Hi everyone,

I have two different situations that I have been in, and have been told that I was kinda tacky in my actions.

1st one: I was invited to a birthday party for a son of a "distant friend" of mine. (meaning we are not close friends) She ordered a cake from me for his 5th birthday. I had every intention on going, but that morning I woke up with a migrane and couldn't even get out of bed until that afternoon. I had my son call her to have her come and pick up the cake from my house. Which she did, and was very happy with it. It was a no-charge for her because I wasn't able to bring a gift to the party, so I made the cake the gift. I was told by a couple of people that that was tacky and I should of gotten him a toy too because he is too young to understand the cake as a gift. (The thing is, I wasn't at the party!)
What do you think?


2nd one: I am invited to my best friend's, future daughter-in-laws bridal shower. I am making the cake for her at no charge, (full sheet), as part of my gift, that way I won't have to spend a bundle of money on something else also, but I still plan on getting a little something for her to open. I am a single mom and struggle financially to the point where it can keep me up some nights. Anyway, I was told I was being cheap because everyone expects me to make the cake anyway so why am I cheating her out of a bigger gift. I tried to explain that I wasn't and that I was saving her money by not having to order a cake. I was then told that the future bride dosen't pay for the cake anyway. So now I don't know.
What do you think?

Be honest please!
Thanks!
mcginnis
(Lisa)

My cakes are almost always my gift, I put alot of time, effort and $$ into each and every cake, a small child wouldnt care anyhow, the parent should be thrilled, and the bridal type cake, though not ordered by the bride to be, is a lasting memory, and done with her special day in mind, that is in as much ,a gift in itself. You are NOT tacky, don't let others tell you otherwise.

Just a hunch, but I bet the people that told you you were being tacky aren't cake decorators. I can't think of anything nicer than to give someone you've put so much love and hard work into. In fact I'm doing my friends wedding cake at the end of may and it's not only her wedding gift but her shower gift as well because I'm putting that much effort into it. You aren't being tacky at all. They say it's the thought that counts and we put a lot of thought into our cakes. Don't feel bad.

Lisa, I don't see how you can be considered tacky in either of the two situations! We all know how expensive and time consuming baking and decorating these cakes can be.

If this child is too young to understand the cake as a gift, he is too young to understand who gave a gift and who didn't, especially if you weren't there!

I'm trying to figure out why you should be
"expected" to make a wedding shower cake for free, if you wanted to do that it should be your choice to do so. Whoever is giving you these guilt trips needs to just leave you alone! Janice

Honestly, I think it's nobody else's business what you choose to do with your money except yours! Your "friends" need to butt out. Sorry - I probably shouldn't be like that, but coming from a family who has always had to watch our budget and also having stayed up many nights worrying about paying bills, I understand where you're coming from. My sister is also a single mom, so I can appreciate your situation. I think it's a wonderful thing to give the cake as part of your gift to the bride-to-be. Like you said, it's not like you're not getting her anything else at all. I'll tell you what's tacky. At my wedding shower held at my church, a friend of my mother's bought the cake for the shower and told my mom to let me know that was her gift. That was fine - no problem. The tackiness comes into play in that after the shower was over, there was still about half the cake left (it was pretty big), and I planned on taking some home to family and to my fiancee, since he wasn't at the shower. Well, I was informed by my pastor's wife, who was giving the shower, that there was a dessert social for the church the next day after services and she was keeping the cake to serve at that! This was supposed to be my shower and my GIFT, after all, but I didn't even get to take home the leftovers! I should have said something and taken it anyway, but it was just cake, after all, and I didn't want to cause a scene with the pastor's wife!

Anyway, as for the little boy's birthday, if you and your son had been at the party, I would have said you should take a small gift. It doesn't have to be much - you know how five year old's are. You can give them a big thing of bubbles or playdoh and they think it's the best gift in the world! But anyway, you weren't even at the party, you supplied the cake, and the mom was happy. That's all that should have mattered! Since you weren't there, the little boy probably didn't even consider that there wasn't a "gift" from you! Kids don't think like that until they're much older. I wouldn't worry about it - and in the future, I just wouldn't tell my friends what I'm getting anybody so they can't criticize your actions.

