"well, When My Mom Bakes Cakes..."
Decorating By Cakes_By_Bright Updated 3 Mar 2009 , 12:12pm by grama_j
My gosh I never thought I'd used that phrase against my BF, but I almost killed him recently.
We own a new cybercafe and for Valentine's day we sold cupcake flower baskets. We (my bf and I) had done some before. Since I met him and he found out I liked to bake he told me his mom used to bake cakes. So, whenever I was in the kitchen baking (I use recipes then adapt these to however I please and create my own 
), he'd always say something about his mom and when she used to bake. At first it was cool cause it's like getting tips from someone who knows...five years later...not so much. 
SO....back to the baskets...It's Friday morning (maybe the 13th had something to do with it) and you know Murphy's Law, right? So, I'm dealing with that...honestly I thought at first he'd be able to give me a hand, but he was sorta confused in the kitchen and at moments like that I prefer having the kitchen to myself so I can manuever freely. He REALLY wants to help though, so I say prep the basket. He doesn't know how he says. "Wrap the foam". (Then n there I KNEW I should've done in the night before but with regular work, the shop, and school it didn't hit me then). I felt like an old Everbody Loves Raymond episode where the wife found out the only reason her husband said he didn't know how to do things was to get out of doing them. But I thought, this couldn't be the case here....no way!! he's REALLY trying!!
And he actually was. But, truth is, my bf's never been good at wrapping anything. I've done all his Xmas wrapping, and I know he pays to get my gift wrapped. Can't blame him though. So, to make him feel helpful, I say, "you grab the kitchen i'll grab the basket. All you gotta do now is the frosting".
-"Where do I start?"
-"Put 1/2C Crisco in the machine (our mixer) and beat it until it's creamy.
I keep wrapping and hear the machine go....slow.
"Sweetie, you gotta beat it faster so it gets creamy."
"What else should I put in?"
{puzzled since it's not even a minute yet}"Is it creamy?"
"No, I'm asking you what else to put in"
"Only that."
"ARE YOU SURE?!?!"
{Now I'm getting frustrated} "yeah, just beat it faster so it gets creamy."
"What else goes in though?"
"Nothing yet, hon, beat it" {the 'hon' is cause now I'm just getting po'd.}
"It's not DOIN ANYTHING" {now he's copping an attitude with me}
"Honey, FASTER!!"
then he dared say, "SHould I call my mom and ask her?"
{trying not to say anything that starts with his momma} "Look it's just that for now and you gotta beat it till it's creamy THEN you add something."
"Well I'm telling u it's not doing anything"
"Faster honey." {By now i'm so po'd the basket is not even coming out right}
know what he does? he puts the machine faster and looks into the bowl and then he gives me this it's-not-doin-anything look. 
Okay, so I'm just irritated and as I'm walking back into the kitchen I say "faster, it's too slow" he answered "I DID PUT IT FAST AND IT'S NOT DOIN ANYTHING!!". So as I get to the machine I reach out, hike it up, and when I look into the bow' I realized it WASN'T getting creamy....nor WAS anything going to get creamy. I don't know how I didn't just cry. I was upset but once I handed that basket in I was able to laugh.
I stopped the machine and calmly said, " CRISCO, sweetie...not Presto."
"I heard Presto."
"I said FROSTING, doesn't your mother BAKE?!?" 
This sounds like hubby when I need him to hang a shelf for me. I tell him EXACTLY where I want it hung. And he hangs it at the level HE thinks it should be. So when I make him take it down and do it over, he holds it up to the wall and says, "is that where you want it?" I say, "Lower ... lower ... lower .... lower .... lower .... ok that'll do."
I ask him to move the towel holder in our guest bath from the right of the sink to the left of the sink. He moved it all right ... he moved it 4" to the right on the same freakin' wall!!!! When I complain again about "why can't you ever hang anything where *I* want it hung?" He says, "So how far over did you want it moved?" I said, "I wanted it moved to opposite side of the freakin' sink ... on the OTHER wall!" So he gets all pi$$y because i didn't tell him that (and that's a WHOLE 'nuther argument!) and I said, "Why would I want you to put a big 'ole honkin' hole in the wall just to move something 4 lousy inches?"
Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. (Well you COULD ... but then you'd have to clean up after 'em ONE MORE TIME!)
