I'm just wondering people's reasoning behind having children.... because at this point in my life, I really have no desire to have them. (I'm 26 at the moment) I don't think there's anything wrong with not having kids - although I'm sure my husband and family do have a problem with it....and I know at some point in time I'll probably have one....but the idea doesn't appeal to me at the moment

I have TONS of reasons for not having a child, but I can't really think of any good reasons to have one... so I'm wondering why others have decided to have kids. I know there are those "oops" moments... I'm not talking about those....

I can understand wanting to share your life with someone and to have someone of your own... but you could just adopt....I don't really have a desire to do that at the moment either... but people want their "OWN" kids usually.... it seems adoption comes later..

So anyway - just curious....

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted children. I started babysitting around the 3rd grade and couldn't wait to grow up and have lots of children.

I was married young,at 19, and was excited to begin a family. I left college after 2 years because I knew this is what I really wanted. I knew I could always go back to school and follow my other dreams later in life. Sure enough, 10 months after my first marriage, my precious little boy was born!

My children are the best thing to happen in my life. Every day brings another joy and challenge that nothing else can duplicate. I am a stay-at-home Mom that volunteers at their school and enjoys exposing them to new and exciting things. I always wanted my own children to share the world with and challenge them in ways my parents never could with me. Both of my children are well rounded and highly intelligent (labeled gifted by the school system) and have experienced so many things I never did as a child. They have both traveled the U.S. extensively and my son is the world traveler and he is only 9! He's been to England several times and spent a few weeks in Costa Rica last summer. Lucky boy will be spending 2 weeks this summer between Scotland and Ireland.

I guess my main reason for wanting my own children was to produce caring, productive, independant, and unique adults & to love every minute along that sometimes complicated path!

That's wonderful lvnvcowgrl. I'm glad to hear your children have brought you so much joy.

I do enjoy other people's kids... but when I've babysat for a few hours, I'm glad to hand them back and leave with some money! I can't imagine being with kids 24/7.

It also sounds like your family is very financially fit. While my husband and I are not in any major debt (other than the mortgage and car payments), but I still can't imagine adding a child to the mix.... maybe if we had more money I could see a child as more of a blessing than a financial burden at times....

I hope anyone reading this doesn't think I'm awful... I just really at this point in my life not understanding the children thing... everyone around me seems to be having them - all my friends - and while I'm excited for them... each time it doesn't make me any more eager to have one....

I think you're asking all the right questions and no, you're not awful. No one should have children just because you're "posta" have them. It's not fair to you OR to them. What's awful is someone having a baby to keep everyone ELSE happy.

Had a friend who did that. She wanted a baby ... hubby didn't. Hubby finally throws up his hands and says, "fine! fine! You want a baby, we'll have one!" Then my friend complained because hubby didn't want to spend any time with their child. Well, duh!!

I had my first one at 18 and my last one at 33, so at 26, you still have time to decide. It's not anything you have to rush into because of some imaginary "clock" that everyone tells us is ticking away.

My current husband was 40 when he had his first bio-child, but it's a little different for men.

Although, if you wait until you can afford to have one, you'll NEVER have children!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. Some people are never ready. As said before you shouldn't have kids because you're supposed to or pressured into it. You would just resent the child and it's not fair to them. If you want kids you will have them when the time is right. Obviously the time is not right, at least not right now. Personally for me I love my 3 children and can not imagine having a life without them. I've always wanted kids and now that I have my 3 I'm done. It's a personal decision that you will make when you are ready and not before then. Good luck in what you decide.

The four martinis helped me "decide"...

Okay, I'm just kidding (except for the last kid, that is...). I have always known I wanted kids, even from the time I was a small child. Always, always. My 32 year old sister, on the other hand, has always known that she DIDN'T want kids. I so respect her decision and her reasons for making it. Parenthood isn't for everyone! Good for you for examining your own wants right now, before you are pushed into a decision you are not ready to make. And indydebi is right...ya got lots of time!

