OK, I know when u get married you marry every part of them, but I am sorry I just can't take things anymore. No matter what happens it always seems like I get the short end of the stick.

My DH just got a new job, paying more than double what he was making, which is wonderful, we can finally get ahead, I can go to the grocery store without knowing I can only spend $150 for 3 weeks worth. So I was on cloud nine. Well then came down the hammer, I have been coaching him about getting his parental rights down on paper, so we claim his soon on taxes and get more holidays then what she feels we deserve, and also get the traveling to pick him up and take him back in writing (esp since the gas prices went sky rocket). All he is asking for is what is legally due to him. We already pay $300 a month for child support

If we take these issues to court and get them his childsupport order will be looked over sooner than what it is suppose to and his child support could easily hit $700 a month, yes you all heard me $700.

Now I am just miffed and wished he would of done this years ago or even 6 months ago, his child support would of even dropped some cause of our family and he had started a new job.

So I am sorry and don't mean to offend anyone who is in the situation of recieving money, but how in the Hedoulble hockey sticks, can the courts find that it cost that much to support a child (yes i understand how they figure it) but you know what, when they have gone to disney world, and all these theme parks at least once to twice a year and then they go to Vegas. I wonder where they get the extra money for that. Hell I won't drive 25 miles to go and get groceries until I absolutely have to cause I can't afford the extra gas. So if this child support goes to $700 a month, I think I will just have a cow, seriously a cow, I may as well divorce him and with 3 kids I would be lucky if I get $500.

I mean how can they say $50 a month is the minimum, an I know people who only get $50. I am so tempted to tell my husband to go and get a minimum wage job and let me go back. I just had a pretty good offer that I turned down cause he got this job. and let her get $50 a month. Which I honestly think is enough. We provide a home and clothes and toys and everything he needs just as much as she does.

Okay sorry for the rant, but how do others feel about this, am I being selfish, we have 3 other kids to feed and clothe and like I said I can barely sometimes take care of them.

thanks all for listenening

I understand how you feel completely!! My DH used to pay $650 a month, and now pays $500 a month for a 16 yr. old. I know how you feel about getting the short end of the stick. I buy clearance clothes, NOTHING for myself, NOTHING to better my house cuz I can't afford it. We don't vacation cuz we can't afford it. My kids are spoiled only cuz of grandparents and great grandparents. We don't go out to eat, etc, etc...while ex and children (she had another by another ex...also gets child support for him) travel everywhere. Step daughter just got her license, and her mom GAVE her the car and bought a new one. (Her old one was only 2 years old!) She (the mom) has a ring on every finger, never seen her wear the same clothes twice, and goes tanning 4-5 times a week. ARGGHHH!! It makes me angry that me and my family are struggling, and they are living the high life!! Might I add the mom only works part time, and lives in her parents house free of rent.

NOW...before someone gets offended, and please don't....I want to say this is MY experience. I TOTALLY believe in child support. I TOTALLY believe men/women who don't have custody of the child SHOULD pay. They have a responsibility to provide for a child THEY created. the mothers or fathers who raise the child should not have to do it alone and they should get financial help. HOWEVER, I believe the way they determine an amount needs to be different. I believe the expenses, debts, and income of both parents should be taken into consideration. If you think about it, this mom is getting AT LEAST $1200 a month for both of her childern...no house payment, two new cars, new clothes, part time job, free health insurance (cuz we have to provide that for the daughter). That's about what I make a month working FULL time! ARGGHGHG! Sorry...you hit a nerve with me.

Then, she has the nerve to pay the medical bills before insurance has a chance to pay it....then take us to court because our insurance didn't pay and say we owe $1800! I go check the medical records...after she paid, insurance paid, so now she's got a $1500 CREDIT on her bills, but still takes us to court!! OK....I better go before I explode!!!

My husband just up and left our family and he pays $1500 per month in child support... he is supposed to pay $1700 but I told him $1500 was fine. He left me with 3 kids and a $1650 mortgage and then proceeded to go out and rent a HUGE house for $1200, bought a laptop, mp3 player and a bunch of other toys and then cries poor to me! As you can guess, I wanted to blend his family jewels on high! And I am entitled to another $325 in alimony but waived it if he kept me on his insurance.

