Dh Was A Little Embarassed By Present Question On Phone
Decorating By berryblondeboys Updated 26 Dec 2006 , 9:33pm by 7yyrt
last night. He hasn't gotten me a gift for like 10 years. He just doesn't "do" shopping. It used to bother me, but now I just accept that's how he is and it's not that he doesnt' want to give me something, but that he just is clueless...
So, for bday two weeks ago I asked if we could get the "cake bible", so we got it.
he was embarassed on the phone last night when his cousin asked him what he gave me for Christmas... he stammered. I told him, don't worry, you got me a Christmas CD, a couple snowflake baking bundt pans and you will be getting me a pastry book! LOL
Melissa
Yep...I do my own shopping and bring it home and announce...LOOK WHAT YOU GUYS GOT ME TODAY!
lol
I too hate that men don't know how to shop, but..sighs..
as long as they pay all the bills, take care of the car...kill all the spiders..and let me bitch and moan every once in a while...
We can't KILL them...so we may as well ...learn how to live with them...lol
I know Dh also things presents between couples is silly. He says, "it's our money, so why am I guessing about what you want and spending money for a gift when you can just get what you want, when you want instead of on a specific day of the year?"
I tried explaining to him (in our early married years) that I think of Christmas presents as things you would like to have, but wouldn't normally buy for yourself because you feel they might be extravagant", but DH said that might ahve been the case when i was growing up and money was always too short, but with a normal middle class income, I shouldn't have to be afraid to get things I want (within reason) and shouldn't have to wait for Christmas to get them just "because".
So, I eventually just conceded the point and have been getting things for myself ever since and he doesn't complain (usually). I guess I could make the effort and wrap them up, but I don't go that far. I just get them and use them. It ends up that I do get them around the holidays because it usually is the time to get the best prices on things too.
Glad I'm not the only!
Melissa
yeah , I can't understand that mentallity!?? I've always told my family..
a gift is something meaningful that you'd like for me to have from you.
Or something that you see that totally reminds you of me...
Why am I the only one that can see /do this? is it some special skill handed down through the female DNA only?
lol
Well, I've been married now for 34 years and there is nothing I really NEED or WANT that I can't buy for myself SO hubby and I decided a couple of years ago that each Christmas we would buy something that we would both like. Last year it was a DVD Recorder....this year....it WILL be a big screen TV when we find what we want.
My husband is the GREATEST GUY in this whole wide world and I think that God smiled on me when he came into my life.
Beth in KY
Well, I've been married now for 34 years and there is nothing I really NEED or WANT that I can't buy for myself SO hubby and I decided a couple of years ago that each Christmas we would buy something that we would both like. Last year it was a DVD Recorder....this year....it WILL be a big screen TV when we find what we want.
My husband is the GREATEST GUY in this whole wide world and I think that God smiled on me when he came into my life.
Beth in KY
That's what we do for our anniversary - buy a couple gift. Though we haven't done that in a few years as money is tight with me staying home for awhile to take care of the little one, but I like that idea.
melissa
Okay, hit the submit before I meant to! SORRY! My last statement was not to imply that any of YOUR guys are the greatest either! Just meant that, while, that is one of his flaws...it's one I can live with! LOLL
I'm with RisqueB....he kills spiders and takes out the garbage and right now is putting up a ceiling fan for me! He's a KEEPER!!
I am so glad that I am not the only female in this world whose husband does not buy gifts for Christmas or any other special day. Though this does remind me of my aunt and uncle: he for got her for mothers day and so when fathers day came around she handed him a present he opened it in anticipation and when he saw what was in there she grabbed out the nightie and said "Just what I wanted, thank you!" He got nothing that year but he has never forgotten since then either. No I haven't done that my DH has bought gifts for me when he feels the need not when the holiday's dictate that there has to be a gift. I still love him 22 + years later.
yeah , I can't understand that mentallity!?? I've always told my family..
a gift is something meaningful that you'd like for me to have from you.
Or something that you see that totally reminds you of me...
Why am I the only one that can see /do this? is it some special skill handed down through the female DNA only?
lol
I'm TOTALLY with you on this one. My gifts that i give are ALWAYS very thoughtful. I see gifts as "I was thinking of you when I saw this, so I got it for you." To me it's just a token of affection.
I must admit, I really don't like receiving gifts that are just gifts to have something under the tree. Maybe that's why I don't like presents from my MIL, ever? This year, she actually was quite generous and bought me new perfume set. But... I haven't worn perfume in two years since staying home and I've never tried this scent, so it was a blind guess on her part. It ended up being a nice perfume (shock!), but it was not something that said, "this was especially for you." You know?
