MY step son is 12 years old and is here for his summer visit. He will go home tommorrow. His mom sent him with $20 six weeks ago, which he showed me when he got here. He went to camp and come back with $15.
We were out today at a festival and he wanted a t-shirt which was $30. He told my aunt that he wish had his $35 to buy it. But he had left it home. When I asked where he had gotten $35 dollars. He said his mom sent it with him. (Was stumbing to get his story out.)
So, tonight I was working on washing his clothes to send home. He brought out his bag so I could pack up his clothes. His wallet was in there. I took a look to see how much was in there. He has $51. So he has either stoled from us or one of our relatives. WWYD--Do I tell his dad. Or do I confort him my self.

A side note. At the beginning of the summer we were getting stuff ready for summer activities. I was search the house for our beach towels and when I asked if anyone had seen them. He told me they were at his mom's house. He had "accidently" packed them last year. Makes me wonder what else he has taken.
This makes me sick to my stomach. I couldnt sleep at all last night.

Wow. That sucks. I think you are right to be alarmed. I think you should tell his dad, and that his dad should call his mom and ask how much money he arrived with. Now as I give this advice, I realize that I don't know any of the "history" with you all. What I really wanted to say is that this is a tough situation to deal with, without all the history.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I would tell Dad...............something needs to be done.

mmmmmmmm before you assume the worse, maybe his mom did give him extra money. If you're cool with her, why don't you call her and ask her? Let your hubby know you plan to do this.

Coming from a step-mom herself, I wouldn't say a word.

My husband has two girls and we have a son. When we talk about the girls he always gets defensive and it never ends well.

Thankfully one just graduated college last month and the other has a family of her own. I love them, but I never thought a hair brush could grow legs. So many things (shoes, clothes, etc.) walked away and my husband would always say, well, where did you leave them.

Many items walked out of our house. I gave up the fight, but you better believe that every time I realized something was gone, I replaced it with TWO!

So, I were you, I would just keep it to myself, and let the trip back home go as smoothe as possible.

JMHO

I would talk with his dad.

This may sound harsh , & yeah stealing money is wrong, blah,blah, blah...
what's with the " makes you sick to your stomach " line ??? He's a 12 yr old boy for goodness sake.....did he mutilate your pet ? assault someone ? set someones car alight ????? give me a break - tell his dad ( I'm sure he's not the 1st kid to ever take money by the way ), ask his mum to return your towels & whatever else he may have taken home ( again, probably not the 1st kid to ever do that ) & get over it.

Ok, before anyone jumps down my throat, I totally apologise for my harsh words & tone in my previous post. You were upset by what had happened & needed to vent & get other ccers opinions - I do get that .
I just think in the "greater scheme of things " there are worse things to make you sick to your stomach...

Please accept my apology & I'll go crawl into my corner now

I was a diworsechild myself. Have to say back then I'd rather have my father to ask my about stuff like that, if my spepmom had tried then no matter if I was guilty or not, I would have felt she was out to get me or something.

Just to say stepmoms are great. My father died 3 years ago and I still love getting together my stepmom. My mom and my stepmom are great friends and have been it for years. On thursday me and my kids are going on holliday, and how is comming? my stepmom and her new boyfriend.

Stepmoms dont have to be evil like in fairytales. When I was a teenager we had a LOT of up and down times, but in the end she became more like a friend then a stepmom.

relax Jules...

Bwaaaaaaaaaahahhaaa

I'm in my 50's and STILL manage to "slip" a 20 out of hubby's wallet once in a blue moon..

lol

after all, isn't it "OUR" money?

Wow!! I guess I should stick to cake questions. lol
Thanks to those of you who offered your helpful advice. This stepfamily and divorce is a learning process for me. My parents have been married for 35 years. I dont want to be an evil step mom. But I have also seen what a child can become when they dont have good role models in there life. Some times if the "little things" arent address at a younger age it only gets worse. Thats what make me sick to my stomach is the issues over the last nine years have only gotten bigger. And they are always pushed a side due to the divorce.
As a parent you just want your children to become the best they can be, wheather they are yours biologically or through circumstance.

Well, this one definetely that has to be approached cautiously.
I would first sit down with your husband and state that I am concerned that <insert child's name> has possibly developed some bad behaviors that may have been put to the side to deal with the divorce. Tactfully tell him that your step-son has come across more $$ than he started with when he came here and you are unsure of how he came across the extra cash. Tell him that you would like to discuss it with your step-son together so that you come across as united front to the step-son.
Make sure to convey to your step-child that even though you are not his "real" mom, you still love him and that if he needs something or ever wants to talk to you about something that he can come to you.
When sitting down to talk, don't try to yell at the child to get the truth out of him. (Never works with my kid) If you can't get the truth out of him and you and your husband both believe that he did take the $$ then tell him you (as in you and your husband) are very disappointed in his behavior (and then make him give the $$ to charity. )

Id play dumb and say "Hey I was cleaning --- stuff up for his trip home and there was 51 bucks on the floor, is it his?" That gives your Husband the option of bringing it up with his son.

Did your husband know how much money he came to your house with?

I'd talk to his dad about it. Make sure it's in a calm manner and that it's being done out of concern... Sometimes, (not always) taking things is a child's way of telling those around him that something more is wrong. I learned this one the hard way

My DAD married my Mother when I was 14. And, yes I say my DAD because I don't think of him any other way. If it hadn't been for him I don't know what would have become of my life. He taught me, guided me to move in the right direction in life. I am forever grateful to him.

I would just go to the Dad and say that you are a little concern and don't know if they should talk to the boy. If you both feel that is what should be done, first find out the story and then explain to him why it is wrong.

Not all children steal. To fluff is off as if it was no big deal is teaching him that it was ok and it's not ok.

I only wonder how the Dad is going to take you going through his wallet. I don't think making up a story is the right thing to do. That would be fibbing and makes you just as bad.

I did talk to my husband about it. because it concerned me. And if the tables were turned I would want to know.
I told him I did look in his wallet, because of the situation after the festival. He wasnt mad at me for doing so. He decided to let it go by, because it was the morning he went back with his mom. So, I guess there is nothing left to do. Its done. We will just have to lock up and glue down everything before the next visit. Ha, Ha.

I don't think that is good parenting on his part. Could he talk to the Mother about it?

Are you 100% that he stole it? It is SO SO important that you rule every other possibility out before you or your husband accuse him of theft. I am a stepchild, and it would have really damaged my relationship with either of my step parents if they had falsely accused me. Is it possible that a relative gave him some spending money or that he didn't disclose the entire amount when he first got there? I would definately check with the mom first. When I used to go and stay with my grandparents out of state they would always slip me some extra money to buy myself things. If he didn't do it, it would be very hard to regain that relationship.

Awww he didnt want to have the last day with his son be negitive. I understand that. The next time he comes to your home Im sure Dad will be a little more watchfull. It may have not been the "right" thing to do but I can understand your Husband wanted everything to go smoothly.