I now work trying to sell cakes, babysit and sell on ebay to make ends meet since I have 4 kids in school and have 4 different pick-up times each afternoon making finding a "real" job difficult if not impossible. Yes, he pays a ton but that's the way it is. I still have to get all the clothes, etc. at thrift stores and haven't bought any new anything for me in years...

Child support is based on what the ex-wife makes and what he makes.... don't get me wrong, I am not taking a side and there are times when I think how can the Dad's survive paying that much? So I do feel for you and have no idea what it must be like, but may I point out something?

You said you were tempted to have your DH get a min wage job and you would then go to work... What if his ex-wife's husband made $300,000 per year and she could stay at home so technically she has no salary, then your poor family would be shelling out bucks. It's a tough call - some people say all the money should go toward the kids... my son friend's Mom gives him $50 cash per month to buy whatever he wants as his part of the support. I think that's insanity for a bunch of reasons but anyway....

I forgave my ex (for the most part) and we get along fine because I can't take the stress and drama and it is so much better for the kids. I will now probably end up with a divorced guy and be in your shoes so then I will understand. I am sorry for you scrimping and saving while she is living it up.

I can relate...I also have a stepson that we pay child support for as well.It angers me sometimes when we can hardly afford clothes etc for our 2 kids together while his ex-wife is living it up buying the 14 yr old boy Hiilfiger clothing.On the other hand I feel for my brother..he is paying $1600.00 a month for two kids.Here in Canada it is based on the mother/father's income which must be devulged to the courts.If by chance though you happen to get a grouchy judge that day you don't always get treated fairly and have known to double or triple the support payments on some people or personal property given to one person.When my hubby got divorced 10 yrs ago all he got out of his marraige was 2 boxes of old tupperware and some mix-matched dishes..She got everything..the furniture in the house.....everything and he was ordered to give her half of his own personal RRSP'S which is like your 401K's in which he owned before they were married.He was really choked!! But hey..the courts are the courts.I feel for all aspectsof divorce on kids,mother's fathers etc...

OMG, kiddie, that is awful! Why did she end up with everything? Just because that's what the judge felt like doing that day? We split everythng... from furniture all the way down to linens and Tupperware and we each had to buy "new" stuff.

I think the most ridiculous thing I ever heard was when a father turned out not to be the father after all but the courts still had him pay child support since he had basically been that childs father for all the years prior to... they didn't think it was fair that the child be abandoned, which of course I agree with, but it can't go both ways. They almost always side with a biological parent when custody comes up. Didn't mean to change the subject - sorry.....

Even though I am a Mom who gets child support, I do really feel for the fathers and the families. I think the spirit of the law (so to speak) was to even up the playing field so if one parent makes alot more than the other, the child is provided for equally in each house. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.

CakeDiva - I agree with you. I think guys should pay. If my hubby up and left me, I would expect some support from him. Honestly though, I think I would be fair about it. (It sounds like you were more than fair) However I do think it should go for the kids. Granted, house payments, groceries, utilities are for the kids, but in my case, my step daughter is 16, and will hopefully be going to college in a couple years. In my eyes, she should have a college fund at least started. At least something to help her out. Not necessarity cash every month, but something put away for her. Her mom doesn't have half the bills of normal people. Also, all the the SD's activities, such as skating, horses, cheerleading, etc is all paid for by my MIL (another messed up situation). When the SD wants something, it's "dad...will you buy me this". She once came over and said "mom says I can't have a winter jacket if you don't buy me one" Or "my mom threw me a huge sweet 16 party (actually more like a wedding reception)! She saved up forever so she could give me this party". Or "will you pitch in with my mom to buy me a car" It seems she forgets we already contribute to these things...every month.

