June '07-he and this very wonderful girl already have pretty much everything they need in their apartment-all new furniture, household stuff etc. What they really want is $$$ for their honeymoon-they want to go to Europe! They have already started saving for it but they know they won't have enough by that time with everyday expenses, etc. The question is-how do we tell people they just need $$-without sounding tackey! I know the people around us will ask and we can say it to friends, etc. but what about the out of towners, etc. HELP!
I've heard of people doing this when I was planning my wedding almost four years ago now. I think they were actually 'registering' through their travel agent and that is how the honeymoon trip was paid for.
thats a neat tip... never would have thought about that one,
What about a blurb on the insert (the one that normally has the gift registry info) saying what they were planning.... wording would need to be chosen carefully but true friends and family would understand and be happy to "donate" towards the honeymoon rather than buy a gift they did not need or want.
Let us know how it goes.
karen
What about selling miles?
The guests could buy miles for the honeymoon. You could make neat vouchers the guests can present. You could also sell different countries, towns (Paris, Venice,...very romantic).
I think there isn't a big difference to a wish list.
Luggi
Ok, I have to say it--it's tacky. I'm not a fan of registeries in general in the first place, but to be expected to pay for a honeymoon is just insane! I'm sorry, but a gift should be a GIFT, not what a couple demands. Maybe they won't get to their destination on their honeymoon, but they will get there eventually. I would be offended if I was asked (ESPECIALLY if it wasn't a VERY close friend or relative) to pay for a honeymoon. I really think your son needs to wise up and grow up and realize that people don't owe him a honeymoon!
Edited to add: Don't most people just give cash anyway as the gift? Why be tacky and ask for what they're most likely going to get anyway? They can spend it as they please--I think everyone knows that all newlyweds need $$$$.
People give money if they can afford to. I've never been able to. The rule of thumb (at least what I was taught in my neck of the woods) is that you are at least supposed to cover your dinner. Well, my dinners cost almost $70 a person including the bar and I got nowhere near that, but that's not the point. The reception dinner is the bride and groom's 'thank you' for coming to the wedding and I didn't expect to get that paid for.
I'm sure there is a way to do this so that it isn't tacky and no one is obligated to buy them miles or whatever, just like no one is obligated to buy the couple a gift off of their registry list. It's a reference tool so that you can actually give them something they need rather than something that will just sit and collect dust.
I can see both sides though. To each his own.
I understand it can be a sensitive issue but I think you have been a little harsh lotsoftots
I guess the thing is that these days many couples have already started a life together and therefore have most things..... why get them things they already have and for some guests they have no idea so end up buying something useless anyway.
Everyone is different and we should respect that, if someone feels offended they don't have to buy from the registry or other request.... its just that, a suggestion, and it lets family and friends know what they are in need of.
People going to a wedding should be family and close friends anyway... so they should not be offended, they should be understanding and supportive of the wonderful union and its beginning.
In these situations there is no right or wrong and lets be honest.... at weddings it is very rare to please everyone, its your day and you should do it how you wish.
We should all respect each other.
June '07-he and this very wonderful girl already have pretty much everything they need in their apartment-all new furniture, household stuff etc. What they really want is $$$ for their honeymoon-they want to go to Europe! They have already started saving for it but they know they won't have enough by that time with everyday expenses, etc. The question is-how do we tell people they just need $$-without sounding tackey! I know the people around us will ask and we can say it to friends, etc. but what about the out of towners, etc. HELP!
"We can say it to friends..."
Yes, you can, but they're probably going to think it's tacky. 
Traditionally, at least in conservative South, bridal couples invited family and close friends to share in their joy at the celebration of their marriage. One did not make out the guest list based on who could (or would) fund a gift equivalent to the expense of inviting the guest. If the bride wants to do a fundraiser, she should probably just call it that and charge admission. 
Maybe the happy couple should consider scaling back their plans to allow them to actually afford a wedding and a honeymoon without having to shake down guests for cash.
Seriously, the fact that you're concerned that it'll come off as tacky should set off some sort of early-warning-system in the brain!!! One's first impression, before one rationalizes it away, is usually the correct one.
