Why Won't People Control Their Kids???!???
Decorating By sadiepix Updated 23 Jul 2008 , 4:11am by OCakes
I am a proud mother to a 2 year old girl, who I of course think is the cutiest lil girl ever! I agree wholehartedly with many of these posts. It is the parents responsibilities to control their children. My daughter has not been to a wedding, funeral or adult social gathering yet. She has been to many restraurants and acts well. The minute she starts to act up, we leave the restraunt and she knows she is in trouble. It only takes once. We go back in and she is an angel. If we are invitied to an adult social gathering, my girl goes to Grandma's for an overnight visit! My daughter is very well behaved, says yes, please and thank you. We have insisted on these responses since before she could talk. She is a very happy girl and I think all kids need structure. They may all test this structure, but NEED to know that the parents are in charge, not the kid. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I know when and where my daughters attendance is appropriate. Kudos to all the parents out there who take the time to teach their kids right and wrong. It is not always easy to do this, but it is the RIGHT thing to do!
Wow, how shameful of those parents not to respect the hosts. I haven't read everyone's posts, but would like to add that this was not the kids' fault... but their parents. At 3 & 5(ish), they only know to do what they've been allowed to & it is just common sense to keep your kids away from a wedding cake - you KNOW they'll stick their fingers in it at least! Especially though, when they've already been asked once! I always advise that my cakes are "guaranteed through delivery", sometimes I get a sideways glance, so I add that I cannot be responsible if someone knocks over the cake table........ but I've never actually heard of it happening! Your friend was VERY classy!! I hope she was able to get something else for her family picnic!
I am a full time nanny (not paid hourly) and a babysitter and I get paid $8 an hr. So my first thing is that the little girl I nanny for is 3. When she knows she did something wrong or when I ask her a question she completely ignores me. And then I get mad and get a tone and she starts crying. Kind of makes me think her parent doesn't discipline at all. EVERY time. Also, she doesn't eat her lunch. It really bothers me when kids don't eat their foods. I don't give her a lot and sometimes she will eat one bite and sometimes nothing. What do I do? I mean shes not my kid but I'm not going to let her walk all over me.
The second thing is that yeah a college student wanting $20 an hr for babysitting? No way. I am a college student and if I wanted that I wouldn't have a job! That is just crazy.
I can' never figure why kids that young need to be at a wedding/reception anyway. They are bored, don't know why they are there, and in so many cases act up and make things miserable for others.
When I told some friends my wedding was to be kid free I actually got shocked stares! Why? It is a grown-up party, not a Chuckie-Cheese.
I don't think it's fair to make such a blanket statement like that.
I attended my niece's wedding 2 weeks ago with my children, ages 5 and 7. The bride's new nieces were there, ages 5, 3, and 1. All five children behaved appropriately, had a great time, and were the life of the party! None of them threw a tantrum, a napkin, or put a finger near the cake (not my cake, either).
Some children can act appropriately at those kinds of events. Others are more spirited and don't do well at formal occasions. But not all kids act bad at weddings.
Yes not all kids behave bad, but how do you only invite the well-behaved ones and not the bad one without causing a huge family eruption?
I'm debating this myself - kids at the wedding or not. I have a large extended family and some of my cousin's are like the parent's in the OP, way more interested in alcohol than watching their children. I've seen the kids run havoc at every major family event. YET, I know other cousin's children are angels, and I would love to have them there.
It seems that it would be easier for the whole family just to have a blanket "no kids" policy (lol, althougth with my redneck family, they'd ignore it anyways, bring the kids, and the responsible parent's who left their kids at home would be spending their whole time wrangling in the other kids!)
I'm with the rigirous screening process before people should be able to have kids... also make them get a dog and properly train them first... it is a good initial step in learning responsibility (although people neglect animals more than they neglect children!)
I am a full time nanny (not paid hourly) and a babysitter and I get paid $8 an hr. So my first thing is that the little girl I nanny for is 3. When she knows she did something wrong or when I ask her a question she completely ignores me. And then I get mad and get a tone and she starts crying. Kind of makes me think her parent doesn't discipline at all. EVERY time. Also, she doesn't eat her lunch. It really bothers me when kids don't eat their foods. I don't give her a lot and sometimes she will eat one bite and sometimes nothing. What do I do? I mean shes not my kid but I'm not going to let her walk all over me.
