I totally agree with Indydebi. I really don't understand what the big deal is. Take the cake and have two cakes. Surely the MIL isn't that thin-skinned. As for him offering the $10-$15, that's just another case of someone not having a clue as to what it's all about. Taking the second cake is not being vindictive. It's just more cake and what the devil is wrong with that?
Diane
Yeah... I thought about it too after a few people gave conflicting opinions. I honestly don't think having two cakes is embarassing.
You could bring a nice cake box and they can bring it home and enjoy it later if they want. This was your present you planned for them. You can talk to your BIL later about it, but I would just bring the cake you already planned for (and started to build).
I've had this sort of thing happen. Likely, as some people said, he just doesnt realize that there is so much money more than $10-15 to go into a cake. Maybe one day you could strike up a conversation with him and enlighten him nicely.
I've had to do that. I basically say, "it was so much fun to make. It's too bad some of the components to making a cake like this get expensive or I'd do it more often... " then I sometimes launch into "I guess it cost me so-and-so" to make that big cake I did last month...
I totally agree with texa. Wise, wise, wise advice. Especially about our society being self-absorbed. SO TRUE!!!
Just because you aren't selfishly asserting your right to give her your cake does not mean you are a doormat. It could just mean you are a gracious, kind, and forgiving person! BIL screwed up. Big deal. He didn't mean to. He doesn't need an earful from you - just let him know next time (not this time - that opportunity was on the phone earlier) he asks you to do a cake that you are happy to do it but that you work on it ahead of time and to please be very certain he wants it. I definitely wouldn't say anything to SIL or MIL (or anyone else for that matter) about what happened. What good could come of it? It just ends up sounding backbiting and mean.
I know you are disappointed and frustrated, but in the end this just really isn't a big deal. Let it go. This party is not about you, or your gift, or your feelings. Now that you have let yourself be frustrated a little while, let it go, and be happy again 
Forgive your BIL, chalk it up to his not knowing much about cakes (there is a lot we cake people don't know about too, remember), and forget it ever happened. Put the cake and frosting in the freezer for another day, or donate it to a group that would appreciate and enjoy it now (firefighters, police, teachers, etc.). Be happy that you can make someone else's day with an unexpected treat! 
By the way, you can definitely have too much cake. A single cake at our house is too much cake, becuase it is just my dh and I and our toddler. If this happened to us and we ended up with two cakes when one would have been plenty for the party, a lot of the second cake would go to waste. Either that or we wouldhave to just give it away. But really who could give away a half eaten cake? That's why I'm a fan of making it beautiful and donating it to firefighters, police, teachers, etc. as a lovely cake because you appreciate them.
Don't let yourself fall into the trap of selfishness about this. I know you are upset but there is no reason to make others (including BIL) hurt or embarrassed just because you are disappointed.
Well ya know I'm not a high road person!
..... we ALLOW people to walk all over us and then sit in the dark, in the corner, alone, sucking our thumb and feeling pitiful.
I never liked sitting in the corner in the dark sucking my thumb .... haven't done it for years .... ain't starting it now.
But....that's just me!!
That's great to be that way if it works for you. I have family members in my family that remind me a great deal of you indydebi. They never have a problem "telling it the way it is" or "standing up for themselves at any consequence." That is fantastic if you like to be that way. The problem in our family is that no one likes to be around those people much. They get invited to everything because everyone is scared NOT to invite them. We all tip toe around these family members hoping it's not "our" day to get their wrath, or as you guys call it "the honest truth." All the kids in the family talk about how mean "so and so" is behind their backs and everyone prays that they won't stay long at whatever function is going on.
I for one don't care to be that way. I am a strong, proud woman who does not let others walk all over me. I am also a strong enough and proud enough woman that I don't have to throw my weight around to feel needed or justified in this life. I do believe in treating others as you would like to be treated. I don't know what the relationship is between BIL and MIL but obviously it is strained enough that he didn't feel comfortable telling her not to bring a cake. Does that mean he is a wuss? No, it means he loves and respects his wife enough not to start something with her mother. It would seem pretty selfish to think about myself, my cake and a few hurt feelings on a day that should be focused on the birthday girl.