I figure this isn't what you want to hear; what you're looking for is enough of a "hey, sounds good to me!" response for you to smother your concerns. I'm with lotsoftots on this one; the bride and groom can ask for whatever they want, but you can't make it less tacky than it is.
I can't WAIT to hear how they're going to fund their first child!!!
(And, folks, before anyone gets too bent out of shape, remember... this is just the 'net. Opinions asked for will garner exactly that, even if they don't necessarily match one's own. ) 
I think it depends on what type/size of wedding your having!! If they are inviting everyone from family, friends, coworker, acquatinces, etc and they aren't particurarly close to all the guests....might not be a good idea to ask for a $$$ donation. However, if it is going to be a small family/close friends type wedding.....most of these guests may not mind and many of them will ask what the bride/groom need want anyway (whether you have registery or not). It is a touchy subject.....but you and your son know what type of friends & family you have, whether they can afford to fork over some cash and whether or not they care about this type of thing!!! Alot of our family & friends...actually asked US if we cared if they just gave us cash!!! but I don't think I would put in an inviation or anything like that!! Maybe if someone asks....give them a couple items things the couple like and also mention the wonderful honeymoon trip....but not say 'they would like $$$ to fund their honeymoon trip'!!??!!
There are also things you can do a the reception that would bring in some last minute $$$. We did the dollar dance at ours and got over $500 and we only had ~75 people at our wedding!! Most people will give more than the $1.......esp. grandparents It was fun b/c we got to talk & have some one on one time w/everyone at our reception......b/c everything is so crazy that you end up not getting to talk to everyone...so that gave us a few mintues w/each guest!!!
Europe would be an awesome honeymoon though!!!
Good luck w/whatever you decide!!
Christine
I'm with dky on this one. Times have changed!! Most people in this day and age already have most everything they need by the time they marry because they wait until they are older. Not many are still living with their parents until they are married (not around here anyway). I was 23 when I got married, my husband was 27. Both of us had been out on our own for quite a while (15 years between us both) and we already had established a home for ourselves and had everything we needed. I had a family bridal shower and a work bridal shower and we got a lot of gifts for the wedding. It's not that I didn't appreciate the gifts because I did. However, most of the stuff I didn't need and just took up more space in my limited kitchen at the time. I felt guilty for not wanting or needing it so I held onto it so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Personally, I love registries and knowing in advance what the couple wants or needs. I would so much rather give a gift that is needed and wanted as opposed to taking a wild guess. My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves. It was fairly tame and inexpensive compared to most but it still cost us a lot. The $$ we got as gifts was very helpful to us after spending so much for the event. I would also feel better knowing that my gift of $ was helping the couple enjoy a fabulous honeymoon.
If someone can't afford a gift, they won't be able to afford to give cash either. If someone can afford a $20 gift from Wal-Mart, why can't they afford to give the $20 in lieu of the casserole dish and dish towels from Wal-Mart? It's not like the couple is asking or expecting both or anything. Most people give gifts because they choose to, not because they are expected to by the wedding couple.
I don't think it's wrong or tacky nowadays. There has to be a tasteful way to do it. Maybe word of mouth is the best way, I don't know. Maybe consult a wedding planner or visit a wedding planning website to get ideas. I can't imagine you are the first person who has ever asked this question. Good luck to you and your son and his future wife! I hope they have a happy and healthy marriage and a fabulous time on their honeymoon!
I know I've read of couples asking for money instead of material items. I googled "wedding registries" and "money". I actually found a site that helps you register for your honeymoon! I guess the new trend in wedding gifts is that couples can ask and register for anything nowadays. Here's the link. HTH!
Leslie
http://weddings.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=weddings&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.honeyluna.com
IMO, it screams tacky. Any wedding I have gone to in the last 20 years or so, cash was given 9 times out of 10, anyway. The regular "gifts" were given at the bridal shower for which the bride was registered, to get things she REALLY wants, not just an extra toaster or blender.
I never try to give the amount of money as a gift to "cover" the expense of the meal. I give what *I* can afford. If however, someone were to ask the mothers of the bride or groom for ideas on what the couple would like, I think it's fine to say..."Ya know, they could really use cash, as they are pretty well set up for their household".