The second thing is that yeah a college student wanting $20 an hr for babysitting? No way. I am a college student and if I wanted that I wouldn't have a job! That is just crazy.
I'd sit down with the parents and explain what the problem is and ask them how they want you to handle it .... what are your boundaries in discipline? The problem I keep seeing is that no one knows what their boundaries are ... parents are afraid to spank in public for fear of being reported, sitters are afraid to punish for fear of loosing their jobs, kids have no ideas what they are allowed to do and not allowed to do because the discipline (if any) is situational (are we at home or in public ... discipline is often different based on where you are and who's watching). If the parents don't want you spanking their kid, fine .... but a special spot for time out shouldn't be a problem. In fact ... the parents probably don't know how to control their kid and probably hired you to help them figure out what's working and what's not working. Keeping them completely informed on what's going on would help you.
As far as not eating .... my kids go through stages of that. It's normal. What I do is offer them their lunch. If they don't eat it, I wrap it up and put it in the fridge. When they ask for a snack or something, out comes the lunch. They don't get ANYTHING until they eat what they're supposed to eat. Remember, though, they've got little belllys. We tend to over eat -- they only need a quarter of what we would eat.
My former pastor's daughter got married 5 years ago and had separate receptions for the kids and the adults.
Kids had hot dogs and chips; cookies and punch with a HUGE gingerbread house and a candy filled pinata (groom is Mexican-American).
Parents had a lovely "adult" reception.
I know this isn't possible or feasible in all situations, but, it worked for her and everyone had a nice time!
Beth in KY
**Try to remember I was talking originally about VERY young kids. By the time they reach school age and can understand being at a function and even having fun/being able to play quietly with other kids things take on another angle, barring just awful behavior past that age thanks to the parents.
**Yes, I was mostly fussing over the parents acting so badly and unable/unwilling to control the kids. I don't hate kids in general and was not blaming them for the behavior.
**I have to agree with the posters stating the "One bad apple" sentiment. If I know 2 of my friends/family have rotten kids, how can I ask them not to come but let the parents of well-behaved kids bring them? That is not fair.
**I wish we had that community spirit here, where the whole "village" as it were, could be in attendance, but if the "village" and the kids in it aren't raised in that spirit to begin with, there is no across the board understanding of how to act, and you get piles of those "bad apples".
(I used quotes on "village" as I live in a large town and wanted to show that included far-flung family/friends etc.)
It comes down to "to each their own" again. The hosts of any event can choose to exclude kids if they prefer. (Or adults that behave badly) The parents can then choose not to attend. They chose to have kids and have to make decisions based on that, both for behavior and bedtimes and everything else.
I just thought it was awful that such BLATANT disregard for a person's wedding was being shown, as even with naughty kids I would expect the parents to be ashamed and apologetic after such a disaster. I don't expect kids to be angelic, but I do expect the parents to take some responsibility. That is where my beef lies.
And yes, my friend was great about it, and so was the family who thanked her.
If children do not learn from day one that there is a line you do not cross, how do parents expect their children to grow up knowing right from wrong.Discipline, teaching & making sure your child is doing the right thing is part of being a parent.
Day one, that's the key. I baby-sit a 20 month boy 2 days a week. He does things to his parents that he wouldn't dream of doing here. They are very doting and I think they think he's too young to really discipline.
I made a cake for his mom to take to a retirement party and while we were in the kitchen looking at it, he shot up the stairs. He never does that! She got him off and he was about to do it again when I said, "Ryan, no stairs right now. Get down please." in a firm voice. Her jaw about hit the floor when he listened!
This is a sweet child, but he knows they aren't gonna do anything when he misbehaves. He hits them, pulls hair and pinches cheeks and they say nothing!!! He wouldn't dare try that to me.
Her jaw about hit the floor when he listened!
We were visiting friends who were those kind of parents. Kids were playing in the basement family room. Dad goes downstairs and "threatens" the kids if they don't stop doing whatever they were doing. Dad goes upstairs. Their 7-year old son (SEVEN!) says to my daughter, "They always say they're going to do stuff, but they never do."