I'm not anti child support, I just think it should be fair. Where we live, they do not take into consideration bills and income from both parties. It is strickly a percentage of the fathers wages. Oh sure, they ask for that info in the court papers, but it doesn't mean anything. Both sides of the coin are difficult, and everyone's situation is different. There is no easy answer. Single moms need the money/help, and the new wives/families often feel cheated. I envy the families that can be fair and not take advantage of the situation.

As a child who's parent received the child support, I hope and pray that I never have to deal with it.
I could never understand why I never saw that money, even though it was supposed to support me. And my mom got it court-ordered that my dad had to pay for my health insurance, and my dad and my step-mom were always at odds over some things, like they thought they shouldn't have to pay for anything that dealt with my mental health, like when I ended up in the hospital for depression.....It was very hard for me to be in the middle on that one...I sometimes think my mom tried to take advantage of my dad on some things. And I always hated doing that. But then I don't think my mom got a lot of money from my dad either. We were always poor and went to the food pantry on numerous occasions. I sometimes wish my mom had allowed my dad to have shared custody of me after I had become a teenager because my dad had changed and my mom didn't see that (nor did she want to see it)...well enough of my ramblings.
IF, and that is a practically non-existant if, my husband and I ever split up, I would want child support to provide clothes on my son's back and food in his belly and stuff for his schooling. But I know it would be my job to go to work to put a roof over his head and to provide everything else that his father couldn't provide.

My dh pays $620 a month in child support, so I know what you mean. He was paying $220 and then he got a raise and his ex took him back to court, so.....I completely understand where you are coming from!! And, I feel for you!


I don't know what state you're in, but if you do a search for your state and child support worksheet, you should come up with a site that will explain how to figure out what c.s. could be/would be, etc. if you don't already have one of these.


I have not ever been and hope I'm never the recipient of c.s., and in our case.........the ex spends it on other things....which makes us furious!!



I don't want anyone to be against me, as I'm not taking sides, but I don't think thats a bad idea....your dh geting a min. wage job and you getting a better one.



Child support is one thing, but when it costs so much that you can't even take care of your own children, well....that's a whole other story that I wish would change in this world.


Good luck to you and your family!

as a child from a divorced family, it is just amazing to me how much is spent on c.s. I come from a working family, my dad worked in a chemical plant as a shipper, not great money, and my mother (at the time of the divorce) was working as an RN in a nursing home. (This was 1982). My parents had joint custody (which I believe figures into the equation). My dad picked us 3 kids up on friday after school/work and returned us sunday night (in time for the muppet show!) My father paid my mother $60 a week. I was 10 years old at the time (my sibs were 7 and 4). My parents didn't really fight at all, they just had grown apart. But, if one of us kids needed shoes or something, and he bought them, then he would deduct them from my mom's support. But, since they had joint custody, shouldn't that have also meant shared responsibilities?

Mom, as a recipient, was never able to afford to do anything special. Clothes puchased at k-mart, shoes at payless. (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that.) She used credit to pay for groceries, and even had to charge the mortgage a few times. The only vacation I ever took as a child was driving to Maine from upstate NY at age 14 to visit my mother's friend who lived there. We stayed at her place and looked at a bunch of lighthouses and went to llbean and on a whale boat (no whales though). Just within the past 5 or so years mom is out of that credit card debt.

Purpose of all this is to say that, as a child listening to these things, it makes you worried and scared. What $20 is WORTH to a 10 year old is different than to an adult. I also sometimes during conversations felt that I was just a $$ figure, or that they were bargaining for me. It made me very angry, and I felt worthless as a person (only worth $20 a week, no human value). If you are on the spending end or the receiving end, please be careful what you say in front of your own children. Chances are they know the step-child, or they may think many different things (depending on age). And I never discussed that with my mom at the time, just thought my kid thoughts. As an adult, I have 'reality checked' these things, and I was SO FAR off base.

Everything seems fine now....superficial relationship with dad, but I think that has deeper routes than the divorce only.

Okay....sorry this is off topic sort of. Just another point of view I guess.

Gosh I have a low tolerance for those women who give us ex-wives a bad name!