What gets me is that your are "expected" to make the cakes! The nerve!

deb

Not tacky. Your cakes are gift enough. My cakes are gifts lots of times. If the five year old doesn't understand it is only b/c his adult is not explaining it very well to him. Don't second guess yourself.

No. Your not being 'tacky'. If they had any idea how much doin' cakes cost, they wouldn't be talkin' smack like they are. Some women can be soooo caddy....me? I would LOVE cake as a gift! Are ya kiddin' me? Dont feel bad...dont let their comments make you feel guilty...besides, it doesn't matter what any of those heffers think...I am SURE the receivers of the cakes absolutley LOVED them!!!
xoxoxo

First of all, I think it's kind of tacky for someone to tell you that what you're doing is tacky - unless it's from a best friend or your mother.

I don't think it's tacky at all to provide the cake for a party as your present. You give what you can afford - no one can tell you what to spend on a gift, they probably don't realize that it's a lot of work to make something, it's probably a lot easier to spend 10 minutes picking out a generic gift, and it might cost more to make the cake, anyway, so phooey to them!!

It seems that, in so many areas, there will always be someone who is critical of something, it's hard to please everyone. Some people think that if it pops into their head then it's worthy of being said, but sometimes its better to mind their own business. The cakes will probably get a lot of attention, oohs and ahhs, and some people get envious so they have to find something negative to say. Ignore and go about your business. Who cares if the bride doesn't pay for the cake? Someone (shower "committee") saved money, so they can put more towards the group gift. A child won't care who brought what to a birthday, they just remember that it was fun. It's baloney that the child will care - this is adult pettiness. Don't let it get to you.

M

I'm sure the child that was too young to know his cake was a gift, got plenty of "toys" as gifts anyway! If I got a gift for every birthday party that I didn't attend, I'd be too broke to do their cake....for free!!

I think the gift of a cake for the bridal shower is a WONDERFUL gift!!!! Almost ALL my cake's are gifts that I put LOTS of $$$ into along with time and effort so it's a very special cake for that particular person! AND, NO ONE should "EXPECT" you to make the cake.....and give another gift along with it! It would be nice if some of the guests would offer to help with the cost of the cakes you do, knowing you do them for free and are a single parent! I say you are VERY generous with what you give!!!!
blessings
elly

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is encourging coming from those who know what I'm really talking about.

Everyone expects the cakes from me, because I'm the only family member or friend that makes them, and everyone does love them.

I do appreciate that, but I just never thought it would be viewed as tacky to give my cakes as gifts.
Of course, not all my family or friends feel that way, but a couple of them do. I guess that's the last of my cakes for them!
I'm getting bolder as I go along.
Especially when you stay up nights working on a cake, (even when you have a full-time job), and you get talked "smack" to!

Come to think of it, staying up nights like I do lately, working full-time, and taking care of my house, son, yard and babysit my grandchild, that's probably what triggered the stupid migraine!!!

I think it's time for a vacation! even though I can't afford one! lol

Thanks everyone!
mcginnis
(Lisa)

I do not think you were being tacky at all! But...unfortunately, people who are not decorators do not understand. If it was me, I think I would have charged them for the cake (full price) and then used the money to buy them a present. That way, I would kill two birds with one stone. I WOULD NOT have made it for free then buy a present also. To have someone expect that is ridiculous...they would have been disappointed in me.

OK Sorry, I know I already posted my thoughts on this but I just went and looked at your pictures and I'm even more annoyed now!!! You do beautiful work and you can tell a lot of time went into them! I think next time those people that think you are "tacky" want a cake you should tell them "sure but I'll have to charge you." If they ask how much (which they probably will) say "That depends on how nice a gift you want."

I would show up and say you are right. Here is the future brides $25 gift. and here is my $100 bill for the full sheet. Same with Birthday Boy. Send a bill for the cake for $50 and also send a $15 toy. I know it will make them feel a lot better.

I agree with all the above. You where not tacky. The tacky part came in with who ever brought up the subject.

I think it's tacky to tell you it's tacky. Are these "friends" who tell you this?

!) The kid didn't even notice who's there or not. The only people keeping tracked seems to be the parents. They saved $ by not having to buy a cake.

