I have a friend, (yes, we really are friends, and I love her kids).

I've made elaborate cakes for her kids in the past, and both times, charged her only the cost of ingredients. In both cases, she paid after more than two months, and for one of them, just decided to pay less than what my receipts showed... I kept quiet.

Very often she and her family would come over to our home, spend the day, and of course, share our meals, never contributing anything.

When I was doing a cake demo with another friend (who brought all the ingredients) she invited herself, and then decided to take the ready iced cake home.

Last month, I was visiting in her city(I had moved away in May) and she invited me out to lunch. Wow! I was impressed. She chose a restaurant convenient to her, we drove out to it. She made the selection, and ordered the meal. When the bill came...she ignored it and we had to pay.


My husband keeps telling me, "She's a taker, as long as you keep giving she will keep asking for more".

Yesterday, she called me, and asked to me to teach her how to make fondant. So I said, I would send her detailed directions.

She said "Can you make a big batch of fondant and send it to me instead?" (halfway across the country... a flight takes 2 hours, obviously I would have had to pay for shipping)

AND I SAID "NO!" And I did not give reasons or excuses!

I am so proud of myself! Finally I did it!

Thanks for reading my rant.

Karen

The first time is the hardest. After that, it's "a piece of cake"!

KUDOS

Good for you!!!! I once had a friend who thought we should all baby her because she was "domestically challenged". I never had a problem saying no. Notice I said I used to have a friend. Keep it up. No comes very easily after a while!

Elle

You go girl. There is nothing worse than being taken advantage of. Just try and keep it up, that's the hard part.

I would of hung the phone up on that woman the minute she asked for you to ship her the fondant...you should of told her to order some satin ice LOL and tried it herself!

Like everyone else said

Great job saying NO NO NO!!!

Wow...shes got nerves of steel. Good for you!

good for you! She should know that she doesn't have any right to get mad. If you don't let her feel embarrassed, she might just turn out to not be so bad later on. Maybe she didn't realize what she was doing...who knows

I hope she gets the message. I really doubt it though. Because, she constantly asks, asks and asks. And there is never ever anything reciprocal.

Her children love to eat in my house, but never has she contributed anything to a shared meal... She just shares my meal!

The strange thing is that she is really affluent, they own a couple of resorts, and a clothing business in the US.

Us, we are very comfortable, but we have nowhere near her kind of money.

She always starts with something innocuous... like the recipe, and turns it into "Send me a batch of fondant "

Or the time she said, "Give me some ideas for my daughter's Halloween costume" and it turned into, " I'll spend a couple of days at your house and watch you make the costume!"

Or the time she said, "Explain to me how you make this cookie tree" turned into, "Make 50 cup-cakes for my daughter's christmas party at school"

Enough. I'm done with her selfishness. No more!
Thanks for your replies. I feel like I've done the right thing at last.
Karen

P.S. And as hard as it is to admit this, "My husband was right!"

Hi Karen,

Glad to see you back on the forums.
Can't believe what I just read but good for you....my DH calls me a sucker for punishment when he sees me getting walked over but I can't seem to be brave enough to get rid of people who take advantage. Sadly, most of the time they are family

Way to go. I'm very fond of the expression "people can only take advantage of you if you let them." And it's very true.

I think that some very wealthy people believe that they are better than everyone else. They think that the rest of us OWE it to them to do their bidding and wait on them hand and foot. I had a customer who is the wealthiest family with in 100 miles. I had to call her repeatedly to get her to pay me!!!!! Your story reminded me of her. You definatley did the right thing!! Keep it up!!

Anna

there's this woman who comes to the farmers market sometimes...never cracks a smile, always complaining about how over-priced everything is and yet...she still buys some things. She thought a dozen homemade peanutbutter cookies was overpriced because she "could make them for cheaper than that" duh!

So the other day, I walked down to the restroom and saw her getting out of her car with her husband...brand new cadillac!! This lady has money, obviously...and yet she has the nerve to complain about local produce prices and homemade baked goods!

yeah, I think alot of ppl with money get that way because they take all the time. I'm not saying they're all that way but many are.

another way we need to look at that though is why do they have money? b/c they are always looking for a good deal. They are finding ways to save the money they do have. So they might have that new cadillac, but how long have they been saving up for it?

just another perspective.

Way to go! My best friend can't do anything by herself. She always needs help doing this or that. She hosted a bridal shower for the daughter of a mutual friend. I volunteered to do the cake. She then asked me if I could help her clean her house, so of course I did. Heavy cleaning on Thursday and Friday, baked and decorated the cake on Saturday. (Also made ham roll-ups) On Sunday morning I picked up her balloon order on the way to her house. When I got to her house she had done nothing except drain spinach for a dip. I finished the dip, put together 2 kinds of finger sandwiches, made the punch and dug out the middle of the bread for the dip. As I 'm doing all this she is trying to get her husband up, feeding her daughter, putting her tablecloth in the dryer, going to the bathroom and going outside to smoke. Then, I helped her make her bed and set up the table. And then, this really bugged me, the bride brought her a gift as a thank you. And what did I get? " Thanks, I couldn't have done it without you." As if I didn't already know that. And then she called me on Monday to see if I could help her with a neighborhood yard sale on the following weekend. And I said NO. There was dead silence on the phone, which I didn't try to fill, and she finally said "Are you serious?" I said yes, I'm serious, I don't want to. She said she understood, I've helped her so much lately. Then we went on to another subject. Don't know how the yard sale went, this is the first year I haven't helped her with it. (Done it for her) I felt bad for saying no (why?), but was really glad I finally did.

Well done Memie!


It's just a two letter word but so difficult to say!I've learnt, that it is important not to try to justify yourself/give excuses. You don't need to. I would find myself giving excuses and then giving in and doing all the work anyway.

No more!

My husband says, "These people are always looking out for themselves, and will never spend money when they can help it. That's how they accumulate all their wealth, as they have this attitude in their business dealings too."

Earlier I had another friend who would take advantage of me all the time, but when i finally realised it, I was too immature to deal with it sensibly. I just broke off all contact with her.

This time round, I hope it is different.

One thing I have to say, is that this friend , the one who asked for the fondant to be shipped, is very particular when anything is owed to her. She will charge you right down to the last cent/paisa(in my country)

For example, at her resort, they always have a stock of fresh prawns/shrimp. When i order some from her, she will always charge more than the market rate, and send me more than I order... Of course I have to pay for it all. But when the boot is on the other foot... it's not the same story.

Her kid's cakes were the pirate ship and the jungle cake in my photos. I charged her 20$ for the pirate ship (marzipan figures and 7lbs of cake) and 30$ for the jungle cake( fondant figures and 9 lbs of cake) All from scratch!

Ridiculous I know! But I enjoy doing the cakes, and her children really loved them.

For the jungle cake she gave me a cheque two months later for 25$ and asked me not deposit it for two months as it would bounce!

Oh well, now I know, and hopefully I will never get into these kind of messes again.
Karen