So, I made a great space shuttle cake this weekend - better than the last one I made. The family I made it for was so impressed and they ended up having 50 people at the party - just think of the number of people now exposed to the cake? I was excited about it.

My husband on the other hand thought I sold it for too little and doesn't see I could possibily earn enough to make it worthwhile. Plus, he sees it as time taken away from doing other things done that need attention. I tried pointing out that 15 hours a week in the house working leads to more work getting done than 20 hours of work outside of the home... he doesn't get it.

He doesn't want me to spend on advertising (which wouldn't work much anyway), but doesn't want me spending too much time period on doing anything with this. he thinks earning $10 an hour is too little and a waste of my time.

While he says he doesn't want to put our son in daycare either, he hasn't been helpful at ALL in finding a way to make it possible for me to stay at home longer - just discourages me from trying anything risky and how risky is a home baking business???

It's looking like I'm going to have to do this as a hobby only and see if it leads anywhere... shot down even before I really started.

Melissa

Don't let him discourage you! Right now I am working at a company as an event planner and doing cakes on the side. It lets me do something I love without having the stress of making sure to pay the bills. Maybe that is something you will need to do for a while until it is financially feesable for you to just bake from home. Just a thought... but never, never let someone discourage you from doing something you're passionate about!

Aw, Melissa..I'm so sorry to hear you write this.

I know that it must be hard for you to feel that you're hubby is being unsupportive...maybe he just has financial fears?

and it could be that he values your time at more than 10 dollars an hour?

Sit down with him and go over a "budget"..exactly how much you are spending to earn what you are earning.

Then see if you can "PAY" for your son's day care with the money you earn from cake decorating.

In other words, see if your "hobby" can "pay" for itself.

Maybe if your hubby sees how serious you are about making this work, he may relent about spending some money.

and, don't worry about advertising...word of mouth is your best friend..

and if you go to

www.vistaprint.com

you can get 250 business cards for 5 bucks shipping.

You don't have to put anything on them aside from your name, phone number and the hours they could call...

Let's say..10-4 or something like that...like after breakfast and before dinner? So as to not interfer with your home life?

or you can call the phone company and get another line put in, ( you tell them it's for a fax or computer..lol) and use THAT phone number on the card so you can answer at will.

HTH

Grrrrrrr....
What does your hubby do for a living?? Does he have hobbies that bring in a little extra money as well as give him enjoyment PLUS get the creative juices flowing...? I think if you are on maternity leave anyways and it's not taking away from the MOST important things like the BABY and the house chores, why not keep doing the cakes...maybe he'll start to see that they are worth while, plus it's an outlet for you to be creative!! If it brings in a little money at the same time great! I think having a parent at home until kids are school age is INVALUABLE, (Although not manageable for everyone) he should be able to see that with his own eyes.

Hey.. Sorry to hear that.. My husband every now and then thinks that I dont charge enough to make profit.. But he on the other hand is very supportive.. He just thinks I have enough talent for more $$$$$.. He has to understand, I dont have license to sell.. I dont have a "legal" kitchen.. So making cakes on the side (even if it takes me 2 or 10hrs to do a cake) It's the fun and something that I love doing!! Keep your head high and dont get discouraged!!! Just tell him " it's me making cakes on the side for fun.. OR you pay for me to go to culinary school and find me a building to rent and find me all the materials I need to start my own bakery!!!!!" I bet he will see the REAL $$$$ required to be Professional... This is a hobby...
Define these two words for him..
HOBBY: a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation

Professional: having a particular profession as a permanent career

Men can be such turds.
Does he realise that the $10 an hour from home with no childcare expenses, gas, eating out for lunch, etc could add up or at least provide the extra money you need to stay home with your child?

I have only done a few orders but the extra that brings in is just that right now, a little extra.
I'm lucky with my husband though, he doesn't even yell when I spend almost all the money I earn from cakes on new toys. He figures it's putting money back into something that hopefully will work out and I'd spend the money on it anyway since I'm obsessed.

Thanks - I think that is what I will have to do - do it on the side and build it up before really sinking into it.

Of course, how I'll have extra time when I have a 10 year old and a soon to be 18 month old and a DH who is gone from 8 am to 7 pm, I don't know... but at least it will give me something "rewarding" to do when the rest of my life sucks. I've done the full time working with a small child before and it's HARD... very hard. I don't know how people do it, to be honest.

ironically, I did sort of event planning before in the "real world" I worked as a Student Activities coordinator at a university and the switched over to rez life at the univ. and that involves a lot of event planning too. It's funny because when I was getting married I didn't want anything to do with matching napkins, to invitations, etc... what a headache, but you know what? I actually like doing it and have a knack for it! LOL

I just looked at the local two univs today and the cc has a couple jobs I could apply for... my heart just sinks thinking about it as the thought of putting my toddler in a baby farm all day makes me ill... and then we all WILL be ill. We've never been so sick as we were the 3 months my older son was in daycare!