My ex never worked so his support for two kids was only $55 a week (didnt' even cover day care for my son) and he somehow couldn't even pay that. When I re-married, my husband and I didn't take him to court for back-support simply because we didn't need the money at the time. We were not going to take him to court just because we could.

LukeRubyJohn, I set a rule from Day One that no one was allowed to discuss 'the business side" of the divorce in front of the kids. Just because he and I couldnt' live together didn't mean that he still wasn't their dad and I would not allow anyone to put the kids in the middle. Their only job should be to just be a kid. They shouldn't have to worry about the politics of a divorce. They shouldnt' have to worry about who/what they can talk about in one household vs. the other household. (We never pulled the "don't mention his name in my house!" routine and the result was that we - current husband and I - had very open communication with our kids. We were told they were not allowed to be so "open and honest" while at bio-dad's house). Kids notice these little things, and none of them have anything to do with money.

When my husband and I both went thru downsizings, we were pretty much forced to go to court to get him to start paying the support. It was time for him to pick up his share of the kids expenses. Not that it worked .... he still continued to not pay it. It turned out that being nice was our downfall. Since there was nothing in his record about contempt charges for non-payment (since we were "nice" and never took him to court over it), then the judge was lenient and gave him "one more chance".

When my son turned 18, the ex owed over $12K in back support. There was a court hearing scheduled for this and I instructed my attorney to cancel it and I waived the $12k. I was not going to be one of those women who harassed him the rest of his life just because of money. The money he might (might!) pay today doesn't help me when I needed it 5 years ago for a winter coat for his son/daughter. My son was 18 and we (the ex and I) had no legal reason to ever cross paths again. I just wanted it done. Current hubby said he was torn between being so ticked off at my decision because "he gets out of it again" and admiring my decision to not be "one of those" ex-wives.

As a receiver of support (well, theoretically!), I get really ticked off at the ex-wives who give the impression of "living the life of luxury" (I'm saying "impression" because I dont' know if they are in collection or bankrutptcy or anything because they are spending all of their money on vacations and getting their nails done instead of making the car payment. I don't know if those great clothes they wear came from Macy's or from a rich neighborhood garage sale). Those are the stories we hear about ..... rarely does anyone mention the single mom who only has $60 to buy her two kids Christmas (that year still makes me cry because I actually had to borrow against my life insurance to get just that much for them), the single mom who ended up with ALL of the marital bills because he filed bankruptcy DAYS after the divorce was final, so everything that was in both names, I ended up having to pay.... with no support coming from him.

My brother's take home pay after paying child support was $15 a week (I saw his pay stub). No one can live on that. And you don't hear much about THOSE guys either. It's crazy.

By the way, my current husband is the person my kids introduce as their "dad". My daughter, who is now a mom herself, tells us that she knew which parents took care of her and which parent was just the "let's go swimming" guy. My current husband gave her away at her wedding .... her bio dad didnt' even show up.

I'm just glad my kids are now grown and I'm out of that cycle.

ok as a wife of a man who is supposed to get child support i will say this......

when Dh took his ex to court they said for 2 kids he should receive 450 a month. Dh said no she wont be able to live if she gives me that. So they cut in it half. was she grateful??? no she wasnt she was pissed of because she had to pay money to him.

this was about 6 years or so ago and she is now over 20,000 behind our last check was 6 dollars!!!!!!


a lot of people get mad about child support but look at it this way. if dh and mother of kids never split up not only would he be paying the 300 but he would be paying a lot more.

yes its hard to survive when you have to pay child support but while sitting in family court waiting our turn the judge said to a man that this child you are refusing to support was here first you knew you had this responsibility before you got married and had 2 other kids. im sorry if your other kids and your wife are not living the rich life but your other daughter was first and therefore should be and will be your first priority. this is harsh but its soo true.

however i do not think it is right for the other parent to use the support to buy themselves things. it should be used in some way to help support the kids. either that be paying the electric bill or buying food or new cleats for soccer for the child. getting your nails done or a hair cut for yourself is not right in my book.

