just thought of an idea - she can really help you: by washing the dishes, cleaning up the kitchen, covering cake boards, adn all the other little jobs that we all hate!!! that would be a real help, and you don't have to be a baker/cake decorator to do that!! maybe you can even deduct like.... $7 for that

I guess I read it differently too...maybe the cost did hit her- and she thought if she helped you, it would be cheaper.

But, If it was actually a friend of mine- I'd have her over and use all my tips,pan, and stuff- only make her buy the items that are not reuseable. She did not expect to open her own business-and you already have the tools..why wouldn't you let her use them in your kitchen? She is your friend....

I'd have her buy: The ingredients for the cake,icing and the cake boards.. then if she is your friend, then make it a girls day and play. Tell her what to do- and let her do it. After measuring and baking that cake for 65 minutes, and then show her "how" to ice quickly and let her do it...don't fix her cake, and don't go into 'details". Then show her how to do the decorations- but let her do them... Then by the end of the day- she will respect you and your talent soooo much more and realize that $40 wasn't all that much for 7 hours of work. First of all- her cake will not look near as good as yours, and She truely "thinks" that 1 cake mix, 35 minutes of baking, and 20 minutes of icing are all it takes... She will learn her lesson so much more if you do it -with a smile and have fun. and she will RESPECT you and what you do.. Now, if you don't have time- go ahead and tell her that...or if she really isn't a friend, then stick to the $40 and say sorry I don't have time for a lesson, but I'll do it for $this amount.

Heres my advice---

I had a friend do this to me. She wanted a 'princess castle cake' for her daughters 3rd birthday. But she wanted to help, She mentioned this AFTER I told her what the price was. She threw in the 'OH , It will just be more sentimental if I can help make it' Crap. So I know where you are coming from.

The best thing to do is to be honest and be blunt. But in a nice way. I told her that I work best on my own and cant teach someone while trying to give my full attention to the decorating of the cake. I told her if she bought the cake kit then I would send her an email on how I would best go about doing it. Just some tips and pointers to help her out. I also suggested atleast taking wiltons 1st class. And that after she had taken that class I would maybe teach her a little on a cake that didnt matter so much. She took it well! And this lady was one of those 'types' , you know the overbearing, loud, complainer types. Anyways, just tell her the truth. And tell her maybe next year she will be ready to do her own cake for the occassion. Good luck!

Wow, that sure is some friend.

OMG!!! I am SO silly! I thought that she was going to pay you the $40 (which is totally CHEAP!!!) and let you bake the cakes, and just come around and drink wine with you one evening and learn how to torte, fill and make the fondant decorations while you chitchat. And by the way, she has to supply the wine. I would totally be all over that!!! it would be fun. Anything less than that would be WAY too much to handle. I might build a business plan around that!!!

It sounds like to me that maybe she wants to watch you make a cake before she buys a bunch of stuff not knowing if she could do it or not. Maybe she's insecure about her abilities. I personally would enjoy baking a cake with my good friend.It woulds be like girls day . But it would depend on how good of a friend she is to you. If she is just a casual friend you just run into every once in a while. Then I can see your point. If She is a blessing in your life then don't forget to count your blessings and give her everything in your cupboards. So I say handle the situation according to how good of a friend she is to you.

Ok, questions here, is she making a big party for 40 people of more?

How in the world is she going to have time to make a cake a day or so before the party. And keep it a secret from her husband. I know "we" the cc'rs can manage that, but for someone who is not accustomed to this it's a real time management issues.

So I will ask you this. Do you want to keep your friend? Do you think she is a bit confused and stressed about this party and realizing that she has overcommited her funds and she needs to cut back somewhere and since Cake is the easiest cut to make ( punn intented.) well she thought she could get you to help out.

So you have to decide if you want to still be her friend or if you are willing to drop her for good.

You might have to take a bullet here and ask her honestly what's up.

If you decide you want to keep your friend and you are you invited to the party. Just explain to her that you need her to pay for the basic non-reusable supplies and I would make the cake for her.
(But that is me).

I really dislike people who take the round about way when they need to direct and just ask for help.

Now if there is no party or you are not invited. Then this is a job and I say no money no cake for you!

I sure hope this all works out for you.

Good Luck.

