When my grandson was around 2 years old my daughter would hand the phone to him for all sales calls she got. They would ask to speak to Mr. Johnson and since that wasn't her husband's last name but was my grandson's she would give him the phone. We could hear him answering questions they would ask.
"This is Peyton." "I'm 2." "What are you doing?" "Mom, he wants to talk to you." To which she would reply no you talk to him. They would finally hang up.

I am trying so haard not to wake up my napping 19 month old nephew! I am laughing so hard it hurts! I'm crying! I WILL be using some of these responses/methods to get rid of cold call sales people
Thanks for the laughs!

This didnt happen to me but to my best friend, when she was younger not sure exactly how old but old enough to stay home alone. She answered the phone and thought it was someone trying to sell her something. When the person asked to speak to her mother she told them she was dead> Well come to find out it was the bank and all of her mothers accounts got frozen and her mom was so mad at her. I guess its not funny to joke about your mom dying but the frozen account thing really got me.

That is the very reason I had my business phone disconnected.

And the number I got for my business belonged to a couple who owed everyone in the state I got so mant calls for them from bill collectors I just quit answering.

My typical reply...well, not really a reply, because they are too busy talking to ask me a question...is "I'm sorry, but I don't do business over the phone. Good-bye."

But I would like to send a warning. I don't know how prevalent this is now, but are you familiar with "slamming"? This was a very unscrupulous tactic used when the phone companies were in hot and heavy competition. We had this happen to us at work. A small phone company calls and speaks to the employee who answers the phone. In the course of the very brief conversation, the employee says the word "yes". When it is discovered that the phone service for the office has been changed, an inquiry results in a tape being played in which some clever editing has been done. The tape has their sales person asking our company would authorize a switch and then our employee saying the word "yes".

Now, first of all, that employee had no authorization to change the service. And the employee never said "yes" to such a question. It was a mess to get fixed. I've read recently of this happening with credit card companies or banks, trying to prove that you authorized some expensive new service.

Just say "no". I make it a practice to never say "yes" when asked on the phone a question like "Is this so and so"? I reply with "This is she" or "speaking" or "who is calling, please". I will not use the word "yes" or the phrase "I agree", or anything close to that.

i moved into a flat a year ago with my bf, and we got a new phoen number set up. and got at least 5 calls a day for people who must have had that number ages ago. most callers were like, oh, sorry to boter you. some would start trying to sell that stuff.

my bf toys with cold callers. he loves it (things liek going along with a conservatory deal - only to later say, i live in a 3 storey flat, will that be a problem?). i feel bad for the other side! but one time he was good, just said 'sorry, really not intrested, bye' and hung up, they guy was still talking. and then he rang back! apparently it is automatic when they get hung up on... so my bf hung up, less politely. then teh guy called back! this time bf said it was harrasment, call again and il be callng the police - oh, and your name and number? the caller hung up. funny how that always works.
xx

My friend said that one time a telemarketer called and her brother picked up the phone.

TM: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Whoever?
Brother: I'm sorry, he's in jail.
TM: Oh, um, can I speak to Mrs. Whoever?
Brother: I'm sorry, she's in jail too.

Prob until I was 25 I had a very young phone voice. I was always asked:
'is your mother home?'
NO
'when will she be home?'
She works 9a-10p (telemarketers can only call 9a-9p)

At my current company, we have to call our customers regularly, and it's in their contract that we do so. And it's not to sell anything, I swear!!!

Customers are so nasty to us and hang up all of the time. I just wish I could send them a copy of their contract each time and say 'look, if you don't give me the information we need to bill you accurately, I can bill you whatever I want!!! Says so right here in your contract!!!'

The problem is they're so overwhelmed with sales calls all the time, we don't even get a chance.

