Family Drama And A Wedding Cake.

Decorating By lunawhisper0013 Updated 21 Jun 2015 , 12:41pm by MsGF

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maybenot Posted 21 Sep 2014 , 8:16pm
post #31 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunawhisper0013 
 

Well, I have just learned through a mutual acquaintance  (NOT my brother) that they actually went down to the courthouse and got legally married months ago. He never bothered to mention that and it makes me feel like, for one reason or another, he didn't think I needed to know. The cake is for the ceremony that the fiance'...well, wife now, I guess...wants so she can preen in a wedding dress. This is giving me a bit of a clue to his intent (or maybe I'm just bitter that he didn't feel it necessary to tell his sister he was already married) This is turning into a particularly bitter olive branch.

So they want to have a fancy dress up party with a free cake?  That's just ridiculous. 

 

Why does the person--who didn't instigate the request--need to ask them to come over and talk?

 

He didn't offer an olive branch!  He ASKED for one!  There's a big difference.

 

He took umbrage at her behavior [and it was none of his business how she conducted her personal life as it had NOTHING directly to do with him] and shunned her.  Seems to me that the person who does the slapping should also be the person to make a real apology.  Asking for a wedding cake is not giving an apology OR asking for forgiveness.

 

Because they asked for something--completely out of the blue without even having tried to smooth the path--now she'll be the bad guy--again-- if she decides that she'd prefer not to provide free cake. 

 

I'm seeing an awful lot of excuses being made for this man. Why is that? 

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Norasmom Posted 21 Sep 2014 , 8:17pm
post #32 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

you all haven't spoken for two years -- there's probably a few other things y'all haven't shared --

 

my brother went to visit my dad and there was a party going on and my brother said to the lady who answered the door ,

 

my bro -- what's the occasion? 

she -- a wedding

my bro -- oh who got married?

she -- my sister and your father 

 

:-D we were not any of us even estranged -- we all visited him regularly -- we weren't invited we weren't informed -- my brother crashed the reception inadvertently --  i missed it altogether -- my sister knew cause they flew out to her place to get married -- actually pop never even told me --  my brother gave me an earful though y'think -- we never get tired of this outlandish story --  and we got more too :lol:

 

you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family -- whadayah gonna do

Oh my goodness…!  Was your dad a widower?  Sometimes widowers are so sad they don't' think straight.  I can think of a few who were in this state of mind when they re-married.

 

I think the OP should tell her brother no.  If he continues to contact her then she will know he really is trying to make amends.

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-K8memphis Posted 21 Sep 2014 , 8:30pm
post #33 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norasmom 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

you all haven't spoken for two years -- there's probably a few other things y'all haven't shared --

 

my brother went to visit my dad and there was a party going on and my brother said to the lady who answered the door ,

 

my bro -- what's the occasion? 

she -- a wedding

my bro -- oh who got married?

she -- my sister and your father 

 

:-D we were not any of us even estranged -- we all visited him regularly -- we weren't invited we weren't informed -- my brother crashed the reception inadvertently --  i missed it altogether -- my sister knew cause they flew out to her place to get married -- actually pop never even told me --  my brother gave me an earful though y'think -- we never get tired of this outlandish story --  and we got more too :lol:

 

you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family -- whadayah gonna do

Oh my goodness…!  Was your dad a widower?  Sometimes widowers are so sad they don't' think straight.  I can think of a few who were in this state of mind when they re-married.

 

yeah true but no he was not a widower

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-K8memphis Posted 21 Sep 2014 , 9:03pm
post #34 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norasmom 

Quote:

Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

you all haven't spoken for two years -- there's probably a few other things y'all haven't shared --

 

my brother went to visit my dad and there was a party going on and my brother said to the lady who answered the door ,

 

my bro -- what's the occasion? 

she -- a wedding

my bro -- oh who got married?

she -- my sister and your father 

 

:-D we were not any of us even estranged -- we all visited him regularly -- we weren't invited we weren't informed -- my brother crashed the reception inadvertently --  i missed it altogether -- my sister knew cause they flew out to her place to get married -- actually pop never even told me --  my brother gave me an earful though y'think -- we never get tired of this outlandish story --  and we got more too :lol:

 

you can pick your nose but you can't pick your family -- whadayah gonna do

Oh my goodness…!  Was your dad a widower?  Sometimes widowers are so sad they don't' think straight.  I can think of a few who were in this state of mind when they re-married.

