You Just Ice Cakes. You Must Be In Lala Land (Vent).

Decorating By kiwigal81 Updated 10 Mar 2010 , 8:30am by kiwigal81

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kiwigal81 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 4:35am
post #1 of 31

Just wanting to vent here. I've studied at degree level. The plan was to finish off with teaching, do it part time, and try to get good enough to have a cake business. After years of trying and searching, I have fallen madly, truly in love with cakes. I believe that with passion and commitment, I can do it, not to mention there are not many around our area, and none south of here. And some are good, but some just...ok. So anyhow, my mum knows this. But she said today that I have to do the teaching because I'm living in lala land if I think I can just ice cakes for a living.

It's not lala land: people do.
And it's not 'just icing a cake'.
I know that in mother speak, she was really saying "I want you to have a stable, regular income and financial stability, as is offered by teaching. Financial security and not paying thousands in rent (that's what set her off, someone worked out what this acquaintance spent in rent over the last decade) because you can get your own house for when you are old is more important than doing a job you love, which would involve cakes"
But still icon_sad.gificon_sad.gif

Just wanted to vent somewhere people would understand.
There's a term that applies here: dream stealers.

30 replies
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bennett5 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 4:44am
post #2 of 31

Follow your heart and tell your mom that you Love her for caring so deeply for you...

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noahsmummy Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 5:00am
post #3 of 31

well; my grandparents made a living from it. did well enough to put 5 kids through private schooling.. so im pretty sure they did ok!!!!!

do what you want to do. its your life and you have to do what makes you happy. If caking doesnt work out for you for whatever reason, then you always have teaching to fall back on! better still; you can be a cake teacher! lol.

truly; i believe to be happy in this life you need to listen to YOURSELF and do what makes YOU happy. Sure, listen to others people opinions and advice but like i say, in the end it is your life; therefore only YOU have the rights to make decions over what YOU do.

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robyndmy Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 5:21am
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I won't steal your dream; I think you can definitely 'ice cakes' for a living!!

And it sounds like you know it too, good for you! Keep following your dream hon!!

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chrissypie Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 5:44am
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I am sure there are a million stories, but here is my two cents. I didn't follow my dreams, I listened to the guilt my mom placed on me, and was completely miserable. 15 years later, I still haven't found what I'm looking for, as they say. The time to do it is now, before life gets in the way. Best of luck to you!

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indydebi Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:17am
post #6 of 31

next family gathering, take two cakes. One is for the whole family, your best decorating job ever.

The other one is just butter-knife iced, no decor, no borders. use canned icing if you want. hand it to mom and tell her, "oh no, mom. THIS cake is for you."

After the appropriate "surprise" reaction, you get to point out "YOUR cake is done by someone who "just ices cakes". THIS cake (fancy decorated one) is what *I* do." icon_twisted.gif

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Evoir Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:40am
post #7 of 31

Kiwigal - please, please, PLEASE follow your passion!!!

I caved into family pressure (all well-intentioned, all wanting me to become financially secure etc) and became degree-qualified also and even worked professionally in this career for over a decade. Its only NOW, approaching the big 4-oh, that I have decided to follow my bliss and do what truly satisfies me. I HATE that I was forced to neglect my creative side and my perfectionist tendencies went to waste.

Looking back, yes, I do have the house and security now, and in part that is WHY I can set up my business the way I want it and work the hours I want to...but I must say it is your LIFE we're talking about. This is not a dress rehearsal. Do not waste a single moment doing something that does not satisfy who and what you are!!

Who is to say that you try caking as a career, and in 15 years you think "Gee - I'd like to teach". Guess what? No-one can stop you then, either! Just follow your heart. Success will follow.

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minicuppie Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 10:10am
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I am sad that you have such little respect for the woman who nurtured you. Dream stealer? She probably had many of her own dreams that were put on hold to nurture you. Maybe you could ask her sometime....

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noahsmummy Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 10:18am
post #9 of 31
Originally Posted by minicuppie

I am sad that you have such little respect for the woman who nurtured you. Dream stealer? She probably had many of her own dreams that were put on hold to nurture you. Maybe you could ask her sometime....

i dont agree with that comment what so ever. The OP was obviously frustrated with her mother at the time and needed to vent. doing this does NOT mean she disrespects her mother.

Its awfully presumptuous of you to post that comment. We have no idea of the OP's relationship with her mother. A comment like that is only going to send someone on an unnecessary guilt trip.

