worrying about dropping the baby. This will also expand the range of things you can do in the early months when the baby nurses constantly. With a little practice, you'll be bustling around and people won't even be able to tell that you're nursing the baby in his sling.

Think about women throughout history, they have always had to work at something - they didn't have the luxury to put everything no hold to raise their babies - yet they still managed. You will too.

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jason_kraft Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 3:28am
post #12 of 22

I'm not sure wearing the baby in a commercial kitchen environment is a good idea. If the liability insurance provider finds out they may drop coverage or disallow claims.

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btrsktch Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 3:14pm
post #13 of 22

Yeah, I think I'll be a little too scared about wearing a baby while mixing batter.

Did I mention that my husband is turning 50 next year and was planning his retirement at 55? LOL

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Karema Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 4:13pm
post #14 of 22

Congratulations!!! God has blessed you and your family so. I know it may feel crazy right now but trust God that it will work out. I know a woman that just opened a candy store and she is 7 months pregnant. It was a lot of work and she is tired but she is doing it. It is possible. Stay strong! Rest when needed and hire help at least two part time minimum wage employees. They will be able to decorate and run the front. You can do it!

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Annabakescakes Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 6:32pm
post #15 of 22
Originally Posted by btrsktch

Yeah, I think I'll be a little too scared about wearing a baby while mixing batter.

Did I mention that my husband is turning 50 next year and was planning his retirement at 55? LOL

Awesome, he'll have lots of time for your little one icon_wink.gif

What does he do? Government? Military? Cop? Just curious because in most lines of work, people don't retire until they are 62-65. My grandpa was in electronics and waited until he was 72 because he loved it.

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Spuddysmom Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 7:15pm
post #16 of 22

Congratulations! It sounds like you are still in a state of disbelief. You've been given lots of good advice, take you time to review it later. Take a few deep breaths while you are at it. Really, really take better care of yourself than you ever have. Rest whenever you can, eat well, and seek out as much support as you can get. You'll be fine. Only you can decide how you will work all the details out, but remember, businesses (even good one) come and go - a child is forever.
PS, had a couple of friends who got pregnant later in life and unexpectedly. It was kind of a shock for each, requiring major changes in their life plans, but those babies were the joy of their lives.

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btrsktch Posted 20 Mar 2012 , 9:42pm
post #17 of 22
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes

Awesome, he'll have lots of time for your little one icon_wink.gif

What does he do? Government? Military? Cop? Just curious because in most lines of work, people don't retire until they are 62-65. My grandpa was in electronics and waited until he was 72 because he loved it.

Government. He reaches the requirements at 52 though.

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scp1127 Posted 21 Mar 2012 , 6:18am
post #18 of 22

Congratulations and yes you can do it all if your health is good.

With my first and second, my labor started at work. With the third, my water broke as I was leaving the house for work.

Also with my third, I won a sales contest for top sales in that month and got cash and a trip. I took off two days. Boy did I walk slow two days later. Customers were coming to my car to help me in. But it was so much fun back then building a life and a future with three little girls in tow. Then I decided to leave my husband when the little one was 10 months old. For 15 years I did this on my own. Now that is scary, but I did it somehow.

With all three, I was back at work immediately. I had a full commission job and a marketing company I owned. Plus we re-habbed an old home every two years. Work never stopped. I did set my own hours, so self-employment is a must for this schedule.

Stopping work or slowing down was not an option. We usually lived in one rehab and had another on the side. The bank only gives one chance. Screw up and it's over. Full commission only pays when the contract is signed. And many people depended on me and my marketing company.

A good babysitter is also a must or you will be miserable.

You can do it. It's amazing what we can do when we don't have a choice. And a great new business is worth the trouble. Now my two youngest are part owners in my bakery and jump to help. Two are great bakers, taught from about four years old.

So one day those little babies that are so much trouble grow up and are your best business assets. I hope you can find good help and make it work. I know, as a fellow MD business owner, just what you have had to do to make this happen. I have always felt that I taught my girls that they could do it all by being an example. So don't feel guilty. We are women, wives, and mothers. We need to have those three balance.

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cakespender Posted 27 Mar 2012 , 4:35am
post #19 of 22

As a mother of 3 I know what it is like to be blindsided by the + test. And as a testament to how you CAN do this, I was in a local cake supply store today, and the daughter of the owner was there, with her very young boy, maybe 2..... he was running around the store filled with cake decorating supplies having a blast, but he knew what he was allowed to do and not do. So I think if your child is raised to know that this is okay and this is not in the store you will be fine. By the way, CONGRATS and this is a exciting adventure!

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heynannie Posted 28 Mar 2012 , 8:28am
post #20 of 22

Everything is just right for that "mustard seed faith to kick are right where God wants you to be,, do not fret .....your baby and you business are blessings enjoy the journey with each....WOW what a go MOM ! lots of love and prayers <333><

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southerncross Posted 28 Mar 2012 , 1:25pm
post #21 of 22

I had to smile when I saw your post (the topic made me wonder if a "positive pregnancy test" cake was going to be the next fad after the "reveal" cake!). Then I read your post and really laughed. 35 years ago, I started my own business (not baking but very demanding in time and energy) only to find out I was pregnant with my daughter. I had so much money invested in the business that I couldn't back out then without total loss so i plowed on. She spend her first year playing in my office. Four years later, I sold the business at a very good price and embarked on law school. First week in, I learned i was pregnant with my son. I waddled to final exams that year and keep on going (I was beginning to think that job changes caused pregnancy so I stuck with the practice of law until menopause just to be safe!)

Well, both children grew up to be healthy,successful, well adjusted adults. Was it difficult? You bet but then I'm not so sure that it's that easy for stay-at-home moms.

You can raise the baby and have the business. You;ll be amazed at how creative you will become at solving problems and overcoming challenges. (by the way, I did most of this as a widow as my husband died unexpectedly shortly after my son was born. And I still can say I have a great and blessed life)

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btrsktch Posted 28 Mar 2012 , 3:35pm
post #22 of 22

Thanks everyone for the stories! Especially southerncross. Wow, what inspiration you provide!

No additional news. Still plugging along - thankfully, absolutely no symptoms other than this cold that I've had for 3 weeks, and not super-tired either. I guess that comes from being on my feet all day!

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