My Mother Passed Away This Week....

Lounge By hammer1 Updated 2 Sep 2009 , 8:07pm by Shelle_75

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hammer1 Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:07am
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and my cake partner is our of the country and doesn't even know yet....and she is like a sister to me.. It has been the worst week of my life and noone to cry on. I did want eveyone to know that a year ago I meet a fellow cake person through this site, we have communicated off site since...she has turned out to be a great pin pal.....she even took the time and effort to track me down through the internet and send me flowers.....thanks to all of you and how do you stop crying?

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diane Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:12am
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my condolences. icon_redface.gif i'm so sorry for your loss! you are in my prayers! icon_redface.gif

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Sugarflowers Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:14am
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I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. The best I can do is to give you an e-hug (( )).
The tears will eventually subside. Until then you have us to help you through.

My deepest sympathy.


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Texas_Rose Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:20am
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I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and bake something gooey and chocolatey for you for strength, and give you a shoulder to cry on until you didn't have any tears left. I haven't lost a parent, so I don't have any advice on how to get through it, but I'll be praying for you.

When will your cake partner be back?

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-K8memphis Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:23am
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Oh Little Hammer, I'm so sorry to hear of your staggering loss. Even when we get our eyes dried up our hearts don't really stop crying. But it does get bearable eventually much later. But go 'head and get all the tears out. It's very ok to cry. Get some Tylenol sinus for the headache.

I was just talking about my Mom in another thread.

I always say the sun does shine again but it's never shines the same.

God Bless you very much. It's not easy for sure.

Love & Prayers,

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Doug Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 4:26am
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Originally Posted by hammer1

how do you stop crying?

having buried both mother first and then father (well, ok, not buried, cremated by their specific order -- well, make the mom's specific order because she just couldn't bear the thought of waking up in a coffin and was convinced ala Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" (she' shouldn't have read it!) that she was going to be buried alive and that cremation was the ONLY way to avoid that....

to which, wise a** that I am I promptly retorted that OH REALLY and just what will it be like to wake up in a box as they burn you to death? which brought her standard response of "oh shut up" used whenever (very rare!) she knew I had bested her in an argument. thankfully her cane was not handy at the moment or I would probably still 20+ years later be suffering from having it poked into my side (it did double duty as her "sword")

so now she and dad rest peacefully commingled together in one large urn selected by her and suitably engraved with their names that is stored on the top shelf of the china cabinet she so prized and used to store her ceramic angel and teacup collection.

At last -- happy as the dust she is and never really bothered to dust off the shelves in the house.


you survive by laughing.

laughing till the tears are tears of fond, loving remembrance of all that made your mom so special, so uniquely her.

start by...

"And then there was the time that mom......."

for my mon, let's see:
> locked herself out of the house and....she'll rise from the grave if I say more about that!
> turned the clients hair green....
> forgot to soak the salt cured ham before cooking and serving it.
> burned the buns (again, and again, and again, and'd think she'd get the hang of it!)
> found out she had an allergy to the smell of roasting turkey
> decided turquoise was the "in" color and went to town on the kitchen, including her mixer
> decorated the house for Christmas with SO many lights -- how many were there -- well, her new grand-nephew-in-law came home from the nearby air force base and informed us they used our house as a flight marker at night! (and dad had the electric bills to prove it -- more than we spent on a/c in the 100+ Illinois summers)
> and.....

keeping going until you're in hysterics!

(hmmmm...pop over to the "what makes you a wierdo" thread and dish the dirt on mom?)


you're heart is breaking, the world seems empty in part because her laughter has left this world.

let it echo again through your laughter at all that made her so fun, so her.


and you survive by celebrating and "being" all that she taught you to be, and judging by another of your posts, you have taught your daughter to be. She, her faith, her love lives in you and now through you lives in your daughter too. Her legacy is obviously a rich and powerful one; one to be celebrated by living it every day.


my deepest sympathies on your loss.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Big BEAR hug!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
the only kind my mom ever gave or taught me to give!

Prayers & blessings too - trusting in the resurrection!

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LaBellaFlor Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 5:48am
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My prayers are with you.

I love you Doug.

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Mensch Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 5:56am
post #8 of 24

I am so sorry about your mum.

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xstitcher Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 6:05am
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I am so truly sorry for you loss. My deepest and heartfelt condolences. My prayers are with you.


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SugarFrosted Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 6:35am
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I am so sorry for your loss. The tears will dry but you will always miss her. Doug is so right about laughter, it heals us.

Both my parents have been gone for many years, and my sister in 2004. When my sister was alive we argued almost every time we talked. I miss her so much and wish she was here to have a big fight with. Isn't that weird? But I often laugh to myself when I think about the stupid things we argued about.

A couple of years ago my son's best friend (age 20) was killed in a car accident. I came across this beautiful poem while looking for something inspirational to read at his funeral. It helped my son a lot and I hope it helps you, too.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
(Author believed to be David Romano)

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Edited to add: I realized after this posted that I had pasted the wrong poem here....That was a different poem read at Brad's funeral. But it's so beautiful, I will leave it. Forgive me for this post being so long,

The one below is the one my son liked so much.

