Where Is The Support? Really Strange...and Venting

Decorating By step0nmi Updated 14 Jul 2008 , 5:49pm by ladyellam

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step0nmi Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 2:44am
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so, I am thinking that my step-mom does not support my cake decorating business/talents. I have been decorating for 2 1/2 years and she has never really talked about the fact that I do cakes with other people...she always seems a little stand-offish about it. Well, today confirmed it! (don't know why anything didn't before! lol) we traveled to my cousin's bridal shower...and when we get there one of the sister's of my step-mom is setting up a cake. She is not happy about it...actually, she was saying how she was doing it as a favor to them. I then find out that this sister lives in the same area as me and my family and she has only decorated one cake before that. I tell her that if she needs any help that I am more than willing because I decorate cakes...and she is like "well, then you should've done the cake!" icon_surprised.gif I was surprised...she really was not happy doing this cake since this was only her second one...it is a stacked cake and it's cracking on one side and she is trying to cover it all up with these fondant sort-or hibiscus flowers . Actually, for her 2nd cake and not knowing much I thought she was doing a good job. I felt bad for her because she was soo stressed...I have kinda gotten the hang of setting up cakes in front of people and I know how to keep my cool...but she was kind of vocalizing it...anyway!

While on the way home in the car I decided to talk to my step-mom about it...but kind of in a subtle way. I was telling her how this woman was not happy doing the cake and that I would've been more than happy to do it...I would've done it as a gift I say! she didn't say MUCH to that!
and I also brought up the fact that I am NOT doing my cousin's wedding cake. and I think this is because of her(did not tell her this)...when I first saw my cousin with her soon to be husband I told her that I would be MORE than happy to do their wedding cake as a gift! I was soo excited that she might be getting married soon...but come time to find out that they were actually engaged and when they found the venue my step-mom was like..."well, they don't need you to do the cake...the venue does it." I really don't know the details of it...but it seems sort of fishy because it is through her! she told me today that "they HAVE to pay for it...so why would she pay double?" I told her "well, I don't know if they can *force* her to have the wedding cake with them...there are ways around that, and besides I was going to do it as a gift!" *crickets* seriously! icon_rolleyes.gif I am over it now because I am going down there to have fun...we are spending the night and I have not been able to have a fun evening at a wedding with my husband yet! so, that's that!

oh...and whenever I say I am going to make a cake for a special occasion she always suggests something smaller and simpler...like for our reunion this summer I said that I was going to bring the cake...again! and in her email she writes "or little mini cakes, or brownies, or cupcakes...whichever!" because I always like to make something special...it's our family reunion for crying out loud! come to realize...when I was talking about her friends wedding cake that I am doing Aug. 2nd...I told her that I just brought her samples this friday she says "oh! she's having you do her cake!? I thought she had a friend that decorated cakes!?" like as if it wasn't good that I was doing the cake! it was really weird....

I guess i just needed to get that out...I don't know if she's jealous or just doesn't care that much? I dunno! she seems to like talking to me about my cake ventures when I get together with her...she also says she misses talking with me.

so what gives!? why doesn't she tell people about my skills!? I am not too hurt by this because I have other's that put me out there...but WTF? LOL

*phew* thanks! icon_biggrin.gif

19 replies
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martmarg Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:00am
post #2 of 20

that's odd. It almost seems that she's jealous of your talents.

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robinscakes Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:02am
post #3 of 20

Huh, that sounds really weird. I don't know either one of you, but from what you've said, it sounds like she is afraid to give you credit for anything. Maybe she feels inferior to you for some reason and don't want to make you look good for fear of looking bad herself? You said she's your step-mom--are you a "Daddy's girl?" Maybe she's afraid that Daddy pays too much attention to you and she wants to downplay your talents. Maybe she doesn't feel like she fits into the family and doesn't want to draw positive attention to anyone but herself. I'm just thinking out loud here. I could be way off base, but it definitely sounds like there is something more to the way she ignores your talents. I do hope that you can patch things up with her and that you two can come out of this with a better understanding of one another.

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mkolmar Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:09am
post #4 of 20

She's green with envy of your talent and I hope I'm wrong here but it sounds like she may not be the nicest person (I mean she's fake nice, but really isn't) I hope I'm wrong though. You do great work. Just start making it known louder to others that you make cakes and then they won't pay attention to what line she is telling them. She obviously is not supportive, so don't give her the chance to not be.

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laynie72 Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:10am
post #5 of 20

She sounds like a strange woman... sometimes stepmoms act so weird, mine doesnât even let me talk to my step sister and brothers and my dad never tells her when he talk to me...
I think you have the right attitude, do not let it get to you, maybe one day she will talk to you about it, or maybe your dad can ask her? have you ask your dad what he thinks? just a thought. icon_rolleyes.gif

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step0nmi Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:10am
post #6 of 20

thanks robinscakes...actually, she is more of the controlling type. never really had a problem fitting in with the family. and I am "daddy's little girl" only because I am his only daughter...I never lived with him after my parents divorced and he never treated me extra special. i mean...not like special treatment. so, I don't know...maybe it's just because she is not crafty herself...or never really had anyone support her by putting things out there like that? hmmmm...now I am thinking too hard about this! LOL icon_biggrin.gif

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CreativeGirl220 Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:13am
post #7 of 20

From what you said she sounds jealous. If she was a good person she would tell ppl about u its like u gotta learn 2 read between the lines. I've learned that you never tell ppl what you are doing because for some reason they may put you down.

