Hi all I will try to make this quick and short.
My husband decided to come home with a new 2004 4 door truck the other day. Did not tell me about it, much less call and let me know he had the day off cause the were rained out. Now some of you may be like so big deal right. Well to me the big deal is that we are just finally getting bakc on our feet from a hard 3 years. He finally got his license back after his 3rd OWI (lost it for 7 years) and got a better paying job. We have no health insurance cause we can't afford it. (kids are on a state program for only a couple more months and then income guidelines will be over so they won't be elgible. We have a bathroom that has been torn apart for 5 years now. A outside overhead wire to be buried for safety reasons, a 1962 furnace (2 of them) that needs to be replaced, central air would be a god send for me for my cakes, I still have to budget on buying groceries cause I am the one who pays for those and in a family of 6 I only have like $275 to spend. We owe my parents $30000 for house improvements shortly after we bought it and they have been very patient waiting for payments.
He has horrible credit cause he never pays anything off until they take it through the courts to be with held from his checks. He is an alcohlic who still drinks and drives to this day.
His control freak dad bought the truck for him and he is to pay him for it.
I do work full time, raise the kids and pay for all their activites, plus my cakes. He goes to work come home at whatever hour pleases him and pays some of the bills, I do all the house work, the yard work and what ever else needs to be done. I don't usually bitch about it but now I am.
My fridge died and out of spite I bought a $2000 one that I couldn't afford but did anyway.
He finally asked my after 5 days of not speaking to him what was wrong, and I said I couldn't believe he is asking me this. He knows I think his dad is the devil and then he borrows more money from him. My husband had just gotten out of his grip and he pulled him back in, and what is worse my husband is such a loser at this point he let him. Instead of being a man and standing on his own two feet. He tried to tell me he was looking after the needs of our family. Can anyone show me the needs of new $30000 truck.
I just moved all my stuff out of our bedroom and moved our stepson in with him, I had it and figured maybe atleast this might show him I am serious about this and not giving in.
Am I wrong to move out of the bedroom.
Also incase all of you are saying talk to him, he is also a compulsive liar and his word means nothing unless it is to make himself look or feel better.
Thanks all for listening to my gripes
NIkki
woah.
uhhh...I don't have much positive to say about this except that yes, you have every right to be mad. You do everything, including pay for everything? What's he there for? or are you just supporting him too?
I wouldn't put up with that sh!t. heck no. I'd be getting the heck out of there all together.
Sorry, don't mean to be butting in or anything but that's pretty bad. You are a saint to have put up with that so far.
i hope i do not sound mean or uncaring when i say this and if i over step please just say so but why oh why int he heck are you still married to this loser!!!!!! you sound by what you wrote to be absolutely miserable. the truck seems to be the icing on the cake! i would be pissed off at my dh for buying a new vehicle and he doesnt do any of the other things your hubby does. i do think you are wrong to leave your room you should have put him out in the living room.
When you post something like this you have to be prepared for the answers you will receive. My advise? Take your children and leave. You would be better off working on your own and receiving Aid To Dependent Children until you can get on your feet and on your own. You couldn't be any worse off financially than you are now. And that lifestyle and that kind of male role model is not the way you want your children to grow up. He seems to be an immature, self centered individual and I can't imagine at his age he is going to change, and you are not going to be able to change him either. You and your children deserve better than this. Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?
Thank you all for your support. Yes I am more than prepared for what most will say, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting. Like someone said this is the icing on the cake. I pretty much have come to the conclusion he gives it back to his dad and we stay together or he can keep it and we get divorced. Like I told one of my friends this really toppled me over to wanting out. It's not so much of the fact that of what he bought and why, more that it shows where we sit in our relationship and how WE are at making life important decsions. I decided to leave the bedroom at this point for the sake of the children. I know I can do it on my own and I know I don't need him to make me happy, I have been living alone for say for almost 3 years now.
I won't be angered by comments that anyone posts if anything it is building my self up to leave and take that step.