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

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Rebealuvsweets Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 7:28am
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So very sorry for the loss of your mother. Loosing a parent is a very hard thing to go through. God Bless You, and know that your mom will always be with u....

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Ohara Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 11:14am
post #12 of 24

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost my mom also. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with! I miss her every day. It's been 7 years. As I stood at the funeral and all the people were saying how sorry they were and that she was in a better place.....a friend of my mom's came up to me and my sister and she said to us....this sucks! no matter what anyone just sucks!!!
Doug is right laugh....even if it's through the tears. We do...and it will help get you through the moment. (((((((HUGS))))))

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Deb_ Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 12:55pm
post #13 of 24

I'm so very sorry about your Mom hammer1. I lost my Mom 9 yrs ago and my Dad 2 yrs ago and I still miss them so much every day.......but I always remember them with a smile.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!


Anna.....those poems are truly beautiful, thanks for posting them.

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JGMB Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 1:00pm
post #14 of 24

So, so sorry that you're going through this, especially without a shoulder to cry on. Julie

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Doug Posted 29 Aug 2009 , 1:05pm
post #15 of 24

one more thought in response to the second poem SugarFrosted posted:

WARNING -- it's like at the end of "ET" when ET points to Elliot's head and says "I'll be right here!"

She will always be with you -- maybe you've even caught yourself having said something remarking "I sound just like me mom!" or doing something just like her.

Here's the catch to that --- it only gets .....


the older you get!

she lives in you


now if you will excuse me -- time to put out the for rent sign so the dust bunnies know there are still a few corners and under "things" spaces available -- but, they're going fast! (we kidded mom about that all the time!)

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ladyellam Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 1:55pm
post #16 of 24

I am truly sorry for your loss. My mother died without warning, we were suppose to have coffee that morning, and got "the call". It truly has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through and there is no "right or wrong" way of grieving. Just try and get through each day, that's pretty much what you can do. I can't stand it when people tell me "it will get easier" never does--it's only different now. The smell of tortillas baking on the griddle still brings me to tears.

I wish I could take away your pain. Again, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.


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mrspriss0912 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 8:34pm
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I am so saddenes to hear of your loss. prayers and hugs to you and your family now.

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suz3 Posted 1 Sep 2009 , 10:51pm
post #18 of 24

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost both my parents. My father when I was a child and my mother as an adult. It has been many years and I still miss them both very much. The first year after my mother's death was the hardest in my life. I'm 61 and have had some pretty hard ones. I would find myself with the phone in my hand to call her. It has gotten better with time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. PM me if you want to chat about your mom.

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zoomzone Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 12:01am
post #19 of 24

my prayers are with you.

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hammer1 Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 1:54am
post #20 of 24

thanks to all of you for your kind words, prayers, poems etc. I have been very busy and not been able to check back, what do you do for the parent lefts behind.....after 62 years together dad is lost...I am having difficulty getting him to eat......well!!!!!

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Doug Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 2:29am
post #21 of 24

here's a recipe I used first w/ mom and then with dad as a way to pack in the calories and basic nutrition. -- both preferred it straight-up as ice cream or a milkshake.

used this instead of buying Ensure. much cheaper than Ensure and has pretty much the same calorie, fat, and vitamin/mineral content. Plus, since using instant breakfast mix, I could change up the flavors a LOT more (tho' dad was a stick-in-the mud with seemingly always and only wanting strawberry!)

dad would use it in his coffee as creamer (mom did tea so no chance there)

also worked in cooked oatmeal (and fyi, can also make a creamy oatmeal that's good and thick just by adding powdered milk to it as a thickener)

can be used as the liquid in brownies, cookies, even cakes

one additional warning -- if on a calcium restricted diet, should not use it.

didn't need to try it, but MIGHT be able it mix in some type of unflavored fiber booster to help that along too.

didn't need to, but could also experiment with adding protein powder or could try using the protein shakes made for body builders.

for dad (alzheimers and parkinsons) had to resort to serving all kinds of super calorie and food value dense foods that could be served in "nibbles"

so mashed potatoes made with sour cream, powdered milk, cheese, and butter for example

just look for ways to hide as much "good" stuff in the least amount of space and most appetizing taste --- (sort of back to fooling the kids to eat their veggies!)


right now, I'd just keep lots of snacks and nibbles around (m&m's, pretzels, candies, etc. -- won't kill in the short run and will keep the calories coming in)

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Rylan Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 3:23am
post #22 of 24

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your recovery will be okay.

Don't avoid crying. Just let it all out. Just don't forget to get some fresh air. When you think you can, go out and talk to a loved one. It will help you recover.

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mkolmar Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 7:42pm
post #23 of 24

I'm so sorry for your loss. Life can be very cruel at times. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

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Shelle_75 Posted 2 Sep 2009 , 8:07pm
post #24 of 24

I'm very sorry for the loss of your Mom. I lost my Dad over 14 years ago, and I still cry for him sometimes. It's totally normal. You're in my good thoughts and prayers.

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