I'm not one of those women who always knew they wanted to have kids, my sister & I are over 10 years apart and I was always having to help look after her and babysit so I knew from an early age just how much was involved in looking after a child and I was interested in getting ahead in my career but as I have gotten older I have mellowed a bit and my ideas about what is important in life have changed and a lot of our friends already had kids and we started thinking about it a lot more and decided after a lot of time & thought that we would like to have a child of our own.

It took us 18mths to conceive and at one point we thought maybe we weren't going to be able to have a child but my son was born last June I was 33 so you still have time (I definitely wasn't ready at 26) if you want to later on - you may not & that is fine too you have to do what is right for you. I love my son to bits but he is high maintenance & a lot of work he cried almost all the time in the beginning and hardly ever slept (so neither did I) and had a few issues but things have improved a lot and when I see his smile I just melt and I am so glad we had him.

I am child-free. Very happily child-free, as a matter of fact. Just turned 43. All my life, as long as I can remember, I have NEVER wanted to have kids (or even get married). I have always been up front about this, especially when dating someone started to get serious.

I never played with dolls, never played house. Heck, I don't even LIKE kids!

I am not abnormal, as lots of people have put it over the years, I just have no desire to reproduce, and absolutely NO desire to wipe noses and zip jackets for a good part of my life.

There is nothing wrong with not having kids. I have been called this, that and the other thing over the years, but what it boils down to is, do what is right for you, because you are the star of your life. Don't let your family OR your husband push you into having kids if it's something that you don't want to do.

I have always wanted children. After giving birth to five of my own children, I was a gestational surrogate to a set of triplet boys and also a little girl. Motherhood has been a blessing to me.

I've always liked children, I did have my first sooner than I wanted. In high school I would take my little cousins for the weekend all the time. I did NOT want a big family, I would have had three if my husband really wanted but we stopped at two and our family is perfect. My grandma was a little mad because she thinks I should reproduce until I have a girl, I asked her how many children I had to pop out until I could quit trying.

I have a brother who doesn't want human children EVER. He and his fiancee have three snakes and a gecko that are their babies. It has nothing to do with not liking kids. They love to spoil children, mine have gotten everything from toys to an iguana from those two and they like to play with them but they also like knowing that they can leave.

If you don't want children of your own there is nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't let anyone push you into it. Not wanting children doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Thank you all for your responses - I greatly appreciate it. And I certainly appreciate anyone else that wants to add to this thread too.

As I was thinking last night about this I realized that I'm just a worrier and sometimes I think way too much. I think if I'm meant to have children, it will happen at the right time (well hopefully there won't be any surprises!). I think I've gotten a little panicky b/c so many people I know are having babies right now. And I've been married almost 3 years, so you know, it's about the time people keep askin' ya "so when you gonna have kids"?

My response so far has been "I'm not ready for that yet... my husband thinks he is, but he hasn't baby-sat enough in my opinion to know...."

My mom is a nanny to twins, so she's got some "surrogate" grandkids at the moment.... I don't have to worry about her asking about kids for awhile.....

I guess my biggest fear sometimes is that I know my husband wants kids.... or at least he thinks he does! I still don't think he realizes all that goes into it.... but I know it's going to be a problem if I say I don't want any.... sometimes I get so scared too though trying to bring a child into this world - when kids are getting shot and killed going to school, waiting for the bus, or other bad things happening to them.... I just can't imagine bringing someone into that....of course that doesn't rule out adoption - where the child is already here in this world anyway.....

So as you can see, at 26, I've thought about this a lot! Probably way too much and I should just remember that life is a journey... and there's no race to the "children" spot on the game board of "Life". And there's no telling how my feelings may change in 5-10 years... but I really do enjoy hearing your stories.... it helps me see the other side of things too. Thank you for all of your responses (and any future responses - I'd like this thread to keep going!)

WHOA! Wait a minute!

Did you say "if I tell my husband"? You both should have had that discussion during your early courtship. If it wasn't it most definitely needs to happen now.

Taking a few years to grow as a couple before adding children into the mix is healthy. Knowing you aren't maternal, and forgoing kids is healthy. Having them when either party does not want them, is not healthy and good for no one including those children.

