My DH is driving me nuts. He can be so supportive sometimes and then he does what he did this weekend.
In a phone conversation at work he told me he didnt feel like being bothered with work or me. My feelings were so hurt I just hung up on him. I didnt know what else to say. So that night he gets home and decides he wants to clarify his statement. ONly he says its not me he doesnt feel like being bothered with its JennsCakes. I stood there completely dumbfounded. Arent they one and the same? At least to me they are. I was now even more hurt than I was earlier that day. I cried for so long I finally fell asleep. The next morning I had a cake being picked up at 11. So because I went to sleep I got up at like 4 to decorate it. He wakes up around 930 and wants to know what I am angry about. Honestly I wasnt angry I was hurt . That was then but now I am really angry. We became a blended family with 5 kids between the two of us 6 years ago. I am still in school because the kids come first, I have given up 3 bakery management jobs because of the kids and the needs of our home first. Now I have someone who wants to back me financially to get me into a store , the guy subleasing the store is willing to sell me all of his stuff in the store for a mere 3000. 00 and A friend of a friend is giving me a refrigerated display she happened to have in her storage (all for 2 birthday cakes) . The pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together for me and He Doesnt feel like being bothered with It. I am trying to figure out what Exactly he is bothered with when it comes to MY cake business. The second time we delivered a cake together, was disastrous (different post of mine) and during the whole situation he was so supportive , but it seems like everyone around me is all for me making this huge step except for him. He knows that all of my hopes and dreams for our future as well as the kids is wrapped up in opening my own store. What do I say to him. Am I really on the right path. Please help I need your advice.
Thanks in advance.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going thru this. I'm in a similar situation and some days my husband is so supportive and other days he can't be bothered with it.
He's a freelance audio visual technician and sometimes $ is tight, which goes hand in hand with how he acts toward my business. Don't take it personally, as hard as it is not to. I would sit down and talk to your husband and explain how you're feeling -- and see what's going on in that head of his! Guys aren't as understanding as we are and don't talk things out which makes it so much worse.
I hope things get better. Though he's your husband, if this is something that you feel like you need to do for yourself, I say give yourself a certain amount of time to succeed (or as long as you need if $ allows) and just go for it!
My hubby used to go thru that. As I've posted before ...... you know what made the difference? Profit. Pure and simple profit. When he saw the money that can be made in this business, he did a quick turnaround and is now my biggest cheerleader. He used to proclaim that he'd never quit his job because it would be too 'stressful' to work together. He's not pestering me on "when can I quit and work for you full time?" (He also used to swear he'd NEVER say he worked FOR me .... that he worked WITH me. Sure honey .... whatever makes you feel better! 
)
My hubby used to go thru that. As I've posted before ...... you know what made the difference? Profit. Pure and simple profit. When he saw the money that can be made in this business, he did a quick turnaround and is now my biggest cheerleader. He used to proclaim that he'd never quit his job because it would be too 'stressful' to work together. He's not pestering me on "when can I quit and work for you full time?" (He also used to swear he'd NEVER say he worked FOR me .... that he worked WITH me. Sure honey .... whatever makes you feel better!
)
I have to agree on what you said.
Husbands can be real pills. My husband is not very supportive of my cakes. He would be if he saw money.
I think that they are jealous. My husbands feelings get hurt when I am not giving him my full undivided attention. Which is ironic because he has a million hobbies and works long crazy hours, but if I complain, it becomes all about me. I am opening my shop in about a month and he is being so supportive. He told me he expects that in two years he can quit his job and I will support us. First of all, he would never quit- he owns 5 companies all over the US and secondly- that is a lot of pressure! I also think that my husband loves being the sole provider-the cave man. The fact that I am now going back to work and he sees that I am making pretty good money (I sold a $1000 wedding cake yesterday) is intimidating because in his mind, I won't need him as much. So, your husband may be experiencing a plethora of feelings and it is manifesting in anger or what ever you want to call it, but stand your ground. Don't have regrets. You will resent him.
Just know that at one point or another all of the DH's go through this. You are not alone and it won't be the last time. Oh, and men have a cycle too- its true.
Jenn-do you call him at work for advice on your business or problems with cakes? If so, my thought is don't do it. Call your friends, mother, sister, someone else and tell them. He probably sees this as something HE is going to have to take care of and he just doesn't need anything else to keep his mind occupied. My husband is very supportive, and has to be involved as he delivers 75% of my cakes. However, he doesn't want me to talk about how much time it takes, how stressed I am about a big cake, or anything negative. He of course listens, but I chose to do this...he did not. He is always very happy when he's collecting cash. Especially when I say-hold onto it, you might need it this week.