The ironic thing, my DH just last week was at a used book store and was perusing their albums. he ended up buying a gazillion of them (at a dollar a pop), but about 10 of them were swing/big band albums. Now, he likes them OK, but he knows I really like the original stuff. He didn't just think of what he wanted, but he saw things "I" would like and got those too, THAT is the best gift to me... It might have only been $10 of "gift", but the dollar value is irrelevant, it's that he thought about it and took time to do it that is priceless. Most of my best presents are usually worth nothing!
Melissa
Men are from Mars....Women are from Venus.
As women, we listen throughout the year and pick up hints and ideas from others on what they would like to have. One year, my 1st MIL mentioned on Christmas Day that she just loved Black Onyx, so the next Christmas, I got her a Black Onyx necklace. Men can't do this. Men are from Mars .... they've no idea how the rules on Venus work! 
The first year my husband convinced me to give him a Christmas List (which I had fought against, because "If I tell you what to buy me, then it's not a gift ..... it's buying me what I tell you") ..... I gave him the list and he bought Christmas for me. After we opened everything, I told him the list sure came in handy .... because he could use the same list for next year, since he didnt' get one thing that was on the list! hahahahaha!
My hubby is also clueless on women's sizes. "Why do women have sizes 8 and 10 and 12? If a man's waist is 36, then you buy him 36 pants!" I tried to explain it's because (a) women are shaped different and (b) we have NO desire to tell anyone what our waist size is!
This year, I had seen a beautiful nightgown and matching robe at a local shop. This one was unique because it went all the way to the floor. (How come all the women on TV can find nightwear that goes to the floor, but in reality, I can only find the frumpy things that stop at mid-calf?). Now, understand that my hubby is a very large man. He likes his clothes to be big and loose because he finds it demeaning to say "It was too small" .... to him, that points out his size. So his thinking is, "Buy it big as a compliment. Women, on the other hand, look at a piece of clothing that is 2 sizes too big and exclaim, "you think I'm THAT big!!!!!??????" and the fight is on!
So he goes to the specific store and buys me a nightgown and robe. Now I'm not a teeny bopper model anymore and I wear a 16 or 18. He buys me a size 28 bathrobe! His thought process is "I held it up and thought "yeah, THAT should fit her!". Remember, he doesn't like to buy things too small because in his mind, it's bad to tell someone "I'm too fat to wear that."
But a size 28? Are you kidding me?
God luv him anyway!
Dont' mistake this as "whining". It has become a standard joke in my house about he cannot, under any circumstances, figure out how to buy women's clothes! He does stand-up comedy and I tell people that I'm the source (a.k.a. "head writer") for most of his material! Being married 18 years, I have SCORES of stories about gifts he bought that got returned.
Victoria's Secret was running a commercial for a great looking bra and I mentioned I'd like to have one of those. He said, (and I'm not kidding, he really said this) "Do they carry stuff in your size?"
God luv him anyway! BTW, that line is going in his next comedy routine!
But we just pat them on the head, hold their hand and walk them thru it.
My sister put it perfect: "Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. Well, we COULD ...... but we'd have to clean up after 'em ONE MORE TIME!"
Men are from Mars....Women are from Venus...
As women, we listen throughout the year and pick up hints and ideas from others on what they would like to have. One year, my 1st MIL mentioned on Christmas Day that she just loved Black Onyx, so the next Christmas, I got her a Black Onyx necklace. Men can't do this. Men are from Mars .... they've no idea how the rules on Venus work!
This is so true - I tuck things in my head ALL THE TIME, but Dh doesn't!
Oh, and about the list - I totally agree - I don't want to get a list of what I want, I could just get what I wanted for myself then. I just want something thoughtful!
So he goes to the specific store and buys me a nightgown and robe. Now I'm not a teeny bopper model anymore and I wear a 16 or 18. He buys me a size 28 bathrobe! His thought process is "I held it up and thought "yeah, THAT should fit her!". Remember, he doesn't like to buy things too small because in his mind, it's bad to tell someone "I'm too fat to wear that."
But a size 28? Are you kidding me?
OMgoodness! I'm an 18 and a 28 is like the same as buying a size 8 as far as difference in sizes go... So, would he think you could fit into an 8? LOL that is funny! And the VSecret story - he could have been slapped for saying somethign like taht! LOL
Melissa
Guess I have it easy my Hubby and I have been Married for 35 yrs and we meet on a blind date 36yrs ago Christmas Eve so we always say we have each other for Christmas Yup you guessed it he's not a shopper either but to my supprise this year he bought me something I ve been asking for for over 5 yrs an decent alarm clock just never got around to buying it my self. He's a wonderful guy and I couldn't see life without him he's the one that encourged me to quit work and start up a cake business.