Well, as the church administrator I have to TRY and be nice to these people. But, a particular company called me FOUR....count 'em....FOUR times with the same sales pitch! Each time I POLITELY said...."We are not interested at this time." I SWEAR the salesperson said (EACH TIME) "Oh, of course we can't expect to you make a decision without seeing our material" EACH TIME I said "We ARE NOT INTERESTED! Thank You!". So, the unlucky Fourth and LAST caller got this "We aren't interested and I have told THREE other people from your company the same thing. Please do not call us again" AGAIN...."Of course we can't....blah blah blah" Then.....my head exploded! When I "came to myself" I was saying "I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SPOKEN WORD?"

Well, they haven't called back! I guess it worked! LOL

Beth in KY

I have a friend who could make a reality show out of the sales calls. We were at his house once, and someone phoned. As soon as they started the pitch, he started talking in a real hillbilly type voice, and he kept on deliberately misunderstanding them and not quite answering their questions and going on and on about how Mr. X was going to beat him if he came home, and no no, I do not want to talk to the poe-leese, and so and so was in jail. It was absolutely hilarious. A friend emailed a link to a site where a telemarketer called a house so the person who answered pretended to be a homicide detective who was investigating the murder of the person who lived at the number, and he kept asking the telemarketer what his business was with the deceased and wanted his name and number and employer so they could verify where he was etc etc. I wish I could do stuff like that.

these are great.....i am the only employ in my business but my parents do the same thing in their business...we have a make believe person named susie ( really my parents dogs name) ...anytime someone calles with a sales pitch " oh im sorry you have to talk to susie about that," salesperson"is she there, no shes on vacation" ( excuse changes every call.......since telemarketers enter this name in their database, as susie to be the preson they talk to ( not t mention they sale this info to other companies) we know anytime someone calls wanting to talk to "susie" to just say "oh sorry she not in right now" and hang up......mnay have stopped calling because everyone says "susie is the only one whom can make decisions like that" but that darn susie is always jetting off somewhere.

I'm on the do not call list for all the good it does. A few years back I was at my mother's and answered her phone for her as she was being swamped with telephone solicitation.

Me: Hello?
Them: Is Mr. So & So there?
Me: No, he's a little buried right now....(should have been the first clue)
Them: Do you know when he'll be back?
Me: Haven't the slightest idea...may I take a message? I'll probably meet up with him before he comes home.
Them: No, I really need to talk with Mr. So & So
Me: Well, like I told you, he's a little BURIED right now (emphasis on buried)

By now this is getting fun. This chickie will not give up on trying to talk to my dad, who has been dead for 10 years. Where this company got their leads from I'll never know. I finally got it out of her that it was a promo for life insurance. This verbal exchange went on for about 8 minutes.

Them: Will you PLEASE let me know when Mr. So & So will be able to talk to me?? (She's getting ticked off now) This is an opportunity that he really should hear!
Me: Honey, you really need to update your database. This man has been dead for 10 years.
Them: (after she calls me an expletive) That's all you had to say in the first place! (slams the phone)

It did get my dad's name out of their database.

My husband cannot stand telemarketing or rude solicitors. He is very bold when dealing with them now. I just jokingly told him that he has apparently attended the University of IndyDeb and majored in Melvira (I admire the backbone of these two very much!). We had one particular guy who called and called despite being asked to remove us from their list. One day my husband was home on sick day and answered the phone when this guy called. My hubby started saying stuff like "I know who you are, yes I do. I know that you and my wife are seeing each other. You have balls calling here at my home like this" and on and on. The poor guy got so flustered and starting trying to defend himself that he was sputtering. My husband just kept after him, making up a bunch of bull. The guy finally hung up and has never called again.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahha
Everybody just keep it coming cos I'm having the time of my life on this thread .Wow!!!! The things people go thru,its so funny and this is really a stress reliever cos I've been just so busy baking and decorating cakes I really needed to see this thread. Indydebi and Melvira I dream of meeting you guys someday! YOU ARE THE BOMBS!!! LOVE YA!!!!!!

Oh my gosh, I saved the email. Here is the link:

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

It takes a couple minutes to load (at least on my computer, and probably half an hour on dial up), but it is hilarious.

Priceless!

I most definitely be using some answers on here,it's hillarious