Birthday Cake For Deceased Baby?

Decorating By ThreeDGirlie Updated 23 Oct 2009 , 5:01pm by monizcel

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ThreeDGirlie Posted 22 Oct 2009 , 10:30pm
post #1 of 21

I have a friend that went through a terrible experience almost a year ago... She delivered her baby boy at 24 weeks gestation. He struggled to live for a week before they decided to take him off the ventilator to let him go be at peace with God.

One thing she struggles with is that she wants people to remember that her baby boy was ALIVE, and to celebrate his life.

So I was going to ask her if she would mind if I made her baby boy a cake on his birthday as a way to celebrate his life. I think this is something that would mean a lot to her, but I don't want to offer until I have at least some idea of what I could do. And I'm really stumped for what to do for this cake... Any ideas out there?


20 replies
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Texas_Rose Posted 22 Oct 2009 , 10:36pm
post #2 of 21

I have a friend who lost a newborn son and she wouldn't be able to handle something like that, but you know your friend and what would comfort her.

Maybe a round cake with angel wings, a couple of blue roses, and "Happy Birthday in Heaven," and the baby's name, if your friend is religious. I think this is one of those occasions where a really elaborate cake wouldn't be appropriate.

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indydebi Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 12:17am
post #3 of 21

While I've never gone thru it myself, when I was 16, I had a baby brother die at 3 months old. He never came home from the hospital. I was old enough to see what my parents went thru and how they dealt with it. It would have seemed "odd" to have a birthday cake for him ... but that's us. As Texas said, you know your friend and what she would like.

If her internal struggle is wanting folks to remember him, another idea might be just simply 'Still Remembering' or something like that.

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erinalicia Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 12:26am
post #4 of 21

I think it's touching that you want to do something like that for her. I've seen other cakes on here that were done for a child that passed.

If it were me, I think I could handle it. Being so close to losing my son almost 2 years ago, I know that I would still celebrate his birthday in some way. I like the idea of having a little cake and maybe letting some balloons go with little messages to him in heaven.

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mija10417 Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:02am
post #5 of 21

I think that is such a sweet and touching gesture. My son was a full term stillborn. I have been making him a cake every year since I lost him five years ago. Every year we celebrate his birthday and I truly believe your friend would be so touched.

A birthday cake that associates with a little boy would be perfect. If you look in my photos I just made my son a baseball hat for his 5th birthday/anniversary. Do not put anything with "Remember, Heaven, etc". Maybe make a teddy bear, a red wagon, etc... If you are not comfortable with putting Happy Birthday, then just write his name.

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Kitagrl Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:21am
post #6 of 21

I had a friend who lost her 14 mos old baby after a LONG battle with leukemia. She never wants anyone to forget that she had that little girl as her daughter.

I would think a small (8") private gift cake would be very appropriate! (Not presenting it at a public party or anything, just a nice boxed private gift.) And I would actually probably decorate it like you would any other birthday cake...something nice and cute and baby boy-ish...something the baby would have liked if he were alive.

Its very sweet of you....

By the way, off topic, I saw recently this really cool website where a lady takes a blanket or clothing article from a lost loved one (you send it to her) and makes it into the most adorable teddy bear....very very neat.

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madgeowens Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:22am
post #7 of 21

Everyone is different and we don't know your friend...personally I have had sad episodes in my life and I could never handle something like this........only you know...or someone even closer could tell you maybe if this is something she would want.

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costumeczar Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:24am
post #8 of 21

I don't think that I'd appreciate something like that, so it looks like everyone had a different opinion, Maybe ask your friend if she'd like you to make a cake, and if she says no then just get her a "thinking of you" card or something a little more low-key.

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Rachie204 Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:32am
post #9 of 21

This is very thoughtful of you. I have not lost a living child but have miscarried and while it is different...if it were me I would really love the idea and would want to celebrate that beautiful little life. I think something small and simple would mean a lot to her.

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Kitagrl Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:34am
post #10 of 21

She said her friend wants everyone to remember her little baby's life, so I would think any reminder of that would please her very much. Some people prefer to forget....but the ones that prefer to remember appreciate every little thought that anyone gives them.

