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Do we deserve more gratitude than we get?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
I recently made a birthday cake for a friends son which took 3 full days and then some to complete. Upon my arrival at the party (which i was also invited to), I was kind of expecting a much bigger reaction than the one that I got. I am not even sure if the parents liked the cake because I am sure I didnt here those exact words (or anything similar) come from either of their mouths. I quietly snuck up the back of the party and choked back tears.
This has left me confused and wondering if as a cake maker, am I expecting much too much from people. Do I think my creations are way better than they actually are. This has been my internal conflict and I know that I am good enough because I have family telling me so, and telling me when some cakes are not so good.
Has anyone else had this happen to them or feel like this sometimes?
And only briefly will I mention that I have not been paid for said cake yet and it's a week later. And I KNOW I should have got the money upfront.
post #2 of 30
It's not you or your talent, it's them. You answered your own question in the body of the post:
"I have not been paid for said cake yet and it's a week later" and
"I am not even sure if the parents liked the cake because I am sure I didnt here those exact words (or anything similar) come from either of their mouths."

Duh... If someone is going to stiff you, they are certainly NOT going to rave about your cake. By not saying anything, they have the 'out' of saying "Well...it wasn't really a very nice cake and wasn't what we wanted"

As many, many before you have learned: Do NOT, EVER, turn on the oven or buy any ingredients until you have the money. Once you have been paid, THEN buy the ingredients and turn on the oven. Betcha future cake recipients will rave about the cakes they've already paid for.

There are about 10,000 posts on here saying you can really get run over by friends and family. If you don't get paid, the friendship will never be the same--you know it, they know it. If you don't get paid, the parent's of your son's friend have ended a friendship over the cost of a cake--sad, but true.


Now, having said that and been all self-righteous and smug, I will tell you that I took my first "paid" order for a gingerbread house that took me 10 hours for a teacher at the kid's elementary that I barely knew (except to know that NOBODY likes her). I told her I'd only charge for the ingredients and supplies, and, guess what, did NOT get the money up front.
I was extremely lucky and got my money on delivery.

Basically, don't beat yourself up, honey, we're all trusting idiots.
post #3 of 30
I am sooooooo sorry that this happened to you. I have had this happen to me, too. It's heartbreaking when you put so much time into a cake, are proud of your creation, and then to receive not so much as a thank you. I agree with the PP, it's not you, it's them.

Hang in there! I wish I could give you a hug! icon_smile.gif
Check out my cake blog at: http://adventuresofacakediva.com
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Check out my cake blog at: http://adventuresofacakediva.com
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post #4 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by aac81

I recently made a birthday cake for a friends son which took 3 full days and then some to complete. Upon my arrival at the party (which i was also invited to), I was kind of expecting a much bigger reaction than the one that I got. I am not even sure if the parents liked the cake because I am sure I didnt here those exact words (or anything similar) come from either of their mouths. I quietly snuck up the back of the party and choked back tears.
This has left me confused and wondering if as a cake maker, am I expecting much too much from people. Do I think my creations are way better than they actually are. This has been my internal conflict and I know that I am good enough because I have family telling me so, and telling me when some cakes are not so good.
Has anyone else had this happen to them or feel like this sometimes?
And only briefly will I mention that I have not been paid for said cake yet and it's a week later. And I KNOW I should have got the money upfront.



It's hard for anyone to comment on a cake that we have not seen. Do you have a picture to share with us?

I'm only a hobby baker and I enjoy the opportunity to practice on friends and family. I do ask them to be honest with me so that I can work on my weaknesses and improve my skills. I make cakes because I enjoy it and I'm lucky to be able to have this as a hobby. I get feedback both good and bad - that's how I learn. I was more sensitive when I first started but now I just want honest opinions.

Maybe your friends weren't comfortable discussing the cake in front of their guests. If they agreed to pay you for the cake then you might have to remind them and maybe find a way get some feedback from them. You didn't mentioned what agreement you had with this couple. If you have pictures of the cake, show someone who will be objective and truthful. Good luck and let us know how things worked out.
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
Charles Dickens
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Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
Charles Dickens
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post #5 of 30
if we can't see your cakes we can't say what we think :p


I call MUD!
It's not "just" cake...it's my life!
WI State Representative for Icing Smiles...start 'Baking a Difference" today!
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It's not "just" cake...it's my life!
WI State Representative for Icing Smiles...start 'Baking a Difference" today!
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post #6 of 30
Well, I don't know how to get a compliment out of someone, but I do know how (at least try) to get money out of them.

I show up at their front door around dinner time and tell them that I need the payment for the cake--NOW--and I don't leave until they address the issue.

When I was 20, my mom had an auctioneer sell off the contents of our home. One guy bought quite a bit--over $500 worth. His check bounced and the auctioneer was a lazy SOB who wouldn't do anything about it. He didn't want to work too hard for his $50 portion of it, but it sure meant a lot to us. I had my mom drive me to the guy's house after church every Sunday for 2 months and I'd bang on his door, yelling, "Hey, Oyster (his last name)--you owe us $500. Pay up. We're gonna' sue you, if you don't!" His neighbors would look out windows and open doors. Everyone said it was futile......

