Sorry I just need to vent to someone that gets it (not my husband) My BIL is getting married October 2nd which I should add is the day after my 10 year wedding anniversary which we had planned on renewing our vows on due to the circumstance in which we were married under. (whole other story) Now I offered before the date was set to make the wedding cake/cupcakes. This was at the time supposed to be 40 cupcakes and 1 6 inch cutting cake. Now the plan was to do it for cost which is still the plan but the numbers have changed drastically like to 200 cupcakes plus cutting cake. So already I am thinking WOW!! Now to top it all off my husband is the best man and I am a bridesmaid my son is the ring bearer and my oldest daughter a junior bridesmaid and my two youngest daughters are flower girls. All this being said we have to pay for all the dresses and tux's...

Maybe I am being presumptuous that we should catch a break!!! No??? Did I also mention I threw her bridal shower two days ago at the request of the MOTB. GRRRRR.... Now this is my husbands brother so he is just trying to be supportive of him. So he does not get my frustration but I needed to vent. I know there really isn't much I can do I just wanted to be heard and told I am right... ...

Oh did I mention that there is still a stag and stagette party at the end of the month that we need to plan or at least help plan and contribute financially.

So the gist is we are going to be contributing hundreds of dollars many many hours of time and sacrificing our 10 year anniversary with no hope at all of being able to celebrate with being so incredibly busy! Maybe I am just selfish...

I completely understand!! MY husbands brother is getting married the day after our 5yr anniversary and we were supposed to go on a caribbean vacation for it because we didn't get a honeymoon!! Needless to say that will not be happening! Instead we have to travel to Wisconsin (they currently live in Kansas where we live) for our 5yr and I have to make a 4 tire wedding cake!!! I have to bake it at home and transport it all the way up there and spend the night of our anniversary decorating it!!! The bad thing is that she knew when our anniversary was because their first date was at my wedding!!! Thanks for posting this it helps to vent with someone that understands!

No, you are NOT selfish. What you are is overwhelmed by the whole thing. This is a natural emotion to say the least because things have gotten out of control.

You do not mention that you have talked to the bride about this or if its even possible.

Me personnally would bow out of some part. I would say something along these lines.

I am so glad to be a part of your plans however, with all the changes going on I just don't see that I have the time to make so.. many cupcakes and cutting cake and give it the attention it needs.

Hope this helps

and also bow out of the stag and stagette parties.

enough is enough and you've already are doing more than enough.

I am the oldest of six siblings. 5 girls and 1 brother. Big Catholic family with lots of cousins on both sides.

Ironically ..... I have NEVER been a bridesmaid or part of any wedding party in my entire life. The only 2 weddings I have been in, I played the part of the bride.

And when I read stories like this, I just wipe my forehead and say, "Whew!!!"

It's ok to say "no", darlin'.

I would be honest, I would just say "Thanks for the invite but I really can't make the stagette. We're already out so much money for the wedding and the cake that I have to pass."

I would mention the money. I think sometimes people forget that "their" stuff effects you on more than just a time level. I would not however ask hubby to miss his brothers stag. That's just too important.

I hate it when someone "asks" me to throw a shower. I think it's kind of tacky. If a person doesn't offer its because either they can't or they don't want to. Either way I'd rather they not do my shower if that's the case. .

I dont have many rules in life, but, the 2 I never bend have served me well:

No babysitting ( I have no siblings, so it would, and has, only apply to friends' children)
&
No weddings ( i will happily attend, but not be a participant)

without the backstories, it may sound selfish, but, not only has it served me well, it has kept me sane, not to mention happy!!

I agree whole heartedly with Indydebi, its ok to say "no" darlin'.

I know that I could of said no before but it was just a couple small things then it wasn't anymore and now it is too late. I think I may bow out of helping with the stagette for sure. I did send her a message after posting this saying I was beginning to stress out a bit and she offered to pay for half the junior bridesmaids dress and I guess they are paying for the flower girl dresses. Which does help but only by about $100 and that is pennies in comparison. The good thing is is that I have 3 sisters and two are already married and I didn't have to do a thing Thank you all for listening and I appreciate all the advice and understanding.