I keep seeing people say that what is wrong with society is self-absorbation and while I think that contributes I believe one thing that is definietely wrong is the fact that people don't stand up for themselves, they hold everything in and you get resentment. That resentment fuels anger and other feelings. I don't get why she would be wrong to take the cake if she called before. Why shouldn't she say something to MIL or SIL if she feels that she can. To me it seems childish not to communicate. I don't get how it is backbiting or mean to say "BIL, I have this stuff here and I really wanted to give this cake to SIL" and to tell SIL that you have a cake you made special for her. How does that make the OP selfish? To me it seems like being non communicative and harboring your feelings is that best way to do things huh? I guess this topic frustrates me because I hear so many people on here and in real life that just say well it isn't about me etc. and i have to wonder what makes anyone elses feelings more important than yours. If we taught people how to communicate and accept people feelings the world would be such a better place.
I'm confused why it would hurt his MIL's feelings if she didn't bring the cake. What is wrong with "oh mom, that is so nice of you to offer. I wish you had called earlier, I already have someone making the cake and it is probably too late to cancel. But it is sooo nice of you to offer, you are such a great mother in law and person. I love you!"
I would NOT bring extra cake, he told you to forget about it. But I would write him a note that says how much time and love you put into making the cake, this is besides the money, and tell him that YOUR feelings were hurt. You would be happy to do a cake for him again in the future, but he is not allowed to cancel on you and you would like to be recognized for the amount of super hard work you did. Your currency may not be money, but appreciation is in order. But seriously, educate him (nicely!) on how time consuming this is as well as the giant mess it makes of your kitchen.
Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill... if MIL wants to bring the cake fine, bring it. i wouldn't want to be the one to make her feel bad or have my cake outshine hers, especially since she isn't a decorator. the thing that upsets me is that he had to wait till the last minute to tell me. And I have wasted time and effort and money on it. yes I'll get the money back... and NOT $15 either...Why can't people be more considerate?
I'll go to the party, I'll even have fun, but I WILL NOT EAT CAKE!!, she says with her boo boo lip sticking wayyy out.
Now I just have to figure out how to make 2 9in rounds and 2 6 inch round into a race car for a paying customer next week. any ideas?
Holy carp Indydebi, I hope you aren't throwing your back out throwing your weight around. I, personally, find that my friends and family appreciate my honesty. If they only invite me because they're afraid not to, they have a serious problem. As usual, we all have our opinions. If we all agreed on everything, CC wouldn't be very interesting, I guess. 
Diane
I keep seeing people say that what is wrong with society is self-absorbation and while I think that contributes I believe one thing that is definietely wrong is the fact that people don't stand up for themselves, they hold everything in and you get resentment. That resentment fuels anger and other feelings...
The reason the people you speak of are resentful and angry is not because they don't stand up for themselves and hold everything in. It is because they are bitter and unforgiving. It has nothing to do with communication. Just because someone gives someone else an earful does not mean that they have forgiven them and ARE NOT angry and resentful. Plenty of people communicate liberally and yet can hold a grudge to the grave. And just because someone has not communicated their frustration (or whatever) to the other person does not mean that they ARE angry and resentful inside.
The key is FORGIVENESS not COMMUNICATION.
I don't get why she would be wrong to take the cake if she called before. Why shouldn't she say something to MIL or SIL if she feels that she can. To me it seems childish not to communicate. I don't get how it is backbiting or mean to say "BIL, I have this stuff here and I really wanted to give this cake to SIL" and to tell SIL that you have a cake you made special for her. How does that make the OP selfish?
I think it could be selfish because to do so, the OP would be making her desires (giving SIL the cake) paramount to what anyone else would prefer in the situation. MIL wants to give her cake. BIL wants to let MIL give her the cake. I suspect SIL would like a peaceful non-awkward birthday. Why not just go with the flow? What does it hurt to be kind, in gracious deference to the other people in the situation?
To me it seems like being non communicative and harboring your feelings is that best way to do things huh?
I did not suggest being noncommunicative and harboring your feelings. My suggestion was to choose to forgive and forget. To let it go.
I am all for communication, if it would be helpful to the situation. My question was (and still is) what good would it do to say anything to SIL or MIL? What would it help? What would it do other than make BIL look dumb? Why would she want to do that?
