indydebi: I like that saying, that is too cute and oh so true

I read this thread and my chest got tight and I couldn't breathe.

Oh do I feel for you. I now have the greatest husband in the world, but it took one single divorce from me to get him to see the light! Yeppers, that is right, twice married to the same man, but let me tell everyone here. I CAN DO WHAEVER I WANT NOW within reason of course. That divorce saved my soul and DH finally understands my need to create and my need for studio time and how his controlling nature wrecked our first marriage.

He has his expensive hobbies too, so once in a very great while these past few years when he gets just a little persnickety - I just remind him that the "ever after road" can always be altered.

I really do love him, but that control issue he has - - - just like many men has to be toned down if not just totally eliminated.

Now I usually just have to be firm but loving and he gets the picture.

I know how it goes with having a baby and having to get up 3-4 times a night... mine is still doing that but he's only 3 months old... right now I'm fighting my first cold while having the baby and I just agreed to do a wedding cake for this weekend (my first 3 tier by the way)... am I nuts? ugh! it feels as though I get nothing done during the day between having to nurse my son, take out our dogs, clean up and so on...

My hubby had some reservations when I started my wedding cake company. I honestly work 80 hours a week and it started putting major stress on my husband. He started dropping hints to quit or slow down (which I can't do). But after months of his grubbling I finally figured out that he was just a little jealous that I had found my passion and that my business has really started to take off. He understands now. I just completely payed all of our debts with my cake profits and he has a nice debit card just for him to go shopping whenver he wants. Bottom line you have to sacrifice now for the future. He just does'nt see the big picture. Give him time. Andrea

I wished I had Andrea7's problem. I have sank a lot of money to start cake decorating and my husband is very supportive. He is always buying me equipment. But, I just can't get it off the gournd. I have done dozens of free cakes for friends and family hoping to draw in business with no results. I have been trying for a year now. It's not that my work isn't good or my prices are high.

So sorry you are having issues. Thankfully my dh cleans bakes for me so I don't stress out. I had to work and do cakes on the side go for word of mouth best way to go plus it's free! Just hang in there it will get better.

Janette, Sometimes I think we give away "too many" free cakes which starts to send a message to friends and family that they can "expect" free or cheap cakes from us.....
Its nice that all of you are so honest about the difficulty with DH's. Mine also seems jealous of the time/mess it takes. And we both just retired from our jobs! So, I'm doing it as a second career. I thought it would be fun, and a nice added income. I think you are all so supportive of each other, and have given a lot of good advice.

I saw a saying recently that said " men, you can't live with em and you can't shoot em"..." but you can hang em...Less mess, and it won't wake the children" Hmmmm......

All you young moms out there -please don't try to do it all. The key is balance and priority. I learned cake decorating when I was 17 just as a hobby for friends and family. After my 3rd child was born, I chose to stop decorating because I just didn't have time! It just wasn't worth it if I was taking stress out on kids and husband. Well, my 'baby' just left for college and I've just recently begun decorating again! I look at all the beautiful cakes on this site and wonder where I would be if I had kept at it. But then I look back at how quickly the years go by raising children, and don't regret it. Like the old saying about 'quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep - I'm rocking my baby, and baby's don't keep'. Prioritize right now what's important, and God will give you the desires of your heart. And please don't let cakes ruin your marriage or turn this site into man bashing. Not too unlike tiptop, my husband & I were seperated for 5 years. I learned that nothing is more important then relationships and loved ones. Keeping score doesn't work! Men and women are just simply different! Keep decorating - please just don't let it take over.

Sometimes I have found that men are afraid of new financial endevors. I found that the best way to ease my husbands mind about anything I do financially, is to put in writing in a very organized way. I have been self employed for the last 14 years- 7 of them have been cake decorating. He felt much better about my plans once I showed him that I had a plan and that it was well thought out.

Have you and your husband thought about counseling? It seems right now you are both unhappy.

I agree with AMW. Starting a business takes a lot of thought. Some businesses, such as cake decorating, can snowball for people just from word of mouth. If your cakes aren't "snowballing", then you have your work cut out for you to make that happen. It takes a lot of research on what you need to be successful. If your husband is the only one working outside the home, he may feel resentful that he may have to work even harder to pay off your debt.

See if your local community college has any classes for you to start a business. You will become well versed on the ups and downs. You can then be confident about the cost of the business and the benefits that you may reap from your business.

My husband was very successful in his field. New mangagement came into his company and work was not the same. Even though he had a large clientel, it was still scary when we made the decision for him to start his own consulting firm. It was his business, but my name was on the business loan. But we both had faith that his hard work would pay off and his clients would come on board with his new firm. I had to quit a great part-time job and go full time some where else to increase our income until the business got off the ground. BUT, we decided together what we both needed to make life better for the family. Marriage is a partnership. You both need to sit down and be realistic with expectations of financial concerns, children, household duties.

