Holding Younger Kids Back Before Starting Kindergarten?

Lounge By ckkerber Updated 22 Jan 2007 , 2:59am by berryblondeboys

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ckkerber Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 6:17am
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My hubby and I go back and forth on this issue. Our oldest son will be 4 in April which means he'll be kindergarten age a year from September. Our cut-off for kindergarten is July 31 so he'll be among the younger kids in his class.

My husband is all for holding him back because he's a boy, boys are less mature by nature, and he thinks nothing but good can come from giving him that gift of an extra year. My husband was held back in elementary school when he switched from one school to another and he really feels like he benefitted from being among the oldest in his class.

I understand his viewpoint but for one thing, both of our boys are big for their ages. My son is already taller than most of his friends. Academically, he's right on target and then some so I worry that if we hold him back a year, he'll be all the more bored when he does go to school and that's never a good thing. I'm a former kindergarten teacher and it's funny how I could so easily make decisions on this topic regarding other kids but when it's your own, you lose all ability to be objective. I think my husband is looking years down the road for the benefits to holding him back and I just see the immediate concerns.

He will be younger but being tall, very verbal, etc . . . he'll be able to hold his own without a doubt. Do you think the benefits to giving boys an extra year to mature before starting school are that prominent?

25 replies
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elvisb Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 6:54am
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My son is the youngest in his class--bday is July 31. He is in 1st grade now, and his best friend is almost exactly a year older than he is. They are on the same wavelength academically, and he is a social butterfly. Evan is small for his age, so he really looks small compared to some of the older kids. he doesn't seem to care, and neither do his friends. The thing we looked at is whether he could hold his own in class and on the playground. When we expressed concern about his age, the teachers told us not to take that into account. Look at his readiness, and they felt he was ready. We sent him to Kindergarten with the agreement that if the teachers felt he was not keeping up, they would tell us and he would repeat the year. We even asked him if he wanted to stay in preschool one more year or if he thought he was ready to learn how to read and do big boy stuff. He was excited to move on. Now, I know you don't usually ask a 5 year old their opinion in something so huge, but we figured if he expressed any fears, that would be a sign to us that we should keep him back. He hasn't looked back yet. A lot of other parents criticized us for our decision at the time, but I feel very confident that we made the right choice.

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nefgaby Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 7:03am
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I totally understand you, I'm on the same boat, my boy will be 5 on Sept 2nd '07 and don't know what to do either, should or shouldn't I... I guess it all depends on how mature, independent and social your child is. I can also relate to what your DH is saying, my younger sister was on the same position as well (18 years ago) and what my parents ended up doing was sending her to Kindergarten the year she was supposed to, even though she was the youngest in her class... she did well BUT my parents were advised to let her stay in Kindergarten one more year (I must add she had some speach delays) so she did stay for that extra year and did beautifully. So my point behind this whole story is (or what I would do) send him to school 08-09 and if you believe he is not ready to go ahead then he can always stay one more year in Kindergarten. Good luck!!

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peg818 Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 10:16am
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My youngest son is a late June baby, He started kindergarden when he had just turned 5, he seemed more then ready very out going and such. My oldest is a Christmas baby and missed the cut off for school so had to wait until he was almost 6 before he started.

Now i know each kid is different, but i really wish i hadn't push the youngest into school. He seems to have a tougher time then his brother, although they are equally smart. They are now in HS and i think the youngest would have benefitted from an extra year at home.

JMHO, and as i said each child is different so please just take it as it is.