Sounds like you have a good grasp on what is right for you for now.

imarsty- there is NOTHING wrong with you! I am 26 years old as well. Actually, I am a little different of a story. I was the girl growing up that WANTED to have kids! Then something changed...I don't know what it was!

Me and my husband have been married 6, been together for 7 years now. We do not have children. We both WANT to have children...but we feel that we need to get OURSELVES together before we bring a child in this world. There is so much that is going on that we feel that if we are not right...how are we going to raise a child!? and I don't mean financially! and we also feel like WHY is there this pressure to have kids at a certain time in our life?? Everyone says..."well, if you don't have them by 30 then who says you are going to have them!?" WELL, I DO! Maybe I don't want to have kids till I'm 30! The thing is...I don't want to be one of those statistics that says that we got married young and decided to have kids young...that's just not us! and yeah, it gets really tiring seeing people once in a while and they ask you WHY you don't have kids yet!...it's so rude!

anyway...you are in the same boat as a lot of other people. I even have some friends of my family that are over 40 and THEY got married but never wanted to have kids....it's just the two of them and they love it!

Don't feel pressured to have kids just because! you do what you feel right when the time is right!

I am 25 (close to 26, just a few more days) and I can say I know exactly what you're talking about.

I still have mixed feelings, but for the most part I know that I want to have kids (2, unless god gives us mutliples in one of those births... so I only want to be pregnant twice lets put it that way)

I however am not ready for them now, I want to accomplish a couple of more things in my life before we get to that point. I have been with my BF 8 years (end of march) and I hate those questions of when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids. I happened across a smartarse answer when someone caught me at the wrong time... but have used it ever since, please feel free to use it, it gets the point across clearly and I have since had most people stop asking!! (oh and the look on their face is priceless!!)

When are you going to get married? my resonse "After we're engaged"
When are you going to have kids? my response "after i'm pregnant for 9 months"

I don't think it is anyone else's business, what if we decided to not get married and have kids, or get married and not have kids etc.. or what if we couldn't have kids... sometimes people are too nosy for their own good.

My BF and I ruffled enough feathers in our families (beyond our parents-as long as we're happy they are too) when we moved in together before we were married, so i'm pretty sure we will ruffle some more again anyways, but we are not doing anything before we as a couple are ready or neither of us will be happy.

Sorry for the long ramble, this hits a little to close to home and I guess I had some pent up emotions.

So to get back to your original question, I personally think that if it doesn't happen "oops" then you will know when you are ready, and everyone is ready at a different time.

I'm glad you had talked about it before marriage. Feelings change as life changes, it's normal.
You might put it something like "Our life is very full, so for now I'm not ready. I may never be ready... Will that change things between us?"
I told my mother-in-law once that if she kept up the baby questions, that I was sure we would never have any children. She shut it. LOL

What's the rush? Your 20's is the time to travel, have fun and be about yourself. There is plenty of time to have children, if you want them. You may not. I was like you at your age, was sure that I'd never have kids, but in my 30's I changed my mind, and had dd at 33 and ds at 35.

I'm 29 and get asked all the time when I'm having kids. I always say I want the full package. I want the husband first. Of course my grandma has told me I don't have to have the husband to have kids. She wants to see me have my kids. And it isn't like I'm the only grandchild. She already had 7 great grandkids, but she does want to see mine.

My parents aren't that pushy about it, because they are raising my nephew (and he is going into the teen years) and because I babysit my friend's daughter and she has become their grandchild as well.

I don't have my own kids, but I have helped to raise my nephew for the last 11.5 years. I have also been helping my friend raise her daughter (okay I babysit her 9 to 11 hours a day during the week) since she was 6 weeks old, now 14 months old. It is very much a job, but I do think that having your own kids is a different story.

You are more careful with other people's kids. You watch them more and never get anything done. You are afraid to leave them alone too long and don't always know their habits or what comforts them. Watching someone's kids here and there is nothing like having yours in your own home all the time.