Kiwigal; chase your dreams & follow your heart.

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indydebi Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 10:48am
post #10 of 31
Originally Posted by Evoir

Who is to say that you try caking as a career, and in 15 years you think "Gee - I'd like to teach". Guess what? No-one can stop you then, either! Just follow your heart. Success will follow.

that's exactly what I'm doing now! I did caking and catering for 30 years. circumstances changes and now I'm in school to get my teaching degree. I'm 50. It's never too late.

But dont' wait until you're 50! Enjoy every single moment.

My sister is 49 and just diagnosed with terminal cancer. I'm serious. Dont' waste a second. as someone said above and it's so true: this is NOT a dress rehearsal. you get one shot and you've no idea how long your moment on stage will be.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we're LIVE (on saturday night!)!

And I totally agree with noahsmummy. Just because someone gave birth to you, doesnt' automatically make them a "good mom". And one comment in a venting thread doesnt' mean they have a horrible relationship.

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MnSnow Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 1:02pm
post #11 of 31

Thi is kind of "tongue in cheek"....

Teach cake decorating! LOL
The best of both

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littlecake Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 1:30pm
post #12 of 31

i "ice cakes" for a living....everything i have is paid for including my business.

BTW being able to ice cakes an artform in itself...MOM!

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jewels710 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 1:53pm
post #13 of 31


I have to say, not sure if you caught me at just the right moment or what but as I read this thread this morning I sat here with tears in my eyes because I too want to be that person who does something I love and enjoy but I don't...or can't.
Yes, I graduated college(with a degree that has nothing to do with food), bought the house and have made a home for my children. I am lucky and very grateful for what I have, don't get me wrong. I count my blessings daily. However, circumstances have made me the breadwinner of the family now and I cannot just drop everything to pursue my dreams. The someday I dream of seems in reality likely to never happen.
I say this because IF you have the ability to do what you LOVE, DO IT.
If you love it, you will never regret a moment of it.
Who ever said that "icing cakes" will never give you your retirement home?
Yes, we all have our share of life responsibilities, but one of those responsibilities is to ourselves.
Your own happiness will never be a bad investment.
A life enjoyed is never a waste.

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kiwigal81 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:11pm
post #14 of 31

Thank you all for your support. I must say, I am heartened by the understanding you have (all but one) shown. I don't want to find myself in that position, having to stay in a job that isn't my passion and watching life go by.
And you are so right Deb, look at you! The other way around!

To the poster who thinks it's disrespectful of me to say this: you are one odd cat! Did you not see that I can see the love behind her comments? Actually, logic argues the opposite: if I DID lack respect for my mum, then I wouldn't give a toss what she thinks, but it is because she has so much of my love and respect, because of the wonderful person she is, not simply by virtue of being my mother, that it matters to me what she says. And yes, I have asked her. I know some of the regrets she lives with and I an eternally grateful for that, but none of them are to do with career. She never had those dreams, just went with what was going. But that doesn't mean that everything she says is always nice. As I said, that's a unique thought process you have there.

That aside, it's lovely to hear from people who are doing it, have done it, and are in the same position as me. I feel better about it all reading of this support.

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kiwigal81 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:25pm
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And Deb icon_lol.gificon_cry.gificon_lol.gificon_cry.gificon_lol.gificon_cry.gificon_lol.gificon_cry.gif

I can see it now. Yep, 'Just' iced wouldn't cut it huh?

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keonicakes Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:37pm
post #16 of 31

Follow your heart and do what you love. I think Mum will be happy knowing your happy.
Should you ever get "burnt out" you always have your teaching career to fall back on.
I understand your frustration, but you must do what is right for you. Not what someone else thinks is right for you.

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Narie Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 8:55pm
post #17 of 31

Cake decorating vs. teaching

Cake decorating - works independently, enjoys fine detail, has a good business sense- understands the over head costs, has strong artistic background, comfortable dealing with cranky customers.

Teaching - intellectually curious, enjoys showing others how to do things, likes being in charge, works well as a part of a group, self-confident, good at following directions but even better at creating new and clearer directions, really likes people even the ones who drive you nuts.

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revel Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 9:25pm
post #18 of 31

If you were my daughter..and you were close to finishing schooling i would want you to finish. That being said...What if you did the teaching until you had enough money saved to open a shop? Or would you be able to have a home business until your clientele built up?
That would also give you time for learning how to run a business, Also if the cake business didn't work out you'd have the teaching to fall back on.
How's that for a mom's advice?