im not sure where you live but i do know that normally visitation and custody matters are completely separate matters from support. for example if he does not pay his support at all she can not refuse visitation. but if you arent careful and she finds out he got a raise and you guys go to court in say 2 years the court can make you pay the difference from the time the raise was given. so if your support is 300 now and with his raise it will be 700 and you guys dont report it for 2 years then for 24 payments you will have to make up 400 worth. not all courts or judges do this but it has been done before.

perhaps you can try to 50/50 custody this would wipe out support.

gosh I'm so glad that we did not have the 50/50 custody thing. I have the primary responsibility for their care and well being, I'm the one getting up in the middle of the night with sick kids, missing work for sick kids, for parent teacher conferences, for school events and all the things that goes with being the custodial parent. He doesn't pay his support at all, takes them for visitation when it was convenient for him ...... and HE has the same say that *I* do in the decision making process???? I dont' think so, Tim.

For parents who honestly share the child raising responsibilities, 50/50 would work ok, but in my case, it would be over my dead body that he would think he had the same say that I did in the decision process.

(oh my lord.... I sound just like an ex-wife, don't I? SLAP! SLAP!)

Ow!

oh no what i meant by 50/50 was the kids are with each parent equally thus there is no need for support. some times the weeks are split up then other times its 2 weeks at moms during the week and dads on the weekend and then the other 2 weeks of the month its the other way around.

now we dont have 50/50 and i would be just like you over our dead bodies, not only does my DH ex not pay her support but she does not see the kids. She does not call the kids either. We havent heard from her since December 23rd of 2005. she has gone as long as 3 years with not visitation and only one or two calls. then acts like she is doing nothing wrong and we have no right to be boiling mad. she changes her number so often that when we try to call her its disconnected and she gets mad that she isn't told when one of the boys is sick. like it is our job to make them call her.

basically i think child support should be unique to each case. there should not be a set percent that comes out of ones check. but once the amount is set then i do believe it should be paid.

As the child of divorced parents, I think it would be a very sad day if your husband got a lower paying job and you got a better one just to get out of paying more child support. It is not the child's fault that his marriage to the mother didn't work out. It isn't the child's fault that there is child support to be paid. It isn't the child's fault if the mother doesn't not do what is right with the support money, but the child does pay the consequences when the support isn't paid. The child is his, and he needs to report the change so the support can be adjusted. My dad was almost $200,000 behond when my youngest brother turned 18, and since he wasn't going to college, my mom just dropped all of the back. I rememner what it felt like to know the places my dad was going, and knowing that he wasn't paying to help take care of us. There were many many day we would have soup and grilled cheese for dinner one night, and grilled cheese and soup for dinner the next night. As a parent, he should want to provide the best he can for his child, and as his wife, you should want him to also. The child didn't ask to be born into a divorced family. I understand where you are coming from scrimping and saving and sticking to a very tight budget, but he had children before, and I'm sure you knew that. I'm not trying to sound harsh or mean, but the child would be benefitting from the new job if he lived with you or the parents were married, so why should he not just because they are divorced? I'll get off my box now, but think of the kids!

this subject always makes me angry i say if he really does not want to pay more support then fight for custody. You heard me fight if she is being a witch like you say then fight her on it. If she is running around and spending money and leaving the kid at the grand parents house while she tans and hangs out take her back to custody hearings and fight her that way you know where his money goes. If she pays the medical bills make sure that the child's docotrs office knows to send the copy of the bill to you by fax she does not even have to know they are doing that ..

Good luck.

This thread has been good to read. I know there are all different opinions, and different situations and different circumstances. Thank you all for being so civil.