 

yeah true but no he was not a widower

 

but let me hasten to say that my dad was a great guy and we all love him and his life expectancy for the job he did in wwll was 6 weeks but somehow he beat the odds and he was a hero and saw too much in the war like so many others and he could do anything he wants with his life-- just like each of us -- he would be 95 wednesday  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Norasmom Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 12:26am
post #35 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

 

but let me hasten to say that my dad was a great guy and we all love him and his life expectancy for the job he did in wwll was 6 weeks but somehow he beat the odds and he was a hero and saw too much in the war like so many others and he could do anything he wants with his life-- just like each of us -- he would be 95 wednesday  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:cake:  Cheers to your dad!

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reginaherrin Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 3:49am
post #36 of 106

I totally agree with maybenot.  I just don't see this as him wanting to reconcile with his sister because that just doesn't make sense.  He is the one that shunned her and picked his friend over his own sister and stop having a relationship with her.  Asking for a free cake after 2 years of no communication is not like asking for her to become part of his life again.  If he had asked her to his court house wedding or some other occasion then that would be one thing but to ask for something for free is showing her how he really feels about her, which doesn't seem like much.  I can guarantee that if you did the cake and was not invited to the wedding and/or the relationship never got any better you would be super upset and resentful of him and would make matters much worse for you.  I too have a few family members that won't talk about their emotions or feeling but I'm sorry, if a person really loves you and really cares for you then they will make an effort to get you back in their life's and if they don't it speaks volumes.  I am all for giving someone a second, third, hundredth etc.. chance as long as they can meet me half way and show they really want it.  I hope this works out for you and sorry you are going through something like this.  Families just sometime suck (speaking from experience).

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Claire138 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 4:49am
post #37 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

 

but let me hasten to say that my dad was a great guy and we all love him and his life expectancy for the job he did in wwll was 6 weeks but somehow he beat the odds and he was a hero and saw too much in the war like so many others and he could do anything he wants with his life-- just like each of us -- he would be 95 wednesday  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bless.

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Raindrops Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 11:19am
post #38 of 106

I think it is easy to speculate when you do not know (for sure) a person's true intention, I would suggest opening dialogue with him to understand where he is coming from before you make any decision.  As they say communication is the key. He is your brother, you know best how to approach him, just bare in mind your desire to reconcile with him and lastly, try to let go of the anger and hurt, that is the only way you can move forward. All the best.

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Marian64 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 11:38am
post #39 of 106

ADon't you just love family drama.

The ultimate choice is up to you. Each side has good points on why you should or shouldn't do his cake. So it would be easy to justify it either way.

The most important thing is what can you live with. I don't think you should agree to make the cake, until he will sit down and talk to you and deal with the problem. Personally I would do what I could to reconcile the relationship first to the point that I am invite to the wedding with my boyfriend. As it is he has already chosen the friendship of this girl over you once. So unless he is willing to do that I would tell him that he should find someone else to do his cake. Because if he can't do that he is just after a free cake and not reconciliation.

There are plenty of weddings that have family members have strained relationships and people can usually be civil enough for a few hours.

I wish you the best on what ever you decide.

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maisie73 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 12:13pm
post #40 of 106

AOh dear, the court house wedding sheds more light on things doesn't it? (Or complicates things even further!) Maybe they had a courthouse wedding, just the two of them to avoid the awkwardness of whether to invite you/new boyfriend/ex girlfriend etc. maybe they wish they hadn't now and want a big celebration with everybody invited. Maybe they just want free cake. It's difficult to know without knowing the people involved and their history. I don't know why he didn't tell you when he asked you to make the cake, maybe you have an idea? You really need to speak to him I think. Another thing that struck me is your bf was his best mate. So he "lost" his sister and his best mate. I can see why he'd be upset (especially if ex girlfriend was his friend too) but upset enough to not speak to either of you for two years seems a bit of an over reaction. I imagine emotions were running high at the time and things were probably said in temper etc,etc. sometimes people fall out as a result of the ensuing arguments not the actual deed.

I'd be inclined to say if this is the only fall out you've had give him the benefit of the doubt, proceed with caution and see where it takes you. If he has a history of stomping off and falling out with you every time you do something he doesn't like maybe it's time to accept this is how it's going to be and move on. What does your boyfriend think about it all?

