I agree - go ahead and make the cake your friend wanted in the first place. This is obvious something she wants to have planned it 2 months ago! I'd put my heart and soul into the design and make it a showpiece.

Unfortunately there are too many SIL's in the world sometimes! At a recent gathering my friend had her SIL said she'd bring the salad ... she waltzed in, threw a bag of prewashed lettuce and a bottle of dressing on the counter then made her grand entrance into the party area. And we all remember the night my aunt (my mom's SIL!!) showed up with her hors d'oeuvres ... a jar of dill pickles!

well ive already responded to the email, but now im going to stand my ground and make the cake... I didnt just spend $30 and 2 months planning a cake for nothing!!!!

Whatever you do (make the cake! make the cake!) don't tell the SIL that you're doing a pig cake. That will just guarantee that she'll try to copy you. I know how these people work

yes thank you, I thought of that, I almost did... but then i thought... um no think of your own idea.


Please dont get me wrong, Im not an expert decorator, and I am still learning. But that is one of the reasons Jen offered me this oppritunity, because I need every chance I can get.

ok now im upset, and ready to start swearing.... here was her reply

Im making Her the cake she loves the most its choc two layers with a nice center filling and cream cheese icing with the best choc in the world smothering it!!! I made it five years ago she loved it she always bugs me to make it for her so i always said for her 30th!!! the choc i buy is really expensive but worth it! ya she loves her appetizers im thinking if everyone just brings a bottle that would be great lol or chips and stuff, Ya i asked sheri to make malibu jello shooters, and she is going to!!! i cant wait, ya it will be a hawaiin b-day party!!! im going to pick stuff up this week for it!!! we will keep in touch about it all!! Ya it is on friday the 15th


**GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR**

now im saying ok you make that cake and ill make another, and there will be tonnes to go around!

ok heres MY reply

"ok sounds good, Ill make my cake ( cuz it goes with the theme and she asked me for it) and you make that cake. And there will be tonnes of cake for everyone!!

and the 15th is a saturday, so is it friday or saturday?

ok keep me updated!"

Cake diva- If Jen asked you for the cake- stand your ground and make it- so what if there are 2 cakes?? More to love!
I would tell SIL that since Jen asked and you and Jen planned for you to bring it and you do NOT want to disappoint the Birthday girl.

I would not reply to anything else mentioning the cake. She is like a black widow spider drawing you into her drama. If she sends you another email I would try to say something along the lines of "Jen is so lucky to have you in her life. You are such a wonderful sister in law. Thanks for keeping me updated!" and leave it at that. Even if she asks questions. I would totally leave them unanswered. If you help her plan then guess who gets blamed when it goes sour? If you give in to her cake drama, guess who gets blamed for the drama? I would not touch this one again.

sounds like:

a) she want's to be the "poor me" -- I spent all this money on this OH so expensive chocolate (what she upgraded from store brand to Nestles??) and worked OH so hard to make this OH SO-SO cake.

b) she's more interested in being multiple sheets to the wind (of course being full of it she can keep those sheets full!) -- really lovely (awful) way to have a party for a mom being hit by the double whammy of postpartum depression and turning 30 (oh, now where did my youth go!)

once again proves the truth of:

with friends/relatives like that who needs enemies


-------


MAKE THE PIG!

and put some kind of holders around it and set the shooters on fire and use as tiki torches!

(shooters=gelled alcohol, just like in sterno!)

thank you, i will just be relying wiht " thats a nice thought" from now on.

It went from me planning the whole party to her -- fine less work for me

to her making the cake - I dont flipping think so


and this "speical cake" I knwo which on she is talking about, and its so special cuz she uses lindor chocolates, but you knwo what I think mine helps add to the theme..... so what the hell is the harm in making both???? is she afraid she wont get 100% of all the credit????

and doug, I will definatly pass that idea on... how do you light it? is there a special way, and can you do it to jello shooters?

Does Jen even know her party is being sabotaged? Why is this twit telling everyone what to bring?

I'd spend a lot of time modeling the pig's face ... and have it somewhat resemble the SIL (surely she has some sort of feature you can build into it?)

But wait - maybe Jen is suspicious, and she told the SIL it's for Friday but it's really someplace else on Saturday?

Families ... grrrrrrr

Yeah, I agree make the cake. It's sounds as though she is really excited about it.

As far as SIL is concerned, don't even get involved with her crap. The more you get involved the more upset you will be. These kind of people just don't back off.


