Vent: My Family Expects Fablous Cakes For Nothing
Decorating By KMLRose Updated 20 Apr 2011 , 4:43am by cathyscakes
I make cakes for family instead of buying a gift, I'm happy to do it because I get to play with cake which I enjoy, and I don't have to think of what gift to buy. I don't take orders though, I make whatever I want to make. So far I've always just offered to make one if/when I feel like making it...if they started asking me to make it or just assuming I'd make it I might resent it perhaps.
I guess I have a great family. Not ONCE has any of them asked for a free cake for anything, except for my sister's wedding, and I was happy to do it since she's the only one I've got.
All other members have paid FULL PRICE, come and picked it up, and keep ordering. But I have a family of craftsmen (painters, plumbers, electricians, tilers, and cabinet makers.) I think that has helped, because no one gets special treatment, its an unwritten rule.
The only time I discount is for family weddings, where I waive the delivery fee per slice, since I'll be attending.
Nip it in the bud, either do what Indy says, or just say "oh, thanks for asking, but after talking it over with my family, (or after some thought), I don't do that anymore. Wish I could, but it was just getting too expensive. What would junior like for his bday gift?"
CAKE BOSS **** CAKE BOSS *** CAKE BOSS!!!
Can't say it any plainer than that! It's a NECESSITY when doing ANYthing that requires FOOD going out of your budget! You will be AMAZED at how much your own Mac-N-Cheese dinner will cost you! You will be FLABBERGASTED at how much your simple 10" Steve McQueen car cake will cost YOU out of YOUR pocket!
CAKE BOSS.....GET IT!!! Now, don't wait! Just get it.
There. Said my piece about all this. 
This makes me think of what my 6 yr old son said to me last night. He just turned to me out of the blue and said "Mom, you need to make 10.... no 20 mini cakes for my birthday party."
He was dead serious and wanted them in the shape of a bullet train. I just looked at him and told him that he'd lost his mind! lol He must have thought he'd given me plenty of time, since his birthday isn't until September.
Methinks perhaps I have spoiled him too much with his birthday cakes....
When my family wants a cake, we plan a time and we all go to the bakery and start baking. I have one mixing, one baking, rolling fondant, washing dishes... we have a blast. And the cakes turn out great with the group effort. I donate the ingredients. I'm from a long line of southern cooks. We never had a catered wedding or event because collectively, we were the best cooks we knew. I'm glad to be passing along this tradition to my three daughters and my extended family.
This is so nice to hear. I personally love baking for friends and family members and I've never had anyone try to take advantage of my generosity...they often offer to pay or to help out with the project. When someone has insisted on paying me, I ask them to make a donation to their favorite charity.
Everyone knows they can call me and ask if I can make them something special for their party, but I say "no" if it's inconvenient (like at the holidays) or it's something I hate making (like cake pops.) My 3 kids are 20-somethings and they and all of their friends know that I would be happy to make their wedding cakes for them if their chosen venue will allow a cake created by a hobby baker---so far no problems with that. One dear girl wanted a six tier cake covered with sugar flowers and I told her that just wasn't in my repertoire!
I'm lucky that my budget can accommodate the cost of ingredients. I realize it's different for those who do this as a business. 
To the OP: I hope you can work this out with your family. Don't be afraid to set limits, and do it in a friendly sort of way, like Indy does.
Ok the last link didn't work this one should
http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1999172
I wanted to comment on this cake, but your comments are turned off! You should be able to go into your profile somewhere to turn it back on.
That cake is sooooo adorable!
This makes me think of what my 6 yr old son said to me last night. He just turned to me out of the blue and said "Mom, you need to make 10.... no 20 mini cakes for my birthday party."
He was dead serious and wanted them in the shape of a bullet train. I just looked at him and told him that he'd lost his mind! lol He must have thought he'd given me plenty of time, since his birthday isn't until September.
Methinks perhaps I have spoiled him too much with his birthday cakes....
When my 8 year old daughter started critizing me cause the pillow cake her giant handmade fondant tiara on was crooked....I realized i had created a monster!! HAHA My kids have always got over-the-top fablous cakes for their bday. When we go to other bdays they are shocked to see sheet cakes! I think I need to bring them back down to planet earth!