I love this thread even tho some of the posts and fall outs are sad. Families are the same the world over aren't they? My parents and grandparents weren't speaking when I got married. Everyone thought it would be a nightmare for me but it wasn't. I invited everyone and said to them all they can come if they can behave and not spoil my wedding, if they don't think they can manage that, don't come.

My dad didn't come!

K8 - birthday wishes for your dad Wednesday, cwtches for you.

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-K8memphis Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 1:21pm
post #41 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunawhisper0013 

I appreciate what you are saying but I think that little detail might be of some relevance if I am being asked to make his "wedding cake". Why NOT tell me?

 

i don't know of course but one scenario might be -- hmm i haven't spoken to my sister for a long time how do i call her and tell her i'm getting married/already married and then those thoughts just keep building like a pressure cooker because everybody knows how wrong the estrangement is -- how does one breach that?

 

so he did contact you over some common ground -- common ground that encroaches you more than him -- so it's certainly not perfect but it is something -- and then you just need to decide if you want to be right and get what you deserve or if you have a chance to possibly have a relationship with an imperfect loved one -- y'know lots of times apologies come well after peace is established -- and sometimes it's better to never speak -- so it's just a big decision -- do you wanna try for having a brother again or is it better to avoid him/toxicity? 

 

so far i'm not seeing toxic here -- but i mean if he's gonna continue to be an ass about your boyfriend -- why invite trouble -- so ask him if he accepts your relationship -- no i got it -- ask him if your invitation to the reception is +1 (includes your boyfriend) that answer will shine a light on everything -- and it's a non threatening question --

 

see his wedding reception is (so far sort of) a safe subject -- it's not about the past anyhow and not about the falling out -- so ask him and then you pretty much have your answer for the rest -- i mean i know you're not sure if you're invited but i'd just assume that and ask if you bf is too -- don't ask her -- ask him like over the phone but in person is better -- just not a text of course --

 

what do you think?

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remnant3333 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 1:26pm
post #42 of 106

My husband was not invited to his daughter's wedding (about 12 years ago) because his ex wife, her mother and grandmother did not like my now husband (I have been married now for about 15 years). Her mother has been married three times since she divorced my now husband. 

 

We were asked to pay for the wedding reception and my husband's daughter's wedding dress of which we did pay for both but were told

"you can not come nor or you invited due to her mother and mother's mother and father who acted like children and told his daughter not to invite us."  The daughter sided with them to their every whim and refused to invite us. The daughter now has two children ages 4 and one year old and we are never allowed to come when they have birthday's due to birthday parties including the grandmother and mother. My husband still tries to love his daughter irregardless of how she treats him. We just go visit when it is not the grandchildren's birthday. They don't refuse money or birthday gifts, though!!!

 

With family like this, who needs enemies?? I tolerate them only because I know my husband loves his daughter and grandchildren irregardless of how they treat him . They live 5 hours away so we don't see them unless we make the effort to go. 

 

Back to this thread, though, Families can be pretty heartless. I have two brothers and one sister and if I never picked up the phone to call them I would never hear from them ever. My 2 brothers never called me in the past 40 years except when my dad died this past year, 3 days before Thanksgiving. My sister never calls unless she wants something from me. I wish I had closer family ties so I just do the best I can and try to step up and call them all every once in a while just to say hello and how are you doing. As I saw someone in the above post said "you can pick your nose but you can't pick your families." I just love that saying!!! ha ha 

 

Let us know if you reconcile with your brother!! I can only pray that things will work out for you with your family!!

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dukeswalker Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 1:34pm
post #43 of 106

My dad din't tell anyone that he was married for about 6 months.  We weren't estranged - he was reluctant to share because of how quickly he got married after divorcing his last wife.

 

My best friend was not invited to her sister's wedding.  She wasn't told about it either. She found out on facebook.  It was pretty crushing to my best friend and it irrevocably changed their relationship. 2 years later, she passed away in her sleep. 

 

Sometimes you don't get a second chance to fix things.  I would make the cake - but that is because I know I wouldn't feel right not doing it.  Thats just me.

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maisie73 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 1:43pm
post #44 of 106

AExcellent point dukeswalker. Sometimes we don't get a second chance. My little brother (Apple of my mams eye, could do no wrong, usually to be heard from when he wanted something) died last year aged 29. He was a pain in the backside, spoilt and indulged, still acted like a child (probably because he was the baby) and I argued with him more than any other sibling. I'd give an awful lot to have him here to have an argument with today. He was my brother and I love him.