SIL will probably make such a show at the party that it will end up not feeling like the party was actually for Jen. Just a party to show everyone how great SIL is.

So I think it will be nice if she gets her pig, which was actually something that she really wanted.

Some SILs can be a real PITA.

I can't wait to see pics.

So I got a reply

"ya its on saturday, i got her some neat candles and stuff to go with it i will call Ken and see what i should do then he asked me to plan this all and to make her favorite cake and make it really special for her, Cause he will be out of town so i thought if i could just figure stuff out and make it easier if people want to help with little things that would be great!! You dont have to go through all the trouble with the cake i have that figured out just show up Jen will be Happy with that! But thank you for the offer!"

thank you everyone, but im not doing the cake, and Jen can ask her why it wasnt there....I tried to do something nice but forget it.

sounds like KEN needs a talkin' to.

skating on thin ice over ruling the wife's(?) request -- and out of town as well!?!

Time to talk to your friend. Tell her that you were planning to make the cake and that her SIL is telling you it's not needed, but you wanted to double-check because you had already talked to her about making the cake, and bought the ingredients, and looked forward to giving it to her as her present.

She probably already knows that her SIL is an interfering witch!

I dont know if she knows about the party anymore... I know a couple weeks ago she wasnt sure if she could still have it..... So I also dont want to ruin the suprise.

I dont want to say anything to ken or jen (he he cute I know) because his family is s orude and judgmental anyways that it would ruin the whole party, and Im not even exaggerating.

shes also expecting me to bring something, and what do I say to that, Im broke buying flipping 200 lbs of icing sugar and marshmellow and stuff to make this cake......................... im super upset right now, and for now im not going to say anthing because its going to come out as" I ghave to make the cake cuz im the cak lady" which its not, but when you spend so much time and money planning something like this, its a big piss off!!

make the cake...

take it the day BEFORE -- or AFTER

so it's YOUR special PRIVATE present to her.


or if she's up to it-- she comes to your house for a lovely afternoon with you and the cake of course.

Just make the cake and bring it. When she says she told you not to, just tell her, "Well, you can think of it as a centerpiece for the table or a decoration if you want to." (meaning, at least there will be one pretty cake here)

You should check with someone else about when the party is, I wouldn't put it past her to lie about the date so you didn't show up.

And don't worry any more about it right now...if she tells everyone to bring a bottle, then one bottle less isn't going to make that big of a difference.

comeback for judgmental family about you bringing cake when Ken said....

---

Well, it's JEN's birthday and she asked me personally to make the cake.

Why Ken would ignore his own wife's request, I don't know.

But I made this for Jen, not for KEN.

(and mutter something about him not even being there!)

Are you sure your friend has post partum depression? I think I'd be in a permanent funk dealing with in-laws like that!

Doug's right - make the cake. You'll be the only one there who knows what the birthday girl really wants and you'll be her hero for paying attention and caring.

SIL is going to ask Ken what to do..... this is turning out to be way more work then it needs to be.


You must also understand that Jen and ken, and the other SIL are the ONLY people we know here..... we dont have anyone. So at this party, we are going to be surrounded by people that disapprove if she runs her mouth.

But my hubby said he is going to try to change his work shift ( I was supposed to go to this party alone!) because he is afraid of what might happen!! I just told him not to worry and if anyone says anything I will politely excuse myself and say because I have to walk hom, I want to get home before dark with my daughter.

Do you think that will work?

OK what I still don't get here, is why you never specifically told SIL that Jen ASKED YOU TO MAKE THE CAKE?

You can talk about trying to get yourself 'over it' but let's face it, you are NOT going to get over this, and rightly so: your friend ASKED you to make the cake!!

I wouldn't do these short, vague blurbs like you two are exchanging. She is clearly trying to steamroll everything even just in the way she writes. "I am doing this and I am doing that and..." So, rather than beating around the bush, you need to specifically spell it out for her:

"Hi (SIL) - I am so glad you are doing this special cake for Jen that you promised her years ago. However you should know that I too made a promise to Jen. Jen specifically asked me to bake her a themed cake [I agree, don't you dare tell her what you're making] for this party and I would be embarrassed to show up without it. I am sure your gourmet chocolate cake will be divine, so I will make a novelty cake in vanilla so that it won't compete in any way with all of your hard work.

Please understand that I want to contribute my part to make Jen's birthday special too, and I would feel absolutely awful not honoring my promise to her. "

I would NOT trust her to give you truthful feedback regarding "what Ken says to do." Seriously, how do you think SHE is going to present this to him? Do you think she'll bring it up in a way that will favor your making the cake? NO.