I consider the cakes I make for close family to be the gift for the occasion. I do retain the option of flavor, as there are so many on the "Gourmet cakes" thread I want to try out. I now have accumulated quite a file of proven favorites for my paying customers to choose from. While I listen to requests for design, etc. it is pretty much me who dictates what I will do. I have never spent the money for a class, and so consider this an opportunity to broaden my skills on understanding family.
My sister is aware of the costs and time involved, so she "forces" upon me lots of wonderful cake tools I would otherwise not afford. I consider it a good trade off. I get the durable materials and the practice for a free cake that I would love doing anyway, and then use the skills and goodies for my paying customers.
Right now she is getting me some isomalt and jewel molds for a "Fancy Nancy" type cake. This opens up a whole other area for me to explore and I am eager to expand. It is a win-win situation for me, as the freebies only stay close to home.
I guess I must be in the minority. I wouldn't charge family for cakes. I make the cake if I have the time, or tell them they'll have to buy the cake elsewhere if I don't have the time.
I'd feel odd charging family. I grew up eating their food, their desserts, at their homes and they'd never once think of asking to be paid. Same thing when family comes to my home to eat my food, my desserts & my cakes. I'd never ask to be paid, as its family. Its something you do out of love and respect.
One of my siblings never EXPECTS anything and if I do make a cake, ALWAYS offers me at least the cost of what I've had to pay out on ingredients and boards, boxes etc.
My other sibling not only EXPECTS a cake, but would send me photos of ones they've seen online that they'd like.... and we're talking LARGE, very detailed cake... at least £200 - £250 if not more.
They sent me an email with some photos attached just saying 'these are nice'. I replied "yes, they're gorgeous. I hope you find someone to make it for you". They got the message!!!!! They ended up borrowing my cupcake tower and buying Costco cupcakes for my niece's first birthday (in fairness, I'd have done something, but I only got back from holiday a few days before!)
my family doesn't live close, so i've never had a problem there. I usually make practice cakes and my hubby takes them into work so i don't eat all of it once my husband took in a donation jar with a cake and some of they guys complained "hey man you make more then us, why are you asking for donations" i was so angry! I'm a stay at home mom and just make things for fun and wouldn't have cared if i didn't get any donations, but that comment made me so mad! who cares how much my hubby makes, i'm the one taking time out of my day. i think they've learend there lesson though, now i make special plates for the guys i like 
the other people haven't gotten anything in over a year...i think i may give it a try again and see if anyone is willing to donate now 
I feel your pain, I started making cakes and then everyone wanted one. Well I told my family okay everyone gets a cake the first time for free (i used it as practice) after that you come hlep, reimburse for expenses and I will do it, or you pay the price....LOL. Everyone gets it except one sisiter who has 3 kids and they all want another cake for their birthday. I feel terrible letting the kids down so I try and do a simple one for them.
I too, had this problem before. My family now knows and realizes the costs and time involved so they usually at least pay me for costs. i'm cool with that since I am still learning. i just cant stand it when you do take the time to make a cake for free and then they tell you they didnt even like it! Ok, next time go to Wal-Mart!
I just did a wedding cake for my sister...she bought a lot of the ingredients...but she was also there to help when she could and she saw that it took me over 20 hours to decorate the cake...she was very appreciative.
This makes me think of what my 6 yr old son said to me last night. He just turned to me out of the blue and said "Mom, you need to make 10.... no 20 mini cakes for my birthday party."
He was dead serious and wanted them in the shape of a bullet train. I just looked at him and told him that he'd lost his mind! lol He must have thought he'd given me plenty of time, since his birthday isn't until September.
Methinks perhaps I have spoiled him too much with his birthday cakes....
When my 8 year old daughter started critizing me cause the pillow cake her giant handmade fondant tiara on was crooked....I realized i had created a monster!! HAHA My kids have always got over-the-top fablous cakes for their bday. When we go to other bdays they are shocked to see sheet cakes! I think I need to bring them back down to planet earth!
This is so funny. I say that because my kids are the same way now. My son for his "family" birthday celebration wants a Rangers Apprentice cake with a castle, log cabin, and forest on it. When explained that was too much cake for what we needed and how we could do it, he came around. So now I'm doing the front part of a castle with moat, turrets, and fixings. He then had the nerve to ask why I wasn't going to make alligators for the moat.