2) Just plain rude.

My suggestion:

Next time you are invited, ask."Would you like my CAKE to be the gift for the CELEBRATION, or should I bring a gift INSTEAD, and you can get the cake wherever you'd like."

That way..you make it perfectly clear that you have no intention of doing BOTH anymore.

I think its INCREDIBLY tacky to be expected to bring a gift to any event--and then told you didnt spend enough!?!?!

You wanna talk about tacky!!

I just looked at your photos...Your cakes are gift enough..you put alot of time,love and thought into all of yur cakes. Some people just don't know what tacky is..you by no means are tacky IMO

Mudpie, I love that idea of asking if the cake is a gift or not.....very nicely put!

deb

Hi again!

To answer mudpie's question.

It is my stepsister, my friend's sister, a co-worker and one of the bride's girlfriends who is helping with the shower.

Needless to say, none of these people are cake decorators! and none are really my friends. (except my stepsister), I guess it bothers me the most coming from her. However, with all your nice comments, you guys help open my eyes more and it makes me feel better.

Thanks!
mcginnis
(Lisa)

we too are on a very tight budget and i always make a cake for the gift and everyone loves it. who ever is telling you this is tacky themselves!!!!

some people think oh its just cake.

they never stop to think it is just cake and your time and your money and your imagination and your hard work!!!

you are very un-tacky

is that a word? well it is now.

No, like everyone else said, you are not being tack nor cheap.

I have done so in a couple of occasions and given the cake as a gift. No one complained, at least not to my face.

But don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing and if your friends like it other, they can get their cake somewhere else.

If they think you're being tacky by giving your cakes as presents, well fine, send them the bill of your cake INLCUDING the cost of your time..

For all you know, probably your cake cost more that some of the tacky cheap presents some of those people gave..

I also have to agree with everything in the other posts. It is not tacky at all. I am just starting with cake decorating and so far everyone loves my cakes. My DH knows what goes into them. Family have already stated that I can do their cakes so I know what you mean by you're "expected." If they seem to think it is tacky of you to give your cake as a gift then charge them.

Glasses up to you, it is hard work being a working, single mom.

LinB

No, tacky is telling you what you need to give. Perhaps they need a dictionary with the word 'gift' highlighted!

Junebuggey

D@mn! What is wrong with people?! Every few days there is a post like this! You ain't kiddin' people don't know what goes into it. I bet for a large cake, you'd spend more than a gift PLUS your time. This irritates me! You are NOT tacky or cheap and no one is getting cheated out of a gift! ARGH!! Mudpie is right. Hang in there and good luck, Lisa.

I am so glad this question came up. I make the cakes at our church and they always feed 50 people. I put alot of time and thought into the cake and even though I don't have I business, I think I make decent cakes by others opinions.

I am making a cake this Monday for a shower. It is a lemon cake with a raspberry filling decorated in buttercream and pansies and a small flowers. I have checked in town and a cake that is a 1/3 sheet cake would cost $30. Although it does not cost me that much to make it, it cost me my time and I have 3 kids. So, NO, you are not being tacky. These people telling you thing need to butt out!

Well i completely agree with everyone else, it is not tacky to give cakes as gifts. Many of us i am sure know people who make crafts and sell them. But it is not considered tacky if they give one of the things they make and sell as a gift. It is the same thing! Both are art, ours is just enjoyed in a shorter amount of time =) hehe

Grr i hate that word "expected" so if they cut hair for a living, do you expect a free haircut whenever you want one? Doubt it. If one of them owned a car dealership you wouldn't expect them to give you a car for your birthday would you? (wouldn't it be nice)

The next time one of these people that thinks it is tacky and they "expect" the cake for any party/gathering. Only make it if they ASK you too and then tell them how much it will cost. If they don't ask then just take a gift, I mean they want the gift anyways right?

Now on the subject of the young kids. My BF's nephews and neice (9,6,4) All know I make their cakes and that they are gifts. I have made them the last 3 years and they all know that is the gift and they really appreciate it. So just because a distant friend of the child's parents thinks it is tacky, don't fret. It's not! It is up to the child's parent to explain the cake is a gift, IF the questions arises.

just my 2c (ok maybe 4c)
Leily