I got all of those negative comments too. I was really disappointed in some of my co-workers who made remarks like, "You'll be bored, you need the challenge...". They actually asked what I would do all day. I never realized they looked down on stay at home women until they said those things. Truthfully, it was hard at first, but you learn quickly that there's plenty to do at home. Strangely enough, my male friends at work totally supported my decision and a few even said my husband was lucky that I would leave work for my family. It was the women who made thought it was the wrong thing to do. I still get calls from them asking if I'm ready to come back to work. They really believe I won't be successful at home.

Not only is a degree like money in the bank, even if you never returned to a paying job, you accomplished finishing college and you had the experience of learning. That's never a waste.

You know, you reminded me of that too. The men admire the fact that I was doing this...

Actually, my immediate supervisor advised me to go ahead and do it. That his wife had done it too and they never regreted it. Also, the manager said that he admired me for taking this decision and that he totally supported me.

I get so tired of hearing people say things like that. Being a SAHM is tough. At first I didn't feel challenged but now I don't feel that way.

I have even had people tell me that I shouldn't be stressed at times because I just stay home. I guess they really do think we just sit around and eat bom boms and watch soaps all day long. Let them try it for a few weeks and see if they get stressed. It is just a different type of stress.

I have started doing a suduko puzzle ever day to give me a little mental challenge - LOL.

cakemommy, I was just at the dr.'s office yesterday about my anxiety disorder (performance, not generalized). He finally talked me into supplementing my meds with counseling/therapy. I don't want to rely on the pills any more. Maybe you've already tried the counseling?[/quote]

I started seeing a counselor approx a month before my mother died back in 2002. Ironically this is when my now four year old was three months old and just had open heart surgery. I had a huge amount of stressors in such a short amount of time. My mother died before my third meeting with the psychologist!!! That is when I asked for meds. Something to help me chill out. I'm such a horrible type A, show me a mother who isn't. If you're out there HELP ME!!!! I also have a mild case of OCD. Anyway, I was on Paxil for a year and that the libido so I tried Welbutrin. That alone didn't seem to be doing the trick so about a year ago I was put on a twice daily dose of Welbutrin and a very low dose of Prozac. Neither of which seem to work for me any more!!!! I wish I hadn't started taking meds. I truely hoped they would help me with how stressed out and furious I get over the most mundane things. Especially all the yelling I do at my kids. I know they are still learning but my gosh I just don't have the patience any more.

I wonder just how many SAHM are on a medication of some sort!!!! I bet the statistics would be surprising.


Amy

cakemommy

Yes, I have read the Navy wife poem. My cousin sent one to my husband when he was in Iraq about military children. Have you seen that one?

You know, I don't think I have. I'll have to look that one up!

Before my husbands first cruise he bought me a plaque called "The Homecoming"! It's so fitting now that we have children! He had inscribed "Amy, keep the faith." Have it hanging in my hallway to look at every day!


Amy

cakemommy

What does your husband do in the Navy? How long has he been in? Mine is a nurse - has been in a total of 19 years (9 was Army National Guard and 10 is Navy). Can't wait till he retires! We have somewhere between 6-9 years!

This site has some great poems and tributes. Maybe you've already seen it.

http://www.thedeckplate.com/tributes.htm

cakemommy,
You had a lot of stressors piled on you all at once, as if raising the children isn't enough hard work. I'm sorry you are struggling. We mothers sometimes have a tendency to worry about everyone else and not take care of ourselves enough. It can be difficult to find the correct medication, since there are so many out there. It can be hard to find the right therapist. Keep trying until you find the correct mixture of the two and don't get discouraged if it takes a while. Meanwhile, I know it sounds corny, but I believe it's true - we are only given trials that we can successfully endure and no more than what we can handle.

j9morabit:

Thank you for that website. I hadn't seen a few of these. I only had a chance to read a few but saved it in my favorites to go back and read more. Thanks again!

Ann

Thank you for the site!!! The Military Spouse is another one that just makes me ball!!!!! Because it is so true! No one can possibly no unless they have been in our shoes or are connected to one on a personal level!!!

I wish there were a miracle drug for SAHM! I really do. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to freeze time for like five minutes or longer. With the snap of our fingers we could have inner peace during a chaotic moment! AHHHHH!!!!! I wish!!!


Amy

Have you seen "Click"? Adam Sandler has a remote control that he can rewind or fast forward time. Sometimes I wish I had one. I would especially use the mute function quite often, I think.

Yes it would be so nice if there was something we could do to stop time to be able take a breath. I think my 3 year old has more energy as the day goes. Just hang in there all you SAHM's - one day our kids will appreciate us that we were home with them - at least that is what I keep telling my self when my daughters act up! We are making a difference!!!!!!!

You're right about that. I didn't appreciate my parents while I was young. I sure do now. I can't believe I did everything I could to get out of spending time with the family. Now I can't get enough of their time and company. One day...

You are right! I sure do appreciate everything my mom and dad did for me.