Wow at all the great advice and ideas everyone is sharing. I am going to try some them out on my family. Thank u for telling me the comments were not turned on my pics. As everyone has noticed I'm kinda new to this sharing and to decorating and I thank everyone for all of the comments so for. I can't wait to keep reading everyone's ideas and frustrations they have with their families, friends, & clients.
I love this thread! I have read every comment and I agree with all of you! I feel what you guys are saying. Even a small difference of opinion or approach , to me , doesn't matter.
Wonderful tactics you all have suggested!
I bake as a hobby also. For 3 yrs now. I have a large family on my dad's side. [he's one of 9] and my mom is one of [3]. I have one sister and she took cake decorating classes back in the early 1980's, so she KNOWS what a massive pain the clean up is.
She has 3 kids and I have 4 of my own and 2 step kids and now 5 grandkids and another due in June.
I have had 2 cousins PAY for cakes. They have mentinoed 'practice' but have NEVER not offered to pay. [and I happily take the money!!!!]
I do free cakes for certain family, my sister and her hubby and my parents, my kids and grandkids..... but that is instead of a gift....only for the adults though.
I'm starting a job on Tuesday and this weekend I have 5 cakes to do, 3 of which are for family.
I finally got so frustrated about people hitting me up for freebies that I put my foot down and now I 'just don't have the time'....... OR 'wow, that's incredible! But way out of my league'
and I don't feel guilty!!!!!!!
I still LOVE creating cakes.....but I detest the clean up, I have no dishwasher except my 2 hands.
I did do some free cakes for a fund raiser for a friend once but after the beer bottle cake only brought $20, I haven't done that again!
So I better get busy now on my weekend cakes!
Good luck and best wishes to you....and DO NOT LET ANYONE GUILT YOU INTO GIVING AWAY FREE CAKES!
I guess I must be in the minority. I wouldn't charge family for cakes. I make the cake if I have the time, or tell them they'll have to buy the cake elsewhere if I don't have the time.
I'd feel odd charging family. I grew up eating their food, their desserts, at their homes and they'd never once think of asking to be paid. Same thing when family comes to my home to eat my food, my desserts & my cakes. I'd never ask to be paid, as its family. Its something you do out of love and respect.
I guess its the diff between respect and taking advantage; the diff between a hobby and a business.
Gosh, I'd never charge someone, who came to my house for a visit, for the food they'd eat! But if they "ordered" a cake? Totally different.
My father in law ran a mechanic's garage for 60 years. Just because someone was family (and he was one of 13 kids so it was a HUGE family!), doesn't mean everyone in town got their car fixed for free. Yeah, he'd fix my car "out of love and respect" but I'd also pay him for his time and talent OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT ..... and because its just the right thing to do.
Just because someone made me a peanut butter sandwich as a kid, doesn't mean I "owe" them a wedding cake and subsequent birthday cakes for the rest of their life.
I guess I must be in the minority. I wouldn't charge family for cakes. I make the cake if I have the time, or tell them they'll have to buy the cake elsewhere if I don't have the time.
I'd feel odd charging family. I grew up eating their food, their desserts, at their homes and they'd never once think of asking to be paid. Same thing when family comes to my home to eat my food, my desserts & my cakes. I'd never ask to be paid, as its family. Its something you do out of love and respect.
I guess its the diff between respect and taking advantage; the diff between a hobby and a business.
Gosh, I'd never charge someone, who came to my house for a visit, for the food they'd eat! But if they "ordered" a cake? Totally different.
My father in law ran a mechanic's garage for 60 years. Just because someone was family (and he was one of 13 kids so it was a HUGE family!), doesn't mean everyone in town got their car fixed for free. Yeah, he'd fix my car "out of love and respect" but I'd also pay him for his time and talent OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT ..... and because its just the right thing to do.
Just because someone made me a peanut butter sandwich as a kid, doesn't mean I "owe" them a wedding cake and subsequent birthday cakes for the rest of their life.
No one in my family takes advantage of me. If you read my post I said I tell family if I have the time I'll probably make the cake, if I don't they'll have to go elsewhere for the cake. They go elsewhere more than they get a cake from me, unless the family member is a younger child.
I do not feel as though I "owe" anyone in my family a cake for the rest of thier lives. where do you get that from? As for anyone else visiting my home & eating my food, and talks about ordering a cake, I charge for the cake they order. I am not stupid.
As for your mechanic versus cake maker, theres a vast difference in work, cost, and profit between the two, so why would you bother to use that as an example?