A very close friend of mine has twin girls. She got pregnant "by mistake" and was never married to her boyfriend of a few years (they did live together, had a car, etcetera....but not married). He is really no longer in her life, he has never given her a cent, and I can't imagine that he will. So, her kids have public insurance, she gets foodstamps for them, and she works full time and goes to school part time. He is a severe deadbeat....she made a terrible error in judgement, but love will sometimes do that to you. I'm sure most divorced people didn't plan on having kids then getting divorced. I hope at one point they actually cared for each other. It just makes me sad that a situation can change and people can end up hating each other and trying to "stick it to" the other one (or their own offspring).

philisophically speaking: Isn't life to short? Wouldn't we all prefer to not have stress-induced ulcers? I wish we could "all just get along", although I know that will never happen. I am not trying to fault anyone here....I'm just sad. If you look at the state of the world, it is all about "me". I wish all people cared enough for the little people they created (out of love) to have a vested interest in their lives.

I know how you feel!
I think that it is good to bring up that this month's winner of the Fairytale Cake Decorating Contest will have a donation made in their name to the "Feed the Children" foundation

I just wanted to say thank you to all who have responded, I know this is a touchy subject for many from all aspects to sides of it.

Just to let you all know its not that I am bitter about him having to pay child support to her, it is more the amount, $300 isn't bad in away but I do think it is still more than plenty. I guess if you look at in this way, you still need a house to live in, electricity and gas etc... basic living expenses, do you really think about when you pay that bill how much it is for your child to live with you (married and separated parents). I know when he comes to stay with us, I have never thought oh here goes the electricty bill or I need to buy more food cause he is with us, no I just do it. I can understand having to buy clothes and shoes and what not for him to wear, but you know we don't benefit from any of the child support that we pay her. He has his own clothes at our house from underwear to socks to shoes to jackets to snowboots we buy all that stuff for him to have his own at our home. I don't feel that he should have to pack a bag from his mom's to come to stay with us, unless he starts becoming super picky about clothes then if she is buying him all this expensive brand name stuff that we can't afford then he can bring clothes with him.

I guess another part that bothers me is that, she can give him all these great memories of going here and there and when we took the kids on vacation this past summer nothing was good enough for him, he whined about not getting this and whined that he wasn't having fun. I just made me feel really crappy. I did not grow up in a home where we went on family vacations we farmed and my dad didn't believe in taking off for a weekend or even a week to go and do something, then we had a major castorphe and lost the farm and bukko bucks. So I have raised my kids to take pride in what we have and not be spoiled rotten and she has not instilled any of these values in him.

I would love to have him live with us, he does need his dad more in his life now, not saying her husband isn't a good dad, he seems like a very nice man, but it probably isn't the same for a child. Actually I know he feels this way he has tried playing this poor pity me kid thing that I don't feel comfortable around my step parents even though both of us steps have been in the picture since he has been 2.

You know if he came to live with us I could honestly say that we could do with out the child support, just like I know she could manage with out it too. (don't get me wrong there are people out there that do need it espically with two or more children in the picture). I can say that both sides here are honest and hardworking people not trying to take advantage of the state systems or each other. But many have posted that he would have a better life if both parents were together in a sense and that the money was there for him, now I can't excatly side with that cause why should one parent then be able to give him his hearts desire and be the fun parent and then visiting the other and when like what we did went somewhere and be treated like he is getting the short end of the stick.

Now someone posted that a judge said that this child came first and will always be first, I will be honest and say that made me burn with anger inside. If that is true then all people who have procreated before or during a marriage should just quit trying to make themselves happy and find a true life partner and make a new family. Gosh to me then there wouldn't be many kids being born then. I so don't agree with that, I think it is a bunch a b----crap. Yes it is a sad situation but you know what it is part of life and that child does not deserve anymore than any of his other siblings in life. I am sorry that is just how I feel. My DH has said that his stepson acts out the way he does cause he is vying for attention from him and thinks that the other kids get more than he does. He doesnt' he in all reality probably gets more specialized attention from his dad. He just can't handle it when he has to share his dad. I told my DH that he just needs to just get over it cause there is just more than him and that I will not let it become a hatred thing with the other kids when he comes. Stepson is just a part of this family and he will be treated and share everything just like his other siblings.

Okay I am getting very long winded and I so apprecitated everybody's view on this topic, and thankyou for the ones who were children in this position from there views it is very insightful to hear.

