ok - I wasn't going to say anything before - but I think I need to , just to see if I'm being really silly or not -
This is kind of "deep", but I'm hoping some of you can relate on some level and maybe it will help me see that I'm not the only one...lol.......
I had a sort of epiphnay yesterday. I had a bday party , which I did the cake for, for my 3yr old son and his cousin who's bdays are 4 days apart. I planned and organized the whole thing, that's just something I like to do. Doing parties - from the conception of the "theme" to the activities, food and cake - is something that I truly enjoy. It gives me the feeling of accomplishment that I'm otherwise lacking. I have 3 kids as well: 5 & 3 yr old boys and an 11 month old little girl. I know that being a mom is the most important job anyone can have and it is definitely the most rewarding, but for the past couple of years I've been struggling with "losing myself" - you know - just disappearing into everyone else and what you do for and because of them. So I started really getting into this party thing - well, that led to wanting to do cakes and here I am. As much as I say that I do it to make "them" (whoever that may be) happy, I am doing it for myself. I feel satisfied that I can do something, even though it's alot of work for me, that makes others happy and is something that is purely about the fun for them. I love the feeling it gives me and the fact that it boosts my self-esteem.
Speaking of which - that's something else that I've been struggling with for a while. Needing to find something to do that made me feel good about me and what I can do - outside of changing the diapers, cooking the meals and doing the laundry...lol. That's what doing cakes has begun to do for me.
I realized yesterday, while looking at my cake that I worked so hard on and saying to myself: " I wish it were a little straighter; my handwriting needs to be better; I need to do this or that better next time" - the thought came to me that: "Yeah - that's all true - but it's still a GREAT cake! Look at how happy your son is. Listen to all of those compliments you got!" What I came away from it with was this: Even though there's lots of room for improvement, it's okay. Which for me translated into: Even though you (me) need to lose weight, even though you have lots of faults, and no matter what other people think of you, you're still GREAT! It's ok that there's some lines that aren't perfectly straight on that cake, or on me!! It's ok that the handwriting is a little off kilter, or that I'm not the best at keeping up with the laundry. It's ok that the cake doesn't resemble something out of a Martha Stewart magazine, or that I don't resemble June Cleaver.....I'm still GREAT!!
I'm sure some of you think I'm nutty: She got all of that from a silly bday cake?? lol But, yes I did. It was just one of those "moments" that happen when you see something that translates into what you're feeling aobut yourself or in your life at the time.
And something I've learned about this site in the short time I've been a member - No matter how messy or how crooked or how horribly ugly
a cake that's posted might be.....everyone here has nothing but encouraging, happy and positive remarks!! Ya'll even offer criticism or advice with a lot of tenderness and thought. It's just a shame that more people in the world, even those closest to us, don't treat others as well as ya'll do here.
Ok - I'm done!! lol
Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement!!