My goodness, are you always this sarcastic and bitter?
I guess I must be in the minority. I wouldn't charge family for cakes. I make the cake if I have the time, or tell them they'll have to buy the cake elsewhere if I don't have the time.
I'd feel odd charging family. I grew up eating their food, their desserts, at their homes and they'd never once think of asking to be paid. Same thing when family comes to my home to eat my food, my desserts & my cakes. I'd never ask to be paid, as its family. Its something you do out of love and respect.
I guess its the diff between respect and taking advantage; the diff between a hobby and a business.
Gosh, I'd never charge someone, who came to my house for a visit, for the food they'd eat! But if they "ordered" a cake? Totally different.
My father in law ran a mechanic's garage for 60 years. Just because someone was family (and he was one of 13 kids so it was a HUGE family!), doesn't mean everyone in town got their car fixed for free. Yeah, he'd fix my car "out of love and respect" but I'd also pay him for his time and talent OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT ..... and because its just the right thing to do.
Just because someone made me a peanut butter sandwich as a kid, doesn't mean I "owe" them a wedding cake and subsequent birthday cakes for the rest of their life.
No one in my family takes advantage of me. If you read my post I said I tell family if I have the time I'll probably make the cake, if I don't they'll have to go elsewhere for the cake. They go elsewhere more than they get a cake from me, unless the family member is a younger child.
I do not feel as though I "owe" anyone in my family a cake for the rest of thier lives. where do you get that from? As for anyone else visiting my home & eating my food, and talks about ordering a cake, I charge for the cake they order. I am not stupid.
As for your mechanic versus cake maker, theres a vast difference in work, cost, and profit between the two, so why would you bother to use that as an example?
My goodness, are you always this sarcastic and bitter?
Ummm...perhaps you may have misinterpreted the tone a little there Warchild? - Indydebi's comment doesn't read that way to me. I know it's so easy to misinterpret the tone of written text on forums.
Just say no unless you feel like making the cake. You can't be run over if you stand up for yourself. Don't let them guilt you into doing it!
I'm very blessed in that my family never does that to me and have always asked "How much would you charge me for ......?"
In each of your problems, the answer is easy:
"Sure! I'm happy to make the cake, just ask that you cover the costs of everything i need to do that, since I can't see taking my grocery money to make a cake for you, do you? Good! Here's the shopping list. by the way, no substitutions ... my lists are brand specific for a reason so your cake will turn out as perfect as you want it to. I'll need everything on this list 10 days before your event. If I dont' have it 10 days prior, then I won't be able to do the cake and you'll have to stoop to ordering just a plain run-of-the-mill cake from teh grocery."
OMG, Indydebi is my CC hero for just that reason. Like somebody else on here said, I gave away so much free cake, cookies, and cupcakes last year that it was unreal. Got compliments on how great this and that was and you know what it resulted in..orders for more freebies. I was like, you guys know there are no grocery stores that give away food or electric companies that give free utilites, right? Some famliy members had people calling me basically asking for free stuff. Unbelievable!!!
I don't think a mean word has ever been posted by Debi. As much as she gives to this site, this was not warranted.
YOU OWE DEBI A PUBLIC APOLOGY!!!!
Unlike you, Debi was trying to help the OP with relevant information on how to deal with family members.
I also posted that my family doesn't take advantage. But it went on to say that they chip in to help. This site is about offering advice. Her words are some of the most highly respected advice on this site. 27,000 times she has taken her time to share.
I guess I must be in the minority. I wouldn't charge family for cakes. I make the cake if I have the time, or tell them they'll have to buy the cake elsewhere if I don't have the time.
I'd feel odd charging family. I grew up eating their food, their desserts, at their homes and they'd never once think of asking to be paid. Same thing when family comes to my home to eat my food, my desserts & my cakes. I'd never ask to be paid, as its family. Its something you do out of love and respect.
I guess its the diff between respect and taking advantage; the diff between a hobby and a business.
Gosh, I'd never charge someone, who came to my house for a visit, for the food they'd eat! But if they "ordered" a cake? Totally different.
My father in law ran a mechanic's garage for 60 years. Just because someone was family (and he was one of 13 kids so it was a HUGE family!), doesn't mean everyone in town got their car fixed for free. Yeah, he'd fix my car "out of love and respect" but I'd also pay him for his time and talent OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT ..... and because its just the right thing to do.