What could possibly be more challenging than being a SAHM? I have 3 boys - 10, almost 9, almost 6. Thank goodness the youngest started kindergarten this year! I adore my boys, but I'm very glad to have a few hours to myself once in a while. With PTA, church, Cub Scouts, Science Fair, chores, homework, I volunteer at school, I am never bored.

I also have a rule: anyone who is bored at my house gets assigned chores! I never hear "I'm bored!" anymore - there is always something that needs to be done. The flower beds cleaned, dog poop picked up, trash taken out, laundry sorted, folded, etc. I know - I'm a mean mom!

I would love to be able to be a stay at home mom.
I do enjoy my job, but I really enjoy and savor the days I get to stay home and take son to school, etc.

My husband's cousin once made the comment that she couldn't figure out what there would be to do at home all day. I couldn't quite figure that out since she had kids when she said it.
I stay home with my children, I'm hoping the cake stuff will take off enough for me to be home until they're old enough to watch themselves, I don't know what I'd do with them in the summer.

As an Army brat I can tell you that it's my belief that the children are best off with the non military spouse being home full time. It's a very tough life on kids even when there isn't a war because parents are often gone for other things, my dad was gone about half my childhood not counting the field and TDY.
There are books, web sites and even a documentary done by brats that military parents might want to look into to help understand the kids point of view.[/img]

I'm an AF brat so I know exactly what it's like to grow up moving around and to have a dad gone all the time. My dad missed quite a bit of my childhood what with three tours in Vietnam. Not to mention all the TDY's! It sucked making friends and then moving a few years later only to keep up by letter for a few months or years and then to have it all stop. I've kept in contact with one girlfriend of mine since we met in the 7th grade. Mind you we both graduated HS in '90! We've spent more time apart than together. We both have our own families and we keep in contact all the time now. Thank goodness for email now! She lives in MD and I live here in WA. Don't know when we'll be able to see each other again, been six years since our last get together but we keep in contact none the less. She and I know all too well what it's like to grow up as a military kid! I just can't believe I made the switch from military kid to military wife. The only difference for me is I went from AF to Navy!

I wonder how many military brats went off and married into the military and how many of them are SAHM's!

What about SAHM's whose spouses travel for their jobs. Travel out of state for most of the year. That has to be tough as well!


Amy

My husband and I both used to travel for work and it was hard on the family, but still not as hard as when he was in the Marine Corps. Maybe it's because we could refuse to travel on occasion or maybe it's because as a Marine, he was married to the Corps first, me and the family second. We were all married to the Corps for that matter. With civilian work travel, we usually had planning time. The military doesn't always tell you ahead of time that you'll be leaving home.

j9---totaly understand being married to the Corps first family 2nd. Thank goodness my DH and I didn't have kids at that time. He was an 0351 in the Marines and I was basically a floater for admin in the Marines stationed at different bases. That would have been horrible on little ones.

Hi Ladies

I haven't had time to read all the posts on this thread but it just caught my eye so I thought I'd post and say 'hi'. My name is Melissa, I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old girl and 4&5 year old boys. The boys are in Pre-K/Kindergarten this year so it's just me and my little girl home. We're just getting settled in a new town after living like gypsies here and there since the hurricane last year, and I don't know many people here so I'd love to have people on here to chat with!

I've been making a few cakes for people here and there, I'm hoping I get enough orders to make a little extra money. Anyway I need the practice and I really enjoy it!

Melissa

I saw the title to this thread and had to jump in!

I'm home with two little boys (Xander will be 4 in April and Colin is almost 2 1/2). I was a kindergarten / first grade teacher before having kids and I swear I am ten times more exhausted after a day at home with my kids than I EVER was with a classroom of 20+ kindergarteners.

My husband travels a lot for work (gone 2-3 days a week) and our lives have recently gotten even more chaotic than usual. My husband and his brother are newly co-owners of a HUGE business loan . . . oh yeah, and of a commercial equestrian facility as well (horse boarding and training). Neither of them are quitting their day jobs, this is a side business. It's still partially under construction but we already have 11 horses on-site (with room for a total of 64). My husband and his brother are doing all of the interior work (building the actual stalls, lockers for the tack room, outdoor runs, etc . . . ) so every weekend since before christmas, they've been down there from 6 a.m. until usually 7 p.m. My father-in-law is in the mix, too, as he'll be the stable manager. Evenings when my hubby is in town, he's going over numbers, cursing at the new stack of bills that came in that day, or desperately trying to cram in some quality family time in before the boys head to bed.

Now for the chaotic part . . . we decided to sell our house (gulp!) and build on-site living quarters as it really is best in this line of business to have people on-site most of the time. So the house that we thought we'd grow old in has a big red "For Sale" sign out front and we're in the process of building our new home. I am stressing a ton about keeping an immaculate (yeah right!) house with two boys who follow me into every room I've just cleaned and have an all out wrestle fest, toys flying everywhere so that I just end up cleaning all over again. I try to get the house as close to perfect each night before bed but within 20 minutes of them waking up (they get up around 7:45 - which is good because any earlier and I'd be a monster to deal with!) anyway, within 20 minutes of them waking up it's chaos all over again.