Love this! My husband is kinda clueless, too. When he figured out I LOVE HardRock pins, he went online and bought tons of them over the year. I finally had to tell him to STOP buying them! And does anyone have a husband who can't understand why you want to replace something that isn't worn out yet? I want a new kitchen light fixture. He wants to know why, since I picked it out myself....23 years ago! I know I may be fickle here, but I just want something new.
And does anyone have a husband who can't understand why you want to replace something that isn't worn out yet? I want a new kitchen light fixture. He wants to know why, since I picked it out myself....23 years ago! I know I may be fickle here, but I just want something new.
My husband can be like that about some things but I know who to blame for that. My MIL used the same set of dishes for 20 years. 
Not that she couldn't afford to replace them or they were really expensive but she just did. So stuff like dishes and stuff he can't understand why I might just want something different since his mom never did.
It's been so fun reading all your Christmas present stories. My husband is not a gift giver, either. In fact, this year he bought me some 8 lb. hand weights that I told him I'd like. I figured he'd use that as a starting point and buy some other things. Long story short, I find out on Christmas Eve that he didn't buy anything else. And he was shocked (really) to know that I was surprised that he didn't buy anything else! I spent $120 on a new standing heavy bag for him and he spent $15 on some new hand weights that I had to tell him to buy. Like a few of you have said, it's really not about the money. It's the fact that he put absolutely no thought into it.
So, anyway, he was so sad that he disappointed me that he headed out to the store on Christmas Eve (when we were supposed to be leaving to my brother's house) and was literally back in 20 minutes. I thought to myself, "What the heck could he have bought that quick?" And he tells me that he spent more than I did. (As if that makes everything kosher, right?! Again, he just doesn't get that it's not about the money.) So, anyway, on Christmas morning I open my hand weights and a movie that I bought for myself and then his massive gift which ends up being...(drumroll please)... a full golf club set! Admittedly, I love golf and have always wanted my own set, so it's a great gift for me but he spent $200 on golf clubs when I rarely get to golf. Ha ha! So I told him that he has to take me golfing every other weekend when the weather gets warm.
I just love him and feel bad picking on him. He's just not the gift giving type. I just have to accept that. We've been married 6 years so I keep thinking that I can teach him how to give gifts put maybe I would be happier if I just let him be himself. He's a great provider, very affectionate and caring man. I should be counting my blessings, right? If his biggest fault is that he can't give magnificent gifts then I'm doing pretty good!
I learned a long time ago that I have to guide my husband most of the time. Now not all the time mind you. He has gotten me some really nice gifts in the past. Gold necklaces and gorgeous earrings but when I see he is being really clueless I guide him.
A few years ago there was a gorgeous 3 stone blue topaz and diamond ring at Reed Jewelers I wanted so I simply got the flyer from the store, circled it really big and laid it on his pillow. Well guess what I got for Christmas that year!!
Sometimes I will go to the store and put an item on hold or layaway and give him the receipt.
I remember though one year on Valentines day I had gone all out, got rid of the kids. Decorated the kitchen and laid out the China. I went to this restaurant we love (Trade Winds) and got a wonderful meal and had it ready when he got home with his gift on the table as well. He had not even planned. He stopped by the drug store and got me the last stuffed animal and a card. It was funny though since he told me later the lady working there gave him h*ll for waiting like he did. She did not know us but she knew he was one of those last minute people.
Overall, it is fine though. I almost lost him to a heart attack several years back and he had a quadrouple bypass (at 34). I knew then that God had given me a present and as much as I love to get something from him I know him just being here on Earth with me is the best present I could ever have.
In support of the guys, some ARE good at gift giving! Mine remembered I wanted a queen-sized "softie" so we could all snuggle under it, and got one that matched the little one I use. My problem is that he can't wait to give things to me, so I get it as soon as he walks in the door! Nothing wrapped under the tree, but I can sit with my softie while watching them all open gifts. Works for me!
My ex...*sigh*....we had our first child and I wanted him to go and buy me some "bigger" underwear because I didn't want anything that clung too tightly.
He came in with size 3x..I tied them in a knot so they didn't fall down.
When I was a kid I worked in the lingerie department and was busiest Christmas Eve with all the men running in to buy gifts.
One young guy(had to be a newlywed) came in with the deer in the headlights look and asked me to help him pick something out for his wife. I asked what size she was and he had no clue..so I asked him what her bust size was..he looked perplexed and then looked at the palm of his hand and curled his fingers up so that it looked like he was holding a baseball...he held his hand up and said "Just about like this"..I thought I would die laughing.
