Oh for sure! And back in the day when someone pulled the belt off and beat you it was considered discipline. Trust me... I believe in discipline but there is a right way and wrong way to do it. Kids learn from example and it sometimes just becomes a ugly circle that is never ending.
wow, thanks for sharing the stories, everyone! I may have lived a somewhat 'sheltered' life .... in a small town of 30,000 everyone knows everyone and sitter recommendations are easy to get from friends co-workers, etc.
appreciate the eye-opening stories.
Well I have worked in 3 daycares and most of my girl friends have also worked in a daycare or two and the horror stories we have about the way kids are treated. I was always in the baby room, toddler room or 2 year old room- teachers would not only pop kids for being bad, they would take them by the hand and crack their knuckles one by one to punish them and they would even go so far as to ask one of the other teachers to look and see if any parents were coming so they could do this without getting caught. They gave kids Tabasco sauce 1. if they were bad, or 2. because they thought it was funny to watch the kids freak out about how hot it was. One teacher constantly told the kids to "shut up" and grab them up by their arms. One time a teacher smacked a kid and the parent saw her do it and they went to the director and all the director did was write up the teacher! She still worked there for 6 years, and when other employees threatened to (or did) call DSS on the daycare they fired them! Plus one of the daycares had cameras and when I told the director this was going on nothing was done about it! I will NEVER put my babies in daycare, ever. I can totally understand why people are scared about babysitters, because to the parents these teachers act like they LOVE the babies and I'm sure the parents could never imagine that these girls/ladies would be doing what they are!
Debi,
Ive got 2 instances just involving my 14 yr old brother in the last 3 weeks.
1) We dropped him off at a friends house in the afternoon, the girls parents were supposed to bring him home by 8pm. 8:30 we call, he says he's on his way home, 9:30 I get a call (my mom had to leave to go to work to do inventory), the girls dad had been pulled over for a broken taillight & arrested for driving on a suspended license. I had to go & pick up my brother. The parents should have told us "oh, husband doesnt have a license, so can you pick up the kid", we would have been happy to. I was major ticked they had such poor judgement to put my brother in a car with someone who really didnt have a license!
2) My same brother spent the night at a friends house this past Tuesday. My mom tells the parents that my brother isnt allowed outside after 10pm. Well, 4:30 in the morning my mom gets a wake up call to pick up my brother & friend from Mcdonalds. the friend told my mom that his dad was threatening his life, ect...mom brings them home, they go to bed. 7:30 doorbell rings, my hubby goes out there, and it's the kids dad, apparently the 15 yr old kid took the dads car out for a ride & hit a pole, leaving my brother to sit in his bedroom. Not a house he's allowed to go over to anymore. They cant keep control over there kid, they obviously shouldnt have friends spend the night.
.... My son just turned 10 and had his 1st sleep over at OUR house! .....
i find it ironic that you dont trust other people with your child but you expect them to trust you
..... when I picked them up, my 10 yr old told me ......
im pretty sure your kids are good kids but do you really expect your children to be 100% honest and if she was behaving this way, what was your children doing that was so disruptive that required (albiet misplaced form of) disapline
as a non parent i know its very easy for me to sit back and comment but ive been an aunt and babysitter for over 30yrs now(i became and aunt when i was 10) and unless something is broken, bleeding or on fire im pretty much unfazed by what kids have to throw at me and to be honest, i have a GREAT relationship with my siblings children (aged 31yrs to 13yrs)
kids are kids the world over, they can be good and unruley, hyper or moody but they can also be manulipalative and if they know they have you over a barrell emotionally they will play you - doesnt make them bad, makes them normal but i believe there is a time and place and a adult meeting where details, money, design and plans etc are being discussed isnt the place for children in my books.
i will repeat my earlier post though - my siblings had myself and nannas to depend on for childcare and this is continuing with my 17 niece babysitting my great nephew last week and i think it sad these days that there isnt the extended family trust & reliability there use to be
i find it ironic that you dont trust other people with your child but you expect them to trust you
True! You do have a good point!
i find it ironic that you dont trust other people with your child but you expect them to trust you
True! You do have a good point!
totally understand how you feel btw... it was MUCH easier when we were kids. growing up the rule was as long as you were home by night fall it was ok, these days you dont want the kids playing in the unfenced front yard... times have def changed
Where I live, neighbors just are not friendly. It is sad to say, but I have lived in my house for 10 years, A DECADE, and only know one of my neightbors and she does not seem to have an interest in being friends. I never even see people going in and out of their house. It is a terrible neightborhood in respect to friendliness. Unfortunately, I can't move. But I would if I could! It is sad to not even know a neighbor in case of emergency. If I could afford to use a sitter service, that would certainly be an option, because I would feel like they were screened ( although sometimes that means nothing). But I would feel extremely uncomfortable using a total stranger. When I was little and my parents had things to do, they left me with my Grandma. My mother passed when my first one was 4 months old, dad got remarried to someone younger a few months later, and never looked back. My husbands family is all in England. So we are alone. That is why I either, don't go anywhere, or grit my teeth and bring my kids. Even grocery shopping is a pain!
i find it ironic that you dont trust other people with your child but you expect them to trust you
True! You do have a good point!