Melissa

Well from experience I'll tell you I went through the same things with my husband. I was a stay at home Mom for 5 years in which time all I heard was I wish you would get a job and I can't wait until you get a job. So my daughter started school and well I got a job. I worked almost 3 years and everyday I went to work my husband said I wish you would quit and for about 3 months toward the end he said if you don't quit I'm going to quit for you. Well, the point is you have to make yourself happy. If your family is doing okay with you staying home and your happy then sorry to say this but it's your choice. I have come to know in my life that there is NEVER a time you can make a man happy. He will always find something to complain about. So why bother trying to make them sooo happy when in all reality you should be making yourself happy and your kids. Don't give up. Hand out business cards and word of mouth will boom into something great for you. You have to give it time. It will happen. Good luck!!!

Hang in there! Try to do all of your cakes while he is at work. Do not ask him to watch the kids just so you can decorate if at all possible. I sometimes think that men don't care what we do, as long as it doesn't cut into "their" time-which might just be to sit in the room with them and not talk while they watch TV!

My DH is very supportive, but I think I have made it easier for him to be supportive. I completely trash the kitchen while he is at work, but have it cleaned before he gets home. I still manage to get dinner on the table-although it might be hot dogs and ramen noodles (thank goodness he loves it) on nights when I'm swamped. If you keep as much of it contained so he doesn't have to look at the mess or money going out and only sees money coming in, it's much easier on both of you. As you do more cakes, you will become faster and will be able to do dishes, make dinner, do laundry, and answer the phone with a pastry bag in your hand.

It will get better!

I agree with FancyLayne23: don't give up! I lived for 12 yrs. trying to please a man who didn't even know what he wanted but wanted me to figure it out! Do what makes you and your kids happy and healthy. Even if you decide to go back into the work force, don't give up your hobby. I enjoy doing cakes so much. I get such satisfaction and pride from what I've taught myself that I can see those results spilling over into other areas of my life. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I kinda know what you're going through! When I first started decorating, no one thought I would do a good job and now they're all eating their words (and MY cakes!) Take for example... the other day I had my first meeting set up for my first big wedding cake order and the lady never showed up! I thought "okay, here I'll make some money for once!" and of course, I didn't... but my husband on the other hand, he works full time, just put a roof on my parent's house and made a grand and then he went somewhere and fixed someone's computer for $20! I was crying that night that it's just not fair! I really want to do the cake thing and now my husband is supportive but I just can't seem to make it work. No one wants to pay me enough so I do cakes for waaay cheap and when they're for family or friends, I basically GIVE them away at the prices I charge... between taking care of a 3 month old, cleaning house, grocery shopping, trying to go to the gym to lose my extra pregnancy weight and making cakes, I feel like I should be getting paid double what DH makes! Just hang in there, keep making cakes and eventually he'll get the point... the money probably won't be there for awhile but I think eventually people realize what we do and give in

Well, I have no words of wisdom for you. My guy is the exact opposite. Im not legal and he says oh poo on the ramifications of getting caught. (he forgets our next door neighbor is the kitchen inspector for the health dept. GASP). I just wanted to add to the support you've gotten here and agree men can be such dorkheads sometimes! Just dont give up on something you LOVE to do!! It's not often people can find something that they actually ENJOY doing to earn money, so when we find something, you gotta hold onto it. Good luck and hang in there *hugs*

Melissa,
The important thing to know is you are not alone. We have all been there. The first year is really tough with more money going out than coming in. My husband and I went through this too. It turns out that he just did not like not getting the attention he was used to. If you can work on your cakes when he is not around and have everything clean and back to normal that will help. I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and would take calls from customers at all hrs. Set yourself some business hrs and stick to them. The less your business interferes with family time the easier it will be for your husband to support. As far as the money, I think someone else suggested putting it on paper. Show him what it will cost to have your working out of the home, don't forget to include gas, meals, taxes, daycare, and everything else you can think of. Also, I have had to learn to work with what I have and not purchase every new product that hits the market. I think that also is the distinction between hobby and business. As a hobby you collect up as many toys as you can. As a business you make decisions based on your needs and profit margin. Maybe if he sees you making sound business decisions he will feel better about it.
Good Luck and hang in there!
Melanie

Even tho' I've been doing this off and on for over 25 years, my husband at first was one of those "oh it's a nice little hobby that keeps her off the street" kind of guys. As it really started to grow, he was more and more irritated at the time, at the loss of space (my family lives in a warehouse, but only for a few more weeks!). Now he's a total convert. I think it started when I actually got approved for the first loan for $50K; when he saw that the business plan that I had written was impressive enough for a banker to take the risk with me; and especially when I was able to write the check for the down payment on his brand new never been off the showroom floor pick up truck; when I would share how many thousands of dollars I had in my business account (ok - it was only "thousands" right before I had to go buy supplies for the weddings for that month, but it counts! ); when his co-workers kept offering to work for me part time (THEY could see where this was going and wanted to get on board!).