I'm not saying it isn't work, because I very much understand how much work it is. There are days when I am counting down to nap time and hope to hell she takes one. And yes even when you have your kids around all the time there are days when you don't get what you want done, or you just want to have some adult conversation. Then you get to put them to bed at night, and they look like complete little angels and you forget what a terror they were that day, until the next day like that comes along.

You will know when it is time for you, but I would say don't always wait around for the perfect time to have them, because that won't ever come along. Many childern were unplanned, unexpected and not always prepared for, but once they are here they have a way of capturing your heart.

My kids are in college and I can honestly say that there is nothing I have enjoyed more than being a mom. Nothing has been more of a challenge, more work, or kept me on my toes more! But I've always ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. I've always thought kids were the best thing on God's green earth. But I can say that I've been able to encourage some of my friends, once they had children and were struggling. We women need to stick together and encourage each other in whatever we are doing.

Is everyone like me? Of course not! It's funny, but I only have two kids and I've thought motherhood was a blast, with its terrifying moments. I have one friend who says she has not an ounce of maternal instinct, yet she has 2 of her own and has adopted SIX more. Another friend was absolutely tearing her hair out with one and now has SEVEN and wouldn't mind more! Neither of these women, I don't think, have nearly the "fun" I do as a mom, but I think it is because we are wired differently. But both of them love being a mom...obviously!

There is an amazing thing that happens when you first see your child. A love that you can't imagine can begin to grow. You are smitten. However, I have a few friends whose moms didn't want to be their moms, and they had a very hard and sad life because of it.

I cannot imagine my life without kids. And not just our own! We take all ages in for ourselves. BUT, if anyone doesn't think they want that, I would never encourage them to go for it. Motherhood is easiest when all those sacrifices don't seem like sacrifices. I can tell you that most babies would never be born if people waited until they were completely financially able. It is a bit of a risk for everyone! But I will say that if you are on the fence and want to see if you are up for it, maybe try to cultivate that area of your life and see what grows in your heart. When I had friends and relatives starting to have babies, I fell in love with every single one of them.

Hope you find your answers!

Thank you all for your comments. Just wanted to let everyone know I'm still reading them...

I think another thing that I've thought of is whether or not to stay at home if I become a mom. I know I know - I'm way ahead of myself here! I haven't even decided to have the kid yet!

I feel like you should be a stay-at-home mom for the first couple of years..... at least I think I would want to be... but that's really tough to try and go back to work after taking a few years off... so I dunno. I just really don't love the idea of day-care for long periods of time (like one or two years... ok, but not from birth to kindergarten) - and I know my mom would take care of the grandkids (she nannies now), but I would feel I should pay her something.... of course, maybe she'll do it at a reduced cost

So all of you mommies - have you stayed at home, did you do day-care, did you do a bit of both?

Stayed at home for the first few years, and then went to work at the daycare my child went to. That's a good way to get back into the feel of working, and make certain your child is in a good place.
Oddly enough, it seemed easier having 8 kids at the daycare than 1 at home!

I'm one of those that has always wanted children. I have four now. Part of me wanted a bigger family, but I also deal with depression and I knew that I had reached my limit of what I could handle. Hubby got the big V and we decided if we ever want more kids we will adopt. I'm adopted so I'm totally for it.

There is certainly nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all or wanting to put it off. The only thing that bothers me is when people say, oh you have plenty of time or I'll have them later. Reality is that in your thirties your fertility rapidly declines. So what if you know someone who had a baby on her own when she was 40. Because for everyone of those there are scores more who couldn't and needed fertility treatments. All I'm saying is that if you choose to wait at least go into it with your eyes open and know that ig getting pregnant on your own is your goal that it might not be so easy.

I'm a SAHM and I love it. I really think it's best for the kids but there isn't really a "right" way to do it. If you have children you're really going to need to figure out for yourself what is best for YOUR family.

koolaidstains is right about being aware of fertility issues regarding aging. They are real and there is only so much that science can do for you if your fertility has declined enough to make getting pregnant hard for you. Fertility begins to decline slowly in your late twenties and gets worse as you age. Pregnancy and childbirth are also harder on older moms.