Thanks all
Nikki
ok even if he gives the truck back are you really wanting to spend the rest of your life supporting him? the truck is the icing on the cake but its a small problem compared to the drinking and driving lying and disrespectful way his treats you. i for one would n to want my kids to think it was ok for a man to treat a woman that way. you dont say how long you have been married but you say living alone for 3 years...... if anything it seems like getting out of this relationship for lack of a better term will only make you and your children's lives happier and healthier
People marry because they love each other - and then (usually) expect the other person to change (to be more like them).
I'm sure you loved your husband when you married him, but he is what he is.
Sometimes the ONLY thing you can change is your perception of a situation. Stop trying to get him to "change" so you can all be one big happy family. Rather start planning what's best for you and your children.
As has been said, children learn by example - is this one you want them to emulate.
HTH
Thank you all for your support. Yes I am more than prepared for what most will say, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting. Like someone said this is the icing on the cake. I pretty much have come to the conclusion he gives it back to his dad and we stay together or he can keep it and we get divorced. Like I told one of my friends this really toppled me over to wanting out. It's not so much of the fact that of what he bought and why, more that it shows where we sit in our relationship and how WE are at making life important decsions. I decided to leave the bedroom at this point for the sake of the children. I know I can do it on my own and I know I don't need him to make me happy, I have been living alone for say for almost 3 years now.
I won't be angered by comments that anyone posts if anything it is building my self up to leave and take that step.
Thanks all
Nikki
Definitely not over-reacting and I'd say it's just one swirl in the icing on the cake. Are you sure you even want him back if he gets rid of the truck?? Really, the fact that he got it to begin with shows his disrespect for you. As others have said, think about what's best for your kids. Having a role model like him is not the best for the kids.
I think the truck is the least of your problems. I would leave him flat!!!!!
First of all, I have 0 tolerance for drinking and driving - I had (yes, had) a friend that is no longer with us because of the result of someone's stupidity to drive after they drank too much. What happens if your children are on the road one day and end up on the worse end of an accident that he has caused?
Girl, get out NOW
I'd leave his @$$ & find me a new life somewhere where your kids can be away from the lifestyle they are living in now. Bringing the truck back wouldn't do it for me. Quit drinking, pay bills, help you with raising the kids right... hello that wouldn't even be enough. He's screwed up & now he has to spend the rest of his life proving himself. Doing things just to spite him puts you in the same boat you have him in. Sorry, but like Shirley so greatly put it... "When you post something like this you have to be prepared for the answers you will receive". Women should get out of situations like this not stay in them. If you stay then what's next? Nothing. Your married to a drunk. I was married to a drunk for 10 yrs. Steadily got worse after 5 years. I finally gave him the attitude adjustment that straightened his drunk @$$ out. I left him! Two months later he came back a changed man. We've now been married 21 years. Alcohol free. He was always a good man the alcohol kept him from being that good man. So there is hope IF he changes but if your hubby continues his ways then leave him!! THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN. That should be enough. 
I have to agree with the other ladies. I sounds like he doesn't respect you or care how you feel. I would leave him, but that's easy for everyone else to say. It's your life and if you really want to make things work try counceling.
You're right. It's easier for us to sit here at our computers and tell her what we "would" do but would we practice what we preach? I would hope so but then, I haven't been in her shoes...
You can do bad by yourself. You don't need someone dragging you down faster.
I cannot find anything positive to say about a man who neglects his family so he can buy his toys and sees nothing wrong with having zero financial responsibility to anything, and still depends on "daddy" for money.
Is this the kind of man you would want your daughter to end up with? Then why are you still there?
Sorry .... been there .... done that .... got out.
Been living a wonderful life with a wonderful husband for the last 20 years! My kids tell their friends, "The best thing my mom did for me was to divorce my dad!"
Edited to add: Based on what you posted, I think you really already know all of this, but you just need someone to tell you that you're not crazy, and it's ok. I went thru the same thing.
I'm not going to give you the "get the heck out" talk. A little off the topic, but how did he even qualify for the loan for the truck?
Haha buying a truck for the betterment of the family?? How in the world is a truck helping out a family of EIGHT? They can't even fit in the darn thing. He is a complete self centered idiot that obviously hasn't grown up.
Like Indydebi said....You can do bad all by yourself.
Be a role model to your kids and let them know that a marriage like this isn't right. Let them know behavior like this isn't right. They will be better off with one really strong kick a$$ mom than two torn down parents.
