Closest Friends Have Ordered Their Wedding Cake Elsewhere...

Lounge By laurenboxall Updated 13 Dec 2010 , 6:04pm by Ladiesofthehouse

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laurenboxall Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 6:01am
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A bit of a background, my now husband and I moved interstate to Sydney about 5 years ago and we still don't know that many people. We met a couple through a sport we both played and they are our closest friends up here (we usually see them at least once a week.)
They are photographers and even flew interstate to photograph our wedding as a wedding present (we paid for travel, actual time was free). So when they announced their engagement I offered to do their wedding cake as a gift. They always rave about the cherry ripe mud cake I make and compliment me on my cakes when they take photos off them.

Today I read on facebook that they've ordered their flowers and their cake. And the cake is not from me. It's a small wedding - only about 30 people (including my husband and I). If it was a huge wedding with an enormous cake I'd understand.

I've made cakes for them before and both sets of parents, their sister and their niece. I can't understand why not this cake.

I feel upset and I don't know what to say to them. Is it wrong that a small part of me hopes that their cake sucks on the day? lol

It just makes me second guess things, they have referred their wedding photography clients to me to get their cakes done, I'm assuming they wouldn't do that if they didn't think I did good work.

Don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say - just needed a place to vent. Thanks for listening!

11 replies
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indydebi Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 6:41am
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I undertstand your frustration, especially since they were kind enough to do your photos for free and you want the opportunity to return the favor.

But as Joyce Meyer says, "Find the treasure in your trial." Now you get to be just a guest at the wedding! You get to relax, have fun, mingle with the guests, sit back and enjoy the dinner or foods they are serving. You dont' have to "work it". thumbs_up.gif

That's a luxury for a caker! thumbs_up.gif

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cathyscakes Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 6:46am
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Maybe they didn't want to burden you with having to make the cake. Your cake in your gallery is so perfect, so I know it doesn't have anything to do with your skills. Do you feel like you can't ask is strange since you offered. I'm thinking they didn't want you to feel like you had to do it.

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catlharper Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 7:03am
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I had a very close friend of mine do this about a year ago. I did do her bridal shower cake but they went somewhere else for the wedding cake. It made me feel like she really didn't like her shower cake like she told me and didn't nkow how to tell me that she didn't want me to ruin her wedding. Well, that turned out not to be it at all. She figured she'd already bothered me to do her shower cake she didn't want to burden me with their wedding cake too. She totally regrets it now. I don't know how many times she has said "and WHY didn't I have you do our wedding cake???". Her cake was just ok...nothing terribly special about it. As a surprise I made a small 1st anniversary cake resembling their wedding cake and they were thrilled. This was when she confessed that she really didn't want to burden me with her wedding cake and just wanted me to be a guest at the wedding. maybe this is what your friends are going thru?


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BlakesCakes Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 7:21am
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I can see the positive things mentioned above, but...........I, too, would be very hurt for several reasons:

If I offer, I really do want a personal response, even if it is, "Oh, thanks so much, but we don't want to burden you with having to do a cake on our wedding day. We'd like you to enjoy yourself just as a guest, and not as a vendor...."
If I'm close friends with someone and I've offered to do a special cake, I'd take umbrage at finding out by reading Facebook that they've decided to get the cake elsewhere.

I'm one of those that just can't let things like this become an 800 pound gorilla in the room.

I'd ask.

I'd ring up my friend and tell her that'd I'd seen her FB post.
I'd tell her that I was serious about wanting to do the cake and that the offer still stands (if it does).

I'd hope for an honest answer that would allow us both to understand why things are the way they are and to retain our dignity and friendship.

And I'd go to the wedding hoping that, in my eyes, the cake is mediocre (at best) and that she later tells me she's sorry on many levels for having someone else make the cake and I'd hold my tongue and not blurt out, "Told ya' so!!!". icon_twisted.gif


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laurenboxall Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 7:27am
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Thanks for your responses. I'm hoping it's like what you all have said - that they haven't asked so it's not a burden. It's still strange as we have talked in the past about how they hate going to weddings as guests as they would rather be there as photographers, and how I felt the same way about the cakes. I don't think I'll ask them about it - just wish she hadn't broadcast it on facebook as we have lots of mutual friends that will assume it's me that they have ordered it from icon_sad.gif

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costumeczar Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 2:41pm
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Is it possible that they "have" to go with someone else for a different reason? I've had people come to me for tastings and the bride is ready to sign the contract, then the groom pipes up with "I have to go to see my client, he's a caterer so I have to give him the courtesy of talking to him before we hire someone." Well thanks a lot for wasting my time, but it could be political in nature. Or they just don't awant to bother you. I personally wouldn't say anything, since they're probably uncomfortable about it too. Just let it go.

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-K8memphis Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 3:28pm
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That would sting.

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tavyheather Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 3:50pm
post #9 of 12

ouch icon_sad.gif hugs!

maybe they just wanted you to enjoy yourself at the wedding, vs stressing out to finish it and work your delivery schedule around being at the to her! Just say you understand they have every right to choose whom they want for their wedding but u just want to know why so it doesn't drive u crazy!

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Elcee Posted 11 Dec 2010 , 7:11pm
post #10 of 12

A friend of mine just booked her wedding at a venue that won't allow outside cakes. Maybe it's something like that?

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ShaunPepe Posted 13 Dec 2010 , 1:45pm
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It would drive me nuts not to know why she went with someone else, especially when you offered. Why don't you just send her a message, casually asking why she went with another decorator? There has to be a reason.

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Ladiesofthehouse Posted 13 Dec 2010 , 6:04pm
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I know how you feel! We were invited to an event for my cousin and she decided to go with my competition in town for desserts. When we got there my cousin came running over when she saw me looking at the cakes and told me she didn't hire me because she thought that maybe for once I would like to just enjoy myself as a guest instead of working.

The cake was so dry I threw mine in the trash and the limp appetizers had obviously been pulled from the freezer, heated quickly right before the event and then had cooled off again--yuk.

If it was me I wouldn't ask--I think you will find out the reason from your friend at her wedding and I am sure it has nothing to do with the quality of your cakes.

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