The man that "allegedly" killed my mom and my friend was released from jail today "dismissed without prejudice" which means if they get new evidence they can try him again. Someone tell me a funny cake story or a joke. I need a good laugh.
Oh no, I am so sorry mim1106. I don't even know what to say. I hope you are able to find some peace. I'm sorry if I sound stupid but I am very sorry for your loss.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say either...just that I'll keep you and your mother and your friend) in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks, guys. We'll get through it. It's all in God's hands. Was just in the mood for a laugh is all.
I've posted on here once before but for laughs here I go again.
My husband needed to change the oil in his car a few years ago. Guess what he used to drain the oil into. Go ahead and guess. Yep, my brilliant husband drained his car oil into my good cake pan. I could have killed him.
He saw my eyes flash red while saliva dripped off my fangs. Every step I took closer to him he winced more in fear. He begged that he would wash the pan and it would be good as new. Stupid man! It can never be used again.
I did not harm him physically in any way, but for a long time he wouldn't even look at me while I baked. He just walked away as quick as his long legs could carry him.
Since we are going with silly man stories for laughs , I have one. I've posted this before, it was told to me by my SIL, about her husband , my BIL.
One day, not long after they had moved in to a new house, their toilet got stopped up. They didn't have a plunger because they hadn't brought it from their old house, so my BIL starts looking around for something they could use. He returns to the bathroom with a BICYCLE PUMP! The thing that you hook on the tire and then move the handle up and down to pump air into it. He then puts the hose into the toilet and starts actually pumping up and down.... picture it, a grown man pumping up and down, and the tiny little hose is in the toilet. Needless to say my SIL did have to go buy a plunges that day.
I hope that makes you smile, I found it hilarious. I am sorry for your loss, and also this latest blow. I can't imagine the heartbreak you're feeling.
OK, those really made me laugh out loud. Thank you both
Oh sweetie, there are no words to describe how badly I want to just give you a hug and tell you it will be all right. However, in lieu of that, I offer you the following chuckles that my buddy just sent to me. I do hope it will help ease your pain even for a little while.
Why Go to Church?
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row, please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Lutheran, and this is a casserole."
The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
The Twenty and the One Dollar Bills
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.
The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean ."
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So, tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church ."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.' "
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.
LOL, Thanks bobwonderbuns! Those were hilarious! My favorite one was "the Usher" haha
Just an update..... because he was a soldier, the Army decided to pick up the case. Hopefully we can have closure soon!
True story: Friend of mine had a husband deathly afraid of spiders. They were sitting on the front porch and he saw a BIG one on the porch. Being a hunter, he went to get his shotgun and actually SHOT the spider!
Took them a couple of weeks to fix the hole in the porch, though.
Oh my goodness!!! True phobias definitely don't play. LOL!! What happens if he sees one inside the house? Hopefully your friend hurries up and squashes them
Oh my, my husband is terrified of spiders too, but I'm glad he doesn't take it to that extreme. Once he was working on the sink in the kitchen, he came flying out from under the sink and said, "that's it...I'm done...at least until that spider is gone." I hurried under the sink and killed the spider and I told him that he wasn't getting out of fixing the sink that easily.
I was trying to potty train my 2 1/2 yr. old son. Finally, finally he got the hang of it and "did his business" in the potty. I wiped him, pulled up his pants, congratulated him, etc. As I was "getting rid" of his business, he put his hands to his face and screamed.
"My brand new poops and you flushed them!"
I went to school with a guy who had 4 brothers and one sister. The boys all had dark hair and the sister, the baby, had bright red hair. The family history (ahem joke) was she belonged to the mailman. When she was about 4 years old, their church acquired a new minister. After service one Sunday everyone was filing out and shaking the new minister's hand and introducing themselves. As he got to the cute little redhead, he asked "and who do you belong too?"... yep, you guessed it, she replied
mim1106, I had a friend murdered by her boyfriend, my heart is with you. God Bless
omg! The poop story has me in tears!
My husband quit drinking 3 years ago. In support, I don't keep liquor in the house. When I started caking, I bought a small bottle of vodka for painting a cake and I also use it to wipe down my bowls and beaters before making royal icing. I stashed it where he wouldn't find it and have been using it ever since. When the bottle was empty, I tossed it in the recycling bin. When the hubs went to take the trash to the curb that week, he saw the bottle, came inside and started a one man intervention about how I shouldn't be ashamed but we needed to talk about this and get it out in the open, etc. LOL! I came clean about using it for caking and he laughed and said I was a dork for hiding it but loved me for trying to be supportive. Geez. Try to be nice and almost get committed to rehab by my own husband!