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minicuppie Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 10:03pm
post #19 of 31

I don't apoligise for my comment, but I do see that my words were a bit harsh. I am probably a LOT older that most of the posters here and put 2 kids thru Med School on a single mom's wages. I did have some dreams that had to be put in a box in the closet and it is way too late to chase them now. That aside...both kids are up and running in their chosen fields, have married and given me a passle of healthy grandkids. Am I resentful? Not one bit. That's what moms are for.

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kiwigal81 Posted 6 Mar 2010 , 11:57pm
post #20 of 31

Narie: all that is true, and I am more temperamentally suited to cakes than teaching.

But Revel, that *is* very sound advice, and what I would tell my kids too. I think that is a good idea. I thought about maybe relief teaching (loads of work all the time, never dries up) because after 3 years of study, it will take only one more year to complete my education. It was more that I was hurt by the 'lala land' comment, because I don't think that it will be easy, but I also don't think that my dream is silly or unrealistic in the long run.

Minicuppie: you have achieved something great for your kids, and you should be really happy with what you have given them, that is awesome. I'm a mum too, of three, and gave up lots of dreams before this. There was another job that I thought I would have, believed and wanted it with all my heart since I was a child, but it wasn't good for a mum of kids (the cops, and they tend to get a rough go of it here, especially lately). I don't resent this either, because it *is* what mums do, and I chose to have them. But I didn't think decorating cakes was too left of centre, too odd to be totally written off. I wasn't saying right now, or next year, I was saying to her one day, bolstered by relief teaching, and I thought that was a reasonable goal. No matter how old you get, you always want the support of your best mates, who are my husband and mum. It was more that she didn't think it was a possibility, ever, and diminished the job and skill involved to 'just icing cakes'.

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kiwigal81 Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 12:15am
post #21 of 31

I think I see where you are coming from with the 'put kids through their education'. That is not typical here, pretty much unheard of. Mum didn't, I have my own student loan. If she did, it might be a little different.

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noahsmummy Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 12:32am
post #22 of 31

Same in australia; we pay our own way through uni here as well. and also i think every mother has made sacrifices, especially regarding there careers. i wanted to be a personal trainer, but with the hours they work ( early mornings/ late nights) its just not possible, i made the decision to become a mum and i know that there are sacrifices that come with that. As all mothers do.

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Narie Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 3:03am
post #23 of 31

Kiwigal- finish the last year and get your license (or whatever so you can teach) never slam a door shut. Then go for cake decorating.

Personally, I loved teaching for 30 years. If I still had the strength and energy, I would return to the classroom in a flash. I would have ripped my hair out if I had to decorate cakes for a living. Several other teachers tried to get me to bake for them. As I told them, you couldn't pay enough.

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Adevag Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 3:10am
post #24 of 31

Lots of great advice! If you picture yourself in the future, looking back at your life, what would you want it to be?
I don't think it is ever good to do anything just to please somebody else (not saying anything bad about you mom, because I know that she means well). But if you want to still have a degree as a safety net to fall back on in case something would go wrong, maybe you could study something business related. It would benefit a future cake business and/or if you would need an extra job in the beginning it would make that easier as well.

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TheDomesticDiva Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 4:00am
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Has she seen what you're capable of doing?? I ask this, because I know when I told my 70 year old grandmother that I was opening a bakery, she told me flat out, "That's nice baby, but you REALLY need to go to school to be a nurse or a teacher; you just can't make any money doing cakes, and you need to have something to fall back on should something happen. You need to just forget that." The fact of the matter was, when she heard "I'm decorating cakes", she thought of the ladies at the local grocery store, barely scraping by on minimum wage and piping happy birthday. What she said to me was harsh, but dead honest from her point of view. She just worried for me, and like your mom, thought that having a job that was dependable for a good, steady income, and that would be available no matter where life takes me, far outweighed having a job that was fun. .... I thanked her for her honesty and told her that she really might be right, but I felt that it was something I really wanted to give a try, and if in the future it didnt pan out, I would go to college, for something respectable (hehe). ...Anyway, fast forward a year and she's my biggest fan!! I sent her some photos of some cakes I did, and she called me just AMAZED. She couldnt believe it was cake. Case in point, not everyone automatically sees the vision you have in your head when you say "I want to decorate cakes."