Just because someone made me a peanut butter sandwich as a kid, doesn't mean I "owe" them a wedding cake and subsequent birthday cakes for the rest of their life.
No one in my family takes advantage of me. If you read my post I said I tell family if I have the time I'll probably make the cake, if I don't they'll have to go elsewhere for the cake. They go elsewhere more than they get a cake from me, unless the family member is a younger child.
I do not feel as though I "owe" anyone in my family a cake for the rest of thier lives. where do you get that from? As for anyone else visiting my home & eating my food, and talks about ordering a cake, I charge for the cake they order. I am not stupid.
As for your mechanic versus cake maker, theres a vast difference in work, cost, and profit between the two, so why would you bother to use that as an example?
My goodness, are you always this sarcastic and bitter?
Ummm...perhaps you may have misinterpreted the tone a little there Warchild? - Indydebi's comment doesn't read that way to me. I know it's so easy to misinterpret the tone of written text on forums.
Agreed. We all read written text on forums our own way, as you state. Nonetheless, I read the "tone" of the comment as it was given. Sarcastic & bitter. As in what a fool I am for not asking my family for money, as Indydebi sure does..
Also, When one feels the need to resort to uppercase letters when responding to something I've said, no matter what the meaning was behind it, I find it rude & disrespectful. So to answer your question, no, I did not misinterpret the comment.
As in what a fool I am for not asking my family for money, as Indydebi sure does..
I've posted a number of times that I make the offer to give all nieces and nephews their wedding cake for free. I did two nephews wedding catering for the cost of the food (a wedding gift that was worth 2-3000 dollars each). I said that my family always OFFERS to pay for the cakes ... I never said I make them pay for it.
Mechanics, cakes, catering, sewing, whatever ... a business is a business, so how those requests are handled doesn't really matter based on the type of biz it is, as I'm sure other CCers who own other businesses can attest.
Your post read to me like all the other posters on this thread were selfish to expect their family to at least cover the cost and expect their family to not take advantage of them.
I merely was pointing out the differences.
All opinions are good and I think we both may have midread each other's post. I'm happy to start over if you are. (handshake extended!)
As in what a fool I am for not asking my family for money, as Indydebi sure does..
I've posted a number of times that I make the offer to give all nieces and nephews their wedding cake for free. I did two nephews wedding catering for the cost of the food (a wedding gift that was worth 2-3000 dollars each). I said that my family always OFFERS to pay for the cakes ... I never said I make them pay for it.
Mechanics, cakes, catering, sewing, whatever ... a business is a business, so how those requests are handled doesn't really matter based on the type of biz it is, as I'm sure other CCers who own other businesses can attest.
Your post read to me like all the other posters on this thread were selfish to expect their family to at least cover the cost and expect their family to not take advantage of them.
I merely was pointing out the differences.
All opinions are good and I think we both may have midread each other's post. I'm happy to start over if you are. (handshake extended!)
All families are different. Except for the odd one in my family & my DHs family, the rest are very giving. I've had offers from family to pay something towards the cake, but I choose not to accept. For me, its not that important as its for family. At the same time, if one of them was to become greedy or demanding over a cake, that would be it, there would never be another cake.
I'm always willing to start over. Comments & opinions on forums can easily be misunderstood & cause hard feelings when hard feelings were never intended. Handshake accepted, and mine extended back.
Why is it family thinks you should make great cakes for them and give you nothing but a thank you. My family thinks I should drop everything for them and bake for them exactly when they need it and do it just because they are family. It gets on my nerves. For example the Rocket cake I did for a 1st birthday it was amazing I thought but did my family offer me anything but a wow and thank you. NO, nothing, notta. I love my family but they sure expect way too much.
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If i was you i would be telling them i am not going to make you anymore beautiful cakes with out payment. If they get mad over that then oh well. You spent and took all that time and very hard work to make a cake for them. I would not do it anymore unless they pay you.
My cousin asked me to make her a birthday cake for 30 people for her sons birthday, then when I told her it would be $75 ($2.50 a serving) she asked if I could just make it for 15 people instead. 
I have had the design finalized for over 3 weeks now and I now have to come up with something different to work with the price. Maybe I should just tell her to go to the grocery store and buy a run-of-the-mill cake if she's not willing to pay only $2.50 a serving.
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