Keep working on your cakes but also start to develop yourself as a business owner. Your business decisions will be based on more facts than emotions, hopefully, causing you to become more successful!

Thanks for the thoughts. My husband doesn't believe in therapy or anything that any "expert" has to say. We did have a heart to heart a couple nights ago and we are both pretty unhappy, but it's not an unfixable unhappy. We've just had a really long 2 years here. I think the root to a LOT of our unhappiness is just pure exhaustion. Our just about to turn 18 month old has always been a terrible night sleeper so I never get a full night's sleep and most nights am woken 4 times minimum and 7 times is not a rarity. We don't believe in cry it out and we've tried alternatives and all he does he throw fits. We are working on that aspect though and it is getting better. We hope by the end of the month he'll be sleeping through the night - right now we are down to about 3 times a night waking and he's beginning to get the message that he doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night - several times at that.

We are just financial strapped and I need to make dependable salary, so I will go to work and try to develop this more for some "fun" in my life than anything else at this point. I hope it will turn into a business, but I need to be realistic. I don't have 1/2 the skills many of you have, so my success would be "who knows". People love what I make, but it's probably not a sustainable income for me.

I think because I used to earn well (I have a master's degree) that it's hard for DH to see me work for less than he feels my time is worth. I can understand that. If we lived in an area not so expensive, he would probably support me in trying, but we just can't swing it on his one income in the DC burbs where townhouses that are 30 years old cost over $400,000. It's crazy.

Melissa

Hi folks,

I'm Bellarisa, I'm very new to this lovely cake world and I've been reading here for about two weeks. (Thank you all for everything I've read and seen, btw, you're all awesome!! ) This thread and others I've come across about hubbies is making want to go out and buy mine a big present. My DH supports anything and everything I do as long as it makes me happy and our little girls are happy. I'm a WAHM, I run a small daycare and preschool out of our home and I just told him I plan to bake and sell on the side; DH just smiled and offered to eat any practice goodies, and immediately asked if he can get me a new mixer for Xmas so he doesn't have to think about what to buy me I've controlled all of our money since I've been at home just because it's easier for me to pay bills and such since I'm right here, and he has NO IDEA how much we do or don't have, how much I spend, etc. He trusts me completely; he just knows the tv's on and his ATM card works so he's good to go! He has no problem watching our daughters or taking them to the park for an hour or two so I can bake or whatever...it would never occur to him to be negative about anything I show passion for.

My DH's philosophy is If Mama Ain't Happy Ain't Nobody Happy, so he wants me happy

Bella

berryblondeboys: i completely agree with your last post... my husband is the same way... i personally would never go to get counseling for it... it's not that serious of a problem, it just kinda hurts your ego a little but you have to be strong about it and just keep on. my husband makes $12.00 an hour which is really not much. we've owned our home for about 2 1/2 years now and the payments are $700 a month... it's hard when we have to buy food, gas, electricity, heat, cable and so on... i pray we can make it on one income but i don't see how it's going to be possible... i'm just going to try until i can't anymore and then i'll have to go get a part time job... it's just going to have to be that way. i'm the one that handles the money and my husband doesn't seem to care about it at all. he wants to go out and buy a new car... considering we have 2 paid off already and his new motorcycle that we're making payments on, i'd really rather not and i just can't get it through his head... this is why i handle the money and not him. i thought about starting a daycare but i'm not really up for all of that since this is my first baby and i want to give him all of my attention. your cakes are great! you definetely have talent and just because you're not getting a million orders right away doesn't mean you should quit. try to find another way of making a little cash (hold a yard sale or put things on ebay) so that you can have a little leeway of arguing with hubby... on the side do more cakes, build your portfolio and people will start to realize what you're doing is great. i get yelled at a lot on here because of what i sell my cakes for ($1.25 a serving) but hey, i still make money on them (enough to where i'm comfortable doing it) and everyone would rather come to me than go to walmart so it's great... i'll raise my prices once i get enough clients or my business going... it just takes time... i've learned to realize that!

"i thought about starting a daycare but i'm not really up for all of that since this is my first baby and i want to give him all of my attention. "

I totally understand!

I still suggest a small home daycare if you need to bring in a lil' bit of $$ though, because you get to be with your own baby *and* socialize him with other little ones while you're there to supervise and care for him. Just one or two other little ones can be tons of fun, and give you just enough money to be more comfy financially while you give your baby all the love and mama-time he needs, starting my own center out of my home is the best decision I ever made

Bella