Am I Over Reacting?

Decorating By becky27 Updated 4 Sep 2009 , 12:15am by vtcake

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becky27 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 3:53pm
post #1 of 49

ok a good friend of mine got married this past weekend...and i made her cake. we have always talked about our weddings when they happen what we want etc..."i want you to do my cake" and "i will do this for you" ok fine just talk...

well she calls and tells me she is getting married wants me to definately come...blah blah..make a long story short, she says she is not going to have a cake because its too expensive...she opted for the desert bar!!

so being a good friend i said can i make you a small cake at least for you to cut into...its what we always talked about...she was very excited and of couse said yes. fast forward...all of a sudden she is sending me pics of three tier cakes...lots of gumpaste flowers..just alot of work (did i mention her wedding is taking place 6 hours away from me??)

i tell her you know what i can only take two days off of work and that is alot of work to do in two we choose a much simplier cake that is just so horrible looking...i can't post the pic for some looks like tree bark...whatever not my wedding...and i don't mind really that the cake got bigger to serve 125 because it is my gift to her and even though she turned into a bridezilla with is still coming from my heart...

well some unforseen events took place and i left a little later than i was planning too..had to bring my kids with me (loser father)(they stayed with my sister) weather was so bad (hot as you know what) so the cake didn't turn out exactly how the picture was but it was a beautiful cake..(still not letting me upload...but i won't give up) and it matched her "enchanted theme" and it tasted so delicious!!!

well when i get there to set up...i notice that she ordered CUPCAKES...omg..whatever and then she cut the cake after everyone ate at the desert bar and then all night long she was thanking people left and right...for the stuff she paid for...the flowers, drapes, table settings know all that stuff!!!

my cake was a gift and it didn't bother me that she never mentioned the cake...until i saw her and she hugged me and said hey thanks for the cake it came out ok!!! and just walked away... icon_surprised.gif

you know...i was just so disappointed...i went thru alot to make that cake...i spent alot of money...took time off from work...didn't sleep...had to lug all of my stuff from LA to san francisco...but i made it happen...

any other person...i wouldn't care but this is my "friend" call me crazy but if someone gave me a wedding cake for free (and even if it wasnt the best) i would thank them endlessly...i know how much work is involved....sorry so long i guess i just had to vent...i just feel so stupid...i will try to post these pics on here somehow...

48 replies
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LaBellaFlor Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:11pm
post #2 of 49

If you did it as a gift, I wouldn't worry about not getting an over enthused thank you. When someone has a wedding, the tend to kind of zone out anyway. I also wouldn't be upset about an "ok". I use it all the time, but I don't mean it in medicore terms, I usually mean that what ever I'm saying ok about is solid work.

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Lynnzee Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:12pm
post #3 of 49

From looking at your other cakes I am sure this one turned out better than OK. Sometimes when we do things for friends we can not think that we can expect anything more than other brides. Something happens when a women gets married that she loses her sense icon_lol.gif . If it is still bothering you talk to her after her honeymoon. But just remember the bride brain had taken over so she might not think that she did anything wrong. I can not wait to see that cake.

Good luck with your friend!!!

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sadsmile Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:15pm
post #4 of 49

Ouch! You are going to have to talk to her about this sometime or it will fester and never be resolved.
I want to see what you made! The pixels have to be no more then 800 x 800. I have a resize option on my microsoft digital image editor. I crop, scale(resize) the picture and then change the pixels to 800 x 800 and save. I alwas put a CC or something infront of the pic name so I know that is the one CC will let me down load. It's easier to locate stuff in the future that way.

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StaceyCakes75 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:22pm
post #5 of 49

Clearly she doesn't understand the amount of time it takes to make a wedding cake by her first cake choice. I can understand why you would be hurt or upset. Like you said this was a gift and from your heart. Just walk away knowing you did a nice thing for her and don't expect anything in return. Often times (especially me) we do something nice for someone with expectations in return (good job, thank you or a pat on the back). When we do something nice just do it and walk away. She probably didn't mean anything by her comments.

