What Could I Have Said Differently?

Decorating By ryannrochelle Updated 8 Feb 2011 , 7:35pm by leah_s

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ryannrochelle Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 5:45pm
post #1 of 14

I just recently had my first fall out with a bride. She was a childhood friend of mine and had just recently moved back to the area and got engaged. She emailed me and told me how excited she was and that they had to have the best at her wedding and I am the best. I gave her a standard questionaire that I give all of my brides to get an idea of what she was looking for. She answered every question with -ish on the end of it. Round-ish, vinatge-ish, lemon-ish filling...etc. I told her, lets wait until she has decor, dress, etc before we decide on anything. So, she emailed me 5 inspiration boards (all different themes) and told me they weren't picking a color, just soft ones, no theme, light fabrics and no fondant. 2 tier cake, 300 guests, 4 dozen cupcakes and they were serving pecan pies. She followed with an email that on the cake, one layer was to be fake because she didn't like the way cake looks when it's being cut and gave me about 20 different pics saying she loves all of them....all fondant. Sigh....so I got to sketching and came up with about 5 options for her to choose from and she hated every one of them. I sketched 5 more and she hated those as well. She then sent me a follow up email with 3 pics (different ones) and said those were her favorite. She loved everything about them..the finish, the size, the flowers. I asked if she could call me. No response for 3 weeks. I emailed her again, text her, attempted to call her and nothing. She finally responds about how busy she is and is ready to make her decisions. I ask about how many people she wants the cake to feed, what flavors for sure, what flavor cupcakes and what decor. She reponds with more pics, still hates any of my sketches and never responds about flavors, servings or anything and is irritated that I can't quote her. I slept on it for a few days and then politely emailed her saying I didn't feel that I could make her happy and it would be best of she consulted with a bakery. I received the following response:

I told you what I wanted. I have been VERY specific. I want white cake with lemon frosting. I want oreo cookie cupcakes for CJ with skulls on them. Probably 2 dozen, I would also like 2 dozen pretty cupcakes with a lacy holder in a cream color. I am not sure on the guest list at the moment so it is hard to give you an exact number. I sent photos of what I liked. I sent photos of our inspiration of our wedding. Im not sure what else you wanted?

The saga continued when she posted on facebook and called my designs stupid, my work crap and said that it would have been a mistake to have me make a cake for the single most important day of her life. I am bothered by this whole situation and don't know what I could have said or done to change the outcome. She was all over the map and says that she was VERY specific? This was the first time she had addressed what kind of cupcakes or anything. So frustrating, am I missing something here? Did -ish, probably, maybe and not sure become absolute descriptors and I missed the memo?

Sorry so long icon_sad.gif

13 replies
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Lcubed82 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 5:58pm
post #2 of 14

A. Be glad she is gone!

B. Hold your head high, and know you did the best you could do. Be glad it was before any cake was made.

C. Are you a business? Is she posting on your FB acct? I don't know enough to offer advise. Hopefully others will, or can you contact FB?

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enchantedcreations Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 5:59pm
post #3 of 14

IMO, she sounds like a Diva, spoiled rotten immature...... Waiting on you to be the friend and let her have the cake and eat it too. For nothing. You didn't give it to her because this was to be a business transaction. Read bewteen the lines, she is probably going to have a hissy fit w/ all the vendors. You're better off letting this one go, because there was no true friendship or she wouldn't have plastered it on facebook. She would have called you and handled it like an adult.

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enchantedcreations Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:01pm
post #4 of 14

BTW, your Owl cake is adorable!

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Emma37 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:04pm
post #5 of 14

She sounds, like so many people, very self-centered. If you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you did all you could, then I would say move on. Ask some close confidants if your behavior was above board and if it wasn't be concerned only with sweeping your side of the street. Water finds it's level.

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platinumlady Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:06pm
post #6 of 14

I have found that working with close friend and family can sometimes be difficult. Sometimes they tend to see you a friend/family not Business Owner or Cake Decorator. I've found that sometimes they expect you to read their minds & when you don't it all comes back on you.

