(63 pages later...and having the word "moist" ruined in my vocabulary...:D)
While working on a beautiful 10-inch round graduation cake one evening last summer, my mother-in-law stopped by to see my husband. She stood and watched me cutting out the graduation shapes from black sugar paper and said the cake looked nice. I somewhat absently replied that for the price they were paying, I wanted it to be nice.
MIL: Oh? How much are you charging for a cake like that?
Me: $75, which is a discount since the dad works with [my husband]
MIL: $75?! I'd never pay that for a cake! I'd just get one at the grocery store!
I'm 30-years-old and have still not learned that my mouth works faster than my mind. I put my knife down and looked up at her and said: "Well, some people appreciate quality."
Sigh.
Not my brightest moment with MIL. She's never mentioned cake to me again! LOL!!
I'm living vicariously through your quick mouth. 
I love it when a bride and groom sit down for a taste test, wave their hands over the many cake combinations and say "How do you DO this". How the heck do you think I did it. I get up early on the day of your taste test and get busy baking. Sigh...................................
Or the bride who shows up for a taste test and announces that her guest count has been cut in half, she doesn't know where she's having her reception and that they're being married an hour and a half away on a hot August day instead of locally and that the groom insists on ganache on the cake - oh and the restaurant they have in mind isn't air-conditioned. .My response............................. Cancelled!!!!!!!
Too right!! 
I know. Unfortunately you can't reason with people with that attitude so I just left it there. This guy is a joiner by trade. Perhaps I should ask him to make me a hand crafted table and when he gives me a price I can tell him I can get one cheaper from Ikea.
ROFLMAO
I thought of something this afternoon.
I cannot paint my toes. I mean, I CAN, but the result is so horrible, that I would only do it myself if I was desperate and even then it would only be with the lightest pink or beige, in order to hide the failure it would be, So a couple of times a month I go to the salon and pay someone $18 + tip to paint my toes. I have never said, "But a bottle of nail polish is only 7 bucks!" or "Can't you use the cheap polish and charge less?"
I realize that my skills in this area are lacking, so I fork over the money, and I'm damned happy for it.
I don't really have a problem with this from my clients, but I feel lousy for those who do, so why not look at their feet, next time, before you reply?
I have a new one to add, and I knew just where it needed added...So this girl sends me a message, says she wants a full size, standing guitar cake. Says she's seen them by other cakers but they're "too far away" to have any of them make one. I tell her I've never done one before, that I'd seen a tutorial for the base, but it would be quite a feat and I wouldn't even know where to begin. I quote her some terribly low price, because I have a serious fear of cakes I'm not sure I can make, and I always tend to quote them really low (I guess in case it's terrible?) So she assures me and REASSURES me, that she wants ME to do it, and that she knows it won't be "too hard, right". I even tell her at one point (since she told me he didn't have an electric guitar yet, just wants one really badly) that I saw a few at the pawn shop for what she's paying for the cake, if she wanted to back out and get him a real guitar...she AGAIN tells me she wants me to make the cake, and that "whatever I can do will be great". So the pic of a real guitar (not even a cake) that she sent me had a crazy bottom, so I sent her a message even then, telling her that I needed to change the shape of the guitar so that I could make the stand easier, she says "No problem!" So I make the cake, in a flavor that my repeat customers LOVE, take it to her house and deliver it, where her, her husband, 3 year old and another couple all gasp and ahh at the thing as I sit it down. The husband says 5 different times, "That's the coolest thing I've ever seen!" "It looks so real!" "I can't believe that's cake!" "Seriously, that's the coolest cake I've ever seen!" So later on that evening, totally unexpectedly I start getting a barrage of messages telling me that it "Looked so terrible they wouldn't eat it" and "It didn't look ANYTHING like the picture I sent, it wasn't even the same shape guitar", so I write back, saying that's strange because everyone, including her hubby said it looked amazing. I told her I posted a pic on my personal page and everyone went nuts for it...that maybe she had her sights set on some awesome baker who did a much better guitar cake, but this was exactly what I'm capable of and that I'd post the pic so she could see on my business page the reaction it got...so I did. I got 75 likes in less than an hour and 20 some comments saying it was amazing and that I'd "done it again!" So she sends me another message, saying that it really wasn't about the look, it was the taste (wait, didn't you say it looked so bad you wouldn't eat it???) It now tasted so bad that her 3 year old (who just loves any sweets) wouldn't even swallow it!?