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kaychristensen Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 10:43am
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Like you well know all kids are different. My oldest just turned 16 in Dec. Our cut off is Oct 15th. So when he started school he was on the younger side. But he was still struggling and still does. Don't get me wrong he is smart. But he is a hands on kid. HE IS ALL BOY. He has to play with it first to figure it out. He can't sit still for long. He is in high school and struggles. My DD is 8yr. old her B-Day is Oct 28th. But I was induced three times. First on the 15th, next on the 17th, she was born on the 28th. She was slow coming out. But she is very articulate. She can carry on a conversation very well. She uses big words and understands them. BUT she can't read very well. She is in a reading group to help her. So to me as a mother this is a toughy. Even as you are a teacher, you are still a mother. But my experience with my son he had a hard time in school and still does. But he is smaller in stature. Muscular for his body type though. He is extremely active. Almost on the verge of ADHD. They wanted to test for it when he was younger and I said NO. He is a BOY. So I am sorry so long. But you know your child and so does your husband. ( And he is a BOY) So let him guide you alittle. Good Luck

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SScakes Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 11:03am
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I was in the same boat as you. In my country the kids can 'offically' go to school from the age of 5 onwards. My oldest will be 6 in June and we've now decided that she will only go to grade 1 the year she turn 7 (school year starts in January). I think each kid is different but I do think that the kids benefit from the extra year at home. They tend to be more confident and also more mature.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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mjw15618 Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 1:56pm
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My daughter is the youngest in her class...her birthday is August 25 and our cut-off is September 1. She's in the 7th grade now and has always been an honor student and does fairly well socially. I wouldn't worry about him being the youngest in the class if he's up to speed with everyone else. Back in the day when I started kindergarten (1974!) our cut-off was December 31. My birthday is in November so I started kindergarten when I was 4. I never had a problem, either. I say give it a try and if he's truly not ready then hold him back a year. It's much easier on the child if they have to repeat a grade early on.

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kelleym Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 2:05pm
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My oldest son has a late July birthday. I didn't know any better when I enrolled him in kindergarden (he was in daycare, and they basically "graduated" him and showed him the door, so I thought I HAD to put him in kindergarten). He is a very smart boy, but he wasn't emotionally ready for kindergarten. He was one of the youngest in the class, and by Christmas of that year I knew I had made a mistake, but I thought it was too late to do anything about it.

He always did "ok" in school and got good grades, up until 2 years ago, 7th grade. He was being bullied by other kids in his class, they would pick on him and make fun of his size (he was small in stature as well as being a full year younger than some of them). He had a meltdown and I ended up withdrawing him from school and homeschooling him for a year. When I re-enrolled him, almost exactly a year ago, I enrolled him BACK in 7th grade, so he went back almost exactly where he left off, except with a group of peers who were closer to him in age and size.

It was the best decision I could have made. He is happy, getting good grades, and has a circle of friends. I wish I had been aware enough when he was 4 to realize he needed to wait a year.

My dad's parents enrolled him in school a year early. He told me of always having to struggle. In his words, "an extra year would have meant the world to me".

It is better for boys to be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest. I really believe this.

Good luck, I know you'll do whatever is right for your family! thumbs_up.gif

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shelbur10 Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 2:14pm
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Our cutoff is Sept. 31, and my daughters bday is Sept. 14, so she is always the youngest in the class. She's never had any problems because of it. I wouldn't use age as a guide, but just go with your gut. I also wouldn't differentiate between boys and girls, although there is evidence that boys mature more slowly than girls, the boys catch up, and honestly, I haven't seen a very noticable difference in my children, as far as maturity vs. age. If the child will be about the same physical size and social and academic level as the other children, I think he will fit in just fine. I don't think a few months would make a difference, as far as age.

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jen1977 Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 2:40pm
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My son just turned 6 in September, and is in kindergarten. We knew he was fine academically LAST year for kindergarten, but socially/emotionally, he wasn't ready. We had the idea that it would be better for a boy to be the oldest and tallest instead of the youngest and smallest. He is much taller than most of the other kids, and flies thru his work, but really enjoys school. The first year or two of school really sets the tone for how they feel about school the rest of the way thru, and we didn't want him to have a negative experience. If he were a girl, we peobably would have started him last year. We have a 4 year old son who will turn 5 in August, and we are waiting for him too. We just thought it would be easier to stay home with mom an extra year. Good luck!