I realize things are different all over the country, and world for that matter. But I still go with allowing the people invited to the wedding to choose the gift THEY would like to give.
I've been married 30 years and still look fondly on some of the things I received as wedding gifts. I have a couple of vases, some kitchen things, an afghan someone made for us, a silver platter, a few utensils, some Tupperware!!!!! etc. and every so often I look at these things as I'm using them and think of the people (some no longer living) who gave them to us and think about how happy they would be knowing we still use then. It gives a certain continuity to life. I have no idea who gave me money--that's long forgotten, and, as we didn't have much money and didn't do anything "big" for our honeymooon, I often think back to those days and appreciate that now I can do more.
I like to figure out wedding gifts for a couple that will be meaningful for them in the future--something that is related to their lives. I've never thought that my gift should pay for our dinner at a wedding. The wedding is to share the joy of the ocassion and the gift is not the entrance fee!!!!!
I guess you could say I'm old-fashioned (my children like to say ante-deluvian) but that's my $.02
Shalom,
itsacake!
I agree that putting the request for $$ in lieu of gifts on the invitations is tacky. You may offend some people and they may not come at all. If people ask, you can suggest that since they have everything they need to start house, that monetary gift would be appreciated. Don't know, that is a real touchy subject.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 20+ years ago. Her dad and the majority of the wedding guests were in the oil business. At the reception, the bride and the bridesmaids were "kidnapped" and held for ransom. The photographer went with us and took pictures of us on the side of the road thumbing our way back and a sign "Jamaica or Bust". At the reception, the groom read the ransom note attached to a money bag, that was then passed around. Don't remember how much was collected. We had fun but I don't know if anyone was offened by that.
I was trying to avoid tacky-I didn't want them asking for $--the brides family is paying for the wedding and noone is certainly expected to pay for anything-not even expected to bring gifts. The main reason for the question was that when people ask what would be the proper response. I have heard so many different opinions-here and elsewhere and at previous weddings I just wanted to be able to present them with the ideas and opinions. I do know when I got married 30 years ago I received several toasters and crockpots-and felt bad taking anything back but did exchange them for something we did need. I didn't mean to ruffle anyones feathers but I do love registries because I would rather give what is needed than dups, but that's my opinion. I have never felt obligated to get something I couldn't afford and I most certainly don't expect anyone to give anything, let alone more than they could afford if they did chose to give a gift. Anyone who comes is gift enough however knowing the tradition of gift giving for weddings...I am sure you know what I mean and again-certainly not trying to ruffle any feathers and do appreciate any opinions.
by way of explanation.....
the idea of covering the cost of your attendance is a very european thing to do.
For example if you are a family of 5 and are all invited to a wedding which cost $100 per head your gift would be at LEAST $500 regardless if you were family or friend....... just like many think registries or money request is tacky... turning up to one of these weddings with a gift of $100 would be tacky.
So I guess the point I am trying to make is that everyone is different and generally at a wedding you will have all sorts of opinions... you cannot please everyone.
At the end of the day the bride and groom need to do what pleases them and invite family and friends who are special to them and who they want to share the day with..... if those people are offended then perhaps they are not as close as they may have thought.
To each his own.
According to the news reports, even Tom Cruise and Katie Holms had a baby gift registry, guess if it is good enough for them, it should be good enough for anyone.