Kids are not stupid. Too bad we can't always say the same thing about their parents.
crislen- i agree with you. how do you really know who's kids are going to behave and who's aren't??? and unfortunatly you can't discriminate saying who can and can't bring their kids, so if you're worried about your beautiful, probably EXPENSIVE, wedding ceremony and reception being disrupted whether intentionally or unintentionally by unruly children, it's best to say no kids. And if anything, maybe they can hire a day care provider or 2 for an offsite area. you know?? But if i was shelling out a hell of a lot of money for a "formalish" type of wedding, i'd probably say no kids. if i was having a casual backyard type affair, then sure. it all depends on the atmoshpere you're trying to set.
But ofcourse it's to each their own. To say yes to kids, or no to kids and also for someone to say yes or no to going w/out their kids.
While I understand this is all conversation, so don't blast me, but as we throw out terms like "no kids allowed", or "no kids", "No children" and "kids not invited", allow me to share that according to Peggy Post, invitations are about "inviting" people, not "excluding" people, so it is considered very improper to word the invitation in such a manner.
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?frmSection=articles&assetPath=%2Ftemplates%2FArticles%2FNonContentSet%2FExperts%2FPeggyPost%2Farticle_1798.html
http://www.superweddings.com/etiquette.html
You may be able to use the above websites to help educate brides on proper wedding etiquette, when/where appropriate.
Your friend is one classy lady. I thinks he handled herself well - and I'm glad to hear someone said something to the parents and sent them on their way!
ccr03 - I think it depends on region and family. My family is large but very close - I can think of only a handful of weddings within our family that excluded children. And all of those were held by children of people who'd moved away - so they weren't as close to the rest of us. I had an afternoon wedding outdoors - reception outdoors - children welcome. Wouldn't have dreamt of doing it any other way. The kids had a blast playing in the yard, walking down to the creek and even found a snake to torture in the woods.
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
My opinion has always been that women should have to apply to get their ovaries turned on. There should be a tough arduous screening process! (and A LOT of rejected applicants!)
I am late in reading this post but that is the funniest darn thing I have ever read!!!!!
**Try to remember I was talking originally about VERY young kids. By the time they reach school age and can understand being at a function and even having fun/being able to play quietly with other kids things take on another angle, barring just awful behavior past that age thanks to the parents.
I understand that and agree with you. However, I also took my then 20-month old son to my brother's wedding. I was pg with my daughter at the time, and a bridemaid in the wedding. Not having my son around was NOT an option. He did extremely well at the ceremony, stayed through dinner at the reception, and my new SIL had arranged babysitting later on in the evening. It worked out fabulously.
I agree 100% that it's all about the parenting.
I also believe that a wedding is about celebrating with family and friends. I would rather have all of them around, than exclude a portion because they have small kids.
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?frmSection=articles&assetPath=%2Ftemplates%2FArticles%2FNonContentSet%2FExperts%2FPeggyPost%2Farticle_1798.html
http://www.superweddings.com/etiquette.html
indydebi, those are great links, thank you for providing them.
I love kids, it is just their parents I don't like! I've had my cousin's children nearly get themselves killed on a ranch where we have our yearly family reunions because their parent's are too drunk or too lazy to watch them (yelling out from half a mile away "how are my kids" doesn't count!) . I want everyone to enjoy the wedding (those who prefer to drink and those that usually get stuck watching the grandchildren!) and I love the idea of hiring a babysitter in a seperate area to take care of the kids... that way you don't offend anyone!
I'm an old lady.
Our kids are all grown up, and even now we seldom go to 'no children allowed' parties. They are usually full of 'grown-ups' drinking too much and acting like idiots. 
Not to mention that we have been up since 4 am and have no intention staying past the cake cutting if it's a wedding, unless you want us sleeping on the dance floor.
If that's rude, so be it.
ccr03 -- the no kids thing is definitely more of a family thing than a cultural one. In my family, kids are pretty much always invited to family functions. They are most of the entertainment. And yes, there are a few who are rotten, but it gives you something to talk about. Of course, in our family also if a kid is being rotten, pretty much any adult could go up to them and tell them to stop and it wouldn't be an issue.