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Bluehue Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:37pm
post #6 of 49

Aweeee becky27 -
Sadly your friend has co clue as to all the time and effort that went into making her cake - and even tho you offered (because she didn't want to pay top dollar) i think more than a *thanks* was in order.

There are times and this was one of them, when a conserted *thankyou* should have been said.
Moreso because it was your Gift.
It seems to be fact of life now that we accept *thanks* instead of a heartfelt *thankyou* many forget the manners they were taught years ago.............but then good manners in general seem to be fading now a days. icon_rolleyes.gif

It costs nothing more to say *thankyou, with a meaningful smile*

Perhaps i am of the old school where if something is worth praising and thanking then you do it with meaning - and zoning out/bridezone is just a cop out in my book - especially if you are best friends.

As Lynzee said - have a talk to her when she ges back from her honeymoon -

You never know - you might get a lovely hand written note thanking you for being such a lovely friend - i hope so.

Bluehue icon_smile.gif

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SUELA Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 4:38pm
post #7 of 49

The 3 tier in my pictures with the M monogram on top was made as a gift for a friend.

During the reception photographers, caterers, car rentals were thanked...but my GIFT was not mentioned.

I was disappointed and a bit hurt...but i know they had a lot going on. They did tell me that everyone loved the cake though after the fact.

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becky27 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 6:39pm
post #8 of 49

omg you guys...i wrote it wrong...she didn't even say thanks...i was trying to write and condense everything so fast i should of re-read....what she said was..."i saw the cake, it came out ok"...

and why have me make such a cake if you weren't even going to serve it...she could have told me to do a dummy cake with the top one real...and then when i saw the cupcakes...

omg...i don't have cost about $300 dollars to make the cake...from cake, fillings, frosting, jewels, fondant flowers...etc...not to mention two days off of work...gas to get there...

i just feel so silly...i always read posts about stuff like this...i just never thought it would happen to almost feel sick to my stomach...and then to think i was up over 24 hrs...hahahaha omg...never again...just shaking my head!!!

thanks for all the advice you beautiful ladies have given me....
like i said i wasn't expecting anything but a "thank you" but didn't even get that...and then had to sit there and listen to her thank everyone

maybe everyone was taking pics of the cake to laugh at it later...maybe it was bad!!!! only a mother could love!!??? HAHAHAHAHAHA oh dear....

thank God i have you CC!!!! still trying to get these pics up...i think its the way they sent is a pdf file and the other is from a phone...waiting for my cousin...she took one with her camera....

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cylstrial Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 7:16pm
post #9 of 49

Wow! I really think you need to question whether this girl is your friend. She didn't even say thank you. That's ridiculous!

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becky27 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:24pm
post #10 of 49

ok here is the cake...

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becky27 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:30pm
post #11 of 49

be it ugly?? but this is what she sorta wanted....i didn't paint on the wood...instead i kinda marblized the fondant so it looked a little woodsy...i don't know...and like i said it was gift!!! free not even did i charge for supplies!!!!

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erinalicia Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:30pm
post #12 of 49

It's a beautiful cake, I can't believe she didn't even thank you for it. Maybe she was expecting it to look different? I'd definitely talk to her, though.

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monizcel Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:31pm
post #13 of 49

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I wanted to say that this is a beautiful cake.

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nannie Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:39pm
post #14 of 49

well I think it's a lovely cake.

I'm sorry you had to go thru this.