totally understand how you feel btw... it was MUCH easier when we were kids. growing up the rule was as long as you were home by night fall it was ok, these days you dont want the kids playing in the unfenced front yard... times have def changed
a couple of weeks ago, the kids were playing out front (8,10,12 & 14), a car came by asking if they wanted candy, my 12 yr old brother actually took a piece! My 10 yr old came inside to get my husband, but they were gone before he got out there, later that evening, a mom up the street told me they approached her little ones also, I think they are around 4 & 6. Very terrifying world we live in.
totally understand how you feel btw... it was MUCH easier when we were kids. growing up the rule was as long as you were home by night fall it was ok, these days you dont want the kids playing in the unfenced front yard... times have def changed
Funny that you should say that.. we live in a fairly new neighborhood, great school district, nice neighbors. However, we live on a corner lot that adjoins another neighborhood and its quite busy. Our kids have never been allowed to play in the front yard or in the streets. After about a year of living here my cousin decides to look up sex offenders in our area. WELL.. you know where this is going.. there is one guy that lives at the front of our neighborhood and several in the surrounding immediate areas. Definitely scary times we live in!
For the OP -
In the future I would politely tell the bride before she comes to the tasting that she needs to arrange childcare. If, after she's been told, she happens to show up with kid(s) in tow, there is nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry, it looks like we will need to reschedule for a time when you get a babysitter."
If she gets upset or doesn't hire you to make the cake, then so be it.
Where I live, neighbors just are not friendly. It is sad to say, but I have lived in my house for 10 years, A DECADE, and only know one of my neighbors and she does not seem to have an interest in being friends.
This seems like a foreign concept to me. From 06 to present, I have moved 3 times, but at each place I lived, I knew at least one of my neighbors. We weren't the best of friends, but we would speak to each other.
That is why I either, don't go anywhere, or grit my teeth and bring my kids. Even grocery shopping is a pain!
For my sister, my nephews (8, 5, 3) act like they lost their minds, but when they are with me or we are together, people have actually complemented us on their behavior. Even at a restaurant, the server was glad to see us.
I don't mind too much when they bring kids. Sometimes its a little annoying but I figure if I get the order, well I only had to put up with it for an hour or less and they have to go home with the kid. haha.
We don't have family around but occasionally we get a sitter if we have to. I prefer adults because I have four boys and they will know what to pull on a teenager...haha...but they respect adults much better. My boys are taught to obey and do right but on the other hand they are...four boys...ages 2.5, 5, 7, and 9 so they can be a handful even when they are being good. So we try not to use babysitters too often.
That said I don't like taking them very many places just because its a distraction...usually we try to arrange things so that one of us is home with the kids and one of us is out doing whatever needs to be done. Sometimes we go out as a family but never to a meeting or anything like that. (Oh and my kids are not socially backward...they talk to anyone and everyone...but then they grew up in church, and church nurseries and sunday school classes and such so that helps alot!)
I just try to remember that everyone has a different background and different beliefs and ideas and while sometimes them bringing kids may be rude, I can just make the best of it and do MY job, which is to make them a cake. Actually the kids that have annoyed me the most, to date, are the bar/bat mitzvah ones....because the parents want them to help design their cake and they couldn't care less and would rather text on their phone or whatever else and so there is way too much "family dialogue" going on when they should be ordering their cake. haha. I have been appalled at some of the disrespect from those kids, when their parent is about to spend $800 on a cake and they act like its a drudgery. Spoiled brats! haha.
But hey....again...I only gotta deal for an hour. 
Its their problem, not mine!
Indeby,
I have a daughter that has a generalized anxiety disorder and I am the only person she will allow to watch her 2 daughters (4&7). She worries constantly about something happening to her girls and there is nothing I can say to her that makes her worry less. Even when I have my grand daughters she calls me every few hours to make sure everything is okay. With all the bad things happening in our society these days I'm surprised anyone lets their kids out of the house at all. Certainly not like when we were growing up.
I actually had a tasting the other day that a two-year old attended (daughter of the bride's sister) and I was not aware that I was going to have a kid there. They fed her cake and stuff too....I didn't know how to handle it actually...I have in my tasting policy that two people is free then each additional person is $7 because I'm small and can't bake as much, etc. - they had bride, mother of the bride, sister and two-year old. I did not charge $7 for the kid even though they fed her cake...should I have? I did charge $7 for the one extra person....should I add something about "don't bring kids"?
Child abuse is not more rampant now than 'before'. People are just so much more aware of the problem.
Yeah, if we had had nannycams "back then" I'm sure we'd have seen just as much abuse. People are more willing to talk about it now, too.
Agree 100%. It's always been around. My mum talks about the local 'perv' who tried to look up her skirt when she was 6. She also had a stepfather who went after her... Where I grew up there were guys you just didn't go near when you were out on your bike with your friends. We all knew it - there just wasn't a name for it.
I try to keep perspective and allow my kids some freedom. I do feel it's important, however hard it might be.
Back to the subject, I've had one appointment where the couple turned up with a child (boy of around 7). He was very well-behaved and the bride actually emailed me after to say how pleased she was that I included him in the discussion, as it was a second marriage and the boy was struggling with the concept of his mother re-marrying. She felt that including him in the wedding planning would help him accept the new husband.
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