I had a friend in university who said he had never been to a funeral. Seriously, how could you get through life never going to a funeral? My firstborn attended two funerals before he was a month old, but then the first one was for my dad, and I would probably have scratched the eyes out of the head of anyone who suggested that he couldn't attend his grandfathers funeral. Anyway, it was actually quite awkward for him because who doesn't know how to behave at a funeral?
Mrs Eason070707 -- a little kid who does not eat is not necessarily defiant. They just sometimes don't want to eat. There are days when my kids eat a total of about half a sandwich and days when they eat as much as their dad. And sometimes they just want to pick. Sit down eat a couple bites. Then half an hour later ready for a few more bites. Then an hour later ready for more. I know some people hate that and their child has to eat it all in one sitting, but it doesn't bother me and I would rather not force them to eat when they don't want to. Of course, if the child refuses to eat lunch then wants a cookie five minutes later, that is a different matter.
Hey, all:
I haven't read through the entire thread but wanted to chime in that the cake decorator is one classy lady!
I brought my 2 children to a good friend's wedding reception when they were ages 3 and 4. I did the bride's and groom's cake for cost so I especially wanted to be there as it was part of my gift to the couple.
When I couldn't control my youngest anymore I just dragged him OUT of the reception so he wouldn't disturb anyone. My daughter behaved fine so she stayed w/ my DH while I took John to a nearby playground. I remember feeling just mortified at the scene but my coworkers reassured me that I got him out before anyone was annoyed.
It annoys me, too, to see out of control kids and parents not seeming to care one whit. Same at restaurants. We just didn't go out to eat at nice restaurants until they were older. I love this sign I found on the internet. It makes me laugh evertime I read it:
Melanie Mc.
It is very sad that parents don't want the responsabilities of their kids. My two kids 18 & 16 now, are a lot older than my sisters' kids and when we got togheter one of my sisters (and her husband) actually expected my son to supervise her son because he was the oldest. I had to say NO, my son is not responsible for any kid missbehaiving, only thei parents.
About the cultural aspect: I'm mexican too and still living in Mexico. Last year we attended the wedding of one niece who is mexican-american. They live in Dallas, Tx. The groom is hindu born in USA, so the they had a methodist ceremony and a hindu ceremony at the reception and only lasted 40 min thank God,
So my niece had in her invitation no kids under 10 please. A couple months later we attended a wedding here in Mexico, and the only difference was the kids. So I guess for mexican families is hard not to invite kids to weddings. But...
I read somewhere about wedding etiquette that if the invitation is addressed to Mr. & Mrs. XXX then it is for the couple only, but here in Mexico people don't understand that, they read Mr. XXX and Family.
And some people here still have the bad habit of bringin more peolpe that the ones invited. Which leads to another....
The reception halls here in the state of Chihuahua can't take more people than their capacity by law, and they are very strict with it, some halls count 6 years olds as a guest so bringing kids only adds to the number of guests and you can run out of room.
So it's never an easy answer....
I read somewhere about wedding etiquette that if the invitation is addressed to Mr. & Mrs. XXX then it is for the couple only, but here in Mexico people don't understand that....
It's not just Mexico ... lots of U.S. folks (like my family!) don't get that either!
Read www.etiquettehell.com for some incredibly hilarious stories on this!
Why don't people control their kids?? Easy....it's HARD work to control kids and it's NO FUN to control kids! People don't look at the long term consequences of NOT controlling kids either.
I will never forget this. I had my kids pretty young. My older sister (now 50 with an 8 and a 5 year old) moved back home with the oldest was about 1 1/2. I offered to keep her all summer so they wouldn't be rushed to find daycare for her. I was off anyway because I teach. Anyway, the day before I was going to start watching her I get a call from my sister. She's gonna lay out the ground rules for me (keep in mind I had a 16, 12 and 9 year old at the time!) *lol* Anyway, to care for my 18 month old niece, I was told these rules:
She didn't have to nap if she chose not to.
I was not allowed to tell her NO under any circumstances.