At the very very beginning, I asked him to "let me know when we have some extra money because I have to get business cards printed and a website started." That was over 2 years ago. I'm still waiting for him to give me the word on the extra money. How'd I do it? I had my employer deduct $50 a week from my pay and deposit it directly into my business checking account. Hubby to this day has no idea I did that. The point is that he never even missed my seed money. (And they think they know everything, don't they!)

He's now my biggest fan and biggest supporter. As a matter of fact, I had a catering this past Friday...... a Spaghetti Dinner Fundraiser for an organization. My 2 helpers got caught in highway traffic due to a car wreck and arrived late, so for a few short minutes, hubby was working the kitchen solo, watching 2 pots of boiling pasta, 2 ovens of garlic bread, a pot of marinara sauce that was simmering and microwaving frozen alfredo sauce! he dun good!!!

Sounds like your hubby has the "it's just cake!" syndrome and can't see the big picture! he thinks it's a "nice little hobby" that keeps you busy when the soaps are off and you're out of bon-bons.

In the words of Donald Trump: "If you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big!"

My DH constantly says, "You'll never make it in this business. You stress out too much!" He also thinks I spend too much time on each cake. But, after I deliver the cake(s) the first thing that comes out of his mouth: "ARE WE RICH YET?"

FYI: The stress is not from the cake - it's from too many cooks in the kitchen and a hubby that wants dinner in the middle of it all. Not to mention phones ringing and kids running around screaming, "Mom, I'm bored!!"

Your not the only one. Just keep it up and push on. That's what I do. I ignore the negative, focus on my dream (a bakery) and dream in buttercream.

I think you need to figure out all your costs associated with working....My hubby and I were almost making the same yearly income (his was 2k more per year back when i was preggo...son is now 18 months old) anyway....I knew I wanted to stay home so I did the math....with gas prices being high, lunches out, daycare expenses etc.......I wouldnt really be making that much more in income! I started watching my niece (my sister pays me a couple hundred a month----saves her in daycare and helps me bridge the gap).....and I have done bank reconciliations and such for my former company from home for another extra couple of hundred......it didnt take much....and it was hard at first adjusting to not having all that disposable income! Lukily my hubby got a good promotion (and subsequent pay raise) last year and that gave us some "play" money.........but I ramble.........my point is.....after doing the math....you may not HAVE to earn that much!

I feel for you, my hubby is the same way. And I think it's a lot of things - money worries, less attention being paid to him, the fact that he's ridden in a car with me transporting cakes and I was in tears by the time we got there - he thinks it's a lot of fuss over "just some cake." I really think the bottom line is that if I were making and selling wedding cakes - really bringing in the cash, he'd be thrilled by it. But right now, when it's mostly birthday and shower cakes, it seems like a waste of time to him. We have a 9 month old and our dd is about to turn 2, so I have to focus on what's important - my family. Cakes, unfortunately, are taking a backseat right now. But don't give up! I'm not!

Thanks everyone. So far, I've been making the cakes after the kids go to bed. DH always talks on a forum or plays a game board from 10:30 to 2 or 3 am anyway. I've been making sure that I get MORE done than I did before and make sure the mess is contained and cleaned immediately. As I DO know that mess makes him unhappy.

I think that's where hes' the most unhappy. I haven't been the best housekeeper in the world as I have so little "fun" and therefore, just feel bogged down with all the duties of life with no rewards. I can see where he would see that this new "business" just means I'm not going to do the projects around the house I said I would do.

Ironically, I've been doing about DOUBLE what I get accomplished because I've had some joy in my life instead of drudgery. I finished wallpapering the rec room last week (we have nasty paneling and I bought special paper to cover it). I also organized the closet space downstairs and got our bedroom decluttered (lots of outgrown clothes laying about). So, if I can prove to BOTH of us that I can do both, he'll probably feel better.

I do understand his skepticism as I've been home for 2 years and go so little accomplished. I had a difficult pregnancy and basically did squat except unpack the rest of the way. The first year of my son's life I was just plain tired and since my little guy STILL wakes 3-4 times a night (and sometimes more) I've always been dragging, so again, not much accomplished on a day to day basis. He's frustrated, and I understand that.