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LaBellaFlor Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:39pm
post #15 of 49

Well that changes my opinion and shes a rude BEEEYOTCH! Not even a thank you. You may want to reconsider you friendship. Now, you asked for an honest opionion on the cake and I believe in giving it when someone asks. No, I don't like the design of the cake. I find it unattractive, BUT if thats what she wanted, then thats what she gets. What I will tell you is your fondant work is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! The cake's fondant looks absolutley flawless. You do have skills girl! thumbs_up.gif

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becky27 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 8:51pm
post #16 of 49

omg thank you so much...i have to be honest...i HATE the cake myself...why would you want your wedding cake to look like a tree??!!! it is so not my style...but it is what she i did it...

whatever happend to the old fashion pretty white cakes with all the pretty ruffles and buttercream work???!!!! hahahahahahah

thanks for your opinion...and again for letting me vent....i do feel better!!!! i was thinking...i will give it two weeks..if i don't hear from her by then i will have to call and talk to her!!!!

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veronica720 Posted 31 Aug 2009 , 9:13pm
post #17 of 49

The cake is definately not something I would choose, but thats what she wanted. "To each, his own"

Your fondant work is great. It alone deserves a "thank you". Does she even know how much time and effort go into a cake?

I would say something also just to let her know how she hurt you. If she is a true friend she will try to make it right.

I have had to cut many "friends" from my life, but at least they can't use and abuse me anymore.

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kelleym Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:47am
post #18 of 49

I would say to give your friend the benefit of the doubt.

After my wedding, I was informed that my new FIL was "mad" at me because he had come up to congratulate me at the reception, and I had "blown him off". Me? I have no memory of this. To this day, 15 years later, I have no freaking idea what happened. icon_confused.gif

It's a wedding, a crazy day. Don't let a cake come between your friendship. You said she was a good friend. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

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1234me Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 12:53am
post #19 of 49

the cake is beautiful. I am sorry she acted the way she did - I would be disappointed too. I am not sure our friendship would last much longer. Find some friends who do appreciate you!

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Mommy2ThreeBoys Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:08am
post #20 of 49

To me the coloring is odd, but it wasn't for my wedding......It's not ugly just a odd color, however you should of at least got a Thank You out of it. I really don't believe in the whole bride being in a zone thing.....come on.....I really think it's just an excuse to act however they want and get away with it.

By the way, where I can learn to do fondant that smoothly on a cake?? Wonderful job!!!

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wakezcakez Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:15am
post #21 of 49

I think you did an amazing job and your cake was executed beautifully. I feel so bad that you had to go through that ordeal. All of your hard work and going out of your way like that deserves a big thank you...clearly she doesn't understand the amount of time and skill a cake takes. Keep your head did a fantastic job. thumbs_up.gif

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Angfastic Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:22am
post #22 of 49

It turned out nice. Sorry your friend didn't appreciate it. I did a 4 tier wedding cake for friend back in March and she was very happy. She knew how much work went into it. Not only did she say thank you, but she gave me a really nice thank you card.

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Angfastic Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:23am
post #23 of 49

Didn't finish icon_smile.gif. Not all brides are rude and caught up in themselves.

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SharonK1973 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:26am
post #24 of 49

I don't think you are over reacting! From the time you mentioned a small gift for her to cut into ad then it escalated to a 125 serving cake, I felt like she was taking advantage of you. Then having the nerve to want a cake that is hard to pull off as pretty ( which I think you still did a great job anyway). After being friends for so long, and remembering to thank everyone else, I personally don't think she has any excuse or not whole heartedly thanking you! But it seems like weddings and funerals always bring out the true character of people and you got to see hers!

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Criola Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:52am
post #25 of 49
Originally Posted by becky27

i would thank them endlessly...i know how much work is involved....

you said it yourself, folks who are not in the bussiness really don't know how much work actually goes into making a decorated cake...combined with wedding day which is stressful to begin with...i wouldn't take it personal...beautiful cake btw.


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weirkd Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 2:06am
post #26 of 49

Even if the cake had turned out aweful looking and not what she wanted you still trecked it out there and did it for her for free. To me she doesnt know the value of a friend. If she can go out of her way to thank other people then she should of included you as well.