Call Ken yourself if you do not want to bug Jen.

And last but not least: yes, if you can't come to a satisfactory solution, BAKE THE CAKE and give it to her the day before the party. Because you know what, at that point if SHE wants it at the party as a themed food item, she will bring it herself !

Show up with the cake. And if SIL goes, "But I said you don't have to!" you can go, "I know, and thanks, but I DID promise Jen, two months ago, and I'd feel really horrible if I broke a promise that way."

The worst that can happen is a cutting remark, to which you can reply with a smile, "Please, I really don't want to see Jen upset right now; can we discuss it later?" quite graciously.

Srsly, though. You made a promise to a woman who is suffering from depression (post-partum or otherwise!). Keeping that promise is one thing you can do to help her get through it. And besides, when you show up with a phenomenal cake, even the most rude and judgmental family members are going to hesitate to believe whatever the SIL says about it.

I would just call jen and ask her if she still wants the pig cake for her birthday. It sounds like you guys havn't talked about it since she ordered it 2 months ago, so you could say that you were just wondering if that is what she wanted. You don't have to mention that you have been emailing back and forth with her SIL. This way if she does know that her SIL has something else planned then she can tell you, otherwise she will say she wants it and you can bake it for her.
However I am surprised that her husband didn't know that she had asked you to do this cake. I mean if there was a party being planned for 2 months you would think that there would have been some talk about the cake. I think the SIL is trying to pull something funny here.

Geezy peezy. Why is everyone making a mountain out of a molehill?

The solution is just so simple:

1) Stop all communications with these people.
2) Make the pig cake anyway.
3) Bring said cake to luau party.
4) Watch gleefully while SIL embarrasses herself in some far-out way.

oh no here i go again!!!!

SIL says
Im making Her the cake she loves the most = my opinion don't give a fig about what Jen likes or wants she WILL love my cake (oe else!)

its choc two layers with a nice center filling and cream cheese icing with the best choc in the world smothering it!!! = i've got to use the best choc coz it's gonna look ugly as dog balls (phrase stolen unashamedly from another thread but it made me laugh and fits nicely here ) so i've got to make it edible

I made it five years ago she loved it she always bugs me to make it for her so i always said for her 30th!!! = i am too stupid to realise that Jen was only being nice 5 yrs ago besides if it was that fab and she is soooooo great why the hell has it taken her 5yrs to make Jen another one?

the choc i buy is really expensive but worth it! = i know it's gonna be cr** so i better let you all know it's expensive cr**

ya she loves her appetizers im thinking if everyone just brings a bottle that would be great lol or chips and stuff, = i really am the PARTY QUEEN coz nobody else is gonna even think of chips and crackers - this party is sooooo lucky i'm gonna be in charge we're going for gourmet here

a i asked sheri to make malibu jello shooters, and she is going to!!! = you're not the only person i'm bossin around so don't go feeling special

i cant wait, ya it will be a hawaiin b-day party!!! im going to pick stuff up this week for it!!! we will keep in touch about it all!! Ya it is on friday the 15th = hope this makes it sound like i give a shoot about what you think, but i don't

....
"ya its on saturday, i got her some neat candles and stuff to go with it = told you i was the PARTY QUEEN poor Jen

i will call Ken and see what i should do then he asked me to plan this all and to make her favorite cake and make it really special for her, Cause he will be out of town = I'll call somebody that will just let me do what i want

so i thought if i could just figure stuff out and make it easier if people want to help with little things that would be great!! = just reinforcing I AM THE BOSS don't get any ideas missy

You dont have to go through all the trouble with the cake i have that figured = i haven't got a clue what i'm doing but you're not getting to upstage me this is MY party

just show up Jen will be Happy with that! But thank you for the offer!" = turn up without the cake Jen wanted and upset her then super hero ME will fly in with my cake and make it all better while everyone throws stones at her nasty friend who promised cake but brought chips

If Jen is already feeling low and is no doubt on the receiving end of lots of advice ( i've got an 11 week old and my tongue is sore from being bitten so i don't tell people to stick their advice) she probably feels like nobody in the world actually listens to her, they are all too busy telling her what to think, do etc. Go without her cake and you just confirm what she feels - go with what she asked for and you are her one true friend who listens to her and values her opinion especially at this difficult time for her. What's the worst that can happen?...too much cake, not really a disaster in the grand scheme of things. Make the cake, go, enjoy yourself and if possible try to spill something on SIL [/b]