Why is everyone telling the OP to take something to a party that she was told was not wanted?
Does no one but me see how rude that is?

If it was the other person saying:
We told her we had the birthday cupcakes all arranged, but she brought a giant cake anyway and expected us to serve it.

What would the responses be then?
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I expect to read about this on http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/ in a few days.

I went back and re-read.
I must have read wrong the first time; they are saying don't give the kids a present at all if the parents don't want the cake, not to take it even if it's not wanted.
Although the OP still says she's going to go ahead and make it anyway.
Whatever.

Here's my 2 cents again: It could be that these moms are getting in on the "cupcake towers are fun, cute and the IN thing to do" bandwagon. We all know of someone who has to have the latest fad even if it means putting a turd on your head. That's all the rave and their children just have to have it at their party. I wonder if OP offered to gift cupcakes.

I am not a pro and I only bake and decorate for family and friends. About a year ago I offered to make a birthday cake for a family member as a gift. They said yes at first. A week later I get a text message telling me not to make the cake because the birthday girl was making the cake with her aunt. I was like "What the ....?" I felt a little sad about it. I looked at some of my cake pics and like I said before, im not a pro but I don't think my cakes are that bad. Friends and family always tell me how much they love my cakes.

On the day of the birthday party I see a medium sized cake. With frosting slapped on. For a minute I took it personal! I asked myself how they prefer that over what I had offered. The tell me later that evening that the birthday girl and aunt had a bet and the aunt lost. The looser had to make the cake. (That's what they told me) That it would be be great if I could coul make her brothers birthday cake the month after. I said NO! I told them that I would be busy with work and that I had no time for cakes that month....lol I decided then, that I would never offer a cake again as a gift. If they want it they can ask me and we will shop for the ingredients and bake it together.

(I never believed the bet thing...Not only did it look bad, it tasted awfull.)

Give them some marshmellow fondant to taste. Kids fight over that stuff!! And what is so hard about peeling off fondant?

I think the whole fondant thing has to be an excuse. It's just too ridiculous. The only thing I can come up with is that they think they are sparing you some trouble... If they know you at all, then they realize the amount of work (and stress) involved in creating a delicious and beautiful custom cake - like the ones you make.

I think a lot of people mean well... but the logic stops there. They are probably trying to be nice and have hurt your feelings in the process. (I'm amazed at how often that is the case...)

Now that I've given these ladies the benefit of the doubt, I'll get my one jab in. If they truly dont want to deal with some kind of mess, why are they throwing a party for a bunch of 3-year-olds??? Yikes sounds messy to me!

~diem