Ok this is totally off topic but I am just wondering if I am weird here. I was invited to my cousin in-laws baby shower and it is taking place 3 1/2 hours away from me on a Sunday at 4pm and I have to work the next day so I am not going. Last night my MIL called and told me how rude I was for declining the invite (mind you I barely know the girl). So I explained that I have to wake up at 4am the next day, it would be 7 hours of driving and I wouldn't be getting home until 9:30pm at the earliest, but that I would be sending a gift for her to open at the shower. She then says that I should not send a gift because that would be rude, it would just remind her that I didn't come to her shower. I am still planning on sending the gift, but am I wrong? Should I not send the gift? What do other people do?

I think you should definitely go ahead and send the gift, sounds like the MIL is just upset you will not be going..........I am SURE nobody would get upset at someone sending a gift when they can't attend......I think it only proves the fact that you were thinking of her and wished you could be there.

I don't think you were being rude at all. Actually, I think they should have more understanding of your drive time and having to get up so early the next morning. They would probably be more understanding if they had to get up that early. I think it is very nice of you to send a gift. It shows that you are very thoughtful. I would have made the same choice. Smile.....I'm sure the person who the shower is for will understand.

When you are invited to a shower or wedding and can not make it, you should send a gift. That's basic etiquette.

Not sending a gift would be rude.

ayost43

Don't worry about it! You are NOT being rude, on the contrary, you are being very thoughtful by sending a gift. Not sure what's up with the MIL, but she's wrong. I would not expect someone to drive 3.5 hours for a shower anyway, Unless I planned to put them up somewhere! I'm sure your gift will be greatly appreciated!

Definitely send a gift. Ignore your MIL. How rude of her to respond the way she did!!

I agree with everyone....It is rude of your MIL to be angry that you won't be able to attend.At the very least you are sending a gift which you are not obligated too since you are not attending.The gift is a wonderful,thoughtful thing to do even though you won't be there.Ignore your MIL!!!

I agree with what everyone else has said. You should send a gift if you can't be there, and you are by no means rude for not going.

Is you MIL upset that she'll be there representing her family by herself or are there other DIL or daughters of hers that will be there?
I think it's more than understandable why you wouldn't attend!! Sending a gift instead is a wonderful thing to do. Don't let your MIL talk you out of it!

I sent a gift for a girl having a nightie type party. I just couldn't make it last minute. She was so happy I sent it but told me I did not need too. She understood I couldn't make it. She wasn't just saying that either. That is just her though.

I think it is perfectly acceptable that since you declined; you are sending a gift. Your MIL is the rude one.

As for it being etiquette that you MUST send a gift if you can't come. I have never heard of that. In my part of the world that is not true.

But is sure was nice of you to send a gift anyway. I am just wondering why you got invited if you don't know her well. Maybe cause of your MIL.

Nobody expects someone who lives 3 1/2 hours away to actually attend! I bet if it was a shower for you that this same cousin-in-law wouldn't make it either! Insanity! You are definitely making the right choice--ignore your MIL who will undoubtedly be off on a nut about some other perceived offense very shortly!

I'm with everybody else on this.

I agree.

I agree too!