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Sugarbunz Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 10:24pm
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I hope I'm not intruding, but this is near and dear to my heart too. My son was born Sep 2, and the cut off is Sep 1. Obviously, the rules say he stays back another year. This is in that grey area though, and where I grew up (Cali), the cut off is in Dec, so Sep seems really early to me. I have put off thinking about this because right now he's only a little over three, but these three years sure went by fast! I am leaning towards holding him back because I've talked with mothers who have and it just makes sense for us. What Jen just said is a lot of what I'm hearing. I hate to do that whole boy/girl role thing, but this is my son and I will do what I think is going to get him further. I think there is a big difference in holding a boy back vs girl. I've known a lot of boys that were held back a year and there was definately no harm done. I think he will be *ready* at 5, but I think he will do better if he's six (or almost six). Another year of daycare for us (working mom)! Ultimately, I think parents know what's best for their kids, so what we decide might not be what's best for the kid down the block who was born September 3.

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moydear77 Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 10:56pm
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Mine started kindergarten at 5 She had her bday in July. She is now six in first. I was a late baby when I went to the same scool. I was one of the oldest! The plus was that I could drive my Sophmore year!

I am not sure if they offer half day or full day kindergarten there. Mine went to half. She was a bit behind in reading when she started first and I would cry weekely because she was struggling for the first month. She is now thriving in first grade!

Personally I don't believe in the rush schooling and demands they have for our littleones. But I do want her to be successful. I volunteer every week and there are all levels of children in her class. We played bingo today and one of the kids did not know what 15 looked like. And some of the kids are super quick at numbers.

As said all children are different. I don't think it hurts to have them in as soon as they can. My brothers kids were in Prescool at three for seven hours a day. and that was common where they live!

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kelleym Posted 18 Jan 2007 , 11:08pm
post #13 of 26

Check out these books on Amazon:

Better Late Than Early

School Can Wait

They are by the same authors, and these authors have a definite viewpoint on sending children to school too early, but take a look and see what you think!

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bekahscakes Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 12:07am
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I have one in kindergarten right now and his birthday was August 1st. He started school on on August 4th 3 days after he turned 5. He does okay academically, but is still too mature to go on to the 1st grade. My husband and I along with his teacher and his doctor agree that he was just too young to start school this year, and that if he has to repeat a grade it would be better to do it this year that at a higher grade level. Most of the people I have talked to agree that there's nothing wrong with giving them an extra year to grow up before starting school.

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vww104 Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 2:51am
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I find it very interesting that so many different areas have different cutoffs for kindergarten. Here, the cutoff is Sept. 30, but in NJ each town/city has its own cutoff. My youngest son will be 5 in May and I have no doubt that he is ready for kindergarten this September. While my oldest son is a December baby and he's one of the oldest students in his class I really feel that he benefitted from that extra year. Also as someone else stated the cutoff used to be Dec. 31!! I agree that your decision should be based on your child's maturity, academically, emotionally and socially.

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Jenn123 Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 3:07am
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My son is an end of March baby. There was no doubt that he was ready for school...very social and smart. He's at the top of his class, takes challenge classes, etc. The thing we had trouble with was sitting still!! Emotionally maybe he could have used some maturing time, but he would have been bored to death. I wouldn't hold him back simply because he is a boy!

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ckkerber Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 7:10am
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Thanks for all of the input! It's such a hard decision . . . and like I said, I was a teacher of kindergarten and first grade before staying home with my boys. So, I "know" all the logic that goes into a decision like this but it's so much easier to have the discussion from a professional standpoint than to make a decision as a mom. I agree with so much of what you all have said. I guess that what makes this a hard decision is that as I mentioned, Xander is very big for his age (42 lbs. and 42 1/2 inches and he won't be 4 until April). He's also very verbal and knows a lot of the basic things he'll need to know for kindergarten. Our school district does screenings for preschool aged kids to see where they are and what they might need help with and we just had his done. He scored well above age expectancy in most areas and right on target for a few others. He's fairly emotionally mature (as much as a 3 1/2 year old can be, I guess) so there are zero red flags saying that he might not be ready. The question comes in with whether or not that extra year will benefit him or hurt him. If we hold him back he'll be starting kindergarten at 6 years and 4 months old. I worry that he'll just be bored out of his mind if kindergarten is delayed. That's just one more year of growth and he'll be that much farther ahead when he starts school.

