You did the right thing and you're right no matter what the majority here says....a simple "if you don't mind may I please have this item I found while rummaging through your trash?" would have been the decent thing to do....this is an employee/employer relationship, not a neighbor or drive-by trash picker. That's the difference.

I know in the middle east women are supposed to be seen but not heard, do you think this is part of the problem with her attitude towards you? I wonder if your DH would have better luck setting the ground rules for future employees.

Mike, for me I don't think it's about control, but about why someone would want my trash. Why would you want empty lotion bottles? Why would you hide them?
Things like the rocking horse are different. But bottles of stuff and makeup? Weird...

I think youre right about the husband part. This housemaid isnt of arab race, so she doesnt really have the "seen but not heard" mentality. Trust me lol. But she does kinda have that "fear the man" mentality going on because when my husband around she is a little better.

I dont know how much news yall get about the middle east, but we are at war with yemen right now, and with hubby in the air force, he got deployed to the war a couple weeks ago. He sees he doesnt know when he will come home.

All prayers for a safe return home are welcome and appreciated.
Anyway, with him being away I guess there is no "man to fear."
I'm also one of those people who is "too nice" if ya know what I mean. I really start to get sterner so I can be taken seriously by my future employee. And forget all those nanny cam videos I watched on youtube!!! GOSH why did I watch those!

Thanks again everyone. I love CC. I love how everyone states their opinion and is honest about how they feel and thats why I brought this dumb topic to CC and not real life or some other forum!

I'll pray for your husband's safe return home, and soon!

It's good that you are finally letting her go. It's not about control, it's about basic respect. She is clearly not giving you much of that.

And taking used lotion and underwear, that's just too creepy. I always cut up my underwear before I put them in trash. I dump my lotion/make up out of the container, too. Besides, when I toss out lotion/make up, it's usually because they've expired. It's not good if someone takes them and start using expired stuff!

Her taking stuff you intended for charity is wrong. Even though she may need it, but you have had in mind a different purpose for the stuff, then she should have respected your decision. If she really wanted something, she should have asked. Taking without asking, that IS stealing. Even if she was a good cleaner, I would have fired her on stealing. It should not be tolerated.

Definitely praying for your husband's safe return. I know how hard it must be for you and the kids to have him away....especially when you're living on the other side of the world.

Thank you and your husband for all of the sacrifices you make on a daily basis so that we Americans can enjoy our freedom. Your service will never go unnoticed or unappreciated.....I'm SO thankful for all of our servicemen and women and their families.

Praying for your husbands safe return.

Glad you ended the situation with the maid. I'm a little confused- Is she a house maid or a nanny? or maybe both? Because you seem to be very concerned about her being nice to your kids. I was born in a country were people also have housemaids even if they're nto rich (which we weren't) and I don't remember the maid ever having to take care of me or my cousins. Also, whenever we were throwing anything usable out (not undies, lol) we would first ask her if she wanted it before throwing it out- it just makes no sense to throw something usable out, but I understand your feelings about people going thru your trash.

Sending you hugs, you seem to be catching no breaks lately: the maid, the neighbor, your hubby being gone. Hope you find a super special person. Oh and setting ground rules from the beginning might help- you know cell phone use, not taking stuff without asking, etc. Best of luck,

Ok, at the risk of making someone angry, here goes. If you don't want it, what makes the difference. As far as letting her go, I would just like to say this...You are an adult employer, you should set the guidelines for your employee. If you don't want her talking on the phone during work hours, tell her that this is unacceptable behavior that will not be tolerated. You pay her to work not talk on the phone. You say she is good with the children...will your next employee be as good. This employee is taking discarded items, but has she stolen from you. Will your next employee steal from you? Some things to consider before tossing your current employee out on her ear. She may think that since you have discarded them she has the right to take them. If she doesn't have much, maybe you should consider the option of offering them to her before you trash them. She can't steal what you would give her anyway. I personally don't see this as stealing if you didn't want it in the first place. And Indy, as usual, you made me LOL! Be kind, when you have an item you don't want...offer it to her...you may see a change in her attitude towards you. Instead of her having to sneek around to take it, she will she it as you offering her a gift.

edited- I didn't see that you already let her go. At least it was for a better reason than taking trash.

Thanks everyone.
Thank you too Cabecakes. I dont really see what she did as stealing, I just see it as being disrespectful and sneaky.

