I have a neighbor who I've spoken to only a few times. The last time I talked to her, she was telling me about her wedding plans...fancy dress, $300 worth of World of Warcraft figurines for a cake topper, Italian cream cake with swiss meringue buttercream, none of that fondant crap, from a "really professional bakery", etc...

Today she showed up at my door with coloring books and markers for my kids. Of course I had to invite her in, and then she saw the stuff I've got spread out in the dining room for my friend's wedding cake next month. So she brought up how her fiance had balked at the price of the wedding cake she wanted..."$500 for a cake? It's just cake!" the usual...and she asked me if it's possible to make buttercream look as smooth as fondant. I told her yes, it's possible, and she said, "Oh, so you can do that?" I told her no, that some people have that skill but not me. I told her I could recommend someone in town if she'd give me a day or two to ask around. She said that when she had tasted my fondant it was the best tasting fondant she had ever had, blah blah blah. And then she asked me to make her cake. She just wants something simple, because her WOW figurines (which she hasn't ordered yet because she's got to get to level 80 so her character will be more buff in the figurine) should be the focal point of the wedding and she doesn't want the cake to take any attention away from the figurines. She figures that an 18" square and a 12" square would be fine (for 70 guests because nobody really eats the cake at a wedding anyhow). I pointed out that an 18" cake pan won't fit in most ovens and since she lives in my complex she must know how big the ovens are here (of course I could do 4 squares for the layer, if I wanted to do this at all). I pulled out the Wilton yearbook and told her that wilton says an 18" cake is 160-something servings. So then she said a 12 and an 8 would probably work instead because they don't want to spend very much anyhow. She's getting married Thanksgiving weekend, and when I told her I was going out of town for Thanksgiving she said she doesn't really care for cake so it could be made up to a week in advance.

At this point my PITA radar was going off full-blast. I jumped up and told her that my beans were burning...which they were. She said she didn't realize how late it had gotten and she'd come back Thursday

I'm going to try telling her that her venue might not allow cakes from a hobby baker and see if that gets me out of it. Her fiance is military so my husband says they're probably getting married on base and the army won't care where the cake is from.

I need some great excuse. There is just no way I am going to bake this woman a cake.

I'd definitely play the "legalities" card first.

Then, if it's legal, I'd give her a price that was WELL worth my time and trouble.
WHich, by the way she sounds, would be a big way to help her "sort out" her financial limitations.

just tell her plain and simple that its around the holidays and you don't have enough time to do it

If they are getting married on base, then the military DOES care where the cake comes from. My brother is in the navy and I couldn't make his wedding cake because I am a home baker. They would not under any circumstance allow them to serve a cake on base that was not from a licensed bakery.

I'd just tell her you don't want to take on such a huge task before leaving on vacation. Don't waiver. Don't give her any room. Just say no. Easier said than done, I know.

oh wow! I wouldnt do one for her either!
sound like some one who wants something for nothing, and who is trying to get by as cheaply as possible.
I dont think it would be worth your time or expense.
I honestly dont know what I would say.. I would just say that you arent available that week to make a cake that week? yikes...

Just tell her that you have a lot of stuff to do before you leave for Thanksgiving and won't have time to do her cake.

I would just tell her that because you will be going out of town that week, you have been telling anyone who asks that you will not be making any cakes that week, no exceptions.

Since you already told her you are leaving town for Thanksgiving, I would just tell her that you looked at your schedule & realized that you already have too much going on before you have to leave (other cakes to bake, kids have activities, Aunt Sue will be coming to visit, your other friend is getting married & you have to help her make favors, you're expecting to be called in to court as a witness (!), etc. etc.) Tell her you are sorry, but even if it was the most simple cake, there is just no way you can squeeze it in.....even if you made it 2 weeks ahead of time. If she insists you make it even earlier, tell her at that point, it might start to mold & get smelly on her if you made it any sooner & you do not want to damage your reputation.

If she is insisting that you make the cake, that's really the only option I see for you to get out it....that you are simply not available.

If you still can't get out of it........she says she doesn't care about the cake, so tell her the only thing you could do is make her a dummy cake. That way you don't have to worry about the servings, etc. Get a couple dummies, throw some fondant over them & call it a day. Give them to her ASAP so she gets off your back about it. Let her get sheet cakes from somewhere else so she can be their PITA.

And if she found one liiiiitle thing wrong, like OMG icing was covering her Worldowhatsit figurine's foot....you'll never hear the end of it cuz she'll remind you of it. everytime. she. sees. you.

Oh my gosh, do I have to give this speech again?

Why are women so obsessed with being "nice" and not hurting people's feeeeeeelinnnnnnngs..... even if it means they hurt their own feelings in the process?

I never hear of MEN having this problem!

We get up in arms in the scratch vs box discussion how how no one should lie about how they make their cake, but we run into a situation like this and there are multiple suggestions on "well, you COULD just tell her blah blah blah....." In one instance, it's "never lie!" and in another instance, it's "oh you have to lie to be nice!" WTH???

Just tell her what you told us: You're going out of town for the holiday and you're not doing cakes that week. Period. You dont' need her approval for why you're not doing the cake. You're gone. You can't. Period. Done. End of conversation. No discussion. No whimping around the bush. That's just how it is.

(and she tucks her mom finger into her holster and slowly saunters off into the sunset .......)

indydebi--lol...that's great!!!

Tell her if she just wants something simple so it won't take away from her precious figurines to go to Walmart or the local grocery store. She said she doesn't even care about the cake--she's okay with it sitting around for a week before serving it to her guests? If she doesn't care about the cake , doesn't want anything fancy, and she needs something cheap I think that's where she needs to go!

I would tell her you aren't available to make the cake at all...don't give her an excuse. Just say "No I'm so sorry I can't do this for you. Gosh, have a wonderful and happy wedding!" And smile REALLY big when you say it!

It's kind of like the drug slogan campaign "JUST SAY NO"

"I'm sorry, it's just not possible for me to do that for you"

NO explanations. NO "...because..." added onto the above sentence.

Any questions of "why not?" get the answer "because it's just not possible. I'm sorry"

Repeat until it sinks into her head that you will not bow to her wishes or commands.

"I'm sorry but I won't be here that weekend and while you may not care for cake I do not want my name attached to a cake that is over a week old."

Or "I'm sorry but I wouldn't have to time that week to give your cake the attention it deserves."

Or "I'm sorry I can't help you."