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? So it looked so bad you wouldn't eat it, so you tested it out on your 3 year old? Way to go Super Mom! Said she wanted a FULL refund. No, and a hell no! Just in wood and supplies alone I had $50+ dollars in it, not to mention time. After too many messages back and forth I agree to a 50% refund, just to end it all, she writes back something really snarky about how she was "So impressed that I would give back 50% out of the kindness of my heart, but that won't buy the real guitar that my husband wants now!?!" HUH!?! So you basically just told on yourself that what happened is your husband who has always wanted a guitar found out that he could have gotten a REAL one for the price you paid for the cake, you both decided you'd screw me out of my hard earned money? I swear I can't stand some people! Sometimes you can tell from the word go that they're going to be difficult and some just sneak up on you! Man I feel better already getting that out!!!
Sorry, darl'n, but I wouldn't have given her ANYTHING back. End of any future dealings with her. Sounds like she is the one not to be trusted!!
When relatives say, "Since when do you bake?" Um, hi..glad we're related and you know nothing about my life for the last 13 years.
Or, "Oh, you bake cakes? I bake too, I have a good recipe, all you do is add pudding to your cake mix." 
That's not baking people...it's mixing.
(63 pages later...and having the word "moist" ruined in my vocabulary...:D)
While working on a beautiful 10-inch round graduation cake one evening last summer, my mother-in-law stopped by to see my husband. She stood and watched me cutting out the graduation shapes from black sugar paper and said the cake looked nice. I somewhat absently replied that for the price they were paying, I wanted it to be nice.
MIL: Oh? How much are you charging for a cake like that?
Me: $75, which is a discount since the dad works with [my husband]
MIL: $75?! I'd never pay that for a cake! I'd just get one at the grocery store!
I'm 30-years-old and have still not learned that my mouth works faster than my mind. I put my knife down and looked up at her and said: "Well, some people appreciate quality."
Sigh.
Not my brightest moment with MIL. She's never mentioned cake to me again! LOL!!
ROFLMAO I had a mother-in-law once that I would have LOVED to have said that to!! You are the bomb!!
I wish I could quote them all, Costumeczar, yours was GREAT too. You all made me feel SO MUCH BETTER! I tried really hard to handle myself professionally. This ^ is absolutely right though, she saw how scared I was about trying it, and thought she could convince me it was terrible. I had 2 more orders placed for the cake when I posted pix, so it couldn't have been terrible. I DID actually call her on her inconsistencies. I swear I think she's like 18 or something...she looked really young when I delivered and in her messages, she was VERY immature. At one point when I pointed out her story changing she told me that I "wasn't good at reading, and need to get some glasses!" Which I thought was pretty telling of her maturity level. She came back and threatened me with the BBB, but shoot, again, I'll stand behind my cake and did save all the messages if it ever gets to that point. Oh, and she tells me I need to right this, that she's a "self employed business woman herself" (she sells Origami Owl jewelry, same thing, right?) and that if someone was unhappy, she would just refund them. Huh? So if someone hated their custom made necklace, you'd send them back all their money without getting the necklace back? Well maybe I'll just send the refund and recoup my money by ordering a necklace! ;) Thanks for all your feedback guys. I needed that!
I've heard that "hookers" believe the same thing she said about self employment..............
I thought of something this afternoon.
I cannot paint my toes. I mean, I CAN, but the result is so horrible, that I would only do it myself if I was desperate and even then it would only be with the lightest pink or beige, in order to hide the failure it would be, So a couple of times a month I go to the salon and pay someone $18 + tip to paint my toes. I have never said, "But a bottle of nail polish is only 7 bucks!" or "Can't you use the cheap polish and charge less?"