And we did have those conversations, the ground rules, layed out in the beginning. It's just hardly any of them had been followed. And it's my own fault for putting up with it and letting her get away with it.

Rosie, She is a housemaid/help with whatever is needed type employee. 95% of her work I would say is cleaning and all the cooking and taking care of the kids is my part. But there are times where I leave her to babysit ( If I have a Dr.s appointment, or need to get supplies, or go to the grocery store, try taking 7 kids to the grocery store!) Then those are the times where I ask her to watch them.

This is a really interesting thread. My impression is that you were probably more angry about the items because of your resentment toward her because of her poor work. My first thought was, for heavens sake, just fire her. I'm glad to hear that you did.

For those who can't understand why a person would want a mostly used bottle of lotion, or someone's used clothes, even underclothes, I would suggest that maybe you don't completely appreciate the level of extreme poverty in many countries. Even the poorest people in the U.S. are so much better off than poor people in many other countries that there's no comparison. Americans look very wasteful to other cultures when they throw away objects that appear to still have some usefulness. I'm shocked by it myself.

She might have hidden the items because she was ashamed. There's nothing like a stark difference between your standard of living and someone else's who can afford to throw away things you might never be able to afford yourself to make you feel embarrassed at how little you have. I don't think anyone is ever proud about having to go through garbage for things they want or need.

She should not have taken the charity items that you intended for others. But as for the garbage, I don't understand why you care. If someone else can use anything I throw out, I hope they take it. Less for the landfill. That would not include a used pregnancy test, however. That IS creepy and gross.

In all fairness, though, this one sounds like a sassy, ungrateful little brat who needed to be fired. And maybe she's not as poor as I might think if she can afford a cell phone!

I hope you find somebody good. I also hope your husband returns safely to you very soon!

For me the fact that an employee would go through my trash and remove items is a red flag. If someone has the nerve to go through trash, what the heck else will they rummage through while I'm away from the house.

This is an employee/employer relationship and there are boundaries that should be set. Going through my things, trash or otherwise, is definitely crossing my boundaries. It is not up to an employee to help themselves to anything in my home or business without first asking.

And...........thank you Ruth for bringing up the fact that this "poor" girl does in fact have a cell phone. I know quite a few folks here who have had to give up a lot of the extras during these difficult economic times and usually the cell phone is the first thing to go.

Good luck in your search for a new employee.

three sets- I get it now. I only have one and she's a handful, can't imagine 7!!

Good luck finding someone new.

I'm not sure I get why your mad/upset.

Charity begins at home...why didn't you offer her the stuff first? I know you feel you have been more than fair with her but.....

Just because you don't want something anymore doesn't necessarily make it "trash". My friend and I exchange things like toiletries (perfumes, lotions, make up) all the time and I don't feel a bit weird about it at all

The shabby work ethic is the real problem...but I see that you have already let her go..good for you.

Ruth, I really like your reply

Praying for your husbands (and all troops) safe return. My hat and heart go out to military personnel AND their families. The sacrafice by all is appreciated.

PS: Funny story - When dh and I were first married were were "poor as church mice". In our city, twice a year they have a week where you could put anything and I mean anything on the curb and they would haul it away, well the week before our wedding and moving into our first place was THAT week. My husband grew up in that city so was most familiar with "curbside mall" week, but me on the other hand had never taken anything out of someones trash EVER in my life...so he talks me into going out trash cruising with him (over the years he had repurposed many things he found in the trash), needless to say I was so embarrased when he got out and found a lamp and put it in the car, my head was a bobbing and a weaving making sure nobody saw us....but the lamp was gorgeous, I really wondered why somebody would throw it away. After a few more stops he asked me to get out an help him look through a stack of boxes to see if I wanted anything.. (huh? me???? oh jeez, oh okay, if I have to all the while pullling my hoodie tighter around my face)...but in those boxes was a treasure trove for someone who was furnishing a house from scratch)...and way...to shorten the story...the next night we went out...I was hanging out the window, holding the flash light and giving directions....cuz the stuff we found, I just couldn't believe someone would THROW IT AWAY!!!

So now, If I pass something in the trash and I can use it....its my score!!!!

I think letting her go was your best decision. you don't retain someone and continue to pay them if they are not doing the work they were hired to do. Maybe you were too soft on her in the beginning, because it sounds like she clearly has no respect for you.

As far as the things she took from the trash, it would not bother me in the least. I probably would have offered them to her in the first place.