Thanks all

koppeskreations:

I really feel for you. I know my situation is different because my ex-DH just sort of walked out and left us all.... also, he spent years insisting I NOT have a job, creating quite a mess when he left and all the skills I had from years ago where 'stale', so to speak... Why I still give him a break is beyond me but I have a basic desire for fairness.... I feel a bit guilty taking CS that high but it is lower than what he is supposed to pay and he makes $55 k a year.... he can afford to support his kids.

What you were saying about your step-son not being happy with your vacation - oh! it made me want to cry. That would pi$$ me off to no end..... truly, you have some patience. The system is supposed to be designed with the children in mind but there are ways to take advantage of it... I was married when I was 19 and had a son - his father and I seperated only a year later. What a waste! People are so quick to marry and do not realize what divorce does to the kids... I was young and stupid but I adore my son so I can't allow any regrets. I will say this though, my ex-husband remarried quickly and had another child and makes at least $30,000 more now then he did then and I never once took him back for raises, etc... Some of the ex-wives are like clockwork - every 6 months refilling for increased CS based on OT or raises. He pays a fair amount and I don't see the point of gouging him. Does he appreciate this? Well of course not! But at some point I just let it go... we aren't supposed to be friends. And he knows that I don't fritter away the support.

*******Now my sons friends Mom give her kid $50 a month to spend on whatever he likes..... so that means a brand new $50 video game for him and it burns my son up! I know he wants to know why HE doesn't get that! I tried to explain about bills, yada, yada, yada but I have decided that if he keeps harping on it, I am going to give him ALL the CS and then charge him rent ( 3 bdr. house with 4 kids and he is the only one with his own room ) gas, electric, cable, telephone, laundry service , and make him pay for all that food he eats! I think it will be valuable lesson for him

sorry for this novel

Ok i don't think that the judge was trying to say once you have a kid and the relationship doesn't work out then you have to be miserable forever. But why in the world would you have a child and refuse to support him/her then go get someone else preg and expect the system to feel sorry for you????? In this particular case this man was refusing to pay anything to his ex because he didn't feel SHE deserved it. Then he tried to pull the i have another family card. oh please. give me a break.


now i was in no way trying to say that you and your dh should get over it and just pay the 700 i think 700 for 1 kid is outrageous. and as i said in my previous post i think that each child support case should be unique to t hat family. there should not be a set percentage because what one man/woman can afford is not true for another.

Child support can vary greatly depending on where you live and some people can get really funny about it. I have 2 uncles who got custody of their kids and never saw any support from their exes and one of the women even had a hearing in court to determine if she should get support for the 2 weekends a month she had the kids! This is in Minnesota.
Another uncle's ex was complaining, not because she wasn't getting the $500 or so a month in support but because he had quit work for a couple months to look for a different job and the money was coming from his current wife's check. I never could figure out why it mattered as long as the woman got her money, it wasn't any of her buisness where the money came from.

in texas where we are at they say its a percent of your pay. then they base it on the amount of time you actually have the children/child. if that was the case then we should be getting well over 1000 a month because we have them 100% of the time!!!!!!!

also here in texas you can not get a raise or drop in your support unless its been 3 years or your income has changed at least 10 %


question to original poster....... is there any way you can work as well. you mentioned you getting the better job and him getting the less paying one but is it possible for you to get your high paying job so that way your family can have the extra money needed and if the support gets raised it wont be as stressful for you and your dh???

Wow!! I thought I was going through this alone. My husband pays child support for a child he had in a previous relationship. I don't have a problem with him paying the support I have a problem when he pays over $500 and then she has the child call to get stuff like gloves for football or equipment for other sports. Where is the support going? I feel if she can not take care of him then he most definantley is welcomed to come live with us because he is a great kid. Should the support go towards the lavish things of life for the mother or should it go towards the needs of the child?

what i can not stand is when the one who should be paying isnt and that person lives for free meaning no rent no utilities no car payment only actual thing that HAS to be paid monthly is child support and its not done!!! or a person who quits their job every 3 months so that the attorney general can not garnish their wages.

i do think that the money should go towards the kids. i do not think parents should waste the support money if your child does not need anything then the money should be saved.

oh and how about people who dont file their taxes so that you dont get their returns!!!!

its the people like this who make it so hard on the people who do pay each month. the laws are getting harder and the amounts are being raised because of these people who would rather get high and drunk than to help support a child they helped bring into this world!!!!!

