Am I Right In Doing This Re-Wedding Cake For Brother In Law

Decorating By princesssalamander Updated 30 Jul 2010 , 2:10am by margaretb

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princesssalamander Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 9:35am
post #1 of 9

bil is getting married Saturday. Mil and Fil have spent ages making a fruit cake wedding cake for them (it's tradition) and I know how proud they are of it! However, bil asked me to make a sponge for the kids etc who don't like fruit cake. I said ok, no problem, I'll just do a small sponge, cover it in white icing, no decorations...bu he said to make it pretty and it can go on the cake table. Now, I'm not being funny, but I feel that mil and fil would be upset if they've spent ages making this cake (they ONLY bake for family weddings) and then I go and knock one up in a couple of days and put it next to it. I have spoken to my DH and I have told him I'll stick to my original plan, to just ice it in white. Bride and groom are a pain to get hold of, but I'm sure they'll see sense tehyre just a bit carried away lol

What would you do?

8 replies
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artscallion Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 11:11am
post #2 of 9

Wait...It's his wedding. You already suggested doing it in plain white and he said no. But you're going to ignore the the groom, who is essentially your client, and do what you want anyway? Your motives may be good, and your instincts correct. But it's his wedding and his decision. And ignoring his specific directions, because you think you know better, sounds like a really bad idea to me, especially if you can't reach him and plan on surprising him with this change on the spot.

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yums Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 11:25am
post #3 of 9

I agree with Arts. I think you should do as the groom asks or you shouldn't have agreed to do it if you didn't feel comfortable. It doesn't have to be a huge production, but I wouldn't want my guests to see just a plain white cake sitting there either. i can't imagine no one has said anything to the in-laws about your cake being there to. Make them a beautiful cake and be proud!

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cakes47 Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 11:35am
post #4 of 9

Decorate the cake as the client requested whether or not you're charging him.
It's their wedding, not yours.

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indydebi Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 11:36am
post #5 of 9

I think you are pretty awesome to be considerate of all of the work mom and dad have done on the traditional cake and how you don't want to take the spotlight off of all of the work they've invested in this. thumbs_up.gif

If it were me, I'd talk to the groom and really reiterate to him your concerns and that it would be more "proper" not to one-up the main wedding cake. I'm not sure what I would do if he refuses to see the etiquette in this, but I'd give it a shot to try to convince him.

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jillmakescakes Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 5:12pm
post #6 of 9

ok, so I may be missing something, but why don't you just ask the MIL and FIL how they feel about it? Or just let them know that he asked you to make something? I'm sure that they will see that he didn't want to put too much on them and was just trying to share the cake-making-love around.

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catlharper Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 5:52pm
post #7 of 9

I would call the MIL/FIL and say that the client had ordered a simple sponge cake and wants to set it on the cake table next to their amazing cake. You wanted to make sure you were not stepping on anyone's toes by doing this for him. Then decorate the cake up fitting a cake table display. This way you don't sabotage the MIL/FIL by just showing up with one, you have spoken to them about the grooms wishes AND you give the groom the decorative cake he desires. Now, playing Devil's Advocate here, what if the MIL/FIL are insulted and say NO WAY are you displaying that cake near their cake? You agree with them and let them know that you will let the groom know their preference and maybe you can put this sponge cake on another food table to respect their wishes. Then do so.


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Peridot Posted 29 Jul 2010 , 6:43pm
post #8 of 9

I would also check with the MIL/FIL or have your BIL talk to them since it was his idea. You don't need to be caught in the middle of this. If they are against having your cake next to theirs or don't want one at all then that is something that your BIL needs to talk to them about.

Yes, this is his wedding but there are feelings at stake here and things like this can get out of control and feelings hurt and it doesn't go away and then there is always the underlying friction that something like this can cause. You know how families are and family traditions.

If it were me I would not do the cake unless BIL taked to the FIL/MIL and got the ok. Where is the bride in all of this? Dosn't give you a lot of time if the wedding is this Saturday. Then just do the cake with the plain icing and tell BIL why.

Let us know what you decide.

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margaretb Posted 30 Jul 2010 , 2:10am
post #9 of 9

Do the inlaws decorate their cake, or do they do it because they make a delicious rich fruit cake? To me, it sounds like two different kinds of cake -- fun decorated regular cake and traditional rich fruitcake -- not a wedding cake competition. But I also suggest talking to the inlaws first just to give them a heads up.

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