It's not something that should make you decide that you have to get pregnant NOW whether you want kids or not but it should be something you are considering in any decision to wait.

I am 27 and I have 2 children my daughter is 4 and my son is 3. I have always wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember. I can honestly say it is EVERYTHING I ever thought it would be. There are days where I am gushing out the seams of love for my children that I just want to hold and kiss them all day long and it will literally bring me to tears b/c I'm so darn happy. Then there are days I want to pull my hair out and go have a drink sometimes both those things happen in the same day! LOL...
I worked until my daughter was 9 months old and I was like 4 months pregnant w/ my son and then I was layed off. I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom but well the finances did allow that, but once I was layed off we found a way b/c we saw such a drastic change in my daughter (had bad luck w/ sitters ). I still stay home and I don't want it any other way. I LOVE it yes it's hard, yes I long for adult conversation but I think this was the best choice for my family.

Motherhood isn't always easy heck most of the time it's not no matter how much experience you have or don't have. Your heart is literally walking around outside your body and you ache when your children ache BUT I do have to say the good out weigh the bad ALWAYS. Like you I worry about shootings at schools, heck global warming is big for me too. BUT I would have rather known them than to not have known them at all. My kids have made me a better person and I appreciate smaller things so much more than I used to.

I think that you are very brave and wise to be really thinking about your decision. It doesn't make you a "bad" person if you choose not to have kids, nor does it make you a 'good' person if you do.
People will always meddle in your lives heck I always get when are you going to have a third child. You just need to do what is best for YOUR family and not worry about what other people say or think.

GOOD LUCK in your decision!!!!

I'm 31 now and had my son when I was 29, after being married for 3 years. He was a totally planned baby and we were very lucky to get pregnant soon after we started trying. My son is now just over 2 years old and I love him so much and think he is just a wonderful little person.

That being said, I knew I always wanted a "family" - meaning get married, have kids, etc. but I had a hard time making the decision to actually have a child. Honestly, I don't really enjoy being around other people's children. I used to babysit but didn't enjoy it - did it for the $$. Some of that has changed now that I am a mom and I enjoy other kids more than I used to but I'm still not one to dive in and "go play with the kids" at family gatherings and things like that. Strangely enough, I love being a mom though.

But, everyone told me it would be different with your own child and it totally is. He is the best thing in my life - he is funny and cute and amazing. But being a parent is HARD work - there are times I miss being able to just go out with friends, sleep in (or sleep at all), etc. Now we are at the point of deciding when to have another child, which is a whole other story since I do NOT enjoy being pregnant (maybe there are other threads about that!!!).

I think you are doing the right thing about thinking about it. At 26, you definitely have time. You should talk to your husband about it and in time, you will come the best decision for both of you.

Also - TOTALLY true that if you wait until you "can afford" to have children, you NEVER will. You just make it work. And really, at the beginning, they are not that expensive aside from diapers (and maybe formula). Gets worse as they get older.

OH - also, since you asked...I would love to be a SAHM. Would LOVE it. But that is not financially possible for myself and my husband.

I took the full 12 weejs family leave from my job when my DS was born then I had to go back full time. We are lucky that my husband has an unusual work schedule (he's a firefighter) and my MIL also comes every Friday to watch our son. That leaves at most 2 days a week that we need some kind of child care. For the first year and a half or so, either my parents or my FIL watched by son but then we started day care and have been very happy with it. We call it "school" and my DS enjoys going the one or two days a week he needs to be there.

At 26 I had a career and no interest in marriage or children. At 28 I bought my own home. At 38 I dated my now husband and at 40 I had my one and only daughter. (No problems whatsoever) You really don't have to make a decision today..Things change..next week you may wake up one morning and say something is missing? I am a stay-at-home mom basically, I sub teach. I will soon be the big 5 0 !.. I don't look it and I don't feel it. My daughter keeps me young and we have a blast together. Just keep in mind - depending on what your job is - the longer you stay home with your children the harder it maybe to find a job when you are ready to go back to work. I basically commited career suicide.