Jenn-do you call him at work for advice on your business or problems with cakes? If so, my thought is don't do it. Call your friends, mother, sister, someone else and tell them. He probably sees this as something HE is going to have to take care of and he just doesn't need anything else to keep his mind occupied. My husband is very supportive, and has to be involved as he delivers 75% of my cakes. However, he doesn't want me to talk about how much time it takes, how stressed I am about a big cake, or anything negative. He of course listens, but I chose to do this...he did not. He is always very happy when he's collecting cash. Especially when I say-hold onto it, you might need it this week.
Thank you all for your comments. I don't call him at work over cake issues. That particular day he actually called me, was really distracted , then stuck his foot in his mouth.
harrisonsmama
Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 9:29 pm Post subject:
Just know that at one point or another all of the DH's go through this. You are not alone and it won't be the last time. Oh, and men have a cycle too- its true.
I had a hysterectomy 2 yrs ago and I truly believe that he now has more mood swings then the three teen-preteen females that live in our house. 
.
I haven't worked an outside of the house job since last Oct. and he recently picked up a second part time only because he wants a new car(nevermind the pretty one sitting in the driveway that is only for sunnyday driving). So money hasnt been that tight.
As for the profit line, He hasnt really seen one because I use my profits to pay the utility bills and by groceries(two teenage boys playing football go through more food than I ever thought)
I plan on talking to him this weekend while all of the kids are gone, so we can be as open about the conversation as we need to be.
My husband likes to give me insight to the male mind. 
He says that they are very black and white. Conversations need to be very straight forward and blunt and questions specific. They do not read between the lines like we do, it's a simple yes and no world for them.
Good luck and be direct. 
Don't get all emotional when you have the conversation either. Men shut you out when you start crying and such. My DH used to be like that. If he is usually supportive of you then I wouldnt worry because he probably had a really bad day at work and just was moody. It'll pass.
It's so hard when your at odds with your dh! I know it stresses me out really badly. I definitely don't think you should give up your dream and this wonderful opportunity but it would be good to get him on your team. Like some of the others suggested, my first thought is that he might feel threatened or envious. Men can be very sticky about being 'the man of the family' and providing for them. I'd just keep talking, communication is always so important. Good luck and don't give up!
My husband wants me to quit too. Everyone around me has been supportive, even my in laws. My in laws were blown away when I made shower cakes, cookies and petit fours for my husband's niece's shower. They told me that I should go into business. My sister in law wants me to open up a bakery with her. She decorates too. My husband has complained about the mess when I make a cake. So now I clean up as soon as I am done making the cake. He doesn't want to be included in anything pertaining to my cakes. He won't help me deliver which is really a big one. How can I deliver wedding cakes assembled and drive. I think he doesn't like the attention or compliments I get on my cakes. I think he's jealous.
Men are jsut large children and they feel threatened by anything that diverts your attention from them.
My DH has struggled through my starting the bakery but now is quite supportive that he doesn't have to work a job that he hated and now works with me ( and he knows I am the BOSS!!)
YOu have to do what is right for you and your children. Men will either come a long sooner or later or live toregret being unsupportive.
Good luck and chase your dreams
I hate to say it but I am in just the opposite situation. My DH is the one that got us into cake decorating. It has always been a "secret" dream of his. Now 4 Wilton classes and hundreds of dollars in supplies, I'm still on the fence. I am the perfectionist and the creative one. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to bake the cakes and decorate them but I HATE the clean up. He says he'd do more of the decorating "If I let him", but I would not sell one of his cakes until his techniques become better and he doesn't have time to practice with work and school. He's the one that want's to sell cakes for a profit, but I end up doing all the work, including the cleanup. Now he wants to buy an edible ink printer and/or an airbrush and we have only sold ONE $25.00 cake to date! (all the others have been family freebies for practice, which we are done doing). Plus I have not been able to find any definative opinions on which printer to buy. I am planting firmly on my stance that until we start selling cakes, we don't need to spend that kind of money on more supplies.
Does anyone else have an opinion on this?
Just know that at one point or another all of the DH's go through this. You are not alone and it won't be the last time. Oh, and men have a cycle too- its true.
YES
my thoughts exactly as I was reading this thread.
MY DH talks supportive but sometimes finds ways to undermine my efforts (like "forgetting" to put on our calendar that he has a softball tournament this Saturday all day, and I have 2 wedding cake deliveries which HAVE been on the calendar for months, and we have a 5 year old son and no babysitter... 