At the same point, my husband is not looking at this in regards to any immediate impact it might have. Having been held back himself in elementary school, he feels strongly that it was such a positive experience to be among the oldest in the class and he feels that as Xander gets older (upper elementary, middle, or high school) that we'll be really happy we held him back then. It's such a tough call. I keep trying to step back and think about what I might say about a student in this position but when I do that and come up with a response, I start doing the whole, "But Xander does this and Xander is more like that" and it taints any decision I might make. I know I have a little bit of time before I have to make a decision but I really only have a year before I need to register him if we don't hold him back so I feel like now is the time I need to be really thinking about this.

You know my youngest (turned 2 in Sept.) would be more likely one that I'd think about holding back because he's a lot less verbal and doesn't communicate nearly as well. Granted, I know that a lot will change before he's kindergarten age so he may just be every bit the chatter box that his brother is by the time school rolls around. But he's not one that I would hold back because he'll be one of the oldest in his class as it is just because of the cut off so holding him back ANOTHER year would make him so much older than everyone else.

And what worries me the MOST is that I know that this is one of the more basic decisions I'll need to be making for these little guys. I can already see the long stretch of sleepless nights that is in my future as these boys get older and even more complex and challenging decisions are hurled my way!

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koolaidstains Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 8:01am
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I'm going to be struggling with this too. Our cut off date here is Sept 1 and that's my son's birthday. But, dh and I are more worried about our son being bored than we are not ready. Dh and I were both bored in school. Dh's bday is Nov25 so he still went to school when he was 5 but he was a little older. He was in gifted prgrams and he was bored. My bday is Dec 4 and the cut off then was Dec 31. My parents didn't put me in as a 4 year old, but I wish they would have. I was way more mature than my peers all through school and I was in the gifted programs and still bored.

We have three girls who are older than my son and my older two are in the gifted programs, but my youngest girl is playing some catching up, but still doing just fine and not at all struggling. My girls all had spring/summer bdays and we had no question as to when they'd start school. I realize there are advantages for boys being held back, but I almost rather put him in K and then hold him back for another year of K, then risk him being bored in school. I have no idea what it's like to struggle in school, I'm sure it sucks big time. But, I do know what it's like to be bored and it sucks big time too!

Look at what your school system is like too. What kinds of programs do they offer. Is there help for sturggling kids and are there more challenging programs for advanced kids. If you put him in early and he struggles it's pretty easy to hold him back. How easy will it be to advance him ahead if he's bored and not challenged? In some schools that's easy and in others it's darn near impossible.
Kirsten

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mitsel8 Posted 19 Jan 2007 , 4:36pm
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Our cut off here in Connecticut is still Dec 31st! I guess we're a little behind the times.

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j9morabit Posted 20 Jan 2007 , 12:00am
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My boy was born at the end of July. He was 5 when he started kindergarten, and I wish we had waited a year to start him. Now a 6th grader, he is advanced academically, but is smaller (due to a combination of ADHD meds and a diminutive mom) and younger than most of the kids in his class. He's very sensitive about it. It also would have given him a year longer to mature. I think that would have been an advantage to him.

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mconrey Posted 20 Jan 2007 , 5:49am
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I'm dealing with this too - but our cut-off in California is December 2nd. My daughter was born in October, so she can start kindergarten this fall when she is still 4. Academically, she is more than ready to go (she's reading, doing basic math, etc) but I worry about her being so young compared to the other kids. Plus she is very small for her age (32 pounds, 37 inches at 4). I'd hate to hold her back because I know academically she'll be just fine and I don't want her to get bored out of her mind in school, but it seems like the thing to do out here is hold them back another year. But I also don't want her being the oldest in class either.