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MelissaAnn84 Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 4:01am
post #26 of 31

I dont think that becoming a mom mean you have to put your dreams on hold at all. Im fact, quite the opposite. I didn't have dreams until i had kids. as cheesy as that may sound, i did not get a post-secondary education, i am not married, and i have 2 daughters both under the age of 2. I also recently enrolled in culinary school with dreams of running a catering/event planning company, and have never felt as though i was standing on more solid ground.

Here is a prime examples of someone just like you: my sister, she has a law degree, but stuggles financially right now getting her photography business up and running. She is following her passion but with something to fall back on, and she is happy as can be!

With careful planning and realistic goal setting, you can achieve your dream of "icing cakes" for a living!

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Evoir Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 6:15am
post #27 of 31

Some great advice and perspectives here, Kiwigal. I am interested to read how other people have had similar experiences as me in pushing aside the stuff we love to do for the stuff we HAVE to do (for whatever reason). Before I surrendered 100% to cake decorating, I had also tried doing it as a hobby, whilst doing other things. I HAD to stop working in my degree-qualified field due to health reasons, and one of the things I tried was becoming an accredited trainer/teacher and teaching adult learners and undergraduates. Even that, while more acceptable to my Mum and family, was not making me really fulfilled.

I think its good to know also that apparently MOST people have a career or job change (they estimate) THREE times on average! So there is nothing wrong with changing stream icon_smile.gif I think for me, the main point of deciding in what do with YOUR life is choosing what is best for YOU. Its YOUR life. As a mother also, I know that with my own children all I want for them is to follow their dreams and to be content in their lives. I adore my own mother as well, but even so, I really never want my children to feel the guilt and duress I felt when I was a late teen in choosing a career which was 'appropriate for my intellect'.

Denying an artistic bent, when you have one, is terribly sad for the soul. And you know, anyone who does what they do well, and who loves what they do, WILL make enough money from it. For me, it ceases to be work, even though I don't think I have ever been busier!

I really hope you can make your dream come to life, even if it is gradually as you finish your degree and get some prac experience under your belt. I love the idea of you doing temp work...I think it is an ideal way of setting yourself up just the way you want to icon_smile.gif

All the best - and please keep posting on your progress with your career!

- Eve

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EvMarie Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 6:48am
post #28 of 31

Oh boy - if I would have done what my heart desired...I'd have been a back up dancer for Janet Jackson!!!

I'm sure all the mom's are cringing! Ha. But, to please the parentals I got an Accounting degree. I spent about 10 years in that field and then "ran from the cubicle". I have a unique opportunity to change careers with out being completely broke. So, now it is a struggle somewhat but I am moving slowly and strongly toward what I have always been interested in. (cookies - specialty and now decorated cut outs)

I think we are meant to use our talents & the rest just falls into place. Mom's are people. Most of the time, they try their best....but, they are just people. I like to live with my heart and check in with my brain every so often. It's easy to get dreamy eyed and go down an unwise path. But, everyone has their own "car to drive".

Be still, tune into yourself & have a fulfilled life. Your mom will for sure be proud of that!

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kiwigal81 Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 8:14am
post #29 of 31

I am filled with gratitude.
I took a cake to my nephew, and my sister loved it, made me smile (he is a *real* teenager and doesn't speak anymore lol).

Yes, jobs appropriate for your intellect huh? Love that idea icon_confused.gif I know that I am very lucky, I am academically skilled, but it's not where my heart is. I am so appreciative of this support, that I can take the practical steps so as to have money in the meantime, knowing that you guys don't think me mad for having a dream.

I wish I could hug you all, sounds really corn, but it just warms me.

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minicuppie Posted 7 Mar 2010 , 12:47pm
post #30 of 31

I got married in my first year of nursing school and went ahead and finished . I am glad I did for it did allow for a good lifestyle even after hubs#1 disappeared from the scene. When it came time for college tuition for the kids, I made too much for them to get most grants and student loans. I was lucky as they were both able to live at home for the undergrad years and that was a huge help. Ok don't laugh...I baked and decorated and sold wedding cakes and holiday treats for extra money while working 12 hour nite shifts as a Midwife. I still do wedding cakes for a select amt of family and friends. They also pay full price...I trained them long ago that I don't do discounts. MY DREAM? Marine biologist.

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