Personally, I think money in lieu of a gift when the couple already has everything makes sense to me,
nobody has to know what the money is spent on, whether it is a household appliance or applied to the honeymoon. Janice
Nanni - I completely understand where you're coming from....wanting to know a tactful way, when and if someone asks what to get the couple, of explaining what it is that they really would love and would be of use to them....of use NOW and not 15, 20, 30 yrs down the road. I would LOVE to do something for a couple, such as give a cash gift, that would help with anything they want or need...ESPECIALLY to help with the honeymoon costs. What nicer gift than to be able to help them enjoy their honeymoon...their first days of marriage and a great adventure? That seems a more special gift than anything on a registry would ever be, IMO. I wish more couples would let people know what it is they REALLY need or want. Registries are nice and very useful, if you really need all those types of things and that's what you truly want. But as someone else pointed out, times are VERY different now...most couples have already been on their own for some time and have a lot of those things that are typically found on registries. And more & more, I'm noticing couples that just aren't registering anywhere AT ALL...the usual alternative gift then is cash. Are the people who do the money trees or games at their weddings being tacky as well?...that's also saying 'Hey..we could use some good 'ol cash, too! Even though you all probably bought us gifts already.' I don't see it as tacky at all to point out a preference of type of gift...in fact - isn't that what you do by registering for stuff in the first place?? People who register for stuff are saying 'This is what we want...please buy it for us.' lol I don't know that I have EVER received a wedding invitation that did not say somewhere where they are registered. And many times, after looking over the items they registered for, I wanted to get them something entirely different, more personal than a gravy boat or setting of silver...but BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT THE COUPLE WANTED - THAT'S WHAT I BOUGHT! I believe that something being viewed as tacky is all relative...if it's not what you would assume as appropriate, then it might seem 'tacky'. But how is something tacky if it's what will make the people getting married happy? It IS about them, right? And not about what we all might think about their choices. JMO 
If I were in your shoes, Nanni, when someone asks, I would say something like...'Any gift you choose for them will be welcomed and appreciated...but if you would like to consider a monetary gift, they would be able to apply that to their honeymoon costs. Their household is already set-up, pretty much, and they're so excited about going to Europe...any little bit will help them to have a truly wonderful honeymoon. But you do whatever you feel comfortable with...they really just want to see you there on their special day.' Hope this helps and good wishes for a wonderful wedding and a spectacular honeymoon for your son & his bride-to-be!
I just had an idea...maybe you could suggest to your son & future daugher-in-law that whatever money is received as gifts, that they (or maybe you could help out with this part) keep a record of all those who chose to give money...usually it's given inside a card, right? lol Have them take a few great pictures of themselves at prime places in Europe...Leaning Tower of Pisa, Eiffel Tower, Arche 'de Triumph (sp?), on the streets of Paris at night ('The City of Lights'), Big Ben in London....or neat places with beautiful scenery wherever they end up that would make a beautiful backdrop for a photograph. Then when they return from Europe, they could send each of those people a great photograph in a really nice frame. Not so much as a thank-you gift or anything....but just to show those that chose to give money how special it truly was for them being able to have a honeymoon in Europe. That's something I would treasure forever...a photograph of my friends or loved ones having the time of their life on their honeymoon..knowing that I was one of a few or many that helped make it possible. That's pretty special, though, I'm sure to others it may be viewed as tacky as well. 
Might I suggest if the cash is a problem for people. have the couple register for gifts they can USE on their honeymoon. Do they have a nice set of luggage? Film? travel accessories? Camera? Batteries for the camera? Oh the many things i rush around looking for when traveling.
They are all small things, but someone might enjoy putting together a little basket with these smaller items that they can still use and enjoy. And they can save their money for the flight/hotel, etc....
And JennT... I love the idea of the photos as thankyou! great idea
Hope they get to go to europe. It is beautiful over there.
Leily
It might help to remember that in many countries, customs vary greatly from area to area. Trying to impose standards from one hemisphere to another, despite globalization, would be difficult. Dky, no offense to you, but the article that was cited is written by an esteemed protocol expert, and it's published in a leading U.S. newspaper. This was not a 'tacky' reference. That it is in direct conflict with what you want to believe is really of no consequence -- if you don't want it to apply to you, then ignore it. It's really just that simple. But denigrating the poster and the article was unnecessary.
A lot of people brought up many different thoughts on this issue -- ALL of them are valid. 
I still think that trying to find a way to make something appear less tacky doesn't negate the fact that it is, basically, still tacky, no matter how it's worded. If this wasn't an issue, it wouldn't have even been posted here for discussion, now would it? 
But recognizing that different areas do have different customs, and giving a nod to the "times change" singers, I'm certainly not going to get in a huff over it.
Remember, there are no "etiquette police" in the U.S. No one gets the death penalty for doing things "differently" and THERE ARE NO ABSOLUTES, except that death-and-taxes thing.
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