I guess I just need to be extra patient and extra attentive and hope for the best and keep all options open.

Melissa

Good luck Melissa, dont give up.....just do what you can and what makes you happy....

I'm so sorry your husband isn't supportive! Mine isn't either. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face about how much I love doing cakes and that I'd like to do this on a more full-time basis. I'd actually like to open my own bakery/coffee shop one day. There's nothing within 30 miles of the little town I live in like it. Everyone I talk to thinks it'll do great. I even know our city manager and he's all for it, even called me one day to tell me that a little restaurant was coming available soon and gave me the owner's number. My husband's response was, you have a nice hobby but you'd never make it full time. We don't discuss it any more. I do my cakes when I need to and he doesn't say a word about it. I basically told him that cakes are my down time, it's therapeutic to me. I get in my "cakin zone" and don't let anything else in. I was doing a cake Saturday and didn't even stop to eat lunch (which is very rare for me to skip anything to do with food!).

Hopefully you guys can work out a compromise. Good luck! Keep your chin up!

Don't give up. IF you are talented enough for people to come to you when they need a cake, then you have a real gift.

I am doing this as a hobby for now. It's my relaxation time when I get to bake a cake. DH is extremely supportive and even encourages the baking especially if I have had a stressful day at work.

Wow!!! How negative can one person be!!!! This is something you love to do and he shoots you down??? I am appalled! Is he just frustrated that you get to do something you love and stay at home and he doesn't? Every little bit you bring in from your cakes is every little bit you didn't have before. You have to start small to get big! If you can't do the business right now, that's okay. I can't have a business right now because of $$$ but you know what? For the last year "word of mouth" has been my best friend. People actually pay me more than what I ask for my cakes and every bit of what I make buys my supplies, not my husband's paycheck. Every bit I make buys my Starbucks, not my husband's paycheck. Every bit I make buys diapers, milk, shoes for my boys, whatever I need!

Please don't be discouraged. You love decorating, obviously, don't let someone tell you you can't do it or you should quit!!!!! You would be letting yourself down and that's the worst. Don't hold yourself back whatever you do. Just keep doing what you're doing because you're great at it!





Amy

OK, I've had a good cry (some sleep would help me too, but why is this littel boy not sleeping?!!?)

I uploaded my newest cake ventures from this weekend - the space shuttle 2, the european walnut cake and my first bcft attempt.

Now I'm off to do the dishes and then pick up toys.

Melissa

I work full time and do this for fun and a (very) little spending cash. My DH keeps telling me to let folks know I dont' do this for a living, and despite the fact he has no idea about decorating, can point out things that don't look right. My feeling is why can't we do all these things we want and who cares if the house is not perfectly cleaned?!!! Hell, why don't they help with a load of laundry, or a dirty dish - I dont' see "maid" tatooed across my forehead. At least I do something constructive (baking & decorating) in my down time, don't jus sit there on my fat a** and eat chips! ARGH!!!! Men are such babies sometimes - no body pays attention to me...wah, wahh, wahhh!

Well, I think my husband is Bi-Polar. All in one breathe, he will say "another cake" and then ask me if I want him to drive me to deliver it. Let's face it, you CANNOT please a man. My husband is not supportive and gripes the whole time I am making a mess, but when he sees the end result, he is in shock. He makes me so mad. Just keep doing what you're doing. I have a full-time job, sell Avon, make cakes, have 2 very active teenage boys and 2 spoiled rotten dogs and a whiny husband. He complains, I bake. You can do it. I have one son that plays football at the high school and the other is in the marching band. This weekend, I had 3 cakes to make, a big football game Friday night and a band competition Saturday, I managed to get it all done and keep my kitchen clean. Don't get discouraged, keep your head up and trudge along. Some of us are going through the same thing you are. DON'T GIVE UP & good luck

Someone sent me a e-mail joke recently:

Why we have 2 hands:

Toddler girl - one hand holding telephone-one hand holding credit card

Toddler boy - one hand holding remote-one hand holding...well, you get the picture!

Anyway, I think the bottom line is men need sooo much attention and anything that takes away from that is a problem. Slowly, but surely, I have decided to do what I want and slowly, but surely, he is getting used to it. And we are grandparents.

MomLittr: I second that, sitting around watching football all day and complain because we make cakes. At least we are at home. My husband has really quieted down, but when football is over, you bet it will start again. Let's just line them up and shoot them

bransmom: My sister has a great saying....

"Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't shoot 'em. Well.....you CAN, but you'd have to clean up after 'em ONE MORE TIME!"

iNDYDEBI - I am sitting here, next to DH who is watching sports center (what else), trying not to laugh too hard so I dont' have to explain! ROFL!!!