So I re-read this like two times and now I understand. At least you dont have a friend like mine. I charge $8 dollars for a dozen cupcakes and I delivered them. She said "Cant I get a discount". I'm like oh come on! Isn't $8 dollars cheap enough? I said NO and she paid. She even still orders sometimes. But now she says "I'm going to order some cupcakes for my childs birthday and I will pay you later because I dont have the money" So they dont get done. Oh well.

Ok back to you. It sounds like she may be a little interested in learning but is not quite so sure if she will like it or be able to do it. I think that you should carge her a little to cover the supplies you cant recover like cake bords, colors etc. Let her buy the food supplies and you supply the pans, tips, and decorating tools. I know you're annoyed but it sounds like she isnt trying to intentionally annoy you. If you feel like your being used just dont do it and be done with it. I recently made a cake for another friend and didnt charge her. She was her with me every step and helped out. She brought the cake mix, sugar, butter and flavoring everything else I provided. My friend is trying to learn to do cakes too and just doesn't have the money to buy all the stuff right now.

indydebi you are great, wish I could say some of these things to a few people I know

This is just my two pence worth. You know your friend better than anyone and can gauge whether to give her the benefit of the doubt or not. Personally I think Indydebi's response was spot on. I also have a friend who would 'just love to learn how to decorate cakes so beautifully like you' (her words not mine) but is not willing to invest the time, money or energy. She has gotten several freebie cakes from me in the past and I have now drawn the line. Ultimately, some 'friends' are best kept at arms length. I know that you are worried about her bad mouthing you to all and sundry but they know you, and the quality of your work your character should speak for you.

Ok, so I resisted urge to call her and throw a fit. I slept on it, read everyone's advice, and came to a decision.

I called her, (she didnt answer her phone), btw the cake is for the 21st of June, so she had better make a decision quick, because there isnt much time!

Anyways I called her and told her that I emailed her a list of all the perishables, cake board, gel colors, and disposable piping bags, plus all of the ingredients (which was a hefty list). I told her that those were the things that she needed to get, if we were going to make the cake together. I also mentioned that my original offer still stands, I would make the cake and deliver for $40. I told her that she needed to let me know what her decision was in the next couple of days so that I had time to prepare.

I was nice, but I am sure a tinge of annoyance came through. She is a decent friend (never been anything but nice to me), but is quick to take advantage of any situation that might benefit her. She has also been overheard telling other people that 'she could make cakes like I do for much much cheaper, cause all she does is use mixes.' (which is not totally true). She is also the kind of friend who goes along with the in-crowd, and whatever they are saying. I am positive that she decided that it would be much cheaper to just 'help' me rather than just pay me to do it. She was wrong, I had already decided to let her do most of the work, like many of you suggested, just show her how.

Plus, I agree with many of you, Texas Sugar, I agree to the fullest! That is NO way to run a business! Just because I have the equip, doesnt mean that I can and will loan it out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who wants to borrow it, just to save them $30. Cake decorating is expensive! I also have a family, and a house payment, and the whole 9. I offered her a cake for next to nothing, cause I would have sold it for $120 easy to a non-friend. But somehow I am supposed to feel sorry for her and her money problems? I have money problems of my own, thanks.

You've gotten many good responses...just wanted to add something that no one else mentioned. It could be that she just wanted to be there to "help" so that she could take the credit for the cake at the party. I know, cynical of me. But some folks are like that...

Dear dumba$$ friend:
My mistake. I was under the impression you wanted to start making cakes, so this would be a good opportunity for you to get started with basic tools. As you quickly saw, it's a significant investment to do this craft. I know I'm amazed when I add up the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that I've invested in my equipment to be able to create my cakes. At least now you've picked up some appreciation on why the regular price on the 12" cake you wanted is actually over $150 and what a deal I was giving you with the $40 price tag.

Sincerely,

Your talented friend who is wondering why she hangs out with flakes like you.


I'm printing this out and hanging it next to my phone for a quick a snappy come back! LOVE indydebi!!!

In your last post it sounded to me like she is more of an acquaintance than a friend. We all have those and sometimes there is a lot of strings attached to other friends that go with these acquaintances which makes these relationships complicated.

I think you are doing this "friend" a really great favor. I forget if you mentioned to her how much the cake would have been if she was NOT getting the family/friends discount. In my opionion getting a $120 cake for $40 is a great deal. You should ask her when is the last time she purchased anything for 30 cents on the dollar from anyone.

You are doing great, you gave her really good options and now it's her turn to be gracious and hopefully thankful for your offer.