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kimmisue2009 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 3:03pm
post #45 of 106

"Seventy times seven" was what Jesus advised in the area of forgiveness.  Whatever your beliefs, it's hard to argue with the Man.  And sometimes, although it seems counterintuitive, especially with today's worldview, if we try to always show grace, no matter what the response, the results are amazing.

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lunawhisper0013 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 4:50pm
post #46 of 106

Warning, more family drama ahead!!!

 

A lot of you are saying that it's difficult to make a decision without knowing our history. That's true. While I can't go into full detail, I can tell you that we have been emotionally estranged since our teens.

 

We used to be inseparable as children but were in a severely abusive home, especially when our mother left. We would try to protect each other. Child Protective Services took us away from our father when I was 15 (he was almost 17). We had to write affidavits describing in detail the abuse that went on and I was trying to get my brother to remember something that I saw happen to him but he addimately  denied that it did. I saw it happen and I suffered a lot of guilt knowing I didn't protect him from it so I know I wasn't remembering wrong. I think he felt a lot of shame for it and didn't want to admit it and knowing that I know about it has made him distant from me. We were separated and he stayed in the city to finish high school and I was moved out of state. We both graduated and I moved back to the area when I could but things have never been the same. He flatly denies having any memory of anything before he was 18 but when I reminisce about old friends, he can happily provide details.

 

Fast forward to now';

 

My brother is very into the Gothic scene and has trouble keeping relationships. He is emotionally closed off which has a tendency to be damaging in relationships (although, I've never met the fiance'/wife, I don't have a lot of faith in the relationship lasting...facebook postings of on again, off again, possible cheating etc.) None of my business and not a determining factor in making the cake but still something that makes it stick in my craw a bit. He has a quirky sense of humor and, when his isn't being angsty, can be fun to be around.

 

The cake to end all birthday cakes:

 

I usually make him a gothic themed cake for his birthday (skull and black cross, skull with a dragon wrapped around it, etc...even a giant pair or pierced breasts one year) So the year before the Fall of Family, I couldn't decide whether to make him a dragon cake or a urinal cake (ha ha). So someone suggested I make a dragon using a urinal. I thought is was hilarious so that's what I did complete with gravity defying stream. We gathered friends together and brought out the cake and sang happy birthday while he sat there stony faced, then without saying a word, he left the table and stalked out the door, slamming it behind him leaving the rest of us at the table wondering what the heck had just happened. He came back in several hours later and after a lot of coaxing, finally said he didn't think it was funny. party over. 

 

Family Disorders:

 

We never really socialized much but I understand that outburst like this and much worse are common with him. Our mother is borderline Schizophrenic with paranoid tenancies among a whole grab bag of other mental disorders. They skipped me but it doesn't look like he got off so lucky. He refuses to admit that anything may be wrong so refuses to seek any kind of treatment. Its's easier to blame others and the world for being unfair that to have to work on himself emotionally. How long does the hand of kindness need to continue to be bitten?  

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maisie73 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 5:26pm
post #47 of 106

AI was crying reading that. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he feels a lot of shame and distances himself from you because you know about it. I think if you strip everything back that's the crux of the matter. If he's the bury your head in the sand, put it in a box and forget it type of guy he can't do that while you're around. Maybe that's why he was so quick to stop speaking to you. He might be (must be) in turmoil where you're concerned. I really don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you and to your brother. He clearly needs some help I think, for his own sake as well as everyone else's. But if he won't speak to you he's hardly going to spill his guts to a counsellor is he. I get what you're saying about the hand being bitten but I can't help but think you're the only person who really knows why he's like he is. OMG this is so hard. I want to say make the cake. Be there for him if and when he needs you but on the other hand you have to think of yourself, your boyfriend and your future too. Blimey, did he feel extra hurt when you and your bf had the affair? Maybe that's why he overreacted. I'm not castigating you for it mind, we can't help who we fall in love with, if your bf really loved his ex girlfriend he wouldn't have had an affair. This is so hard. I want you to give him one last chance, make the cake, heal some rifts and have some semblance of a happy family life. But maybe that's because I'll never be able to do that with my brother now.

