Everyone has been very kind on here with their words, and firm with their advice, which is very appreciated. I did need a kick in the pants (or slap upside the head) to see that I am not a horrible person for not making and paying for this cake. Yes, I can imagine the look on her face when I suggested a pre-baked cake, it got pretty silent on the phone. And like I said, she kept repeating 'I'm out of money' several times. She's always played the 'poor,pity me' card. They've always been pretty low in the income department. But she must think I'm made of money, because she always comes to me for special occaisions (like her parents 50th). We fell on hard times too (husband disabled and not working) and she knew I was at one time working 5 jobs just to make ends meet (down to 3 now, yeah!).

The only thing still making me guilty is the picture in my head of her crying, because I've backed out of the cake. I didn't hear anything last night, and told my husband and children if she called, I wasn't in! I'm going to send a check, wedding gift money and tell her to either give it to her daughter or use it on the cake, her daughters choice, but it won't be a lot of money. And of course offer the chocolate shells again.

[quote]Everyone has been very kind on here with their words, and firm with their advice, which is very appreciated. I did need a kick in the pants (or slap upside the head) to see that I am not a horrible person for not making and paying for this cake. Yes, I can imagine the look on her face when I suggested a pre-baked cake, it got pretty silent on the phone. And like I said, she kept repeating 'I'm out of money' several times. She's always played the 'poor,pity me' card. They've always been pretty low in the income department. But she must think I'm made of money, because she always comes to me for special occaisions (like her parents 50th). We fell on hard times too (husband disabled and not working) and she knew I was at one time working 5 jobs just to make ends meet (down to 3 now, yeah!).

The only thing still making me guilty is the picture in my head of her crying, because I've backed out of the cake. I didn't hear anything last night, and told my husband and children if she called, I wasn't in! I'm going to send a check, wedding gift money and tell her to either give it to her daughter or use it on the cake, her daughters choice, but it won't be a lot of money. And of course offer the chocolate shells again.

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You are a good person, there are a lot of people that mistake kindness for weakness but you didn't allow it in this situation . I had a lot of "friends" like that and slowly but surely I got stronger and told them to kick rocks. I would notice the patterns and just feel bad for them instead and then be upset with myself for making it my problem to fix because I just want everybody to be happy. I just feel like it should go both ways. Hugs to you. I know this isn't an easy situation but hopefully after the wedding is over she will come around and understand why her not having the finances is your problem. You have bills to pay, and i'm sure plenty of other responsibilities to have to also take on hers.

Hey everyone, I heard back! She emailed saying there must be a misunderstanding, that her daughter would pay for the cake. Hmmmm, she never mentioned her daughter would pay, and when I talked with her daughter 2 days before, she never mentioned it either, or asked what I would charge. But either way, at least she is good with me not coming, would love if I still would send the chococlate shells (which I will) and is sorry for offending me. I'm not sure why she thinks I'm offended, I was more upset about the situation, but you know emails, it could have come across that way.

Either way, all is good for both of us. Thanks again everyone for the help with straightening my backbone and getting me out of this mess. I'm going to suggest the cupcake cake and some of the other ideas you all suggested. The more options the better!

thanks again!!

Glad it all worked out well for you. Working with friends can be very awkward.

I'm so glad things worked out or you!

I'm so glad it worked out!

I was in a similar, but not as stressful, situation, but it was my little brother. I live in Utah, they live in Marietta, GA.

When he asked, I told him that I would love to, but I'd have to get there about 4-5 days early, bring all of my stuff, and then, the recipes probably wouldn't work as I'm used to because the weather is so different there than here. Not to mention my baby will only be about 8-9 weeks old.

He then asked, "Can you make it and have it shipped out here?" LoL I told him, it would probably be safer and cheaper just to have someone there make it.

Luckily, he understood. I could tell he was sad though. But what do you do?

I'm so happy you stuck to your guns! I was stressed about it just reading it! LoL