I realize that my skills in this area are lacking, so I fork over the money, and I'm damned happy for it.
I don't really have a problem with this from my clients, but I feel lousy for those who do, so why not look at their feet, next time, before you reply?
You do realize that every time I go for a pedicure now, I will think of you, right?!?!?! 
This thread is now officially getting weird.
AIf anything I think this is the thread that all aspiring bakers should read. If you still want to go into business after reading all this then you certainly have guts!
If anything I think this is the thread that all aspiring bakers should read. If you still want to go into business after reading all this then you certainly have guts!
You call it guts...some others may call it something else!
How about the people that I call "clingers" (like those stickers you get in your socks in the summer that just prick away and drive you nuts) who ask..."I heard you're a baker...I've never baked before but I'm making my first cake...a wedding cake in 2 days. A 3 tiered, fondant covered cake with pillars and a chocolate topper. I told the bride it wouldn't be a problem, I mean shouldn't be too hard or take any time at all..'cause I watch Cake Boss and they do it in an hour and YOU do it so tell me.. how do I do it..can I have your recipes, can I borrow your pans and have your baking tips?"
Clingers. 
You call it guts...some others may call it something else!
How about the people that I call "clingers" (like those stickers you get in your socks in the summer that just prick away and drive you nuts) who ask..."I heard you're a baker...I've never baked before but I'm making my first cake...a wedding cake in 2 days. A 3 tiered, fondant covered cake with pillars and a chocolate topper. I told the bride it wouldn't be a problem, I mean shouldn't be too hard or take any time at all..'cause I watch Cake Boss and they do it in an hour and YOU do it so tell me.. how do I do it..can I have your recipes, can I borrow your pans and have your baking tips?"
Clingers.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at that reception!!
On the flip side, I once had a very kind, well-intentioned lady who ordered 75 cake pops to celebrate her 7-year-old beating cancer (HUGE discount, the little girl was the sweetest thing and we shared a love of purple) and when she came to pick them up said "Oh, I hope you didn't spend your whole weekend on these!" Err, yes. These are 75 hand dipped little balls of cake. Cake takes time! She was sweet, though, so I brushed it off :)
This thread is one of The. Best. Ever.
Love it! Thank you for starting it :)
This doesn't qualify as a "question," but I did have a groom say something pretty rude to me at a bridal consultation. When I asked him what he thought of the different flavors of cake I had prepared for him and his fiance, he said, "I don't really care about cake. It all tasted the same to me."
And I said, "Well I just can't talk to you any more."
His fiance' was so embarrassed and I pretty much ignored him for the rest of the meeting.
What a dolt.
This thread is one of The. Best. Ever.
Love it! Thank you for starting it :)
This doesn't qualify as a "question," but I did have a groom say something pretty rude to me at a bridal consultation. When I asked him what he thought of the different flavors of cake I had prepared for him and his fiance, he said, "I don't really care about cake. It all tasted the same to me."
And I said, "Well I just can't talk to you any more."
His fiance' was so embarrassed and I pretty much ignored him for the rest of the meeting.
What a dolt.
wowa! well at least the bride new that wqs wrong to say that what was he even doing there thena!k? lol
you are welcome ;b)
AThe best one I had was from a friend who sent me a message that went like this. Hi do you think you could knock me a cake up for my mums birthday tomorrow nothing too fancy as it is short notice just two tiers with some of them lovely roses that you had on Helen's wedding cake. This was at 6.30 the evening before. My reply I do not knock up cakes I bake them and decorate with passion maybe you could ask Helen for the roses from her cake as they took me hours to create and stick them on a cake knocked up by asda !!