The love of my life(my DH) is great at buying gifts. I can't complain. The man actually pays attention and will write things down if I mention I see something that I would like. 
I have been LOL at all the stories, I am so happy to hear that there are so many of you in the same boat as I am. It does not worry me at all anymore as my DH is so generous all the time. We actually don't give gifts to each other at Christmas or birthdays, but we do something special together instead & use those times to by us a joint gift if we want to.
June
My hubby goes back and forth on the gift thing. Sometimes he surprises me and other times he forgets. He never forgets our anniversary but every year he forgets my birthday unless I remind him. But the funny thing is that my bday is Dec. 8 and his bday is Dec. 9!! LOL! He did get me a cake turntable this year for Christmas. He heard me tell someone else that I needed one and he bought it for me. He also surprised me on Valentine's Day with a mystic topaz ring. Caught me totally off guard.
And does anyone have a husband who can't understand why you want to replace something that isn't worn out yet? I want a new kitchen light fixture. He wants to know why, since I picked it out myself....23 years ago! I know I may be fickle here, but I just want something new.
You know, we haven't come across this too much yet. We've been married for 13 years, but we've moved so much, so that hasn't been an issue. Our initial furniture was so cheap (all mdf crap), but I've (noticed the ME, not him) decided to replace it with high quality furniture. He wants the high quality stuff, but doesn't want to pay for it. He used to say that it was more economical to buy 10 cheap dressers than one good quality one! UGH!!! Well, I scoured used stores and salvation army and craigslist for items we needed and we have solid wood, very high quality and timeless pieces that we got for pennies. NOW he says that this is the way to go as he sees that they work better, look better and will last saving time and hassle. (Score Melissa!)
But... if we ever stay somewhere a long time (hard to imagine this yet), I'm sure we will have these battles of what's wrong with this, you picked it out? in the future.... I know I have those battles with his wardrobe sometimes! LOL
Melissa
I just love him and feel bad picking on him. He's just not the gift giving type. I just have to accept that. We've been married 6 years so I keep thinking that I can teach him how to give gifts put maybe I would be happier if I just let him be himself. He's a great provider, very affectionate and caring man. I should be counting my blessings, right? If his biggest fault is that he can't give magnificent gifts then I'm doing pretty good!
I think if you just accept it that this is how he is, you will be a lot happier. I don't even think about it any more, but boy, the first few years? It was a major disappointment for me.... but like you, I realized he showed me in other ways!
Melissa
When I was a kid I worked in the lingerie department and was busiest Christmas Eve with all the men running in to buy gifts.
One young guy(had to be a newlywed) came in with the deer in the headlights look and asked me to help him pick something out for his wife. I asked what size she was and he had no clue..so I asked him what her bust size was..he looked perplexed and then looked at the palm of his hand and curled his fingers up so that it looked like he was holding a baseball...he held his hand up and said "Just about like this"..I thought I would die laughing.
OK, that's a movie scene, I swear! That is hilarious! I can't even imagine DH buying me any sort of lingerie at all!!! NO WAY!
Melissa
I'm so glad this thread is here - lifted my spirits on a day when I'm grumpy about having to be back to work!
My hubby is surprisingly good at buying clothes. He can fit me perfectly and anytime he buys me clothes I get more compliments than when I wear something new I bought myself...go figure!
For a variety of reasons we've decided this year will be the last year we do individual gifts. Like most people we get what we need and want through the year - but he did an awesome job and got me a diamond (tiny ones) lined butterfly necklace that I just flipped over when we were shopping one day. He cracked me up yesterday telling me how he kept going back to make sure it was still there - and shopping at other jewelry stores to make sure it was the right thing to get. It made me realize that even though I basically picked out my own gift there was a lot of thought and effort on his part to go get it and I don't love it or him any less because I picked it out myself.
After 20 years together it's only the second time my gift has been "frivolous" and included diamonds. The first time was a total disaster in that for my birthday he made the horrible mistake of putting a ring box on my bedside table - when we were at "that" point in our relationship - and the ring was not only NOT an egagement ring but almost identical to a Sapphire ring I wore every day that had belonged to my mom. It also happened to be the last Christmas present I ever bought her - so it was very sentimental to me.
Come to think of it maybe that's why he didn't buy me jewelry until now - he even took me to look at wedding rings and we picked mine together.
One birthday many years ago when we were young and broke, my DH didn't buy my present until after he got off work, came home and saw I was hurt at no gift. He said he was waiting until payday (which was that day). He went out and charged my present on the charge card! Now why couldn't he have done that earlier?
He has improved greatly, however. THIS year, he got on my computer while I went to handle a domestic crisis, and ordered most of the items on my wishlist here at CC!
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