)
But I also agree that once you start making big money, he will come around. (at least - as long as you're sharing the $$ 
)
The only other thing I will say is, if this business interferes with the quality of your family time, or you find the business keeps coming first, then you might want to take a step back. Because then your DH might start to resent you and the business. IMHO!!!!
I too am sorry you are going through this but know that your not alone. We have someone willing to back us in remodeling our basement to do the business directly from our home but my DH goes back in forth. I am a SAHM too and my DH seems to get negative about our business whenever $$ is tight. Even with the backing we'd get we still have to pay it back and he's afraid we can't do it.
indydebi is right, once you start turning a profit everything will work out.
My DH used to feel left out with the baby and the cakes. Now he does a lot of the fondant work with me and we usually work well together. He says I get a bad case of Mad Cow though when I have a cake due!
Now he does a lot of the fondant work with me and we usually work well together.
WOOOOOW 
How did you get him to do THAT???? My DH couldn't even identify a rolling pin if it was the only thing in the drawer!!!
But I do SO love him..... 
As a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, friend, cousin and every other role we play, we have to realize that the more we sacrafice, the more people expect us to sacrafice. If we are not careful, we can begin to sacrafice ourselves and forget who we truly are and what makes us happy.
Perhaps you and DH can reach a win-win so that you can follow your business owner dream and he can feel that he, the children and the house are still being taken care of. Our families will eventually realize that we want to feel "accomplished" just like they do.
Be blessed, you will be in my prayers!
tcp
PS--I hope I did not offend any of the great men decorators that frequent this site.
I'd sure encourage you to wait until you have some $ coming in to invest in an edible image setup. I got my printer on sale but the cartridges and icing sheets are costly so it's not a cheap addition, especially if you're not really selling cakes yet.
My dh is supportive but I can't imagine having him actually involved in doing my cakes. Nor would I want him involved. I say I don't tell him how to fly or work on airplanes so let's just keep his nose out of my cakes. He dives right in to consume the tops when I level and that's about all the involvement I need from him. He does hear about what I'm doing but generally listens (or fakes it good) and doesn't comment much. That's fine too because he's a problem solver and usually I just need someone to talk at, know what I mean? "Don't answer just listen okay? I just need to say this out loud." Does anyone else do that? Or was that just confusing?
and he can feel that he, the children and the house are still being taken care of.
Isnt' it amazing that full grown adults still feel they need the wife/woman to "take care" of them and if she isn't devoting 100% of the attn on them, then they feel "ignored"? Isn't it amazing that WE can work a full time job, be it in an office or baking cakes, and we STILL can manage to do everything else that needs done around the house, but husbands will pull the "I've worked all day and I'm tired!" line as the reason they can't cook dinner, do laundry or change the baby?
My ex-husband worked 2nd shift for awhile. He and my brother-in-law both. My sister and I were 'not allowed' to make plans on the weekend because that was "...the only time we have together." Unless THEY had something come up that THEY wanted to do on the weekend and then it was "see ya 'round like a doughnut, honey, I'll be back in a few hours." (Just one of the MANY reasons he's an "ex")
Before my hubby became my cheerleader, I gave him a choice: "This train is leaving the station with or without you. You can choose to get on board or you can wave at me from the station."
God gave us all special talents and mine isn't being a maid for everyone else in the house, while THEY get to enjoy THEIR little hobbies and activities.
{{{HUGS}}} I don't have any advice, but I think you got a lot of great advice from the wonderful people on this board. I know for one I am going to take some of it and put it into my life where I need it.
I don't have time to read all the replies but here's my story...
I have always done "good" cakes.
Baby # 2 came to us in April of this year. He didn't want me working full time so I took the Wilton classes to refresh (yeah I'm still VERY rusty at everything other than the baking and frosting part even after the classes... lol)
So he was very skeptical of me doing cakes. I've always wanted a work from home type business so this fits together nicely.
He, like me refuses to do anything under the table especially since our state is so encouraging with mom's working from home and being with the kids. He was leary until he saw what I was capable of doing.
He is going back to school to be my back end of the business (no not the ass end you bad bad minded people! ). He is going after a Business Associates degree. He will do the financial and business end, and I will be doing the baking and decorating end. He's great with saving and making profits, and I'm not so this is good news.
The funny part is... he asked if he was allowed in the kitchen while I was doing baking for customers once I'm legal and I said no and I will stand firm on it. "Not even to get a soda" NOPE "What if the baby needs a bottle" NOPE. Here's what the health department regulations say..."