Posing an innocent question: I do not have the answer and I am in no way insinuating that either way is right or wrong.....I am also not saying this is the situation with you koppeskreations, or anyone else.

If ex who is receiving the c.s., saves it up and then takes kid on cool/awesome vacation.....does that count as using it toward the kid? I mean, he can't go alone, right? Or if they save it up and buy 'awesome, trendy clothes', does that count?

We would like to think that the c.s. goes toward food, electric, rent, et cetera....but....so, what do ya'll think about that? If they receive $400 or $500 a month, I mean, our family of 5 doesn't go through that much in food....it may be pretty easy to save for a disney package within a couple of months, right? I am not saying this is FAIR, I am just wondering. I really hope I didn't offend anyone.

not a silly question...it's a very common conception. When I first got divorced, my ex used the "they dont' eat that much food" reasoning. But I had to find a 2-3 bedroom place to live in a good school district, which costs more than his 1-bedroom crappy place he lived in. While I'll conceed that both of us had to have a "good" car, as a woman who is not mechanical, I had to get a (for lack of a better word) "nicer" car because I had to transport kids and needed to make sure I didn't have something that would leave me and my kids stranded on the side of the road. I had to carry the family medical insurance at work which costs more than coverage for "employee only". Etc. Etc.

I caution all not to get stuck on "the money" though. There's more to parenting than just writing a check. I'm sure that most custodial parents would agree with that in general.

And based on what my grown children have told me, so would most children of divorced parents.

I have been sitting here and reading these storys for the last couple of days. Now I want to tell you 2 cases that I'm involved or aware of.

1st - my brother and his ex-wife divorced when my nephew was an infant. DB was unable to see his child but was ordered to pay $250.00 a month (this was in 1986), provide insurance and pay a percentage of any and all medical bills. My parents and I had the visitation rights. In reality, my nephew pretty much lived with me or my parents for the first 5 years of his life until he started school and then every weekend was spent with one of us. I am not complaining about this. To this day my nephew calls me "his favorite aunt". I have my own children and this made them very close to their cousin. My brother never fought for visitation because this would have made his child support become higher. Sure my nephew went on expensive vacations and had all the best of clothes, vehicles & extras he could want. Did my brother pay for them? No, not on $250.00 a month. What is the end result of this? My nephew and my brother have no relationship. Jerry is now 19 and hardly sees or talks to his father - oh, yes that is what he calls him, too.

2nd - My husband and I have custody of my cousin. We have had her for 4-5 years now. We fought for her and it cost us $12,000.00. We have not heard (nor do we want to) from her mother in close to 2 years. She has been ordered to pay child support. We haven't even asked for it. We do get $400.00 a month from Social Security because the father passed away. You add up all the expense of a family and divide that by the amount of people in that family. We have 6 people. Our expenses (electric, rent, phone, cable, water, garbage & food) add up to over $3,065.00. This is not counting all the extra activites or expenses that occur for a family (school supplies, clothes & etc.). That comes to about $510.83 a month. No way does the $400.00 a month begin to cover the individual expenses. We don't take extravagant vacations. In fact, our last vacation was a weekend spent doing the rafting on the Guadalupe River and camping outside in tents. I work and so does my husband.

Please understand, I feel for the children involved in this mess and I feel for the current wives/significant others. Raising children is expensive - plain and simple!!!! The non-custodial parent is responsible to help with expenses by paying the child support. This should be the first priority over anything. The child didn't ask to be put in this position. If it helps your family finances for you to return to work - do it! I wouldn't work if I didn't have to but I do to help with the bills and to make sure that my kids have the things that they need.