hi! My son's first girlfriend broke up with him on Friday after about 4 months of dating. The worst thing is, it happened at school, alot of people witnessed it, a couple of kids were laughing about it, and he's humiliated.
The girl didn't mean for it to happen that way, but it did. She wanted to go back to being just friends, and after they talked in the counselor's office, he seemed better. He's been okay this weekend, but tonight I think he had a conversation with her on the computer, he was hanging his head, and now he's up in his bed crying. He won't talk to his father or I. We don't know what their conversation was about, and if that's what's upsetting him, or if it's the thought of having to go back to school tomorrow and facing people who witnessed what happened.
We're leaning towards letting him stay home from school for a day, but we're not sure if it's the best thing to do. He never has dealt well with embarrassment... will letting him stay home for a day just prolong the inevitable stares and comments? Do you think we're doing the right thing.
Poor kid, every time I think about what happened my heart breaks for him.
Thanks! Maria

I work with HS kids and I wouldn't let him stay home from school tomorrow. One, most kids have a short memory and many things happen over the course of the weekend. Second, you have to teach him to face adversity and not run from it. This is the first of many things he is going to deal with in life and he needs to know he can handle them. This will, in the end, be will be minor compared to many other things. I know it is hard to watch your child hurt but all you can do is teach him how to handle this type of situation. Good luck.

agree with the above. it will be hard for him, but putting it off doesn't make the first day back go away.

My daughter had a break-up a few weeks ago and she was very upset. First boyfriend. I assured her that it was ok to feel bad ..... all break ups make pepole feel bad and she was being a normal person. It was ok to cry, and yes it WOULD hurt for awhile and yes it WOULD get better.

I tried not to minimize her feelings and tried not to give her permission to waller in self-pity, either.

And after all of this, I'll confess that i walked away from my brave-mom speech and cried in private for the hurt she was going thru.

I agree with the advice you've already been given. I also work in a HS and teenage drama is a daily thing. Poor kids . I think if he stays home it will draw even more attention to him. I'm not saying you're doing this but one of the things we have witnessed at school is that when the parents get sucked into the drama, it escalates. The kids with parents who keep a level head and don't put more emotional impact on a situation than it deserves are the ones who end up with level headed and more successful teens. Not to mention, a full day of academics is a lot to miss and should really be reserved for when a child is really ill. It does suck when our kids are in pain, though, doesn't it?

I also agree with SillyJacs.

We had an old car hood and a metal pole for just such occasions. My son used to date a real humdinger of a gal.

He would get so frustrated with her. We'd hand him the pole and point him outside to the hood.

I think my daughter used it a time or two, too.

thanks for the good advice! I will certainly use your words of wisdom when I try to get him out of bed this morning.

Maria

success! my boy went to school! hopefully he will stay there all day and get through it okay.
thanks again!

I think going to school was the right thing. Missing would have just called more attention to the situation and given other kids something else to laugh about. I hope he works thru it all and bounces back soon. I know it's hard as a mom to watch, though!

My daughter just started high school this year, and this is the first time we've had to deal with any boy-girl stuff, and I am finding it even more difficult going thru it as the parent of a teen than when I was a teen myself, and I thought it was bad then!

She hasn't had a bf yet, but has had something going on. There was a boy that liked her, but she kept saying she wasn't interested except as a friend. Then when he gave up and apparently moved on to someone else, she got all offended and mad, and now says she doesn't even want to be friends anymore. I cannot get her to see how unreasonable and unfair she's being.

Then there's another boy she's been crushing on for a year, that she has idealized and compares every other boy to, yet she will not even try to get to know him. I told her if they ever did get together, she will be disappointed because he could not possibly live up to the fantasy she has in her head.

I also think the teen drama is much worse now than when I was a teen because they put the kids under so much more pressure and stress at school now. They are so loaded down they are sleep deprived and stressed all the time, which makes them much more moody and less able to cope.

cakesbyjen2, you are so right! I dealt with my own teenage heartbreak so much better than I'm dealing with my son's. I just hate to see him hurting. I can't believe I'm 40 years old and STILL trying to figure this stuff out!
He did go to school, thankfully. I gave him some advice, don't know if he listened or not. In the end, he has to do this on his own... mom can't fix it, and that's hard for me!
Thanks again!

well, everything went well at school today. none of the kids said a word to him... thank goodness! hopefully it will stay that way.
thanks for all of the good advice... glad I took it!

Maria

My DS (who is only 7) came home today so sad because at indoor recess his 2 best friends played a game together and didn't include him. He took it so personally and my heart just broke for him because he was just so sad about the whole thing.

I can't imagine dealing with teenage heartbreak!!
And what makes it worse (than when we were teenagers) IMO is all the social media that is available out there.

Anyway, I'm glad you made him go and that his day was not as bad as he feared