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-K8memphis Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 5:50pm
post #48 of 106
i'm 63 -- i can't do much personal drama because i'm still recovering from trauma/assaults and i've got health issues bladeeblablabla --

 

i would so way make that cake for him -- might not be able to have a relationship but i could bake --

 

him asking you to make it IS a huge huge thing --especially since you had the well intentioned booboo cake -- you see what you did right? the stream? exposed the secret...inadvertently of course --

 

i would not reject him the cake -- might have to throw up the boundaries for all else -- might not but a stupid cake sure i'd drive across the country to make him a cake -- no question --

 

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lunawhisper0013 Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 6:33pm
post #49 of 106

AIt wasn't about a "stream" but I understand your point of view about the cake.

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-K8memphis Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 7:00pm
post #50 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunawhisper0013 

It wasn't about a "stream" but I understand your point of view about the cake.

 

 

i know 

~~~~~

 

but i mean you have to take care of you too -- obviously from just a few paragraphs i am tossing out decisions about incredibly complex things -- but it's one seemingly easy way to be a blessing in a safe way for both of you -- a safe way to interact -- "here take this cake and eat it this time" if you can do it understanding you might not get any response -- 

 

that's really really really hard though but i would still do it IF you can open that door one more time -- no harm no foul no pressure if you can't -- only you can take care of you 

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MBalaska Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 7:02pm
post #51 of 106

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunawhisper0013 
 

"..... How long does the hand of kindness need to continue to be bitten?"

I give up.  What is your answer.  cake - no cake

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Gingerlocks Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 7:37pm
post #52 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunawhisper0013 

It wasn't about a "stream" but I understand your point of view about the cake.

I've been following this thread, but have yet to chime in; but after reading your post about his issues I think you should just do the cake. Is it fair, no. Is is appropriate, no. 

 

But to him, he doesn't see anything wrong with the request, and if you don't do it (and I know this sound's like rand-some/black-male) then its only going to be another thing for him to be like "well she's always been a no good sister". He sounds like he is dealing with mental health issues; so by definition you have to be the bigger person here, he isn't capable of it, and he can't see it from your point to of view (and probably never will). Its completely unfair to you; but be a small part of his special day (even if he is ungrateful for it). 

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kakeladi Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 8:29pm
post #53 of 106

........."Seventy times seven" was what Jesus advised in the area of forgiveness. .........

 

Yes, and that was not meant to be solely a number.   The idea is that one will forget about counting (now, where was I?) or never reach that #.

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maybenot Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 8:30pm
post #54 of 106

Neither side benefits when one side "excuses" bad behavior and the other side "refuses" to accept that their own behavior is bad.  When you enable someone--even someone who you think may have mental health issues--you are doing NEITHER of you a damn bit of good.  This is not an issue of being kind or unkind. 

 

I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother--my husband will tell you that I grew up intelligent and healthy DESPITE her. 

 

I tried to "work it out" with her over and over again, but it became apparent that unless she got professional help with her histrionic, borderline personality disorder, I was doing nothing but frustrating myself and giving her an easy target every time I approached.  I made all of the healing overtures and she loved it because it gave her canon fodder.  I likely got a BS in Psychology and a Masters in Social Work BECAUSE of what I'd endured growing up.  That was my way of making lemonade out of lemons.

 

The final straw came when I was 35 and she began to treat my children the same way she'd treated me as a child.  I decided then, and there, that one generation was enough.  I told her that unless she would agree to a month of daily family therapy [with me and a good therapist that I would pay for], I wouldn't be able to visit anymore.  Her response to was to tell me that she was just fine and that any problems we had were strictly the result of my behavior.  In her world, I was the one who needed help because I was refusing to tolerate her crappy way of treating me, and now my children....................

 

She had a lifelong history of alienating friends and family, often going back to them acting as though nothing had ever happened when it suited her needs. She seemed baffled by some people's refusal to start up with her again....

 

There is no Christian doctrine that says anyone has to be another person's whipping post.  It IS OK to understand what's motivating another person and to decide NOT to be part of the problem.  It's the fuel that gets consumed by the fire, not the other way around.

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-K8memphis Posted 22 Sep 2014 , 11:55pm
post #55 of 106

if this opens pathways that are better left closed don't do it --

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lunawhisper0013 Posted 27 Sep 2014 , 4:42pm