I guess this topic frustrates me because I hear so many people on here and in real life that just say well it isn't about me etc. and i have to wonder what makes anyone elses feelings more important than yours. If we taught people how to communicate and accept people feelings the world would be such a better place.
I disagree. Plenty of communication occurs that is hurtful, unnecessary, selfishly motivated, and counter productive. As I said above, the key is forgiveness, not communication. If you are the one who has offended, then forgiveness definitely involves communication, because you need to ask the other person for it. But if you are the offended one (as in this case), then forgiveness does not necessarily involve communication - it is possible (and often best) to forgive another person without making an issue of it to them or anyone else. And to forgive necessarily means to choose to forget, because if you are harboring resentment and anger as you suggested, then the fact is you have not actually forgiven the other person.
As far as accepting other people's feelings - how is what I'm suggesting not doing that? I am suggesting considering BIL, MIL, and SIL feelings in this situation. That is why I think just forgiving and forgetting is the best approach. To make a big deal of it is to expect all of them to kowtow to MY feelings while I trounce on theirs. How is that accepting them?
Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill...
I'll go to the party, I'll even have fun, but I WILL NOT EAT CAKE!!, she says with her boo boo lip sticking wayyy out.
I don't think you were making a mountain out of a mole hill. You have your right to be hacked off about the whole situation. I must say that it would be the BIL that I would choke before it was over. The birthday girl certainly isn't at fault, nor is her mother. All you did was vent your feelings and ended up with severe lectures about how you are suppose to feel. Feel however you darn well please is what I have to say............. 
Diane
Hey..... a Mom is a Mom, is a Mom....... and if she wants to make a cake for the person she gave BIRTH to, so be it.... and she should be allowed that honor....... I would be upset that I went to all the time and trouble , not to mention the money involved, but rank has it's privlige, and this time, MOM out ranks everyone. It is her child, even if the child is 50 !
You are doing the right thing... let it go, go to the party, and enjoy yourself........ no one should be the wiser.......
So Andie what did you end up doing? Just curious as my SIL's mom does cakes also and I have just started within the past year... I like to pick her brain when we end up at a family affair together. Maybe when she pass's (she's quite old) I'll inheirite the wilton yearbooks since not one of her kids likes to bake anything. Least it gives us something to chat about.
While I understand what you are saying, I respectfully disagree. Maybe I am thinking about it from my family's standpoint and there is no way we would expect someone to not say anything. We would want them to speak up because if I hurt someone, I want to know. If someone was giving me a gift whether cake or anything else, I would want it if they spent their time on it. And that should be my choice and my mother is not so thin skinned that she would feel slighted. Maybe I am looking at it from an different perspective but I feel like how is anyone going to be offended. I don't get it and honestly I won't try to. If someone feels like I have done something whether inadvertently or not to hurt them I want to know because it will help mature the relationship I have with them. Also, I have a child, and I love to bake but once my child is an adult, it is her choice what she wants or what her husband chooses for her. That is the way my mom is with me and my husband and the way I hope to be with my daughter. My mother would never get offended or be hurt. Another cake doesn't mean I love her cake any less. I'm not saying just take the cake and don't say anything, I am saying to talk to them. It might not even be a big deal. We are assuming that it would be an issue with the MIL. We are assuming things, I am saying just ask. Start with BIL and see what the situation is. But that is just me, I have no problem asking questions and most people aren't offended.
ok so here is the update...
I did go to the party, with no cake. Several people at the party asked me why I didn'tr bring the cake... i told them that my BIL asked me not to afterall. Some of the family were disappointed as they were looking forward to one of my cakes which makes me feel great. No one really ate her moms cake. I had a piece
My BIL decided to pop the question to his GF ( BDay girl) to make it official. ( they have been together for awhile, so we all call her SIL anyway..)
anyway... before we left, they came over to me and asked if i would do the wedding cake. I told her of course I would be honored. So i guess we'll see if I really get to do it or if they get someone else at the last minute... lol
no hard feelings toward anyone all is well.
To be on the safe side, I'd get it in writing before I started the wedding cake. Glad that all ended up going well. I know it made you feel good that your cake was missed. Would have tickled me also! That's just human nature.
All's well that ends well.
Diane
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%