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gscout73 Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:14am
post #8 of 20

Smells like jealousy to me. Especially with the "just bring some cupcakes or brownies..." Was she looking a little green (a nice shade of envy)? icon_lol.gif

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step0nmi Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:17am
post #9 of 20

yea...i'm pretty okay with all this...never really asked my dad about it...I don't think he's that intuitive and she is not a very open person.
but yes, in that email about the brownies I smelled it! through my computer screen! icon_twisted.gif

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Hawkette Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:18am
post #10 of 20

I just checked out your photos, step0nmi, and your stuff is really beautiful! You have such a great variety and seem to be really creative. I'm sorry she's so cold toward you. I would love to have a cake like yours for a family reunion!

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littlewoman Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:24am
post #11 of 20

Believe me I know how bad this hurts. I have been with my husband for 18 years and not once has his mom asked me to do a cake. She will buy Albertson buy one get one free 8" layers but has never wanted me to bring one to any event. We only live a mile from them I have cried lots of tears over this and have finally realized it is her loss not mine. I wish you the best of luck with this.

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MichelleM77 Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 3:41am
post #12 of 20

I'm kinda feeling the same thing from my MIL. She bought my hubby a frozen Sara Lee cake for his bday that was just so strange in taste and texture. I would have done it for nothing or just cost, just for the experience. Oh well.

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maryak Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 4:02am
post #13 of 20

Step0nmi she definately sounds jealous!! Maybe when she comments next time come back with a really chirpy (not too sure of the word, I'm thinking of a cheerleader saying this) answer and say something like, "Oh you don't need to bother yourself with the cake part, I'm handling that as it's what I do".

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step0nmi Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 2:05pm
post #14 of 20
Originally Posted by maryak

Step0nmi she definately sounds jealous!! Maybe when she comments next time come back with a really chirpy (not too sure of the word, I'm thinking of a cheerleader saying this) answer and say something like, "Oh you don't need to bother yourself with the cake part, I'm handling that as it's what I do".

yep! that's basically what I've started doing! because you know what...it is what I do and I get surprised every time I hear a weird comment come out of her mouth like the one's I've described...in a "why wouldn't I?" type voice.

thanks for all the great advice and support. I know that if I talk to her directly about it nothing will really help...I think this is just who she is and she would deny it up and down. I love my step-mom...but she is not my biggest fan.

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cakedout Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 2:34pm
post #15 of 20

Oh my....I certainly feel for you!

I had an in-home business for 18 years, decorating now for 25 years and I STILL don't feel like my mom supports me! I just don't know what she ever expected me to be- maybe a well-kept, sitting on my duff eating bon-bons housewife? icon_confused.gif

My biggest disappointment was the weekend I had 3 wedding cakes, and she was coming over to watch the kids while I did deliveries. I had the cakes sitting out and set-up so she would see them. I was quite pleased with them and wanted her to see just what it was that I do and how my talent and skill had grown. Well, she came waltzing in, barely looked at the cakes, looked at my house in mild disarray and simply declared, "I don't see how you can do all that with three little kids..." and proceeded to continue on a "you try to do too much" tirade until she finally ushered the kids into her car and left. icon_mad.gif

icon_cry.gif I was devasted. All I wanted was a "oh my, those are beautiful!". icon_sad.gif
Thank goodness my best friend came shortly afterwards to pick up a cake-and she always has a great shoulder to cry on!

It was difficult, but I just tried my best to keep her stupid comments in context....she has absolutely NO idea about the wedding cake industry, and what I was involved in. What's funny, now that I no longer have the cake business, she is more apt to compliment the cakes I do! Go figure. icon_confused.gif

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poshcakedesigns Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 5:12pm
post #16 of 20

I know how you are feeling except it's my MIL. She never refers me to anyone nor does she ask me to make cakes for her. She is always telling me to do something differently when I approach her with a business decision or idea. She's a 'na sayer' about everything I do.

I agree, I think it's a jealousy thing.

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WendyVA Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 5:24pm
post #17 of 20

My "family" is the same way. I think they'd rather chew off their own lips than say one nice thing about me or my work. They won't acknowledge my work in any way and if it happens to come up in conversation then they ignore it. They're just hateful that way, but I'm use to it and don't give a crap. I just have to try to rise above it.

My husbands family is totally the opposite.

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step0nmi Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 5:34pm
post #18 of 20

well, i guess there are others that are going through this too icon_smile.gif we will all get through it together! lol

you know what's funny...as I was talking about this with "my mom" today...I realized that the thing with me doing her friends cake...saying how SHE had a friend that did cakes...my step-mom knew I was doing her cake!!!! I had called her the moment she asked me too! so, the fact that she was saying that leads me to believe that something else happened there...again, not supporting me. whatever....when it comes time for the reunion at the end of the month...I will not be bringing something all fancy so that she can say "nice" and then continue to not support me behind my back/

thanks for the stories! they do help icon_wink.gif

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debster Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 5:42pm
post #19 of 20

It's just the age old green eyed monster at work, I have the same thing here. Except for my daughter not one family member refers people to me. Most of them rant and rave about my cakes but go to the high priced shop to buy theirs, all the while talking about how mine are just as good. Smack in the face or what? Now if I make them for free they have no problem with that. Why people can't rejoice with others is beyond me. I refuse to become like them. Waste of life. Your cakes are GREAT!!!! There is so much talent here on this site.

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ladyellam Posted 14 Jul 2008 , 5:49pm
post #20 of 20

To He** with her! Sorry if that's so blunt but does her nastiness deserve anything less. She's jealous and leave it at that.

You have PAYING customers who love your work.

You have a wonderful talent and YOU should be the one who toots your own horn. But just in case:

YEA step0nmi!!! YOU ROCK!! Have a great day and forget about that nasty person!!


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