post #56 of 106

Well, I have discussed it all with my BF including reading all of your advice on the subject. Here are his feelings ver batim:

 

"I think he has asked you as a matter of convenience. He wants a great cake at little or no cost.I think if you did the cake, it wouldn't change anything at all. He's still the same angry man, cut off from his emotions that he's always been and I don't think that will ever change. But if you wan to do the cake, I'll respect your

decision. I don't want to be in his wedding and heard a rumor that he was thinking of asking me to be his best man but I really feel that he should ask Forest because they are at least on speaking terms. May God bless and keep him...far away from me...."

 

I understand his feelings on the subject and here is what I have decided:

 

I have only talked to my brother once about the cake and his fiance'/wife sent me a picture of the cake that they wanted via Facebook Messager. I asked for specifics at the time about size/flavor and she said that she would have to get back with me on that. I am not going to contact them further about this cake. At least one more conversation is required for this cake to happen and it will not be initiated by me. If he wants the cake, he will have to make the effort as I am not going to be chasing him over a cake that I will be getting nothing out of.

 

The first and only introduction from the fiance'/wife was (picture of the wedding cake) "This is the cake we want"...The very brief discussions about options when she said that we would have to discuss it "tomorrow", which never happened. 

 

Maybe I'm just "old fashioned", but maybe a semi-formal exchanging of names, an "I've heard so much about you", "your brother tells me you do amazing cakes and we would love for you to be a part of our special day..." or something of that nature should be a segue into "This is the cake we want". Based on that one brief  FB Messenger conversation, I don't particularly like her.

 

So yeah, if they want this cake, the next move is going to have to be theirs and the longer they wait, the fewer their options will become. Not only is it necessary  so order/ shop for supplies, (which takes time and money saved up) I have a life too, and people who are more than willing to pay me in BOTH money and gratitude.

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Norasmom Posted 27 Sep 2014 , 4:47pm
post #57 of 106

If I were his fiancé I would want to meet his sister.  I cannot imagine being cut off from my husband's family because he's holding a grudge…I would need to try to mend the fence.

What you decided is a good idea.

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johnson6ofus Posted 27 Sep 2014 , 5:45pm
post #58 of 106

Luna-

 

You thought long and hard which will protect your emotions down the little. Sounds like you are ready to "live with" whatever the outcome and I applaud you!

 

You sound sweeter than me, who would have shown him the back of my head (or worse). Good luck to you!

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-K8memphis Posted 27 Sep 2014 , 6:39pm
post #59 of 106

i love your decision, lunawhisper -- i hate the reasons why it has to be that way -- but i'm glad you are tending your boundaries first -- sure both of them should have a lot more sense and manners but they don't -- and in the name of your peace and well being i'm going to suggest an unusual option for you to think about --

 

first, one of three stories -- the person who was asked to sing at a family wedding kept telling everyone but the bride that if the bride didn't get back to her about the song selection she would not be able to do it -- like us, singers have deadlines (who knew?)  so sure enough bride finally contacts singer and singer bales on her at that point and drama ensues -- 

 

second story -- on an old cake board back 10 years ago a caker got all upset because someone was flaking out on paying the last payment on time -- my friend said 'nobody's gonna take advantage of me' i suggested that it's easier on yourself sometimes to go ahead and deliver and get payment afterwards -- everybody said rahhrr no money no cake --  she was off the board for a few and later she said her doctor said her bp was off the charts and in other words she got what i meant -- it is easier on you physically to keep the drama as tamped down as possible --

 

so just an option for you -- because clearly they are not playing with a full deck -- so in your case, it might be easier on you physically if you don't hear from them in time (and you probably won't) but they heard you say, "yes, what kind how big" -- in late april bake a 10x6 to stick in the freezer so you can produce something and relieve that amount of pressure on yourself -- this is just a thought -- it's not for them it's for you --

 

third story -- double wedding --double entwined cake -- one bride paid one didn't -- i grappled and grappled with this decision -- and the most unexpected sweet peace settled on me when i decided to do both the cakes as planned -- it was really lovely and eventually i got paid -- but even if i didn't it was so much easier on me --

 

so heads up -- if this is the time for a show down to make them toe the line and make them understand deadlines and understand your schedule -- go for it -- if you want to take care of lunawhisper first -- think about it -- then if there is a next time say 'no' clearly from the get go --

 

8 months till the reception -- will keep yous in my thoughts till june ♥ and i hope the drama is partly sunny --

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lunawhisper0013 Posted 27 Sep 2014 , 7:04pm
post #60 of 106

AI have a plan for that actually. If he calls a day before and says "deliver the cake here...I will just have to buy a deconstructed wedding cake at Walmart and see what I can come up with in one days time. As I said, the options will get more limited as time goes on:D

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