I love staying home with the boys and even though it took convincing on my husband's part to get me to agree to sell and move on-site, I am excited about the opportunity and know the boys will thrive in the environment. Plus, they'll have some heavy-duty chores as soon as they're big enough to lift shovels! But moving on-site was a no-brainer decision after I thought it through because it's really the only way to get quality time in as a family because my husband is going to have to spend a lot of his free time outside of work over at the stables so at least this way, we'll be there, too.

Sorry to go on so long . . . it's just such a crazy time with a house for sale, a house on it's way to completion, a husband who's too busy to worry about what type of tub or sink goes in but who I KNOW will have an opinion after the fact, all the while trying to stay within a reasonable budget . . . AND to be home with the boys all day with a hubby who isn't around as much as he'd like to be and a hubby who's getting even more stressed than I am about the fact that the quality time is so infrequent lately.

But I wouldn't trade all of this for anything . . . crazy, huh?

Thanks for starting this post! SAHM's totally need support!!!

Carol

Oh yeah, anyone looking to buy a house in the suburbs of St. Louis???

I agree there is nothing harder than being a stay at home mom all day luckily I have always gotten alot of support everyone always saying how great it is that I can be home my worst critic is my husband who is amazing and I love him but he has this attitude like iam so lucky to be at home all day and how anyone would kill to be in my posistion and iam lucky I love my kids and I love being home with them but its is a 24 hour never ending job there are no breaks there are no days off there are no hit the alarm clock mornings I cook 3 meals a day I pack lunches I have laundry up to my ears I have a 3 year old who makes a new mess every time i turn around plus theres gymnatics and base ball and football and soccer and cub scouts im also the chairperson of the pta I volunteer in the school twice a week I take home projects for all there groups I grade papers for my sons teacher on top of that the most inteligent conversations i have all day is with my 7 year old. and while my husband will admitt eagerly that theres no way his kids will ever go to day care I still think he thinks its easy to be at home all day I think he would collapse after one day. on the other hand my kids have never come across an adult who did not tell me over and over agian how polite and well mannered they were my 1st grader has never got less than a 100 percent on anything and he has a very generous soul and to watch them grow up to be there for every step is worth more than any job any paycheck any other experience in the world there is nothing I would change it for not even being a person agian rather than a sahm.

Heather,

Next time your hubby tells you how lucky you are to have it so good, agree with him! Tell him you are incredibly lucky to have the chance to mold and shape your kids every step of the way and to watch them grow into the capable people that you work each minute of everyday to ensure that they become.

In addition, I have a friend that kept a journal for a week to show her husband what she did all day and exactly how much "leisure" time she had throughout the week. She made note of every errand, every chore, every interaction with the kids . . . then asked him to keep a log of how he spent his days. I guarantee you if you did this, your husband would find out that HE'S the one with the leisure time and he'd be apologizing for not being more understanding. If he doesn't, then tell him to take a week's vacation and he can do everything you do and see how he feels at the end of the week. You do have it lucky, that's for sure, but I guarantee you work harder than he ever imagined. We are lucky because what we do is so fulfilling and meaningful even if no one appreciates it.

my husband works between 12 and 14 hours a day 6 days a week at a very phsical demanding job so i would never say he has a lot of liesure time I would just like him to admit that my day is not all peaches and cream all the time and while on sunday morning he gets to sleep in as late as he wants im the one up makeing his breakfeast and coffee I dont doubt that he apperciates me even if he doesnt always realize how much if that makes since. I have threatend to really do nothing though so he can see how fast the house would fall to pieces but could you imagine really not doing anything for a few days the mess I would have to clean up in the end would be unimaginable I should really keep a log of everything I do and if I could find a minute in the day I would

I have my good days and my bad days as anyother person does I guess.

My days don't start out extremely busy. I have a little one that is pretty independent and likes to do things on her own. But that creates more work for me because she wants to do things that she can't quite manage yet and then I have to go and clean up or pick up the mess she leaves behind.

She loves to mess any room that I have just cleaned and arranged.

Evenings are tougher because everyone is here, the eldest daughter (8 yrs old) and the husband and of course the youngest (3 yrs old).

I have to keep between the girls, make sure the 8 yr old doesn't play too rough with the 3 yr old, making sure they share TV time and at the same time manage the kitchen cooking and cleaning. It is quite a challenge every evening.

Then bedtime.... lets not even talk about it...

I don't have my little one in any activities right now outside of the home, so I don't go out much except for errands to the grocery store or drug store. I don't know any other SAHMs in my neighborhood so I don't interact much either so it can get a little lonely at times.

So, I can't say that I am exhausted every single day. It used to be more busy for me when the baby was younger.

Anyway, thank you all for sharing your thoughts and comments and letting me know how it goes for you. The support is wonderful!