P.S. And hubby would frequently used the "but that's how mom did it!" phrase, until I finally got him to understand "If your mom did it, then it's probably wrong, so dont' do it!" (and I love my MIL. She's an awesome lady, but we are from two REALLY different generations on raising kids and running a house!)
and I said, "Why would I want you to put a big 'ole honkin' hole in the wall just to move something 4 lousy inches?"
Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. (Well you COULD ... but then you'd have to clean up after 'em ONE MORE TIME!)
&
Cakes_By_Bright, too funny thanks for the great story.
ROFLMAO 
Funny story!
My husband used to pull the "Well when my mom baked..." He has quit saying that now that I have proven myself to know how to do things WAY better than his mom did. She's great, but I do things differently and it still *gasp* works out just fine! 
No way...could it really be this...?? http://www.prestoflour.com/Portals/Presto/portal.aspx?tabid=15
To the OP: thanks for sharing such a great story!
That is SO hilarious! My MIL can't cook at all, let's just forget about baking anything...& my husband knows it!
I'll never have that problem with my BF. His mom can't cook and he knows it. She's known for cooking once a year. On New Year's Day she makes lasagna. This year (2 weeks before Superbowl) she actually made a pork roast. Since the Cardinals were in the Superbowl (we're in Az) and she'd cooked twice before January was out, I told her the world must be coming to an end
They'd been installing counters and cupboards for the last 2 months, and I told her they should have been installing bomb shelters instead.
'Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle.' - Gloria Steinem
My MIL can't cook either and my hubby never compares my cooking to hers. I have been cooking and baking since I was 11 years old. Now my DIL hears that's not the way my mom cooks it a lot from my DS. She does like to learn and she loves to come over and learn how to cook with me. She had a mom that couldn't cook and thought a lot of things were terrible until she tried mine. She took the Wilton cake classes and I took them all again with her. She is good at decorating but still lacks the confidence. We won't talk about how I had to teach hubby how to grill (you know the thing that men are supose to be born knowing how to do). 
We won't talk about how I had to teach hubby how to grill (you know the thing that men are supose to be born knowing how to do).
I think the only thing they actually do is flip the burgers. Don't we usually have to do everything else and they get all the praise ?
Not only is it cake flour, it is SELF-RISING cake flour, made by the same people that make Swans Down! I sure wish I could find that in the store! I totally messed up a recipe a few weeks ago that called for SR cake flour; I botched the conversion amount of soda and salt to add. Would much rather just have the correct flour in my pantry. It's only $2.75 for a box but you don't even want to KNOW how much the shipping is!
Ha... I guess I got lucky. My husband does it right the first time. And on the off chance that he does screw it up, he doesn't get offended when I get mad and make him do it over.
The only thing wrong with him is he doesn't know how to close the damn cupboard doors in the kitchen.... lol
I feel your pain! When I first got married I made *MY* lemon pie -- a lemon cream cheese pie which is to die for. DH sits down, picks up the fork, eats first bite and says "But this isn't how my mom makes lemon pie." Well, after having had a very long day full of irritating people the last thing I want to be compared to is his mother so I bellowed "THEN GO LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER!" Result -- he meekly bows his head and says "yes dear." (and he is NOT a "yes dear" kind of guy!) I still laugh over that one! But I guarantee you I never got compared to MIL again!
I guess I don't get the ''But MY mom does it this way'' comparisons because my husband had been out on his own for 20 years before we met. He's just happy to have someone cook for him once in a while. *giggle*
Don't you love the logic? We spend the first 20 years of our life, living with OUR mom, watching HER cook, learning HER methods ... just so that wehn we get married, we cna be criticized because we don't make them the way HIS mom makes it.
First hubby would always take a taste of my potato salad and say, "It needs a bit more pickle juice." Well, ya big dumba$$, I don't PUT "pickle juice" in my potato salad! The pickle juice that your mom drowns her potato salad with is why HER potato salad taste like crap!
Go figure, huh! 
What a great story! Sounds so much like my husband and I but must I say it's the other way around when I'm helping him build something or put something together 
. But I must also admit that I do it to get back at him for the time he ruined a cake project I was doing just because I thought it would be a great way for us to spend time together, instead of him watching the game .
I consider myself lucky that my DH doesn't pull any of that with me...he's been trained well I guess!
Great story!
But, I am torn.
As a wife of a mama's boy I should be thinking, "cut the apron strings already!" over his behavior.
Yet, as a mama of four boys I thought, "aww bless his heart!"
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