A
Original message sent by suzukipammy
The best one I had was from a friend who sent me a message that went like this. Hi do you think you could knock me a cake up for my mums birthday tomorrow nothing too fancy as it is short notice just two tiers with some of them lovely roses that you had on Helen's wedding cake. This was at 6.30 the evening before. My reply I do not knock up cakes I bake them and decorate with passion maybe you could ask Helen for the roses from her cake as they took me hours to create and stick them on a cake knocked up by asda !!
Hahahahaha!
I get people at tastings every now and then saying "I don't really like cake" or "I don't care about the cake." I always want to suggest that they go buy a bunch of those nasty Hostess fruit pies and serve those.
I can so relate. There is a guy that does superhero themed parties and such around here. He is constantly calling and asking me to "whip up some of those super hero cupcakes". OF course he cant just request 1 or 2 themes. He wants ALL of the super heros . Batman, superman, captain America, green lantern, hello kitty, princess... this has happened on more than one occasion. oh, and he only wants a dozen cupcakes. Just take a sec and think of all those fondant colors. For. 12. cupcakes. 12. cupcakes. I finally told him that he would have to order at least 6 of one them to justify me making the cupcakes for his parties. I haven't heard from him since.
When relatives say, "Since when do you bake?" Um, hi..glad we're related and you know nothing about my life for the last 13 years.
Or, "Oh, you bake cakes? I bake too, I have a good recipe, all you do is add pudding to your cake mix."
That's not baking people...it's mixing.
Sorry I just got to this but I wanted to do it earlier....
Yes, definitely, this thread is getting weird. Since when is this "NAIL_POLISH-L"?
(Keep in mind, though, that on the rare occasions when I wear sandals, I wear them with loud socks. Usually argyle, but not always: I also have some with little fishies and little birdies, and so forth, bought in preparation for my two [to date] Hawaiian vacations. It's a fashion statement, one that grabs the world by the lapels, and screams in its face, "You bet your Equus asinius I'm wearing socks; you got a problem with that?")
I just recently had someone tell me that the cupcakes I made were "awesome," but that she personally "adds jello so they stay moist." Now I'm wondering if she actually meant pudding and not Jello-Jello...(In defense of my cupcakes, they had been sitting out for over 24 hours uncovered before this person broke down and ate one of the last ones left, and I had no previous complaints about dryness).
P.S. Sorry for the usage for the word "moist" ;)
Thank you all so much, ladies and gentlemen, for your contributions to this thread! I've spent the day reading it on my breaks from forking over the garden and I haven't laughed so much in a very long time.
I know I'm in trouble when I'm told a sentence that starts, "Can't you just...." I bake for family and for fun, so I don't have to deal with what most of you are, but my MIL takes, well, the cake.
Phone rings. Me: Hello?
MIL: Oh, honey! I've got a group coming over to play *card/dice game of the moment* and I didn't get anything for dessert. Could you help me out?
Me: Sure! What were you thinking of having?
MIL: That orange chiffon cake. I just love that!
Me: All righty. When did you need it.
MIL: Today.
Me: (mildly boggling) Um....what time?
MIL: In an hour.
Me: (seriously boggling) Uh, Mum? I'm about out of butter and eggs and I don't have any oranges.
MIL: Can't you (those magic danger words) just go to the store?
Me: Yeah, but it takes 20 minutes to get there, another 20 back and, forgetting about how long it'll take to run through the store and check out, that's 40 minutes. There isn't enough time.
MIL: Hm. You're right. Can't you just use frozen orange juice?
Me: Possibly. If I had any. Which I don't. And I use orange rind in the cake and the frosting.
MIL: You really don't need that much butter! Can't you just use shortening?
Me: Not really. I don't make buttercream frosting with shortening.
MIL: And the eggs...can't you just use more oil or something? They do on those cooking shows.
Me: I...really don't think that's going to work for a cake that's held up with stiffly beaten egg whites. You kinda need those.
MIL: Can't you just make the batter into cupcakes, then?
Me: .......
There's more. I'll spare you, but I really hate the words, "Can't you just...." Hate 'em. (Still laughing over the words "moist" and "clean and modern!" and the movie. "Get out" is still my favoritest line!)
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