You can do one of two things. You can confront her and tell her that you were hurt, that you poured your heart and soul into it and that you went out of your way for her. That you deserved to have a thank you for being such a good friend. Or you can move on and try to not let it bother you if you think she is worth it.

Ive had two experiences similiar. I did a two tiered cake and 70 cake favors for my neighbors daughter inlaw. I assumed I was going to get paid but did not. I also gave her a changing table and clothes. I never even received a thank you for it. I also bought Mary Kay from her. On the kids first birthday, she paid for a cake from somewhere else. Lesson learned.

I also had a friend that I worked with for four years. We were as close as sisters. I considered her like family. We bought a house about an hour away. She started acting weird. First she invited me to her sons birthday party. This included several mothers and their children from his school. She knew that I was trying to get my cake business started. So she tells me she bought the cake from Sam's Club because her son "INSISTED" on it. She ignored me during the whole party.

THen about six months later, my daughter's birthday. Her and her mother and her son come up for it. No one else was invited since we really didnt know anyone here. So her and her mother are cramming food in their mouths and her son and my two children are playing outside. My husband is watching them so we can talk.

My daughter comes in and tattles on her son saying he threw rocks in our pool. Then my daughter tattles later on that he threw a rock at her. His mother did not say a word. Next Im handing out cake and ask her son if he would like a piece. He did. Then later on he is jumping off my couch and hits his head on our fireplace. My daughters were also jumping so my husband calmly tells them that they needed to stop or someone would get hurt.

So I dont hear from her in over a week. I get worried since she talks to me several times a day. So finally after several calls I get an email telling me that she is ok. Then I find out that she is mad at me. I ask why and she begins to tell me how she felt unwelcome at my home and that I treated her son badly, yadda,yadda.

I ask how I treated her son badly and she tells me how my husband followed him around like he was going to break stuff. I said that he was trying to let us talk and that her son was actually not only doing damage to our pool and throwing rocks at my daughters, but hanging off the bird feeders at my neighbors yards.

So to make a long story short, we never spoke again. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and couldnt understand how someone that I was so close to, could treat me this way. Especially since I didnt feel I did a damn thing wrong. So looking back on it all now, I see that Im better off without her. Because she obviously couldnt control her son and I dont think my daughters would of benefitted from being around such a child.

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becky27 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 6:17pm
post #27 of 49

wow girls...i feel so loved by all of you...who needs my friend!!! hahahahaha i hear each and everyone of you...i am giving her the benefit...i am/do take in consideration that perhaps she doesn't realize what she said...

i have every emotion and i am definately not going to be re-evaluating anything til i give her some time to recoup from the wedding....

weirkd i am sorry about your "friend" and situation...all of you...thanks so much for sharing me your personal stories and advice...i truely appreciate have all made me feel so much better....

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__Jamie__ Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 6:21pm
post #28 of 49

And intentionally flaky (friend) or not, this is the point (circumstances like this I mean) where we can choose to grow "cake balls". Do we let ourselves be subject to this sort of thing again, fully knowing we may be walked on, or do we suck our breath in and say "I'd be happy to help, what is your budget?" icon_smile.gif

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weirkd Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 6:32pm
post #29 of 49

Thanks but if my long ranting didnt say it, I actually grew from the situation. Do I still have people I can call friends? Yes, but I dont think Im as close to anyone as I was her. And I probably would never be because I tend to not let my guard down. Its a shame that people act that way but the only thing you can do is suck it up to a learning experience and move on.

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OMGitsaLisa Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 6:41pm
post #30 of 49

Personally, I think that I get what she wanted as far as the tree cake goes and I don't think that's what you made so I could see her being a little disappointed. Of course, that's assuming she hadn't taken advantage of your kindness and gotten a big ol' free cake out of it or had in any way compensated you for your time and effort. Beggars can't be choosers and she needs to learn her place. You gave her a cake when she had none and for that she should be grateful or at the VERY least pretend to be if she cares about your feelings at all. I'm constantly amazed by how selfish people can be.

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