He immediately told me "put my name on as business owner please so I can enter the kitchen during construction" and I smiled nicely and said "not unless you are honestly going to help me succeed". The next day he enrolled for his degree and classes start in 2 weeks. I don't know if I should or 
I apply for my licensed and inspections in about 2 or 3 weeks.
My husband and I are in the process of building me a liscensed kitchen, and a new home. The kitchen is in a giant metal building he needed, and when I decide to retire it will be an outdoor kitchen. I am psyched. My husband saw exactly what you described $$$$$$$$. When I did my first wedding cake he went shopping with me and we bought all the supplies. my total was $68 dollars. I then turned around and charged my ultra low i'm a beginner so I'm afraid to charge what I should price of $1/serving, and made $300 profit! He was sold. Now he throws more business my way than I can keep up with. Our baby started kindergarten this year and he's shoving me full force into this business. I think what you need to do is weigh the pros and cons. The only con I have got is time. There just isn't enough of it.
I say talk to your DH as soon as you can. If you let this fester for a couple of days he may have forgotten he said anything by this weekend. Even though your cake biz is important to you, your marriage should come first. Guys don't normally comment on something unless they are thinking it, so he must have something on his mind.
Take some time and hear him out and hopefully all can be resolved. God Bless.
Goodness girl! With two teenage boys and three preteen girls you have your hands full. You don't need a husband giving you fits! I would want to escape to my world of cake and icing!
I am always one for giving advice even though I don't always follow it. MHO is that you sit down and have a long honest talk about all this. Maybe you can come to a compromise.
Count me with MELVIN01 as feeling lucky to be single. Don't think I could ever handle another man being around trying to tell me what I should do.
Diane
I'm not sure what to say because my husband is very supportive and even gets me orders from people at work. He helps me out and is my business partner and even makes the butter cream lol. And yes as stated in another post he's been known to make the cakes too but it's allowed anymore lol.
I say let him be a baby and get it out of his system. Do you what you want to do. For so long you've been doing everything for him and the kids and it's now time you do for you.
Me and my husband have one child together, plus his 3 children from his previous marriage. I came into his life at 18 and became a mom over night. It's not what I wanted at all!!! lol. But I told him very plainly I'm not a maid, I'm not a house keeper, I'm not a slave. I will not be treated like one by you or your children. They don't live with us and they aren't going to dictate what I do and don't do with my time or my money. That was the end of it.
He doesn't complain about anything now except where are we going to put it whenever I buy another pan or something lol. We've ran out of space to put things and we bicker about him not finishing things he starts like the spare bed room that could be for his uncle who wants to move in and help pay the bills until he finds something permanant.... but he won't do it lol. I also explained to him that if he would build me my moveable island I'd have all that space under it for my pans and such lol. He's just too busy with everything he has to do to be worried with what I'm doing.
His main job in our "company" is to make the butter cream and hold the cake during delivery. That's it! lol and he loves it! He loves having his name on the calling cards and he loves having part in it all. He's my biggest supporter and is the only one who is proud of me and my accomplishments. My mother puts it down and tells me repeatedly that I'm waisting time and money that I can't do this and so on but now that she looks at everything, she smiles lol. She had me do a flyer for her work when I brought them cupcakes last week... she looked at it and smiled I said "whats wrong did I misspelll something?" (I did it in a rush cause we aren't allowed to post flyers in public places) she said no you've just shocked me with your talents... both computer and cake... and just smiled lol.
Anyway my whole point in all this.... no matter who isn't behind you.... remember those who are! Do what YOU want for a change and not what they want you to do. Be happy in your marriage but keep your business seperate if you have to.
It's a great find to get a shop that's pre-loaded and at that price in MD. You're very lucky and I'd say jump on it. Don't wait for him to complain about anything jump on it. If he can buy a new car just because he wants one and has that one sitting in the driveway for sunday only driving.... you can buy a shop at least your expense will be rewarded with profits
I second Melvin01 - Thank God I'm single!! The advice works not only for the married but for those of us dealing with family and friends who take advantage and don't understand the passion of cake baking/decorating.
Now when I grow up I want to be like indydebi, I just LOVE your attitude.
We have to be the ones to be firm and tell those around us without bruising any egos or feelings what it is we want to do.
I too know what it's like to be pulled in so many different directions. DH has been supportive, but gets annoyed when he has to watch the kids for an hour in order for me to decorate for someone.
You will most definitely be in my prayers. Remember being honest with your husband is always the best answer. I will try to follow that advice with you!
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