He PAID, in full....AND we DIDN'T give the auctioneer his $50, either. I guess we would have if he'd have banged on our door and shouted...........

You have to be proactive about your own interests. No one else will do it for you if you don't do it for yourself first.

Good luck!
Rae
I love you, but your emergency is not my crisis!

They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.--Terry Pratchett (b.194
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I love you, but your emergency is not my crisis!

They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.--Terry Pratchett (b.194
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post #7 of 30
I figure that you deserved a thank you if they hadn't paid you yet, but you deserve to be paid more if they owe you the money! As long as somebody pays me that's thanks enough for me, personally. Harass them until they pay you!
post #8 of 30
Wow Rae, you could make a killing in collections. icon_surprised.gif lol!

Someone on CC once posted something about getting thank yous. When was the last time you called your local bakery & said thank you?

That made me wonder about our expectations. Since then I have asked that question to a bunch of different people & not one person has called a cake baker to thank them for a cake they made. Most seemed puzzled by the question.

They ordered a cake, got a great cake & moved on. Their expectations were met & the transaction was over.

Its not right or wrong, just a different way of looking at it.

Now, when we get thank you's or raves from customers it means a lot more to me.

icon_biggrin.gif
post #9 of 30
I dont want to sound like I am something wonderful, but i guess I am lucky...may of my customers pickup their cakes, they are amazed and I get lots of hugs and wow you need to be on TV and such. I call it the cocaine of what we do...but it isn't something I expect. Some people pick up their cake, pay their money and thats that. I didnt go into cake decorating to fill my head with how good of an artist I am. I never want to be on TV, never want to be famous or anything. I just like the challenge of making cakes.

Back to your posting, maybe the parents were too busy and nervous about the party to say anything?
Gotta have more cowbell!
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Gotta have more cowbell!
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post #10 of 30
I am sorry that this happened to you. I can so understand where you are coming from. I know that we don't do cakes just for the "thank-yous" or compliments, but receiving a "thank-you" or compliment goes a long way. I put a lot of time into my cakes to make them special for the recipient and do my best to make them look good, and sometimes I am up all night redoing a cake. When people don't say anything about it, it kind of hurts. I am sure that they do like the cakes, because they keep asking me to make them, but sometimes it's just nice to hear those words. I'll agree that family is the worst. My sister once told me that people know that I know the cake is good, that's why they don't feel they need to say it to me. I don't get that. If someone makes or does something especially for me, I always compliment them and say "thanks". It is just a nice thing to do, and it makes a person feel good.
post #11 of 30
I think that it can be difficult to separate ourselves from the fact that the event is not about us when we sometimes labor as we do to put out these masterpieces. But it is not about you.

So far you have let them hurt your feelings and stiff you. I think you have this mixed up. The only thing you have a right to expect is your pay.

The greater question of course is as was already mentioned are we giving as much gratitude as we should.

But no you need thicker skin. And you need to call them today and tell them you need your money now. You'll learn to feel a lot better about this.
one baker's 'never ever do' is the next baker's 'i swear by this'
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one baker's 'never ever do' is the next baker's 'i swear by this'
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post #12 of 30
I'm sorry they didn't give you the kind of reaction you wanted. I wouldn't worry about it too much though.

I have had people make an extremely big fuss over my cakes, to the point its embarrassing. I always appreciate that.

And Ive had people not even give my cake a second glance much less tell me anything positively or negatively about it. To some people its just cake. They dont know or care if it took you 3 days to make it. Its just cake. Oddly enough my husband is one of these types. Hes watched me work for days on a cake for an event at his work and then when I ask him if everyone liked it I get a hmmm? Uhhh I guess I dont know I didnt go around polling people. Well WHY NOT??? That sort of thing doesnt matter to him. Ive done cakes for a lot of people like that.
post #13 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaseyrconnect

My sister once told me that people know that I know the cake is good, that's why they don't feel they need to say it to me.

Oh brother! Is she married? Let's say she is. would she accept this if her husband said, "You know I love you, why do I have to say it?"

Does she have a job? Is she good at it? Would she accept this if her boss said, "You know you do a good job, why do I have to tell you that you do?

Does she cook dinner for a family? Would she accept this if her kids/husband/boyfriend said "You know the food was good, why do I have to tell you "nice dinner, hun!"?

And then I have to read articles that imply how "etiquette" (aka 'good manners') is so "old fashioned". (big freakin' sigh!!!!)

She's a twit.
post #14 of 30
Sorry that happened to you, and I hope you get paid...
I wish people/friends/family knew how much we put into our cakes for them...
Jodi icon_smile.gif
post #15 of 30
Aww some people can be cruel without even realising,
I am sure it was a beautiful cake, and because you spent so much of your time and energy on it, naturally you wanted the rave reviews you thought were coming,
but at least you didn't hear them say they "didn't" like the cake, so thats a good sign eh, maybe these people aren't very good at praising people when its due.

I would love to see a picture of the cake icon_smile.gif
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