That man is toxic and you need to get out.
Good luck in whatever you do and stay strong.
I think the easiest answer is "leave him.". However, that's not always the best answer - without knowing who he is or hearing his viewpoint, it's tough to really judge. From your viewpoint, the guy does sound like a loser and in this day and age - the easy thing to do would be to leave.
I'm not a big believer in divorce. My own marriage is struggling - but we are seeing a marriage counselor. Have you all ever tried to do that? I know it can be expensive and finances sound very very tight - you might be able to find one that works on a sliding pay scale.... meaning for instance, if your total income for a year is $60,000 - they may charge you $60 a session or something..... it's still money, but it's not $300 an hour or something like that.
Also, there is a marriage conference that we went to and I really enjoyed the speaker. One of the books he was "promoting" was one about marriages where the other partner isn't really participating in trying to make the relationship work and how you can try to make things better yourself. I've read it - well the parts that apply - there are sections for irresponsible spouses & for alcoholic spouses..... it may be something you could pick up from the library and it's a pretty easy and quick read. The book is called "Loving Solutions" by Gary Chapman. He has quite a few books out on marriage. Perhaps you can tell your husband that you're really struggling - that you want this marriage to work, but you really need to see some effort on his part that he's still interested in making it work - and see if you can go to a counselor or maybe read one of Gary's books.....
A good one on debt too is "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey. It talks a lot about getting out of debt and budgets and things like that.
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough situation. You also said he was an alcoholic, right? Isn't there a group like Alanon or something for families of alcoholics? Perhaps you could find one in your area that could be a support system for you and your family and help you to help your husband.
No one wants to be miserable in their marriage and no one wants to see you stay in a miserable marriage - but I truly hope that maybe one of those resources could help you to improve your marriage rather than leave it. I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make.
Well I just read through all the post, and I'm giving you a big hug, I think you need one!
Now that's done: get out of there!!!! You can't change someone unless he wants too. For your children's sake, and yours, get out. It might be hard for awhile, but in the end it'll be worth while.
I agree with everyone here, you have children to raise and in a good home with love and happiness, and I don't sense any of those in what you wrote.
take care and keep us posted on what you decide to do
(((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))
Oh man I just wrote you all a huge thank you note and it didn't post. So I don't think I can write all again with out really crying and I am at work. But your words of wisdom are not falling on deaf ears. I hear you all and I am very close to filing a legal separation from him. I just need to find it in me when the time is right.
Thanks all
Nikki
I just read thru all the posts; my eyes want to tear... I have been in that situation and had given chance after chance, begged him to go to counseling w/ me. No, no, no. I just wasted extra time is all I did; I should have gotten out a long time before. I was scared to raise my children alone and he made a point of telling me I'd fail and he'd take the kids! What a loser! I left. Did not know what I was going to do at the very beginning. Went to stay w/ my dear grandmother and she passed away about a year later 
The darling XH even made a point to call me a week after her death to tell me I was homeless and would lose the kids. I didn't lose them. I struggled and survived and we are all much happier. My kids are not growing up around the influence of an irresponsible, mean-hearted man... You can do sooo much better w/o him. Think of your beautiful babies (and even yourself!). Believe me one day you'll wake up and think to yourself what took me so long? God bless you and your babies
I think you understand the situation you are in and are feeling that you can not afford to move out with the children. My thoughts are can you afford not to move out? It seems like you have parents that will help you with whatever they can do, so let them. Don't be afraid to ask your friends for help. I'm sure they will be glad for you to get out of the h**l you are in. You don't want to enable his bad judgment anymore. You have to be the one to stand up for your children and protect them from his sickness. I would never allow my child to be in a vehicle with an alcholic that still drinks. My hopes are that you are strong enough to get out and get help for you and your kids. Good Luck and {{HUGS}}
Don't be afraid to ask your friends for help. I'm sure they will be glad for you to get out of the h**l you are in.
When I made my decision to leave and began telling everyone about the abuse I was living with, I was surprised to find out that they all knew. I thought I was hiding it from everyone, but they all knew.
The only person I had been fooling was myself.
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