You did the right thing! You did all you could do to get the proper information. It seems as nothing you did would have been right. Stand by your decision. You are the professional! You know what information you need to complete the order. So stand by you decision. Don't lash back. Stand tall! You know how good your work is & she know as well or she wouldn't have asked you. If she wants to be that childish & post on FB you didn't need her as a customer to begin with. I understand that she wants her wedding to be perfect but ask yourself would she have treated another business owner the same way.

Count it as a blessing in disguise!

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cakelady2266 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:12pm
post #7 of 14

Sorry this happened to you. It's bad enough when it's a bride you don't know. In her head she may think she was being specific. But in our business we need all the details...ish and sort of don't cut it.

As far as the backstabbing on facebook.....You need to contact her (phone,fax,email, text or mail) and politely but VERY firmly tell her she has to stop trashing you on a public forum and put up an apology on facebook or you will consider suing her for defamation of character, slander and liable. You can also report her to facebook. Don't go after her on facebook, take the high road.

At my age (menopause) I'd be waiting in her driveway one afternoon and just the look on my face would produce the public apology and diarrhea.

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tiggy2 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:15pm
post #8 of 14

Delete the post off your facebook, block her and move on.

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metria Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:16pm
post #9 of 14

sorry this has happened to you! looks like there's no way to stop this train wreck, just step aside and let it collide into someone else!

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heysugar504 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:21pm
post #10 of 14
Originally Posted by cakelady2266

At my age (menopause) I'd be waiting in her driveway one afternoon and just the look on my face would produce the public apology and diarrhea.

LOL! Priceless!

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ryannrochelle Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:25pm
post #11 of 14

Thank you all for your support. The FB incident was posted on her FB and we have SEVERAL mutual friends that were all in shock! She actually lost a few of those FB friends because they could not belive she bashed me like that. She should have known better especially since she is a photographer and has a business herself. I didn't report it because even though she was defaming me, she made herself look worse.

The funniest thing was that she is doing a shoot for a custom children's clothing company and needed a 5 year old girl with long ddark hair and green/blue eyes. A mutual friend called and asked for her to borrow my 5 year old daughter who has long brown hair and bright greenish-blue eyes. REALLY??? Did she really think that after bashing me on FB about my business that she could borrow my daughter for hers?

Everything she says and does is a contradiction. She said all light and airy fabrics but sent me a picture of her dress that was heavy layers of taffeta. The when talking about gumpaste flowers, she said her fiance is anti-flower. I even referred her to a photographer that takes the same style of pics that she does and her comment was, "He is great but not my style." At least she didn't contact him!

Life goes on and I need to learn how to not be so hard on myself.

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Kiddiekakes Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:28pm
post #12 of 14

be glad you are done with her..It sounds like no matter what you would have created for her...she would not have been happy anyways!!

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jewels710 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 7:18pm
post #13 of 14

The third sentence of your post stated that, in her words, "she had to have the best at her wedding"...RED FLAG!!! LOL

At first I agreed with the demanding the apology route, but I also see the high road you've taken. Like you said, it was on her personal page, a page which your mutual friends have seen and surely they know better if some of them have ditched her as well.

Be thankful you did not have to follow through with that order. For someone who sounds like very lil in life is ever good enough, she probably would have complained after eating your cake and that I think that stink would have been even worse.

See, Its a good day!

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leah_s Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 7:35pm
post #14 of 14

Similar thing happened to me last year. Mom called who lives in my city, nicest woman ever and we seemed to make a connection. She forwarded my info to the daughter out of town who turned into exactly the same person the OP described. No colors, no theme but 22 pictures of cakes attached to an email. The 22 designs were all over the place, flowers, ribbons, bc, fondant, modern, classic, ornate, simple, every.damn.thing. "Oh, I love them all."

I sent 5 sketches. She hated them all and then criticized my sketching skills. I cut her loose and then got one of the most hateful emails ever. She noted that she was soooooo low stress and easy to work with and had sent specific pictures about what her cake should look like. yeah . . .

I've condensed the story quite a bit. One thing I had learned over the years is *never* respond. They are what Dr. Phil calls "right fighters." They will fight and fight just to prove they are right. They can't win until you lose. So, I walk away. Damn frustrating - for them.

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