First, I want to say that for those of you who grew up in normal healthy families, please realize just how special that is and never take it for granted! As indydebi (I think) said, you will never truly understand how those of us who didn't feel. I am glad! I don't want you to really understand, but please take what you have heard here and let it temper your responses to those around you. It can be very painful to hear, "but she's your mother!" or "you need to honor or respect your mother". Some of us show more "respect" for our parents by having nothing to do with them when we really feel like shouting from the rooftops how evil and horrible they are!
Second, OhMyGoodies, indydebi, lionlaydi, cherylweddingplanner, and anyone else I missed, I'm right there with you! Indydebi your description of your mother (narcissistic, habitual liar, psycho bi*tch) could have come out of my own mouth. Okay, it actually has! I, too, grew up in an abusive home. You would think that they wouldn't leave a vulnerable child with someone who was diagnosed as a manic depressive schizophrenic, but they did. And "Mommie Dearest", like you said, that was child's play. To this day I can't sleep under sheets because when it "ripples" during the night I wake up in fear. This goes back to when I was eight and my mother tried to kill me as I slept. I have chronic knee problems from the beatings when she tied my arms behind me to the leg of my bed and used a belt buckle on my knees. And, oh how I can relate to the whole sexual abuse thing. Let me tell you, especially any single Mom's out there, beware of any man who wants to spend time with your daughter alone. And no matter how suave he seems, believe your child if they tell you something!! My mother beat the crap out of me when I told her, and then proceeded to tell the man (in front of me) to be sure and let her know if I was uncooperative in any way, so she could "discipline" me. He molested me for years because the threat of her abuse was more terrifying than his. But that was nothing compared to the vulnerable positions she put me in at other times. We lived in Miami, and at the age of 7 she woke me up to dump trash at 11:30 at night because I had forgotten to do it earlier. I was raped at knifepoint. When I returned home (we lived in an apartment building), she proceeded to beat me for "dawdling". And that is just one of multiple situations. Thank G-d he gave me a patient loving husband, because it has taken years until the physical part of our relationship could be "normal". And still, after 18 years of marriage, sometimes it's hard not to have flashbacks.
Anyway, my point is, don't ever tell me that I "owe
" my mother anything! Or that I should honor
her, or let my children visit her. Some mothers don't deserve respect! Respect is earned. Again indydebi said it well
Originally Posted by indydebi
Originally Posted by nefgaby
You know, to honor your father and mother is the first commandment WITH a promise (Dt 5:16)
I doubt very much that God said, "Children, you must honor thy father and mother no matter what they do or pay the consequences, but mom and dad, YOU get to do whatever you want to my most blessed Gift, the little children, and that's ok."
Nope.....don't believe that's how it went down.
I find it interesting that Christians often quote this verse. The Rabbis teach that children do NOT
have to honor an evil parent. In this case the parent is directly violating G-d's laws and therefore is evil. My Rabbis are in total support and actually encouraged me not to have anything to do with my mother and not to cave to pressure to invite her to my children's Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.
So, long story short, OhMyGoodies, we are behind you!! Don't let her manipulate you. Remember we are standing with you. Picture us there with you saying, "No, I won't be walked on and manipulated again!"
Peace to all of us,