I think a teddy bear would be an awesome idea, with a blue bow or something...

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madgeowens Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 2:02am
post #11 of 21

I have had a loss and must say while I always will remember and have a broken heart....I could not have a cake......I think the thinking of you at this time card someone mentioned, would be very nice.

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ThreeDGirlie Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:34pm
post #12 of 21

Just to clarify - I am not planning to surprise her with a cake on her baby's birthday. I want to OFFER to make a cake. But I want to have an idea of the direction to go in case she says yes. Even if she doesn't want to "celebrate" (which I really think she will, and have discussed it with a mutual friend), I know that she will appreciate the thought. Cake or not, I definitely plan to do something during this time - whether it's a card or flowers or whatnot.

For ideas, I think a teddy bear may be the direction to go. And if she does want to go ahead with a cake, I will give HER the choice on the wording, if any, that we use.

Thanks for the thoughts ladies.

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KHalstead Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:47pm
post #13 of 21

I think it's a wonderful gesture to offer this, I too had a stillborn at 32 weeks and I struggled with people not remembering or "pretending" that my son never existed. Even the hospital refused to give me a birth certificate (only a death certificate)...because they said he wasn't a "live birth" so it is as though he never existed! Well, that was all I need to fly into a tyrade........why on EARTH are you issuing him a DEATH certificate if he was never ALIVE! Doesn't make any sense.

Anyhow........I completely understand your friends struggle with this. One way to help her help others remember him is to just talk about him often as though you were talking about any one of her other children. My children all know their brother's name because he's a part of our family and we talk about him all the time. It really helps the healing process too, or at least it did for me.

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Caths_Cakes Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:54pm
post #14 of 21

I think its a sweet idea, my mum had a full term stillborn girl before i was born, she would of been 23 now i think and my mum ceelbrates her birthday, Not over the top, but my granda (my mums dad) always sends her a big bunch of flowers that day, no card, the flowers are enough. On her 21st, i bought a big bottle of very expensive champagne, and we toasted her for her day, my mum cried buckets, sad tears and happy tears too. but she told me after, she loved it, it had never occured to her to do that, and she was so glad i did.

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tazmycat Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 1:59pm
post #15 of 21

Releasing baloons is not a good idea because they kill/injure our bird population.

As for the cake, that is up to the individual family, so I would go with their wishes.

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erinalicia Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 2:48pm
post #16 of 21

sorry for my idea... i've seen it done before and thought it was a sweet idea... icon_sad.gif

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phoufer Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 2:55pm
post #17 of 21

I would definitely ask her if she would like one. I lost my daughter just before her 4th birthday. I can only tell you from my experience I would not have been able to handle it.

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phoufer Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 3:00pm
post #18 of 21

Sorry, I should have read the entire thread before commenting. If your friend does want the cake, the suggestion of a teddy bear with a blue bow sounds perfect!

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rainbow_kisses Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 3:06pm
post #19 of 21

I was recently asked to make a cake for an angel baby. She passed at 5 months old and the parents remember her birthday every year. I made a plain round pink cake and incorperated the elements that the parents requested. there was a princess as this is what they called her, balloons in the colours that they reliece and giraffs as that was the soft toy she was buried with.


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superwawa Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 3:25pm
post #20 of 21

ThreeDGirlie, my thoughts go out to your friend and I believe it is a very sweet offer you are planning.

I will need to refer to this thread and the wonderful ideas next year, as a close friend has just lost her baby - born at only 25 weeks/3 days and lived 20 days at the hospital before passing. As if that wasn't devastating enough, she lost her father about 2 weeks prior to the birth. I know when baby H's birthday comes around next year this will be on my mind.

Like the others, I believe a teddy bear is a precious idea. thumbs_up.gif

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monizcel Posted 23 Oct 2009 , 5:01pm
post #21 of 21

I lost my boy/girl twins at 24w1d earlier this year (they lived for three days, but had too many complications from being born so early).

I also want to remember them made my hubby and I parents.

I am planning on making a birthday cake for them. I will do either a take on the theme I would have done for their 1st birthday or just a general nicely decorated birthday cake.

I don't think I would personally do a rememberance cake but that is me.

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