She didn't have to eat in the high chair. I should put her food on a plate on the floor and she could "graze" whenever she felt like it. I swear, I almost peed myself. When I stopped laughing, I told my sister that she could just find herself another sitter awfully fast because NONE of those rules would be followed in my house.
I did watch my niece, who suddenly took at 2 1/2 hour nap every afternoon, sat nicely in a high chair and sure as heck heard NO when she did something wrong!!!
My sister still tells me that she wants her children to always think of her as a friend. Sorry, when my kids were small I wasn't their friend! I was their MOM. That's what they needed!
Jodie,
My sisters SIL is the one of those. Her 3 kids have NO respect for her or her husband and walk all over them. She plays her role as concerned parent when it is convient for her to do so, then...I just found this out...she puts her 6 YEAR OLD SON to bed at 7:00 at night so she doesn't have to deal with him. Now this is after he is in daycamp till 5. She also has my sister bring him and his brother to daycamp. Now her oldest son doesn't go because he doesn't want to. Thats it. That is her reason for not making him go. Um...HELLO!!!! Who is the parent here? These kids are absolute he** for her but when I had them for this past weekend (she had a work seminar) they didn't start ANY problems with me, and they are the same for my sister. You can just tell, they respond either way to how you deal with them.
Oh, and she is so much into getting attantion for everything she actually asked me about being a foster parent when she saw everyone asking me and Hubby about it when we first got the boys. I wanted to tell her to become a parent to her own kids first...But I referred her to my worker instead. LOL.
Someday they will ALL get it. Unfortunatly for the rest of us, it won't be till their kids have grown up to be selfish empowered adults who believe the whole world owes them something and anything they want should be handed to them by a glistening skinned god/goddess who kisses their feet as they walk...I am sorry. I will stop talking about our politicians now. 
Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed, but it happens every day.
I have alway taken my daughter with me where ever I go . She is my little shadow. I have always been consistant in my discipline with her. If and I mean if my daughter starts to try and act up all I have to do is bend down and whisper in her ear "Do we need to go to the bathroom and have a talk". That takes care of it. People always tell me how good my kid is.
We were over at my parents one day, she was about 3 had relatives in town, she decided that she was going to test mom and see if she could get away with being well a brat. I yanked her little bottom up took her to the bathroom and proceeded to have what I call my talk with her. When we came out of the bathroom she was a different child. My aunt asked me what I had said to her because it worked. My daughter is 7 now and still remembers that talk.
It helps to bring a couple of your childs "quite" toys along with you, plus go out and get them a new coloring book of some other small toy to take along it keeps them busy longer since it's new to them. Give it to them right before you walk into the event.
I understand some kids are overly active, BUT if you know your child is like that and you want to have fun and enjoy yourself GET A SITTER! I think that was awesome how your friend handled it. 
I feel bad the bride had shed tears on her wedding day. 
Stupid kids have stupid parents..kids learn what they live
Your friend was a class act.. those parents were not.. probably a bunch of white trailer trash..who only went there for free boooozzz and food. How uncivilized and uncultured 
.. my comment is referring to the subject of this thread and NOT to anyone else .
The church where we married is literally a cathedral - very large, VERY formal and proper ("stuffy" is probably more accurate), and with pitch-perfect acoustics. Someone sniffs, and the entire room hears it, loud and clear. Our marriage ceremony would last 45 minutes to an hour.
We "properly" addressed our invites to "Mr. and Mrs. XXX". An old college friend, who was out-of-state, was to be our scripture reader. Her son was deep in the throes of the terrible 2's. I asked several times, months in advance, if she was bringing her son, and explained I would arrange the church's nursery & an additional sitter (a college student I had known for years) for the adult-oriented (dancing and alcohol) reception. She repeatedly said no. So we cancel the church nursery and the college student, and lo and behold, 10 days before the wedding, old college friend leaves a message, asking if she can bring her son.
It was too late to reschedule nursery/sitter. As I was too upset/angry to call her, I wrote a letter saying no, explaining my reasons as politely and diplomatically as I could. Three days before the wedding, she calls me to say she can't make it. That was in 1995, and we haven't spoken since.
Sorry for the long-winded post, but I really felt "put on the spot" about the whole situation. I think I'll go eat some chocolate now.
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