I'm surprised that people who live in state where the cut-off is earlier still struggle with this issue too. I guess it comes down to knowing what is going to be the best thing for your child and only you as the parent can really decide what to do.

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sweetness_221 Posted 20 Jan 2007 , 6:12am
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I think that if they are ready at that age then send them. I know that I went back and forth when my daughter was starting kindergarten. I wasn't sure if she was ready. She thrived in Kindergarten and you never really know until they get in there. Not all kids are ready for it. You'll figure out what you need to do. Good luck!

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mbelgard Posted 20 Jan 2007 , 7:21pm
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My oldest is in second grade now and is among the oldest of his classmates, most parents who had kids that weren't quite old enough to start school are really glad they had to wait and I know several kids who were held back for a second year of kindergarten for maturity reasons.

With the being bored in school I'm kind of conflicted about waiting. In North Dakota we have a cut off of August 31 but they can be assesed to start school a little early if they were born by December 31. Both of my children fall into this period and we didn't have the oldest tested so he started school when he was almost 6, he's horribly bored in school but I don't think the year would have really helped much (his reading is more than 2 grades ahead). I have heard from teachers that most of the time the boys fail to get through the assessments.

My mother kept my youngest brother home an extra year (the school in Kentucky had told her that they would ignore the day or two that my brother missed the cutoff by). That was really good for him, he is still immature and he's 23. icon_lol.gif

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mocakes Posted 21 Jan 2007 , 3:20pm
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Hi ckkerber...First of all, I am in the St. Louis area, too! Where do you live...what area?

I taught 5-7th grade and also Kindergarten before staying home with kiddos...and I read you taught as well, so nothing I tell you will be a revelation! icon_lol.gif

I had 2 boys that were the youngest in the kindergarten class and they were the biggest challenge as well. One was extremely bright...but really began struggling b/c he was so immature.

It's a tough call...but as his mom, you know him better than any of us! icon_smile.gif Good luck with your decision!!! thumbs_up.gif

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Jorre Posted 21 Jan 2007 , 4:09pm
post #25 of 26

My older child has an April 30th birthday and she's at the very top of her Kindergarten class. She's reading, writing, doing simple math and loving it. I actually ended up petitioning for her to change schools because the first Kgarten class was boring her out of her mind, she now goes to a much farther away school but it is more advanced, so she's doing great.

She had a full 2 years of Preschool at a local private church school and showed daily through her work and a few readyiness tests there that she was beyond ready.

My lil one has a October 21st birthday, cutoff here is December sometime. She's the very youngest child in Preschool, she was only 2 when she started in Sept. The preschool said she is doing great, they will do readyness tests in April/May at the end of her 4yr year and at that point we can decide to move her on to Kgarten or she can stay an extra year and do their Pre-K program.

It's up to the parent, but I think Preschool made a huge world of difference for both kids. I work with them at home on reading/writing/math etc... but the Preschool really got their social skills and attention span going.

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berryblondeboys Posted 22 Jan 2007 , 2:59am
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We thought we were in this boat with our son, but then changed locations adn the cut off was Dec 31, so his August 29th bday wasn't as close as we thought - though it STILL ended up he was the youngest in his class, go figure!

It is a difficult decision, but you know your son and what is best for him. With us, we knew there was NO WAY we could keep him home as he was so ready... but ahs it been an issue with maturity? Yep, especially with teachers that expect boys to behave like the girls do, but it was STILL the best decision for him.

He's in a gifted school (so all day gifted classes) and he's thriving, but before that, in the regular classroom, he was SOOOOOO bored and hated school as it was (in his words) "wasting his time".

My husband was one of those child prodigy type kids - was reading NEWSPAPERS at 2.5 years old!!!! They started him at age 4 after LOTS and LOTS of consults and then he finished his last two years of high school in one year and it was the best thing for him. This is in Europe too, so a tougher curriculum too...

Now, both my son and husband are tall, so they haven't ever "felt" they were "different" from their peers. I think my son will only really FEEL it when all his friends can drink and he still won't be legal! LOL

Melissa

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