I wasn't going to post this at first, but I am so despondent right now I feel the need for some advice or encouragement or something, I don't even know.
It started in 2004 when my husband was called away on military duty and was gone for a year. I couldn't handle him being gone and I quit my job of 5 years and stayed home to take care of the kids. The income was good back then, and I was in college as well. After he got back from military duty a year later, the military stopped his income completely, and we ended up losing our house and had to move in with my mom in law. DH ended up getting a job as a pharmacy tech at the hospital (he was previously a drywaller for 10 years but there was no work here). It was stressful for the year we were living with my MIL, her husband is not a very nice man, and he picked on my kids relentlessly to the point where we just wanted out. My husband re-enlisted in the Army just for the bonus he was getting, it was $10,000 and we wanted it to buy a house. We bought a house, out of desperation we bought a manufactured home that we both love (I know, weird). Well, he is still working at the pharmacy, getting paid more, bills are super tight and I have been unable to find a job, the market is horrible around here. Back in January my 18 year old son moved out with a friend of his we barely knew. In February, we got a call saying my son was in jail. Apparently he and this friend and one other bad seed robbed a party store TWICE. They used a pellet gun and took money and cigarettes. Now, we have raised our son Christian, and he was very active in our church, the youth group always called on him for favors, and he helped in the kitchen alot. He has never been in any kind of trouble before, so we were SHOCKED (still are). To make a longer story shorter, all 3 boys were locked up, we managed to get my son out of jail on bond (thank god for my MIL, it was $10,000), but only for two weeks, and the prosecutor made the bail double so my poor kid had to go back to jail. He is still there, taking his lumps, he is acting like an adult about it thank god, he is willing to do his time. I am devastated. I miss him so badly, he is such a good kid, and those other two boys admitted to telling my son it would be a fun thing to do and he wouldn't get in trouble because they would take the rap for him. The other two boys are going to trial, my son took a plea for 81 months in prison. He's a good boy, but I think sometimes he is a 13 year old trapped in an 18 year old body, he didn't understand any of this when it happened. I thank god every day for my children, because I couldn't get through any of it without them.
Now I am going to thank Him for my CC friends who were willing to read this all the way through.........
Aww, hon, I wish I could give you a big hug and a real shoulder to cry on.
I know life isn't always what we make it; in reality we only have the illusion of being in control.
To me, life seems to be more of a conscious choice of belief systems. My belief is that the only control I have is how I choose to act or react, in spite of whatever obstacles life throws my way.
Scenario: Twin sons of an alcoholic parent are interviewed because one is a famous doctor and the other a homeless substance abuser.
When asked how they came to their present situation; each answers the question with the same response - because my parent was a drunk!
The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them - Antoine de Saint Exupery. Or as I like to shorten it, nothing is but thinking makes it so.
Your circumstance/s can break you, unless you can change your attitude.
If you have faith in God, you have a partner to share your burden.
When I feel down, I run through a list of things for which I should be grateful:
That no matter how bad things are, where there is life there is hope. Circumstances can always improve.
My life, which is a gift denied to many. (My mother died when she was 46; I'm now 56.)
And so on....
Here's an inspirational quote:
There are three types of effort: easy, difficult, and impossible. The easy ones teach us appreciation and laughter. The difficult ones teach us patience and perseverance. The impossible ones teach us humility, surrender, and spirituality.
(from www.jamesricklef.com.)
((big ol' hug)) Sorry this is happening. The market in MI is horrid right now (I'm about an hour away from you) Your son got mixed up in the wron g crowd but at least he is now being responsible about his actions. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm praying for you.
I am so sorry for you. I'm doing a Bible study called "Preparing to hear the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer (hope I spelled all that right). Our last class was just on "interruptions" in our plans..... and how God may have purposes for those interruptions. It's a really really great study - the woman who wrote it actually has two studies "Discerning the Voice of God" is the other one. Excellent studies.
Anyway, I'm saying a little prayer for you and your family now. I hope that God brings you out of this "valley" (Ps. 23) soon. It sounds like you've been hit with quite a lot of crap.
My favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
I hope your future becomes much brighter soon.
We are very lucky, and my son knows it too. He is the only one in the trio of boys who has his family, friends, pastor, and church members at all his hearings. We take up 2 or 3 rows in the courtroom every time we go!!!
Thank you for all your kind words, they really do help!!!
He does realize it, he writes letters to his sisters and tells them 'don't do what I did, ask Mom and Dad for help, I made a mistake and I am paying for it', that kinda thing. He is just a scared kid who got in with a bad crowd. Apparently the other 2 boys both have some pretty bad stuff on their juvenile records (they are all the same age).
I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I feel for you. I have three kids. Two are over 18. My 18 yr. old daughter has put us through hell. I know that I raised her better than this, or at least I tried to. I pray that the mistakes she makes will not have life long consequences. I do know some of your heartache. I will pray that things get better for you and yours.
Jennifer
Will your son be eligible for any sort of work release program or work detail? Maybe he can get involved in some of the programs they have to make the time go quicker, and maybe learn a new skill (I used to work in a jail, and I really believed in the programs we had).
I know it will depend on his classification status as to what he is eligible for, but I would encourage him to get involved in the prison programs. There are some really good ones. Your son sounds like a good kid who just made a bad decision. It happens a lot... but please tell him to make the best of his time in prison (sounds wierd, but it's definitely possible).
HTH-
Denise
Oh mizshelli, I am so sorry for what you are going through. We do the very best we know how to get those kids up and living the best they can, but we can't stand over them and force them to live the way we want them to. And when they mess up it breaks our hearts. Your son knows he messed up and is mature enough to take responsibility for his behavior. That's more than half the battle there. My prayer for you is that this will make your family stronger and closer than ever! God Bless. Linda
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now.Hopefully they will have learned there lessons & with alot of hard work they will be able to turn things around. I will be thinking about your family.
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