I'm still confused about the amount of time she thinks she has to want to learn to make a cake before a big event... but that is just me.

I too like Indydebi's advice. I just wish we had the "cake" to do it sometimes.

Good Luck.

I read this thread and was reminded of the many times I've asked favors of my friends...

the rides to the airports, dropping my daughter off at school when she missed the bus but I was already at work, help moving from one home to another, borrowing their lawnmower or BBQ grill so I had an extra for a cookout, etc.

And I never once offered to pay them. I don't know how they put up with me.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Sound like you got things figured out ok, I just wanted to put my two cents in for the future. I think if a friend wants to learn how to do cakes and you feel inclined to help them, do it the way you would lean in a class. YOU DON'T TOUCH THE CAKE! They want to learn to decorate, they can decorate their own cake. No it won't look as good as if you made it, but if they want a professional looking cake they should pay for a professional looking cake or put the years of practice into becoming a professional. Tell your friend if she wants to learn she can make a cake another time just for fun and not for such a special occasion. And besides if your friend does the cake herself with only instruction from you, she will be so proud when she is finished and know that the work was all hers (and if the cake turns out less than lovely, your name will not be attached to it).

If I owned a restaurant, I wouldn't come home and serve up dinner with a bill - simply because that's what I do for a living and therefor, I should be paid for it. Right?

I don't charge people who are in my "inner circle". I do for them, they do for me... it all evens out and nobody keeps score. That's just how I operate.

If you (or anyone else) operates under different rules, fine by me. As you will note, my comment was simply a musing on how difficult a "friend" I must be.

BrandisBaked, I am sure you have done the same for your friends, that is what being a friend is, helping each other out when we can, but there is a difference here, this lady was originally ordering a cake & was given a FANTASTIC discount. I think she is getting a really good deal. If you want to keep the peace, I would tell her to buy all the ingredients, boards etc. & just let her borrow your pans & some food color. I think only you can know if this is a real friend or not. Personally, there is not one person I call FRIEND who would treat me like that, is she really a FRIEND? Hope it all works out for you.

It is my personal opinion that I am being taken advantage of, and lied to in the process. She doesnt really want to learn how to make cakes, she doesnt want to spend the time and money to do it. She thought that by offering to 'help' me that she would get away with a free cake. She had no idea how much stuff was going to cost, even just the ingredients.

Whomever said that she was more of an aquaintance than a friend, you are right. Its her husband that everyone in my inner circle was friends with. She happened to be the person he married. No one really likes her, no one is nice to her. In return she is not a very nice person to anyone else.

I am nice to everyone, until they give me reason not to be, and even then I am a good one to forgive and forget. I do consider her a friend. She hasnt really done anything mean-spirited to me (that I know of), and we get along ok. Plus I try hard since she doesnt have many friends.

I have a very large inner circle. There are a good 40-ish of us. If word gets around that I made a cake free for one person, they will all be knocking down my door, saying 'well you did it free for..' I dont want that. I dont want to charge them full price either. I am comfortable with the discount that I give my inner circle, which is pretty much they pay for ingredients, not my time. Thats my decision.

I guess I knew deep down that something was rotten in Denmark, but I dont like to be taken advantage of when I am already doing someone a favor.

quote="JanetBme"]But, If it was actually a friend of mine- I'd have her over and use all my tips,pan, and stuff- only make her buy the items that are not reuseable. She did not expect to open her own business-and you already have the tools..why wouldn't you let her use them in your kitchen? She is your friend....]

She might be a friend but that doesn't mean she has to let someone use her tools and kitchen with no payment just because she has them. I mean I love my friends but to give up my time, kitchen and talent because someone is to cheap to pay the "friends discount" is not the way it should work. My time is valuable as well as my supplies.

Jayde,

I say, keep to your guns. You gave her what you will do. It' her choice now and if she does not like it. It's too bad for her.
If you are treating her like you treat everyone else in your inner circle then you should feel good about it.

Let her keep on burning her bridges. I know many people like this and they are not fun to be around.

Hope she kind of pick your $40 option it's the option that will least rock the boat and it's a great discount.

Good Luck.

PS...I would get the money up front also before I made the cake just in case she decides not to pay in the end.

She has until Wednesday. To let me know, and pay if she chooses the $40 option. After Wednesday the deal expires.

Thanks everyone, I will let you know what happens.